PAIRING: Spike/Buffy - Yeah, like I'd write something else. LOL!
DISCLAIMER: Joss and other people own all. Further disclaimers at the end.
DISTRIBUTION: Those who already have my permission, feel free. Anyone else, please let me know.
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: Anything up to and including "The Body" is fair game, but nothing after that ep happens in this story.
REVIEW: That would be nice. ::hint hint:: grin
SUMMARY: Buffy is trapped in prophetic dreams. Spike and Dawn have to find a way to get her out.
DEDICATION: This goes out to the sweethearts who read the first draft of this story, and told me to go for it even though it only contained about a fifth of what's here now.
God Only Knows
Part 1
Buffy was asleep, but she was NOT
sleeping peacefully. She stirred and thrashed about in the bed, twisting
the sheets around her legs. Her hair was wet from perspiration and every
once in a while she would scream. The tortured screams woke her sister,
and Dawn rushed into the room to check on her again.
This was the third night in a row that
Buffy had been dreaming so deeply, and it was getting worse. Dawn
hesitated for a short time while she tried to figure out what to do. She
hadn't told anyone about these nightly occurrences, because she didn't think
they'd like what Buffy kept saying in her sleep. She was repeating Spike's
name over and over again. Sometimes she would murmur his name, sometimes
she would scream it, sometimes she would just whisper it faintly, but through it
all, her voice was filled with fear. She sounded as though she was being
tortured by the visions in her dream. Dawn wished she could help her
sister deal with what the dreams were telling her, but when she had woken her up
the two previous nights, Buffy had had no recollection of what she had been
dreaming.
Dawn attempted to wake Buffy up
again. She had been able to wake her the two previous nights after some
nudging, but this time she was getting nowhere. She finally resorted to
shaking her, but it had no effect. She then screamed Buffy's name as loudly as
she could in order to startle her awake, but there was still no effect.
Dawn was becoming frantic. Why wouldn't she wake up?
She knew she should have told Giles, but
he and the rest of the Scoobies still blamed Buffy for Angelus. Yeah, like
she could have known that sleeping with Angel would result in THAT devil.
That had always made Dawn so angry with them. How dare they blame her
sister for that?! If she had known that Angelus would come out of their
love, then they would have been right to blame her, but she DIDN'T know and how
could she have known? It was like they expected her to have advance notice
of everything. When she thought of all the times that Buffy had saved the
world AND saved their butts, it made her want to scream at the injustice of
it.
The Slayer wasn't perfect, but she didn't
deserve the hell that she had to go through constantly. Her actions were
always judged differently from others. In fact, just recently Tara had
endangered them all with a stupid spell that wouldn't allow them to see demons,
but did anyone say anything to Tara about it? Nope! She got away
with it like it was nothing. Dawn liked Tara, but that still infuriated
her. If Buffy had done such an awful thing, they would have been hearing
about it until the end of time. So, Dawn had plenty of reason to hesitate
before imparting this information about Buffy's dreams to Giles and the
gang. If they knew the Slayer was dreaming about Spike they would totally
freak out and blame her sister, and she knew Buffy didn't need any more of that
type of guilt from them.
Buffy's little sister started to
cry. She was scared, overwhelmed, and terribly worried about her
sister. She had just about made up her mind to call Willow when she heard
a loud knock on the front door. Wondering who would be knocking at such a
late hour, she raced down the stairs. After looking out the peephole, she
determined that it was Spike. This shocked her as she hadn't seen Spike
since the day in the Magic Box when they had all been so mean to him. She
still felt ashamed at the way she had treated him, but the rest of the gang was
showing so much animosity and she didn't feel prepared to fight against
them. She slowly opened the door, worried about what to say to him, but
she needn't have worried as Spike spoke right off the bat, "Nibblet, I've been
out here the last three nights and I know something isn't right in your
house. What's wrong with Buffy?"
