Lockin' Hearts with Gilderoy Lockhart
Very Special Switcharoo Episode!
By Fred, George, and Lee
Disclaimer: No grindylows were hurt in the making of this fanfiction...Oooops! Wrong disclaimer! We own nothing. Well, nearly nothing...We do own the show! *Sigh*....our brainchild! Okay, okay, we think we are right in guessing you just might want to read an actual story! Well, you could, just MAYBE read our fic.
Lockhart: Hello hello everybody! Welcome to the last episode of Lockin' Hearts!
Offstage guy: Wait a sec...why is it being canceled?!? It was a great show (A/N: Remember?) !?!?!?
Lockhart: Ratings sucked... you see, it was on the same time as "Friends" and "Survivor". What could we expect? I mean, I wouldn't even watch the show...I watch the Gilmore Girls.
Offstage guy: You watch the Gilmore Girls? That is like the chick-flickiest show on television! EVER!
Lockhart: *Looking hurt* Yeah? So? Tristen reminds me of ME! Charming all the ladies...
Offstage Guy: Whatever. Just narrate, Gilderoy.
Lockhart: Could somebody get me a dictionary? I don't recall "narrate" coming up on my 7th year vocabulary and literature finals...
Offstage guy: How about "total egotist"? Just host, Lockhart, or I'll feed you to the Loch Ness Kelpie!
Lockhart: Okay, okay, okay. Today we have a very very special treat for you all! It is the Switcharound episode, where the three guys are replaced by three gals, and the lovely lady is replaced by an extremely good lookin' gentleman! So! Let's waste no time ---
Offstage guy: You're kidding, right?
Lockhart: --in introducing our cool bachelor! He has had the privelige of being on our show not once, but twice before! He--well, you probably know him already, but what the hey--he's a 15-year-old 5th year at Hogwarts!
Harry: *grumble grumble grumble*
Lockhart: Say "hey" to our audience, Harry!
Harry: Hey to our audience Harry.
Lockhart: Wow, Harry, you are one lucky contestant, because today you are getting three of the cutest girls at Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry! So, let's get it on! Our first bachelorette loves to play Quidditch and assorted Muggle sports. She had a boyfriend until he was killed by You-Know-Who last year! Say hello to Cho Chang!
*Cho strides out on stage with a winning smile and sits down in her chair. Harry is in shock, thinking this is WAY too good to be true. Cho? REALLY?!?!*
Lockhart: This next chick is also a veteran contestant of Lockin' Hearts! She is the cleverest witch in her year, and also sort of pretty. Wait a sec, last time we checked, she was going out with Draco Malfoy? What's up with that?
Hermione:Well, something...sort of...happened....*bursts into tears* HE CHEATED ON ME! HE KEPT ON SMILING AND...FLIRTING WITH (sob) PARVATI THE !@#$% PATIL!!!! WAAAAAAAA!
*Cho pats Hermione gingerly on arm*
Lockhart: Too bad, so sad. Anyway, before we run out of time, we've got to introduce the third bacherlorette! She is the youngest of 7 kids, and has bright red hair! She has also had a crush on you, Harry, since, well, the beginning of time! Here comes Ginny Weasley!
Ginny: Shut up, you fathead!
Lockhart: Darling girl. Simply darling...Alright, enough of that. Harry, you can go ahead and ask the questions on the cards! Go ahead! Go on!
Harry: Mmm? Oh, right. Err, Bachelorette number one?
Cho: Yeah?
Harry: Ummm, I, er, comb my hair to make myself special for a date. You know, get rid of these cowlicks. What do you do to get yourself all, ahh, nice for a date?
Cho: I wear the dress robes that complement my coloring. Oh, and I like to use this perfume...It's called Ocean Spray no.7...That's my Quidditch number, you see. Seven.
Harry: That's really great, Cho. Okay, now, Hermione, what is, oh, my heck, what the freak does this have to do with anything? Oh, well, though. What's your favorite flower? I suppose they expect me to make a corsage for the girl I pick or something *pulls a face*.
Hermione: *With a look of utter disbelief on her face* Ummmmm, I like......daffodils.....
Harry: Right. Ginny?
Ginny: *Smiling nervously* Yes?
Harry: What is your best subject at Hogwarts?
Ginny: Well, I'm really good at Astronomy, so--
Harry: That's nice. Cho--er, Contestant One, I mean--*tee hee! He's in lo-ove!* I've got a question for you, and, umm, is it okay if I ask it?
Cho: Isn't that what you're supposed to do?
