Title: Ryoko's Truth
Chapter 2: Ryoko's Emotions
Author: Christine (Tenko)
Annoying Disclaimer: I do not own Tenchi Muyo, Tenchi Universe, or Tenchi In Tokyo, or any of the other Tenchi series and movies. Guess what, I don't own the characters either! So don't sue me because all you'll get is a cardboard cut-out of my pretty main character, Christine, from Hope's Angel! Eek, I'm so bad I forgot to do this on the first chapter!
Author's Notes: Well, well, well, I'm back for another chapter. Since everyone seems to think I don't show enough of Ryoko's emotions, I'll just have her share them now, okie dokie? Even if you don't like, Ima do it anyways! :P Maybe I'll jerk her back into reality later.
Ryoko the heartless space pirate. Ryoko the stubborn, lazy, self-centered b***h. Ryoko the killer, the murder, destroyer of planets and life. Why not Ryoko the misunderstood lost little girl? Why not Ryoko the poor puppet of Kagato. Why not Ryoko the unloved, unwanted, hurt woman?
Emotion...it's a word that's been circling me like a vulture for years and years. Love, hate, despair, hurt, want, need, hate, hate, hate, hate...all emotions that I feel. What, I can't love because I'm "Ryoko the most notorious space pirate in the galaxy"? I love someone...with all my heart and soul. I'd give everyone one of my gems, every one of my possessions, every one of my limbs, every one of my tears...all for him. Tenchi Masaki, the two words that make my heart triple its pace! He is my everything, my reason for being here. I love him so much I think I'll die, very soon. I love others, too, but not in the way I love Tenchi. He unwillingly (and unknowingly) stole my heart and I don't want it back. Ooooo Tenchi, why can't you love me, too?
Enter stage right; hate. I hate Kagato...I hate that word, his name, his essence. Kagato is the source of all of my problems, all of my pain! If that fool hadn't disintegrated I would gladly spit on his grave! He only wanted me to be his killing machine! He took over my mind, my body. His little marionette. He ruined any chance I had of knowing Washu as mother, something more than a scientist who likes to tease me! He ruined my friendship with Ayeka! He ruined everything! Everything. I will always and forever hate him for that. I know not what else to be because of him. I'm just a space pirate who flies around blasting things, sleeping on rafters, an addict to Sake, unable to show feelings for goodness sake. To him emotions were weak. The only emotions I was able to show were hate, greed, and hate. I suppose I should thank him. Yes, dare I say it, thank him. I guess if it weren't for his treachery I would have never been locked in a cave to watch my love (Tenchi)grow or meet any of the girls(excluding Ayeka). Washu said once, that I had a life before Kagato, that was when I met Ayeka. I guess it's too damn bad that I can't remember any of it besides meeting Ayeka. Oh yeah, thanks a lot Kagato for erasing my memory and willingness to show my emotions. Thanks.
Despair, hurt, want and need--self explanatory. I sit here now and cry (ok want to cry)because Tenchi won't ever know that I love him, that Washu won't be my real mom, that Ayeka and I won't play in a garden again. I suppose all of that is despair...or hurt. I WANT to tell them all, I WANT to help them. I NEED to be able to kiss Tenchi on the cheek before I go to sleep at night, I NEED to say 'mom' to Washu without being sarcastic, I NEED to have a serious friendly conversation with Ayeka, I NEED to help Sasami cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Hell, I NEED and WANT to have my police record fried and to have people not run and scream in fear when they see me. I guess that all leads to my hurt. The things I want and need I can't have. Even my own Cabbit favors someone A LOT more than I. What Kagato did, hurts...but now being here with these people who I now call family makes that pain go away a little each day.
It's not often when my feelings shine through, but it's mostly when I'm in battle. I wouldn't dare use my full powers when Ayeka, Mihoshi, Sasami, or any one of the others girls is near, let alone Grandfather or Nobuyuki. Tenchi I know is strong enough to handle the energy output--the boy who can create Light Hawk Wings. Yeah...that's my Tenchi. Kagato almost had me once again and the thought makes me want to curl up and die...or shiver. When was that? Oh it seems like an eternity ago...but he took me and almost had me kill Tenchi!!! I found myself onboard the Soja once again. I escaped though, yep, because I thought he killed Tenchi. I really did. He wanted Ayeka to give him information about Tsunami and since she was there I couldn't use my full power. I would have killed her instantly and I couldn't do that. As much as I would have liked to get her out of my way for the time being, I would have missed her and hate myself for killing her. Mihoshi...ugh, that dumb blond(e) got herself stuck in the parallel world of the Soja. Fortunately, she freed my mo...Washu. She freed Washu.
Argh, if you weren't dead, Kagato, I swear I'd kill you now! Washu...Little Washu, I suppose I hate her, too. I was just an experiment to her and she handed me off to Kagato. A life before Kagato...maybe, but on my own. If she is my mother then...I wish she'd act like it. Maybe if someone could show me love I could show some too. Pshhh, I must have drunk too much Sake, what am I thinking?
Tenchi showed me kindness...he saved me. He always tells the others that I'm not his favorite alien but he's mine. Tenchi, should I hate you, too? Should I hate you because you always try to make it seem like I mean nothing to you? It's an act, of course, right Tenchi? I know you care about me like you care about all of the other girls. Damn. I sit here on my little rafter sighing because of you. I won't cry, not a single tear will leave my eyes. The others can't see me like that! I am strong, I am mighty! I am Ryoko. Ryoko the most vicious and cruel person...that's all I'll ever be, ever. Oh yeah, then there's that last little emotion...
Denial.