"Spike, I don't know," Dawn
frantically told him, relieved that he was there. She had missed him and
his strength, but she couldn't tell anyone how she felt about him. Even
though she had a crush on him before, he was like the strong older brother who
would always protect her, and she needed that. "Buffy has been dreaming,
or, I should say 'having nightmares'", she clarified, "about something and I
can't get her to wake up tonight! I woke her up last night and the night
before, but I can't get her to wake up now! I don't know what to
do!"
"Well, have you called her
watcher?" Spike queried.
"No, I couldn't..."
"Why not?"
"She is dreaming something about
you," Dawn began, noticing that Spike's eyes lit up at those words.
"They would give her so much hell and she's already been going through enough as
it is."
"How do you know she's dreamin' about
me?"
"She keeps saying your name again and
again and it sounds like she's in lots of pain, but she doesn't remember
anything when she wakes up. I'm scared, Spike. I don't know what to
do," her voice trembled at the last words while some tears fell down her
cheeks.
"Lil bit, I'll help you in any way I
can."
"Oh Spike, I'm so glad you're here.
You can try to wake her up since you are stronger than me. Let's go
now..." Dawn stated happily before turning to head up the stairs.
She had only gone up 3 steps when she noticed he wasn't following her. She
turned to see him still standing on their doorstep. "Spike, what are you
waiting for? Don't you want to help Buffy?"
"I want t' help her more than anythin',
platelet. But... I can't change the laws of physics and magic---"
It took a second for Dawn to realize what
he meant by that statement, but when she did, she apologized profusely, "I
am SO sorry. I forgot that Buffy took back your invite. Please
come in."
Spike stepped through with a sheepish and
grateful expression on his face. There was also a lot of pain and hurt in
that expression that he unsuccessfully tried to hide from Dawn. She looked
at him consideringly, before saying, "You know Spike? Buffy doesn't
hate you. She doesn't hate you at all, and I think that scares her more
than anything. She is afraid, but she DOESN'T hate you. Please
understand that." Dawn had thought about this a lot and had come to the
conclusion that Buffy would be way better off with Spike than she was with Angel
and Riley. There was just so much life to Spike, even though he was
dead. Her sister needed someone like that.
Spike considered her words. "Do ya
really think so, Nibblet? Do I have a reason t' hope?" His heart was
flooded with emotions at Dawn's words, but he didn't want to put all his hopes
into nothing.
"Yes, I do REALLY think so. I know
Buffy. I see something in her face when you are around and it isn't
hate. She feels something for you. I don't know what for sure, but I
do know that she's afraid of causing trouble like what happened with
Angel. You know, they STILL blame her for that," Dawn
grumbled. "Ooh, it makes me so mad just to think about that."
He was elated at those words even though
they didn't actually say anything specific about her feelings, but he knew he
had been right about Buffy feeling something for him. He also filed away
the information that Dawn had given him about Buffy being blamed for
everything. He'd never really considered that part of the situation
before, and he could see now why she would be even more hesitant to be with
him. Damn those Scoobies!
"Thanks, pet. Let's get up to your
big sis now. We'll get her out of this," Spike told Dawn as he
jogged up the stairs behind her. They both went directly to Buffy's room
and he was shocked by what he saw on her bed. He had dreamed of this so
many times, but now when she was in so much pain, it made him feel guilty for
imagining her in the sexual ways he always did. She looked as if she had
been fighting an army in her sleep. Her hair was completely drenched with
sweat, as was her entire body. Her pajamas were completely stuck to her
skin. Even though he tried not to think about it at this time, in the back
of his mind he couldn't stop thinking that she was the most beautiful creature
he had ever seen. He had to shake his head to get that thought out and
concentrate on the matter at hand.
He went directly to the bed and sat down
beside her. He looked at Dawn and asked her to go get a damp towel.
While she was fulfilling his request, he looked down at the woman he loved more
than anything and swept some of her hair off her face, murmuring, "Please
luv, come back to us. Come back to me. I can't bear to go on without
you. Please wake up."
