I asked my dear beta-reader:Lindsay Winter to corrected the first 2 chapters and side-story. And this is a result.
***********
Chapter 1. : Re-correct issue.
"…You are cunning and ambitious, always knowing how
to get what you want. You would do well in
Slytherin."
" Then you will put me in Slytherin?"
" Not so fast. It has been a long time since I've
seen a heart like yours. Deep down in your heart, you
are courageous. Yes, very courageous. You may think of
yourself first, but in the end you will do what your
heart feels is right. It isn't something that you can
ignore. Your are truly a---GRYFFINDOR!"
"NOOOOOOOO!!!!"
The boy woke up from his nightmare. His body was
trembling and covered with sweat. He looked around,
and saw 3 boys about his ages looking worriedly at
him.
" W..What happened?" he asked, still shaking.
" You had a nightmare," the tallest boy who had black
hair answered. "Are you alright?"
" Y…Yes. I think."
The other black haired boy said, " Do you want to
talk about your dream? It helps me when I have
nightmares."
" He's right. It really helps," the brown haired boy
said, putting his hand on the shoulder of the
nightmare riddled boy, "it really helps."
Looking at his audience, the boy decided to talk.
Normally he hated talking about himself, but the
nightmare was too frightening. He didn't want to bear
it alone.
" I dreamt that I was sorted and..And the sorting hat
said I was to be put in GRYFFINDOR!" He shook with
fear. " It was the scariest nightmare
I've ever had!"
The other boys looked at each other. The second black
haired boy tried to say something but the brown haired
boy stopped him. Then the first boy
decided to drop the subject, he said--
"Don't worry. Everything will be alright. You should
go back to sleep."
"I think you're right," the boy said. Then he looked
embarrassed, " I just remembered, I still don't know
your names."
"Why am I not surprised," the second boy nearly
laughed, "you've looked blank and haven't spoken since
the sorting. By the way, I'm Sirius. The two ugly ones
are James and Remus."
The boy in bed found himself smiling back.
"Well, I'm Serverus Snape. Nice to meet you."
***********
Chapter 1. : Re-correct issue.
"…You are cunning and ambitious, always knowing how
to get what you want. You would do well in
Slytherin."
" Then you will put me in Slytherin?"
" Not so fast. It has been a long time since I've
seen a heart like yours. Deep down in your heart, you
are courageous. Yes, very courageous. You may think of
yourself first, but in the end you will do what your
heart feels is right. It isn't something that you can
ignore. Your are truly a---GRYFFINDOR!"
"NOOOOOOOO!!!!"
The boy woke up from his nightmare. His body was
trembling and covered with sweat. He looked around,
and saw 3 boys about his ages looking worriedly at
him.
" W..What happened?" he asked, still shaking.
" You had a nightmare," the tallest boy who had black
hair answered. "Are you alright?"
" Y…Yes. I think."
The other black haired boy said, " Do you want to
talk about your dream? It helps me when I have
nightmares."
" He's right. It really helps," the brown haired boy
said, putting his hand on the shoulder of the
nightmare riddled boy, "it really helps."
Looking at his audience, the boy decided to talk.
Normally he hated talking about himself, but the
nightmare was too frightening. He didn't want to bear
it alone.
" I dreamt that I was sorted and..And the sorting hat
said I was to be put in GRYFFINDOR!" He shook with
fear. " It was the scariest nightmare
I've ever had!"
The other boys looked at each other. The second black
haired boy tried to say something but the brown haired
boy stopped him. Then the first boy
decided to drop the subject, he said--
"Don't worry. Everything will be alright. You should
go back to sleep."
"I think you're right," the boy said. Then he looked
embarrassed, " I just remembered, I still don't know
your names."
"Why am I not surprised," the second boy nearly
laughed, "you've looked blank and haven't spoken since
the sorting. By the way, I'm Sirius. The two ugly ones
are James and Remus."
The boy in bed found himself smiling back.
"Well, I'm Serverus Snape. Nice to meet you."