Disclaimer: These guys aren't mine, unfortunately… don't sue me.
Of Shiv and SNIKT
Chapter 3 - They Panic
"LOGAN!!!" The shouted duet from the doorway was so shrill it probably gave some deaf guy in Calcutta a headache. Lord only knows what it did to the Wolverine's sensitive hearing at close range. As both girls cut their way quickly through the crowd, Riddick couldn't help but notice his companion's eyes searching in vain for the quickest possible exit, looking for all the world like a cornered beast. "You Poor Bastard," Riddick said and turned toward his beer. He didn't want to make eye contact with either of these girlies.
"Hey Wolvie, man! This cheap Rogue wannabe claims to know you from a time you picked her up at a bar in Canada! And she says you saved her life…. twice! And she says you gave her your dogtags while pulling a whole 'Arnie from the Terminator' moment on her! What the fuck is she talking about?!" Jubilee paused to pop her gum and give Riddick, who had started giggling into his pint, a dirty look. "And whachu laughin at cueball?"
"Jubes, relax!" Logan pleaded. "I can explain…"
"Loooooogan!" Marie whined. "Why is Jubilee claiming to have rescued you from a cross of all things and then traveled across all of Asia with you? She's been saying so many things that just can't be true! Why would she say these things, Logan!? Ah don't understand!" She then proceeded to duck her head and chew her lip prettily, letting her hair fall forward. She looked very forlorn.
Jubilee just looked at her with arms crossed and an expression of disgust. "Oh puh-leeeeeze! Give it up, ho-kitty!"
By this time, Riddick was laughing so hard tears were squeezing out of his eyes. He clapped a hand on Logan's shoulder. "You, my friend, have problems I can't even begin to relate to!"
"Thanks," Logan said bitterly. Turning to the bickering ladies he said very loudly "Girls!" It didn't get their attention. "Girls!!" Nothing. Finally, he leaned forward and grabbed them by the waist, drawing them onto his knees. "Now girls, listen to me. Both of you are right."
"Huh?!" They wore equal expressions of incredulity.
"Marie, the events you describe belong to the Movie; Jubilee, your history with me is from the comic book."
"Yay! That makes him mine! Woo-Hoo!!" Jubilee jumped off Logan's knee and did a pirouette while flashing fireworks. "YAY for ME!!!"
"Logan!!" Marie was frantic… and clingy. "Tell her that Ah'm the only one for ya!"
"Comics predate the movie, you knock-off bimbo! I had Wolvie all to myself YEARS before you even existed!"
"Rogue is in the comics." Logan interjected.
"Not this Rogue! Marie my ass!…. You're mine!" Jubilee started to drag the very attached (did I mention clingy) squealing Marie off of Logan's lap, nearly upsetting the entire stool in the process.
"Enough!" Logan rapidly hopped off his stool, dropping Marie onto her pretty, untouchable heiney and causing Jubilee's momentum to send her flying backwards onto a table where Genghis Kahn and Dracula were swapping stories. "The both of you had best just learn to deal with it! Now either leave or sit and drink a beer like civilized people!" He turned back to the bar. "Now you see what I have to deal with?"
Riddick sympethised wholly. "Lemmie buy you a beer!"
"How about some of those spicy wing thingies instead?"
"If anyone deserves some, it's you!" They proceeded to ignore the whimpering and muttering of the girls tending to their bruised… egos.
Jubilee slid into the narrow space between Riddick and Logan. "That was way harsh, Wolvie." Riddick couldn't believe it. The girl positively reeked of bubblegum! She swiveled his direction. "Don't you know it's polite to give up your seat to a lady?"
Riddick barked a brief laugh and reached for his beer. "You aren't a lady."
Jubilee visibly bristled and was about to yank off Riddick's goggles and shove a handfull of sparks into his cranium when Logan stopped her. "Not him, darlin'. Leave that one be."
Oh Logan's other side, Marie was pouting. "But there ain't anymore seats, Logan."
"You have to fight for one." Riddick smirked. This was gonna be good.
"Oh! Is that all!?" Marie calmly glanced around the bar. "Ah'll be back in a jiff." She took a couple steps and then said over her shoulder, "Just to prove I can play nice, I'll get one for this three-color Jubes as well!" She sauntered off into the crowd leaving Logan chuckling, Riddick gaping, and Jubilee leaning back on the bar with a 'Humph'! She returned a full two minutes later, carrying two stools.
"Take these while I put my glove back on, sugah." Logan scooted to the very end of the bar and, somehow fit the two stools in the remaining space.
"Might be helpful if you moved some too, bub." He growled at Riddick.
"They're both gonna want to sit next to you, y'know." Riddick was pensively piling the some chicken bones into a grisly pyramid; this evening had been full of surprises and revelations. He was getting tired of the whole thing.
"I'll sit in the middle. We can talk over Jubes."
"Fanfreakintastic."
After the hubbub of getting the girls situated, during which Riddick's bone pile doubled in size, there was a short moment of semi-comfortable silence. That is, everyone was comfortable being silent except for Jubilee.
"I want a drink!"
"O.K Darlin', how about a Coke?"
"I want a beer, Wolvie. We aren't in any reality here where drinking age matters, and I WANT A FRIGGIN' BEER!"