At his touch and his words, Buffy
responded. Her body turned toward his body and the sound of his
voice. Dawn had just come back in the room and heard what Spike said to
her sister, and she also saw the response that he got. She knew now more
than before that he was the one for Buffy. She knew it, and Buffy knew it,
even though the Slayer was lost in her dream world.
Dawn walked up to Spike and handed him
the requested towel. He took it and nodded his thanks before tenderly
wiping Buffy's face. Even though Dawn was a very young girl, she
recognized love when she saw it. The love was pouring from Spike. He
treated her sister as if she was the finest china, as if he treasured her.
Dawn could only hope that one day she would find a man that loved her as much as
Spike loved her sister. While she was thinking these things, something
occurred to her about how they might be able to wake Buffy.
"Spike, I know what you need to do!
I know how you can reach her!" she excitedly told him, practically jumping
from joy at her discovery.
He paused in his tender ministrations to
Buffy's beautiful face to look at her little sister. "What is it,
pet? What is it that I need t' do t' wake up the golden beauty?"
"That's just it! You've got it
right there!" she nearly screamed.
"Cor, pet! You've lost me."
"You need to wake up the golden
beauty," she said while looking at his face, seeing that he still didn't
catch her drift. "You know.... like in 'Sleeping Beauty'. Please
tell me you've heard that fairy tale."
"Sleeping Beauty? Well, yes.. of
course I have. What does that have t' do wi---" he said as the realization
slowly dawned on him.
"Yeah, you got it. You're the
charming prince and you need to kiss the sleeping beauty to wake her up from the
deep, dark sleep." Dawn began jumping up and down at those words.
"Hold on, lil bit. What made you
come t' that conclusion?" No matter how much he'd love to kiss his Slayer,
he still wasn't sure this wasn't just a flight of fancy on Dawn's part.
"Well, she responded to you when you
touched her and when you spoke to her. When I talk to her or touch her,
nothing changes. See---" Dawn went over to Buffy and touched her
face as Spike had done and told her sister that she loved her. Nothing
changed. She looked at Spike and told him to do the same thing.
He hesitated before complying, but
figured there was no harm in doing this. He stroked her cheek tenderly and
said in his softest voice, "Buffy, I love you." As soon as he
touched her, her head turned into his hand. When he said the word 'love'
she attempted to move closer to him. He saw that what Dawn said was
true. For some reason, his golden girl was responding to his voice and his
touch.
"See, I told you! You have to kiss
her. Please kiss her now. Please bring my sister back." Dawn's
eyes filled with tears as she begged Spike to do as she asked.
He still hesitated, even with this
additional incentive. He felt wrong about kissing her in this way, when
she couldn't object. He had never taken so much as a kiss from a lady
without her being able to have a say in the matter. It was too reminiscent
of rape, even though logically he knew that it wasn't. He just had no
desire to do anything like that. He had left that stuff to Angelus.
Angelus had gotten off on rape and torture and driving his victims insane.
That's what he'd done to Dru, and she wasn't the first, nor was she the last,
she was just the most permanent evidence of his sociopathic ways. Spike
knew that he himself was a monster, but he had never done such a thing, so how
could he kiss his Buffy in this way? He turned to Dawn with that question
in his eyes, he didn't want to appear to be an animal in front of her, and only
an animal would do such a thing.
She studied his face for a moment and
although she wasn't sure exactly what was going through his mind, she knew he
feared that she, and Buffy, when she woke up, would think he had stepped where
he should not have. She calmly looked at him and spoke. "Spike,
please don't think I'm gonna be mad at you for this. It was my idea, after
all, and I KNOW how much you love Buffy. I can see it in your eyes and
hear it in your voice. I know you'd never do anything to hurt her and I
know that you're not like most guys. Please don't be afraid to kiss
her. She won't be mad at you either. Please. You're the only
one who can do this. You're the prince."