Harry: Um, yeah, oh, right. Would you rather hang out with your friends or hang out with me?
*Cho is in a tight spot. She knows the answer better than anyone, but she sees the expectant look on Harry's face and just can't bear to tell the truth...*
Cho: Wellllllllllllllllll.....What I mean to say is.... umm.... I'd hang out with both of you, yeah! Both of you!
Harry: *A little disappointed* Oh. Hermione? Oh, Hermiiiiione? Hello? Are you there? OY! HERMIONE!
Hermione: *Just waking up from a little doze* Huhhhhhh...? Wha.. Oh! Harry! What is it?
Harry: My worst habit is falling asleep in Divination. What is your worst habit?
Hermione: Understandable. My worst habit is falling asleep during Lockin' Hearts. *Yawns*
Harry: I know what you mean. Okay *gulps* ummm....Bachelorette Number Three?
Ginny: *Smiling goofily at Harry with eyes as wide as dinner plates* What is it, Harry?
Harry: *A little freaked out by all of this* Errrrrr, if you were an Animagi what animal would you be?
Ginny: *undertone* I'd turn into YOU, Harry...*Normal voice, but a bit high-pitched* Ummm...A cat? A dog? Something...
Harry: Oooooooooooookay....Um, Cho? I-
Lockhart: Wait, wait a sec, Harry! I've just got to stop you here for a minute for a very important moment! You get to pick a DATE!
Harry: *Looking at Cho, (of ALL people)* Great!
*Cho looks a bit...uncomfortable here, and we hope you know WHY...*
Cho: Uh..heh heh heh..mmm..
Harry: I pick Cho!!!!!!!
Cho: Oh, GREAT... simply spiffing...just..heh heh...corking... *undertone* why me?
*Harry is grinning from ear to ear*
Lockhart: Well! That was a simply terrific episode! Hope to see you soon...wait, just a second...
*finis*
A/N: Well, that should be the end of all this absolute madness...insanity...okay. Every review that we got was good *THANK YOU ALL!!!!!!!* We may continue, but we have some more material that is a Hogwarts School Newspaper. So tell us in your reviews (you WILL review, remember? You don't? Take some ginko) if you want us to post that news stuff. Thanks to all of you who reviewed! Hope to see you later!
---Fred, George, and Lee
Very Special Switcharoo Episode!
By Fred, George, and Lee
Disclaimer: No grindylows were hurt in the making of this fanfiction...Oooops! Wrong disclaimer! We own nothing. Well, nearly nothing...We do own the show! *Sigh*....our brainchild! Okay, okay, we think we are right in guessing you just might want to read an actual story! Well, you could, just MAYBE read our fic.
Lockhart: Hello hello everybody! Welcome to the last episode of Lockin' Hearts!
Offstage guy: Wait a sec...why is it being canceled?!? It was a great show (A/N: Remember?) !?!?!?
Lockhart: Ratings sucked... you see, it was on the same time as "Friends" and "Survivor". What could we expect? I mean, I wouldn't even watch the show...I watch the Gilmore Girls.
Offstage guy: You watch the Gilmore Girls? That is like the chick-flickiest show on television! EVER!
Lockhart: *Looking hurt* Yeah? So? Tristen reminds me of ME! Charming all the ladies...
Offstage Guy: Whatever. Just narrate, Gilderoy.
Lockhart: Could somebody get me a dictionary? I don't recall "narrate" coming up on my 7th year vocabulary and literature finals...
Offstage guy: How about "total egotist"? Just host, Lockhart, or I'll feed you to the Loch Ness Kelpie!
Lockhart: Okay, okay, okay. Today we have a very very special treat for you all! It is the Switcharound episode, where the three guys are replaced by three gals, and the lovely lady is replaced by an extremely good lookin' gentleman! So! Let's waste no time ---
Offstage guy: You're kidding, right?
Lockhart: --in introducing our cool bachelor! He has had the privelige of being on our show not once, but twice before! He--well, you probably know him already, but what the hey--he's a 15-year-old 5th year at Hogwarts!
Harry: *grumble grumble grumble*
Lockhart: Say "hey" to our audience, Harry!
Harry: Hey to our audience Harry.
Lockhart: Wow, Harry, you are one lucky contestant, because today you are getting three of the cutest girls at Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft and Wizardry! So, let's get it on! Our first bachelorette loves to play Quidditch and assorted Muggle sports. She had a boyfriend until he was killed by You-Know-Who last year! Say hello to Cho Chang!