"Y'know what, sugah? Ah want a beer too!"
There was an audible sigh from Wolverine as he held up four fingers to the bartender. Soon, each of the girls were staring at a deliciously cool, overflowing pint of beer on the counter in front of them. Neither of them touched it.
"What a waste of good John Courage." Riddick snorted before taking a big swig from his own pint. "Even if you force it down, you girls won't really enjoy it."
Marie put on a hurt look while Jubilee turned on Riddick. "And just who the flamin' heck do you think you are, buster? I used to think any pal of Wolvie's was a pal of mine but…. your phone's ringing."
"What?" Riddick's responses were clearly impaired, either by the alcohol, Jubilee's ability to seemingly talk without breathing, or the untestable levels of MSG in the chicken.
"Don't worry. I'll get it."
"--- NO!!!" But even Logan's reflexes couldn't come between Jubilation Lee and a ringing phone.
"Hello?… This is Jubilee, who's this? … I don't know any Jack….. Riddick? I'm sitting next to a big dick and I sure as heck wanna get rid of him, does that count? .." Before Jubilee could do any additional damage, Riddick snatched the phone away from her.
"Jack… at the bar…. drinking… uh-huh…. uh-huh… no…no…she just grabbed it… no don't… no Jack… dammit, NO! " He hung up the phone and slammed it on the bar. "Fuck!"
"Was that your girlfriend?" Marie was always interested in other people's relationships; anything to not focus on her own.
"Yes. No. Yes. … FUCK!"
"He sure sounds confused, doesn't he Marie."
"He certainly does, Jubes."
"I think we need to know more. Lots more!"
"Ah think you're right!"
Before he knew what was happening, Riddick found himself sitting in between both girls with a laughing Logan still at the end of the bar.
Marie lay a tentative hand on his forearm. "Now tell us all about it, sugah."
"Yeah, bub! Spill the beans! We can't help you if we don't know what the problem is!" Jubilee leaned in, trying her best to look the part of a confidant, and failing miserably.
"Back off girls…. back OFF!" Riddick was clearly getting frantic. "Logan! Can't you get them to give it a rest!?"
"Would that work with 'Jack.'?"
"No." Riddick sounded like a little boy whose lollipop had just been stolen.
"Then I suggest you tell them the 'epic of Jack.' I wouldn't mind hearing it myself at the moment!" Logan said with a tweak of sadism.
"No fuckin' way."
"C'mon cueball! Maybe we can help!" Jubilee cracked her gum and somehow managed to lean in even closer. "Y'know we aren't going to leave you alone 'til we get the scoop!"
"She's raht! Ah want to know what's goin' on between you and this 'Jack' person too!" The girls caught each other's eye then looked up at Riddick "Pleeeeeze!"
Riddick sighed. These girls were too much! He might as well tell them about Jack; it didn't really matter anyway. "Fine."
"YAY!" The girls looked extremely satisfied with themselves. Jubes was so overjoyed she actually sampled her beer!
"It isn't a pretty story."
"We don't care, do we Jubes?"
"No way! Just start already!"
Riddick took a stabilizing gulp from his glass. "A transport we were on crashed on a desert planet full of beasties that only come out to play in the dark. There was an eclipse. A lot of people died; there was a lot of blood. We survived and got off that miserable rock. The end."
"……….."
"That's not a flamin' story!" Jubilee was so excited she started waving her glass of beer in Riddick's face, sloshing some over the edges. "We want details! We NEED details! How'dja get off the rock if everything was dark and your ship was out of commission? Was it only you and Jack who survived? Where were you all heading in the first place? DETAILS!!!"
"Leave the man be, darlin'." Logan passed the remainder of the chicken wings down the bar to her. "Sounds to me like the details aren't anything you should be hearing anyway."
"But…"
"No buts!"
As Logan and Jubilee quietly continued to argue and demolish the chicken wings, Marie, her small, gloved hand still on Riddick's forearm leaned in to whisper, "Are you still together?"
Riddick looked at her. This girl was soft, feminine, but not vulnerable. She reminded him of the way Jack was when she didn't think anyone was looking; he liked her, so he whispered a reply.
"I don't think I could let her go if I tried."
Marie leaned back, satisfied, and began to take small sips from her beer. "Good," she murmured, "I like to hear happy endings."
"That's nice, girlie, but I think you're in my seat." Riddick jumped visibly, and all four turned to see the speaker.
"This the chippie who answered your com, Riddick?" Jack asked.
"That would be her!" Marie hopped off her stool and went over to take Jack's hand. "I'm Marie, the mouthy one is Jubilee, and we're with him." She gestured towards Logan before proceeding to climb into his lap.
Jack's eyes grazed over Logan briefly. "I don't see why," she muttered as she climbed up into Marie's recently vacated spot. Riddick reminded himself to try to teach her manners at some point in time.
"This Jack?" Logan asked Riddick with a raised eyebrow.
"The one and only."
"Cute kid." Riddick glared at Logan over everyone's heads, wondering what he was playing at. Meeting Logan's eyes he found only warm amusement and simple resignation to their shared plight. Riddick relaxed.
"Yeah, yours too."
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