At her words, he turned to look at his
love and realized the sense in what Dawn had told him. He was about to
bend down to kiss her lips softly when the decision was taken out of his
hands. Buffy started thrashing about in the bed, screaming at the same
time. He had never heard such a horrifying scream, and wondered what she
was seeing in her dream that caused her to react in such an extreme way.
He attempted to hold her down, to keep her from harming herself, but she was
extremely strong in her fear. He could hear Dawn in the background,
whimpering, "Oh my god, she's getting worse. She's getting
worse. Please kiss her, Spike. Kiss her now."
He reacted quickly. Even though it
was hard for him to do with her arms and legs knocking him back, he managed to
hold her down for a moment and placed his lips on hers. The moment his
lips touched hers, she quieted down, but that was not all. She began to
kiss him back in her sleep. This startled him, he hadn't expected such a
reaction, and he let up his hold on her momentarily. As soon as he did,
her arms slipped up around his neck, pulling him closer to her as she deepened
the kiss. His mind was trying to focus on the fact that Buffy was asleep
while she was doing this, so he wouldn't get too excited, but he was having an
extremely hard time of it. He had almost completely forgotten that they
had an audience when he heard Dawn gasp. His befuddled mind attempted to
let him draw back from Buffy, but she was not having it. She pulled him
into her even tighter.
He thought that Dawn had gasped at the
way he had been kissing Buffy and the way she had been kissing him back, but he
figured out soon that that was not the case. As the kiss deepened again,
he opened his eyes to look at his love and was surprised to find that her eyes
were open. She was awake! She was awake and kissing him back.
Even though his heart didn't beat, it fluttered at the realization. She
had been kissing him as if he was the air she needed to breathe and she had been
drowning at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. As if she had been searching
for him her entire life and had finally found him when she was near the
end. He kissed her back tenderly, with every single feeling in his heart
passing from his lips to hers.
She gradually broke the kiss and stared
into his eyes. "Spike," she said as if she still didn't believe it
was him. "I was so scared. I thought I had lost you. I thought
it was all over and I couldn't get out. I couldn't get out." Tears
started streaming down her face at the remembrance of the terrors she had
experienced in her dreamworld.
Spike clutched her to him and kissed her
soundly. "I'll never leave you, Buffy. Please don't fear
that. I love you so much. I'm goin' t' be here forever with
you. God only knows what I'd be without you."
Her eyes widened at the last sentence he
had spoken, she looked fearful all of a sudden. "Oh no! You said
that in the dream. You said 'God only knows what I'd be without you' again
and again. You kept playing that song. You played it over and
over. I did something that destroyed you. I don't know what it was,
but I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry..." she gasped
brokenly as the words came out between sobs that shook her whole body. He
attempted to calm her down, but she was too worked up. "It's coming
true. It's coming true already. Oh god! NOOOO! Don't do
this to me. I just found him. Don't take him from me!" she
screamed into the air, before falling silent. Her body stopped moving and
he thought at first that she was just resting, but then he realized that she had
fallen back into a deep sleep, just like that. One moment she was sobbing
and screaming, the next she was out. He had never been so scared in his
life. He turned to see Dawn crying silent tears and reached his hand out
to her. She came to him and they both sat there crying near Buffy's
sleeping body before he began to concentrate on what the Slayer had been
saying.
"Dawn, what did she mean about 'it's
coming true. It's already coming true'? Does she have visions like
Dru has?"
"No, she used to have dreams... uhm..
prophetic dreams, I think is what Giles called them. Sometimes, The Powers
That Be would send her messages that way, but they haven't done that for
awhile."
"Do ya think that's what she meant?
That she's been havin' some kind of prophetic dreams and I'm in them?"
"I don't know, but that sounds
likely. Maybe that's why she's so afraid. I wonder what she's been
dreaming? And what song was she talking about? Do you know?
What song says 'God only knows what I'd be without you'?"
"Hold on, pet. Let me think a
minute." Spike tried to focus on all of the music that he had heard during
his existence. It didn't sound like the lyrics you would usually find in
the music he listened to, but he knew those words sounded familiar.
