Disclaimer: These characters belong to George Lucas, but they're mine to play with for a few minutes.
Please, no flaming on this one. It may be something a little more disturbing than you're used to, so either turn back now or read on. If you have something constructive to say, go right ahead.
My hands trembled slightly as I lifted Leia out of her crib and up to my shoulder. "This could be the last time I hold my baby." I thought. Sometimes, thoughts like that enter into my head, and there is nothing I can do to stop them even though they disturb me greatly.
Leia gurgled contentedly in my arms and snuggled into my shoulder. I kissed her softly on the head and wondered what life would be like without her or Luke to take care of. To take care of me, more likely.
Lately, my thoughts have strayed to simply ending it all. Other than my love for the precious little one that is curled in my arms and her twin who is already far away from me, on another planet.
My heart has already had too much to bear, and suddenly even Leia's weight is too much for me to support. I place her gently back into her crib, and her small fist waves slowly at me as her eyes close sleepily.
I press a hand over my mouth to suppress the sob that threatens to escape and turn to go into my own room.
This pain that haunts me...I cannot bear it for much longer. Obi-Wan comes in three days to take Leia to Bail...Gods, I miss her already.
My eyes close on their own accord, and an image of our family together appears. We are sitting on a blanket in one of the flatlands of Alderaan on a family picnic. Luke and Leia are perhaps three or four, and doing their best to help Anakin and I with the picnic supplies. Anakin laughs and helps Luke drag a container full of drinks closer to our chosen spot as Leia daintily sets out plates.
The tears come then, as always. The happy scene will never be, at least not on this side of the Force.
I idly swipe a hand at my tears, and catch a glimpse of my pale hand. The lack of appetite has taken its toll on my already thin frame. My hand, once so happily enclosed in Anakin's, is covered with translucent skin that sags.
"See," I whisper to the room. "Even the skin grieves!" The statement strikes me as the funniest thing I've heard in weeks, and my shouts of laughter sound more like shrieks of hysteria; even to my own ears.
Why does it matter anymore? Soon Leia will be safe and happy on Alderaan with Bail, and Luke with the Lars on Tatooine. No one will care when a washed-up former queen of a small backwater planet kills herself...not even Him.
Perhaps he WILL hear...perhaps Anakin is still trapped within him and will grieve for me, or perhaps he will already be waiting for me on the other side with open arms.
I turn on my back, gulping down the sobs that threaten to overcome me. "Only a few more days..." I whisper to myself. "then I will find out for sure."
Please, no flaming on this one. It may be something a little more disturbing than you're used to, so either turn back now or read on. If you have something constructive to say, go right ahead.
My hands trembled slightly as I lifted Leia out of her crib and up to my shoulder. "This could be the last time I hold my baby." I thought. Sometimes, thoughts like that enter into my head, and there is nothing I can do to stop them even though they disturb me greatly.
Leia gurgled contentedly in my arms and snuggled into my shoulder. I kissed her softly on the head and wondered what life would be like without her or Luke to take care of. To take care of me, more likely.
Lately, my thoughts have strayed to simply ending it all. Other than my love for the precious little one that is curled in my arms and her twin who is already far away from me, on another planet.
My heart has already had too much to bear, and suddenly even Leia's weight is too much for me to support. I place her gently back into her crib, and her small fist waves slowly at me as her eyes close sleepily.
I press a hand over my mouth to suppress the sob that threatens to escape and turn to go into my own room.
This pain that haunts me...I cannot bear it for much longer. Obi-Wan comes in three days to take Leia to Bail...Gods, I miss her already.
My eyes close on their own accord, and an image of our family together appears. We are sitting on a blanket in one of the flatlands of Alderaan on a family picnic. Luke and Leia are perhaps three or four, and doing their best to help Anakin and I with the picnic supplies. Anakin laughs and helps Luke drag a container full of drinks closer to our chosen spot as Leia daintily sets out plates.
The tears come then, as always. The happy scene will never be, at least not on this side of the Force.
I idly swipe a hand at my tears, and catch a glimpse of my pale hand. The lack of appetite has taken its toll on my already thin frame. My hand, once so happily enclosed in Anakin's, is covered with translucent skin that sags.
"See," I whisper to the room. "Even the skin grieves!" The statement strikes me as the funniest thing I've heard in weeks, and my shouts of laughter sound more like shrieks of hysteria; even to my own ears.
Why does it matter anymore? Soon Leia will be safe and happy on Alderaan with Bail, and Luke with the Lars on Tatooine. No one will care when a washed-up former queen of a small backwater planet kills herself...not even Him.
Perhaps he WILL hear...perhaps Anakin is still trapped within him and will grieve for me, or perhaps he will already be waiting for me on the other side with open arms.
I turn on my back, gulping down the sobs that threaten to overcome me. "Only a few more days..." I whisper to myself. "then I will find out for sure."