Senselessness
Pre-ramble: Okay. I put my foot down. This IS the last scene. NO MORE!
Kamui: *hurt* Now I know that you don't love me anymore.
Eva: T-that's not true!! NOO! Come back!
Disclaimer: Stay very calm. This is only a figment of my imagination, and with Sei-chan's help I have transformed it into a silly mabaroshi of fanfiction-land to dizzy and surprise you. Besides, I'm broke and don't want CLAMP to persecute me for this strange little piece. (Which they wouldthere would be no bad fanfics in the world if the "real" owners hired hitmennor would there be fanfic writers, at that)
Senselessness-Scene 5--What Happened After
(We are presented with the bespectacled and (chillingly) smiling face of one Clow Reed.)
Reed: (without losing his grin) Welcome to the CLAMP gakuen special edition of our seven o'clock news. (People in background cheer and stamp their feet.) Yes, and let's give a hearty greeting to our guests! (Reed watches with a sweatdrop as some of the screaming fangirls in the audience wave pieces of lingerie for the guests to autograph) Erlet's give a hearty yet socially acceptable greeting to our guests!
(Polite clapping from the dejected fans. However, they perk up when the objects of their fanaticism enter. )
Fangirl One: (whispering) Woah, I didn't know that their hair was really covered with those little dots of white
Fangirl Two: (whispering back) Neither did I(as Karen enters) oh my god(shields her eyes from the outfit, or lack thereof, which clads the Soapgirl)
(On stage, the Ryuu settle themselves into the plush armchairs provided for that purpose. Well, all except Seishirou's Ghost and Kakyou, whose position in his chair can be better described as "boneless". Fuuma and Kamui stand when Reed taps his microphone.)
Reed: (still smiling) Allow me to introduce to you the leaders of the(he checks his script)..Dragons of Heaven and Earth!
(Cheers and somewhat obscene hoots and catcalls as our favorite bishi saunter (Kamui) and thump (Fuuma) to the mike.)
Kamui: (wicked smirk at the audience) I guess I'm supposed to tell you about that [beep]ing [beep] of a cruise we went on?
(If possible, someone in the audience should faint at this point.)
Kamui: (lowers his eyelids beneath his new Lennon shades) Hehlet's just say that a high-grossing movie could be produced from the kind of horrors we went through(Fuuma, looking discomfited, interrupts.)
Fuuma: Er, actually, it wasn't that bad. (Note: now that the "Kamui"s have reversed roles, their appearances have similarly changed--therefore, Fuuma's back to the old hedgehog bristle hairstyle) Except for when Subaru almost drowned 'cause we had to distract the Sakurazukamori's ghost from killing us all(Audience gasp)and when Kakyou suddenly appeared, floating on his back in the middle of the oceanand when
Yuzuriha: (standing up and taking over the microphone) The worst was when we ran out of Pocky.
Kamui: (leering) So you had to eat some fish I had to catch and cook
Seishirou's Ghost: (standing---er, actually, drifting nearer to Kamui) Oh, so that was what the black soggy stuff was supposed to be. (He smirks as Kamui Death-Glares ™.) And the incident of the seaweed
Seichiirou: (brightly) It was like this episode of "Survivor" where they had to eat these carnivorous plants!
Arashi: (eagerly) Wow, you saw that one too?
(All sweatdrop at the ensuing conversation.)
Sorata: (whispering behind his hand to Karen) I never knew that Miss was a fan of television shows
Karen: Well, you never saw her slumber partiesthe amount of videosthe cable bill
Sorata: (dumbfounded) Slumber parties?
Yuuto: (grinning) Are you two discussing sleeping with large parties of people?
Sorata: (huge sweatdrop) Eh
(Meanwhile, at the microphone, Subaru is detailing how the entire crew had to survive on sakura petals.)
Subaru: So finally, we were down to eating the ofudaand Kusanagi-san was kind enough to provide some vinesand luckily Karen-san could light fires to cook with
Fuuma: (guiltily) Actually, Subaru-san
Subaru: What?
Fuuma: I
(The audience goes wild.)
Fangirl 3: (screeching) "I'm the father of Kamui's child!!"
Fangirl 4: (screeching) "I want you to marry me!"
Fuuma: I ate the food.
(Everyone falls over, except for Satsuki, who has a swath of wires around her and is oblivious, and Kakyou, who is still looking rather dead.)
Yuzuriha: (gasps) N..not the Pocky too?!
Fuuma: (shamefacedly) Yeahthat tooand the sakuraeven Kamui's seaweed
Kamui: (big sparkly eyes) Oh wow, Fuuma, you ate that? Even I didn't eat it
(Cue audience "aww" as Kamui throws his arms around Fuuma.)
Kamui: (sobbing) Youdidn't have to
Fuuma: Er, actually, I believed you threatened to blow up the boat if we didn't try some.
Yuzuriha: Yep, I remember that, 'cause that was the first time I considered suicide
Kamui: (snarling) Fine thenhmph.
Seishirou's Ghost: (grabs Subaru) Come, Subaru-kun, let's get away from these insane people and enjoy some private time
Kamui: (hurling the mike at the phantom onmyouji) I don't think so!
(As pandemonium ensues, Reed straightens his glasses.)
Reed: And that concludes our spe--(He is shoved aside by Sei-san's ghost, who makes a victory sign and returns to the fight.)
-Coda-
By the time Kamui and the late Seishirou settled their dispute, most of the other Dragons were either unconscious or had run away, not to mention Kamui himself, who had to, once again, visit the hospital. The doctors commented that he was starting to get rather familiar, and the infuriated boy could do nothing (as he was in traction). Seishirou refused adamantly to return to the grave and spent several months possessing people's bodies and showing up at Subaru's apartment. Meanwhile, Fuuma had already saved the world and was endorsing cereal via extremely popular commercials casting him as "Efficient Savior".
End Senselessness (?)
Eva: Ahh, I just love a finished multi-part.
Kamui: GRR
Eva: What, you wanted to be even more injured? Traction not good enough for ya?
Kamui: *grouchily subsides*
Eva: Mwhahahahere we come, D.N.Angel fic