Suddenly it hit him. "I got it! It's by a surfer group. Can't
recall the name, but they were very popular in the 60's and 70's. They
might still be popular today. Even the Beatles praised one of their
albums. I think this song was on that particular album. Dru went
through a California music phase," he said in explanation of his
knowledge.
It always amazed Dawn how much
information Spike had about pop culture. She was sure that Angel would
have no idea what the blond vamp was talking about. Her thoughts were
interrupted by Spike asking her a question, "Hey Nibblet, did your mum
keep her old records somewhere, or did she purchase CD's with some of the older
music on them?"
"Downstairs. They're all downstairs
in the living room. Let's go see if we can find it," she told him
before racing out of the room.
He got up to follow her, but stopped to
kiss Buffy lightly on the lips before he did. "I love you, Buffy.
Please don't leave me," he whispered against her lips before straightening
up and heading out the door.
Dawn had already opened the cover of the
cabinet that housed her mother's CD and record collection. She started on
the CD's and Spike immediately began to help her when he reached the ground
floor. He thanked Joyce when he saw that she had separated them not only
alphabetically but also by type. They quickly found the section on surfer
music. Dawn pulled out a CD that said Dan and Jean. He shook his
head, he knew that wasn't the one. The next one she pulled out was The
Beach Boys. That was the right group. Now they just had to find the
album. He perused the assembled albums for The Beach Boys and knew when he
hit the right one. He grabbed it in excitement. Dawn looked at it
and giggled, "'Pet Sounds'? That's the name of an album?
That's funny. What's the song?"
He glanced at the list of songs and knew
it right when he saw it. He pointed to track number 8 and she
nodded. As soon as he saw the name of the song, 'God Only Knows', he could
hear the band singing the words.
"Let's go upstairs and play it in Buffy's
room. That way we can still be by her." Dawn told him before heading
back up the stairs. He hurried after her and placed the prized possession
in the Slayer's CD player as soon as he reached the room. They both sat
down to hear the words of the song that meant so much in Buffy's dream. It
was a hauntingly beautiful song and Dawn wondered why she had never heard it
before. She decided then and there to listen to more of her mother's
music.
But long as there are stars above you
You never need to doubt it
I'll make you so sure about it
God only knows what I'd be without
you'
'If you
should ever leave me
Though life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me
At the end of the first verse, they
looked at each other. Spike was thinking how it described how he felt
about Buffy and how she'd never need to doubt his love for her. He'd love
her until there were no stars left in the sky--- in other words, forever.
Dawn looked at him and knew that he felt so deeply for her sister that he'd be
with her no matter what.. even if Buffy didn't want him.
Though life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me
God only knows what I'd be without
you'
'God only
knows what I'd be without you
After the second verse, the room grew
somberly quiet. Dawn looked at Spike to see his reaction, and she knew
that it would destroy him if Buffy left him. Spike couldn't face Dawn with
those words in his head. He didn't want her to know how deeply it would
hurt him if Buffy left him after he finally found her.
If you should ever leave me
Well life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me
Well life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me
God only knows what I'd be without
you
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I'd be without you'
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows what I'd be without you
God only knows
God only knows what I'd be without you'
When the song finished, they sat in
silence for a few minutes. Dawn didn't know what to say. They could
only use supposition to try to figure out what Buffy's dream had been telling
her, but she said that Spike kept playing that song. There was a reason
for it. The words of that song had to mean something beyond the
obvious. She could see in Spike's eyes that he realized that too.
They both spoke at once.
"We need help."
Spike grinned at her. "Looks like
we're on the same wavelength. I think you should ring Red. And.. ask
her to come alone."
~~TBC~~
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The song 'God Only Knows' was recorded by The Beach Boys
in 1966 and was written by Brian Wilson and T. Asher.
All of that above is just to state that I don't own the
song or the words, they do!
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