*Cho strides out on stage with a winning smile and sits down in her chair. Harry is in shock, thinking this is WAY too good to be true. Cho? REALLY?!?!*
Lockhart: This next chick is also a veteran contestant of Lockin' Hearts! She is the cleverest witch in her year, and also sort of pretty. Wait a sec, last time we checked, she was going out with Draco Malfoy? What's up with that?
Hermione:Well, something...sort of...happened....*bursts into tears* HE CHEATED ON ME! HE KEPT ON SMILING AND...FLIRTING WITH (sob) PARVATI THE !@#$% PATIL!!!! WAAAAAAAA!
*Cho pats Hermione gingerly on arm*
Lockhart: Too bad, so sad. Anyway, before we run out of time, we've got to introduce the third bacherlorette! She is the youngest of 7 kids, and has bright red hair! She has also had a crush on you, Harry, since, well, the beginning of time! Here comes Ginny Weasley!
Ginny: Shut up, you fathead!
Lockhart: Darling girl. Simply darling...Alright, enough of that. Harry, you can go ahead and ask the questions on the cards! Go ahead! Go on!
Harry: Mmm? Oh, right. Err, Bachelorette number one?
Cho: Yeah?
Harry: Ummm, I, er, comb my hair to make myself special for a date. You know, get rid of these cowlicks. What do you do to get yourself all, ahh, nice for a date?
Cho: I wear the dress robes that complement my coloring. Oh, and I like to use this perfume...It's called Ocean Spray no.7...That's my Quidditch number, you see. Seven.
Harry: That's really great, Cho. Okay, now, Hermione, what is, oh, my heck, what the freak does this have to do with anything? Oh, well, though. What's your favorite flower? I suppose they expect me to make a corsage for the girl I pick or something *pulls a face*.
Hermione: *With a look of utter disbelief on her face* Ummmmm, I like......daffodils.....
Harry: Right. Ginny?
Ginny: *Smiling nervously* Yes?
Harry: What is your best subject at Hogwarts?
Ginny: Well, I'm really good at Astronomy, so--
Harry: That's nice. Cho--er, Contestant One, I mean--*tee hee! He's in lo-ove!* I've got a question for you, and, umm, is it okay if I ask it?
Cho: Isn't that what you're supposed to do?
Harry: Um, yeah, oh, right. Would you rather hang out with your friends or hang out with me?
*Cho is in a tight spot. She knows the answer better than anyone, but she sees the expectant look on Harry's face and just can't bear to tell the truth...*
Cho: Wellllllllllllllllll.....What I mean to say is.... umm.... I'd hang out with both of you, yeah! Both of you!
Harry: *A little disappointed* Oh. Hermione? Oh, Hermiiiiione? Hello? Are you there? OY! HERMIONE!
Hermione: *Just waking up from a little doze* Huhhhhhh...? Wha.. Oh! Harry! What is it?
Harry: My worst habit is falling asleep in Divination. What is your worst habit?
Hermione: Understandable. My worst habit is falling asleep during Lockin' Hearts. *Yawns*
Harry: I know what you mean. Okay *gulps* ummm....Bachelorette Number Three?
Ginny: *Smiling goofily at Harry with eyes as wide as dinner plates* What is it, Harry?
Harry: *A little freaked out by all of this* Errrrrr, if you were an Animagi what animal would you be?
Ginny: *undertone* I'd turn into YOU, Harry...*Normal voice, but a bit high-pitched* Ummm...A cat? A dog? Something...
Harry: Oooooooooooookay....Um, Cho? I-
Lockhart: Wait, wait a sec, Harry! I've just got to stop you here for a minute for a very important moment! You get to pick a DATE!
Harry: *Looking at Cho, (of ALL people)* Great!
*Cho looks a bit...uncomfortable here, and we hope you know WHY...*
Cho: Uh..heh heh heh..mmm..
Harry: I pick Cho!!!!!!!
Cho: Oh, GREAT... simply spiffing...just..heh heh...corking... *undertone* why me?
*Harry is grinning from ear to ear*
Lockhart: Well! That was a simply terrific episode! Hope to see you soon...wait, just a second...
*finis*
A/N: Well, that should be the end of all this absolute madness...insanity...okay. Every review that we got was good *THANK YOU ALL!!!!!!!* We may continue, but we have some more material that is a Hogwarts School Newspaper. So tell us in your reviews (you WILL review, remember? You don't? Take some ginko) if you want us to post that news stuff. Thanks to all of you who reviewed! Hope to see you later!
---Fred, George, and Lee