Lockin' Hearts with Gilderoy Lockhart!
*The Harry Potter Dating Game*
By Fred, George, and Lee
Hey! Guess what! We forgot the disclaimer last time (shame, shame!) so here is the one for both chapters:
Disclaimer: We own nothing. Absolutely nothing. We are making no money off of this little fic!!! There. Are you satisfied??? Good. Now then, on with the show!
Lockhart: Welcome back, Ladies and Gentleman, to Lockin' Hearts with Gilderoy Lockhart! *The audience applauds* Ah, me public. Do you all like my robes? I got them at Gladrags...I'm one of their most famous patrons...
(The offstage guy): *menacingly* Gilderoy...
Lockhart (totally oblivious): What? Is my hair sticking up or something?
(The offstage guy): THE SHOW!!! LOCKIN' HEARTS!!! REMEMBER!?!?!?
Lockhart: Oh yeah! Well, today we will get a new bachelorette and she will hopefully hook up with one of these guys! But first, Her- Her- Her...is it okay if I just call you Hermy?
Hermione: No.
Lockhart: Spiffing. We're going to see how your and Draco's little fling went! *Leaving no time for Hermione to talk* Well, speak up, Herms, we haven't got all day!
Hermione: Hermione! And I really have to say...(voice fades)
Lockhart: Little louder Hermy! We're on TV now! Speak your words to the wizarding world!
Hermione: Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap......
Lockhart: Can we get a translator here? I don't speak crap. Ahh, Draco! How did your date go? What did you do?
Draco: *turns bright red* uhh...we..umm... went to the park and...umm..ate hotdogs! Yeah, we went to the park and ate hotdogs!
Lockhart: Aw, come on, Draco, tell us all what really happened!
*Draco turns an even brighter shade of maroon*
Lockhart: Okay. Let's try this again. *Walks behind Hermione* What did you really do on your date with Draco?
Hermione: Oh crap, oh crap...(Lockhart kicks her) Oh, right... uh, well, we, umm, we went to the Dragon's Nest--you know, that really nice restaurant in Hogsmeade. He bought me a fancy dinner and a beautiful dessert to go with it. Then he brought me to that romantic lily pond just a while away from the village and it had gorgeous lily pads and lilies all over it...and...and...(she starts to giggle uncontrollably)
Lockhart: And..?
Hermione: *she too is turning red* Oh, it's too embarrassing! *she claps Lockhart unintentionally hard on the back*
Lockhart: *rubbing his back* Well! So, Draco, are you going to stay with Herms or leave her?
Draco: But...uh...but...Hey! What about Hermione? She's dating Viktor Krum! I don't see anybody making her dump anyone!
Lockhart: Too true! Herm-ee-own, who are you going to dump?
Hermione: I think.......I think I'll dump Viktor!
Draco: What am I going to tell Pansy??!!!???!!!
Lockhart: That's your problem, kid! Now your turn! Who are you going to dump?
Draco: Errrr...ummm...I think I'll dump Pansy. She always was a bit annoying. Besides, Pans, I never could understand how you could look into a mirror with your face.
Lockhart: You go...uhhh...boy...
*Hermione and Draco walk offstage*
Lockhart: Join me after our commercial break for our new bachelors and bachelorette!
Ad person: are your teeth disgusting and brown or yellow? Do you get laughed at for your crooked mandibles? Are your teeth, quite frankly, ugly? Then that's your problem. I don't care! I quit!
Lockhart: Welcome back, ladies and gents! Today we have 4 brand-spankin'-new guests coming to Lockin' Hearts, so first our little lady! She's descendant of veela, looking for a job at Hogwarts, and a former Triwizard champion! Say hello to Fleur Delacour!
* Fleur glides out and blows a kiss. The audience sighs.*
Lockhart: And now our three bachelors! (undertone) Wait a second, these are the same guys as last time! Where are the new people?!?
(offstage guy): They got hit by a blimp. How am I supposed to know?
Lockhart: (still undertone) Great. Juuuust great. The second show and things are already messed! (normal voice) Okay! This week's bachelors are Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Draco Malfoy!
Hermione:(staring daggers at Fleur) Don't go there, girlfriend. Draco's mine.
