Deep in the cold void of space, there was a woman unlike any other. She was the brave, dashing soul who could single-handedly wipe out the threat of bad guys. Her name . . . Flutternut.
My story begins with the sad tale of a fifteen-year-old girl who learns the implorable truth of Luke Skywalker, her one and only true hero. This girl (5'4, brown hair, hazel eyes, damn sexy) was strong in the Force. Strong enough to find out something she never knew possibly . . .
Flutternut sat in her bedroom, looking into the sky with her binoculars as her best-friend, the Duchess of Gayness, attempted to play a merry little tune on her comb and wax paper.
" Holy anonymous whores of New Mexico!" Flutternut suddenly exclaimed.
" What is it?" the Duchess of Gayness asked, dropping her comb in surprise.
" This is indeed very odd . . ." Flutternut mumbled to herself. " There seems to be a very strange pattern happening on the moon as we speak."
" That is very strange," agreed the Duchess of Gayness, sounding very annoyed. " Especially considering the fact that it is daylight, you lifeless moron!"
Flutternut did not seem to hear her friend's comment. She changed her view so she saw another startling sight from the west. " Marilyn Manson's Breast Implants! I also see a horde of seagulls approaching from the west. I sense a disturbance in the Force."
" Well," the Duchess of Gayness said, joining her pathetically stupid friend at the windowsill. " You know what this means?"
" Yes," Flutternut said, dropping her binoculars to the floor and getting ready to run out the door. " Luke Skywalker is living on the moon and controlling the world's population of seagulls!
" NO!" the Duchess of Gayness cried out in dismay. " It means you need to lay off the crack."
" Hey, at least I'm not the one named Duchess of Gayness," Flutternut retorted.
" But my name isn't even the Duchess of Gayness!" the Duchess of Gayness protested.
Flutternut shook her head sadly. " This is no time for bickering, Duchess of Gayness. The galaxy is at danger if we don't warn someone of Skywalker's plot to kill off the human race in three months with his damn band of seagulls."
" You idiot!" the Duchess of Gayness shouted. " How the hell did you get all of that from looking out the binoculars at a non-existing moon and horde of seagulls?"
Flutternut put a hand on her friend's shoulder. " Some of us are more Force adept than others," she said, gently breaking the news of the Duchess of Gayness's impotentence (um . . . yeah). " We can fully discuss this later. But right now, Duchess of Gayness, we have a galaxy to save . . ."
" Yeah, and how exactly do you plan on doing that, oh brave Jedi Knight?"
Flutternut raised her eyebrows in a typical Eric Matthews manner (sorry, i love boy meets world. watch it sometime). " We're going to the United States Senate."
My story begins with the sad tale of a fifteen-year-old girl who learns the implorable truth of Luke Skywalker, her one and only true hero. This girl (5'4, brown hair, hazel eyes, damn sexy) was strong in the Force. Strong enough to find out something she never knew possibly . . .
Flutternut sat in her bedroom, looking into the sky with her binoculars as her best-friend, the Duchess of Gayness, attempted to play a merry little tune on her comb and wax paper.
" Holy anonymous whores of New Mexico!" Flutternut suddenly exclaimed.
" What is it?" the Duchess of Gayness asked, dropping her comb in surprise.
" This is indeed very odd . . ." Flutternut mumbled to herself. " There seems to be a very strange pattern happening on the moon as we speak."
" That is very strange," agreed the Duchess of Gayness, sounding very annoyed. " Especially considering the fact that it is daylight, you lifeless moron!"
Flutternut did not seem to hear her friend's comment. She changed her view so she saw another startling sight from the west. " Marilyn Manson's Breast Implants! I also see a horde of seagulls approaching from the west. I sense a disturbance in the Force."
" Well," the Duchess of Gayness said, joining her pathetically stupid friend at the windowsill. " You know what this means?"
" Yes," Flutternut said, dropping her binoculars to the floor and getting ready to run out the door. " Luke Skywalker is living on the moon and controlling the world's population of seagulls!
" NO!" the Duchess of Gayness cried out in dismay. " It means you need to lay off the crack."
" Hey, at least I'm not the one named Duchess of Gayness," Flutternut retorted.
" But my name isn't even the Duchess of Gayness!" the Duchess of Gayness protested.
Flutternut shook her head sadly. " This is no time for bickering, Duchess of Gayness. The galaxy is at danger if we don't warn someone of Skywalker's plot to kill off the human race in three months with his damn band of seagulls."
" You idiot!" the Duchess of Gayness shouted. " How the hell did you get all of that from looking out the binoculars at a non-existing moon and horde of seagulls?"
Flutternut put a hand on her friend's shoulder. " Some of us are more Force adept than others," she said, gently breaking the news of the Duchess of Gayness's impotentence (um . . . yeah). " We can fully discuss this later. But right now, Duchess of Gayness, we have a galaxy to save . . ."
" Yeah, and how exactly do you plan on doing that, oh brave Jedi Knight?"
Flutternut raised her eyebrows in a typical Eric Matthews manner (sorry, i love boy meets world. watch it sometime). " We're going to the United States Senate."