Title: Gone
Author: M & S Shipper
Category: Angst / Romance
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: The story is mine, but all interesting characters remain the property of
Chris Carter, 1013 and fox.
Summary: The morning after. Possible transition from the season finale to a show
without Mulder. (as much as I despise the thought) Shipper friendly, but definitely not too sappy.
Spoilers: End Season Eight
Feedback: Please, please, please!!! I'm not ashamed to beg for it.
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The sun coming through the windows blazed down on the still sleeping figure of Dana Scully. It was a brilliant warm beam of light that easily penetrated the sheet that lay across her naked form, slowly returning her to consciousness.
She wrestled with the idea of opening her eyes but decided against it, opting to luxuriate in it's delicious warmth a few minutes longer. The corners of her lips turned upwards as the events of the night before washed over her. Mulder had admitted his feelings for her and they had finally come together for the most fulfilling night of passion she'd ever experienced. She was exhausted. The urgency of their need ignited a desire that took a great deal of effort to satisfy.
Trying to recall the last time she'd ever felt this happy, Dana stretched out her arms and legs, before rolling over to embrace her partner. Partner. That word had taken on a completely new meaning in just a matter of hours. The word was heaven to her ears, partner in work and now in life. Her arm roamed down through the smooth cool cotton sheets, failing in it's mission to find her lover.
Confused, she blinked open her eyes. The bed was empty. Emotional Dana began to panic instantly assessing her own actions to analyse what she'd done wrong. Had it been to much to soon? Oh god, what if she'd lost him again.
Rational Dana, finally came to the surface, taking control, telling her not to jump to any unnecessary conclusions. Of course he was still here, after what they'd shared last night, he could never just walk away like that. He was probably out making breakfast or something just as sweet. Perhaps changing William.
She turned back the covers and peered into the bassinet in the corner of the room. He was still sleeping soundly, his small and chubby face completely relaxed. Dana paused for a moment thanking god for the millionth time for granting her this miracle. She almost considered taking him into her arms, but decided against it, knowing that she should take these quiet moments when she could get them.
Shrugging on her robe, she padded out into the living room, listening for some kind of indication as to where Mulder may be. Everything was quiet. The shower was not running, the kitchen was dimly lit, the television was off.
Confused and panicking slightly, Scully quickly scanned the room for something to tell her what was going on.
"Mulder? Are you here?" She called out. Her own voice echoing through the empty room.
"Mulder?" She called again, not ready to face what she already felt in her heart.
Glancing over towards the table, she saw a small note propped up against a vase. Something was wrong, her emotions stirred and built within her, threatening to take over completely. Her lower lip trembled slightly, for which she severely chided herself severely.
"Don't fall to pieces Dana. This doesn't have to be what it looks like." It was a lie and she knew it, but hearing the words out loud had a calming effect.
With trembling fingers she reached towards the note hesitantly as though she were afraid it would jump up and bite her. Unfolding it carefully, she forced the tears back and the lump in her throat back as she began to read.
Dear Scully,
By the time you read this, I will be gone.
Of it's own accord a sob escaped her lips and she clasped her hand over her mouth, inhibiting any further outbursts. Her worst fears had been confirmed, no insignificant notes ever began with that line. He was leaving her. No he'd gone already, the decision had been made, with nothing she could do. Forcing herself to continue her eyes returned to the page, stinging with tears.
Last night was wonderful, everything I've ever dreamed of and more, and believe me, I've been dreaming of it for a long time. You are a beautiful, caring, sensual woman that I have come to love so very much over the past eight years.
It hurts to stand here and imagine a life without you. Waking up beside you as I did today, was an experience I'll never forget. It almost made me change my mind and give in to my selfish desire to stay with you and our child.
It is still a mystery to me how you could ever have come to love me, when all I have done is bring you pain, either through my quest for the truth or my many foolhardy pursuits.
Scully's pain momentarily turned to anger, as she considered his words. Why did he always have to blame himself for the things that had happened? They were beyond his control and yet he bears the burden as though he'd orchestrated the entire conspiracy.
Last night though, I saw the love in your eyes and it filled me with such joy that it will stay in my heart forever.
Her anger melted, and her eyes brimmed with tears that threatened to spill over.
It gave me the strength to do what I know I must. Admitting that I love you, complicates our situation. The more I love you, the more I fear the life you would have with me. I fear for the safety of our child, which would undoubtedly be used against me at some point in the future.
As much as I'd like to be selfish and stay together as a family, I am not willing to risk you or our child for my own happiness. I should never have let last night happen as wonderful as it was, it only makes this harder. I know this will hurt you, but in the long run, it is better I leave before this goes any further.
Her mouth had dropped open and tears ran down her face and onto her lips. Their salty warmth went unnoticed as she stared at the words in disbelief, forcing herself to finish.
You may not understand this now, but in time I know you'll see it was the right thing to do.
All my love, Fox Mulder.
In what felt like slow motion the paper slid from her hands and gracefully fell to the floor. Suddenly consumed with despair she felt sobs overtake her, draining her of all her strength. Standing was not possible as she dropped down onto her knees, giving in to the pain.
It had taken 8 years for them to realise their love and now he'd thrown that away. Thrown her away. Losing him once had been shocking enough but again, it was unthinkable, unbearable.
She rocked slowly on her knees trying to calm down, but failing miserably. Her breath was coming in short spurts between sobs. Tears continued their path downward relentless and unending. There was no way she could handle this, she couldn't live without him. Her brow furrowed as she looked to the heavens, begging for guidance.
As if on cue, William began to cry.
Rising slowly, she began to walk back to the bedroom, gathering the small bundle in her arms.
"Shhh. There, there now." She cooed as the baby quieted in her arms.
A sudden clarity entered her as she felt herself regain control of her emotions. Her prayers had been answered. She had a wonderful reason to go on, and she was holding him in her arms.
She could see Mulder in his manner and appearance, and it was then she realised, she hadn't really lost him. She never would. He had given her this wonderful gift, and a small piece of him would always be with her, inside their child.
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The End
Please give me some feedback, this is kind of different to the usual fluff I write.
Thanks for reading.