Draco: You tell her, sweetie!
*All the boys are looking extremely unhappy--all except for, of course, Ron, who's gazing in a daze at Fleur. He sighs.*
Fleur *with a very heavy French accent* : Bachelor number one?
Harry: (trying not to look at the half veela) What?
Fleur: I like ze grasslands, vis ze beautiful vildflowers. Do you prefer ze mountains, ze grasslands, or ze ocean?
Harry: I like "ze" inside.
Fleur: Zat vas not von of ze answers.
Harry: It's good enough. Now go on to Ron, that should stop his drooling.
Fleur:Alright. Contestant two?
Ron: *Sort of snapping out of it* Huh?
Fleur: Vat iss your favorite magical creature?
*Ron is still in his stupor, thinking, 'magical creature? what the HECK is a magical creature?' He remebers, but not fully, and says the first thing that comes to his head (uh-oh...)*
Ron: Flobberworms!
Fleur: Ooooookay......Now for number three--
Draco: NO! I REFUSE TO ANSWER! MY GIRL IS HERMIONE!
Fleur: Lockhart, take zis lunatique avay.
Lockhart: Happy to...babe.
Fleur: Babe...? I've never had anyvon call me "babe" before..(A/N: She's probably lying. You never can tell with that Veela blood.) *Fleur eyes Lockhart and sees that he is extremely hot.* Lockhart? I am going to forget these dolts and choose YOU!
Lockhart: Okay! I'm game!
Fleur: Alright. Let's go!
A/N: Well, that was our second chapter! We really hope you like it and we really hope you review. In fact, to make sure you do, here is a challenge: We've got to name the offstage guy! Ya see, he keeps on making these appearances, and we can't just keep calling him "the offstage guy", now, can we? So, tell us the name of the offstage guy and we will give you recognition in our next story. Now, the offstage guy doesn't have to be from the books, but he can. So! Review, tell us a good name, and just perhaps you will get an appearance in the next chapter! And the next chapter promises to be good, as it stars...well...let's just say the offstage guy gets some new bachelors....
-----Fred, George, and Lee
*The Harry Potter Dating Game*
By Fred, George, and Lee
Hey! Guess what! We forgot the disclaimer last time (shame, shame!) so here is the one for both chapters:
Disclaimer: We own nothing. Absolutely nothing. We are making no money off of this little fic!!! There. Are you satisfied??? Good. Now then, on with the show!
Lockhart: Welcome back, Ladies and Gentleman, to Lockin' Hearts with Gilderoy Lockhart! *The audience applauds* Ah, me public. Do you all like my robes? I got them at Gladrags...I'm one of their most famous patrons...
(The offstage guy): *menacingly* Gilderoy...
Lockhart (totally oblivious): What? Is my hair sticking up or something?
(The offstage guy): THE SHOW!!! LOCKIN' HEARTS!!! REMEMBER!?!?!?
Lockhart: Oh yeah! Well, today we will get a new bachelorette and she will hopefully hook up with one of these guys! But first, Her- Her- Her...is it okay if I just call you Hermy?
Hermione: No.
Lockhart: Spiffing. We're going to see how your and Draco's little fling went! *Leaving no time for Hermione to talk* Well, speak up, Herms, we haven't got all day!
Hermione: Hermione! And I really have to say...(voice fades)
Lockhart: Little louder Hermy! We're on TV now! Speak your words to the wizarding world!
Hermione: Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap, oh crap......
Lockhart: Can we get a translator here? I don't speak crap. Ahh, Draco! How did your date go? What did you do?
Draco: *turns bright red* uhh...we..umm... went to the park and...umm..ate hotdogs! Yeah, we went to the park and ate hotdogs!
Lockhart: Aw, come on, Draco, tell us all what really happened!
*Draco turns an even brighter shade of maroon*
Lockhart: Okay. Let's try this again. *Walks behind Hermione* What did you really do on your date with Draco?
Hermione: Oh crap, oh crap...(Lockhart kicks her) Oh, right... uh, well, we, umm, we went to the Dragon's Nest--you know, that really nice restaurant in Hogsmeade. He bought me a fancy dinner and a beautiful dessert to go with it. Then he brought me to that romantic lily pond just a while away from the village and it had gorgeous lily pads and lilies all over it...and...and...(she starts to giggle uncontrollably)
Lockhart: And..?
Hermione: *she too is turning red* Oh, it's too embarrassing! *she claps Lockhart unintentionally hard on the back*
Lockhart: *rubbing his back* Well! So, Draco, are you going to stay with Herms or leave her?
Draco: But...uh...but...Hey! What about Hermione? She's dating Viktor Krum! I don't see anybody making her dump anyone!
Lockhart: Too true! Herm-ee-own, who are you going to dump?
Hermione: I think.......I think I'll dump Viktor!
Draco: What am I going to tell Pansy??!!!???!!!
Lockhart: That's your problem, kid! Now your turn! Who are you going to dump?
Draco: Errrr...ummm...I think I'll dump Pansy. She always was a bit annoying. Besides, Pans, I never could understand how you could look into a mirror with your face.
Lockhart: You go...uhhh...boy...
*Hermione and Draco walk offstage*
Lockhart: Join me after our commercial break for our new bachelors and bachelorette!
Ad person: are your teeth disgusting and brown or yellow? Do you get laughed at for your crooked mandibles? Are your teeth, quite frankly, ugly? Then that's your problem. I don't care! I quit!
Lockhart: Welcome back, ladies and gents! Today we have 4 brand-spankin'-new guests coming to Lockin' Hearts, so first our little lady! She's descendant of veela, looking for a job at Hogwarts, and a former Triwizard champion! Say hello to Fleur Delacour!
* Fleur glides out and blows a kiss. The audience sighs.*
Lockhart: And now our three bachelors! (undertone) Wait a second, these are the same guys as last time! Where are the new people?!?
(offstage guy): They got hit by a blimp. How am I supposed to know?
Lockhart: (still undertone) Great. Juuuust great. The second show and things are already messed! (normal voice) Okay! This week's bachelors are Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Draco Malfoy!
Hermione:(staring daggers at Fleur) Don't go there, girlfriend. Draco's mine.
Draco: You tell her, sweetie!
*All the boys are looking extremely unhappy--all except for, of course, Ron, who's gazing in a daze at Fleur. He sighs.*
Fleur *with a very heavy French accent* : Bachelor number one?
Harry: (trying not to look at the half veela) What?
Fleur: I like ze grasslands, vis ze beautiful vildflowers. Do you prefer ze mountains, ze grasslands, or ze ocean?
Harry: I like "ze" inside.
Fleur: Zat vas not von of ze answers.
Harry: It's good enough. Now go on to Ron, that should stop his drooling.
Fleur:Alright. Contestant two?
Ron: *Sort of snapping out of it* Huh?
Fleur: Vat iss your favorite magical creature?
*Ron is still in his stupor, thinking, 'magical creature? what the HECK is a magical creature?' He remebers, but not fully, and says the first thing that comes to his head (uh-oh...)*
Ron: Flobberworms!
Fleur: Ooooookay......Now for number three--
Draco: NO! I REFUSE TO ANSWER! MY GIRL IS HERMIONE!
Fleur: Lockhart, take zis lunatique avay.
Lockhart: Happy to...babe.
Fleur: Babe...? I've never had anyvon call me "babe" before..(A/N: She's probably lying. You never can tell with that Veela blood.) *Fleur eyes Lockhart and sees that he is extremely hot.* Lockhart? I am going to forget these dolts and choose YOU!
Lockhart: Okay! I'm game!
Fleur: Alright. Let's go!
A/N: Well, that was our second chapter! We really hope you like it and we really hope you review. In fact, to make sure you do, here is a challenge: We've got to name the offstage guy! Ya see, he keeps on making these appearances, and we can't just keep calling him "the offstage guy", now, can we? So, tell us the name of the offstage guy and we will give you recognition in our next story. Now, the offstage guy doesn't have to be from the books, but he can. So! Review, tell us a good name, and just perhaps you will get an appearance in the next chapter! And the next chapter promises to be good, as it stars...well...let's just say the offstage guy gets some new bachelors....
-----Fred, George, and Lee