By: Jeokitty
Rated R for language and violence and a heck of a lot of angst.
I don't own Final Fantasy 8, Zell, Seifer or anyone. They all belong to SquareSoft.
Zell slowly walked through the empty halls of Balamb GARDEN. It was past curfew, but it didn't matter. Rules weren't made for SeeDs, only cadets. But even if it did matter, it wouldn't have mattered to Zell. Nothing mattered. Just like him. After Ultimecia was eliminated and peace reigned, Zell fell into depression. Their close group broke apart, each with an objective, except Zell. He never expected this to happen. His life used to be always filled with goals to achieve, tasks to complete, quests to go on. It was always one thing after another. But after Ultimecia was defeated, the backup of things stopped. He was a SeeD, an honoured soldier, a skilled fighter. His childhood dream was accomplished. His ambition was in his hands. He had all that he wanted. Yet, that only left him feeling emptier than he had ever felt in his life.
Zell punched a pillar he walked past. The stone cracked and he only chuckled. It didn't hurt and he didn't even have his gloves on. He stared down at his hands. His knuckles were red, almost bleeding. But they didn't hurt. He looked at his wrist, where those scars were. No, they didn't hurt either. Not then, not now. Nothing physical hurt anymore. No, the only pain came from inside him now. Zell continued walking. No destination. No objective. No point. Where was he going? Zell stopped and looked around. He was in front of the library. A wave of pain struck him. Yes, he remembered her. The girl with the pigtails. Natalie. She played with him for a little bit, flirted, toyed. And at the celebration, they even struck up a conversation. She was sweet, kind and nice. The perfect girl. After a week of getting to know each other, they started dating. Zell was having the best time. His goal then was to make her happy. But a month later, she dumped him. For no reason. Zell, being the carefree guy he was, shrugged it off. There were more fish in the sea. He was fine. If he didn't have a girlfriend, at least he had friends… until they suddenly all became too busy for him. Squall and Rinoa took over as Headmaster and Headmistress of the GARDEN. They had no time to hang out with a friend. Irvine and Selphie left to help rebuild Trabia GARDEN. Quistis went back to being a teacher, except fulltime in the classroom now. If she didn't have papers to grade, she had lessons to plan. After all, '…those kids need a strong guiding hand.'
Zell knelt down and punched the floor. The sound echoed through the empty lobby.
"It still doesn't hurt…"
Zell stood up and continued on his directionless walk. He would get somewhere eventually. Wouldn't he…? He closed his eyes and hummed softly to himself an old lullaby. Ellone used to sing this song to them, when they were young. Despite how Zell forgot about her, the song never left him. Softly, he kept humming. This was the only thing that kept the pain away. But sometimes, it wasn't even enough. He hummed louder. Humming this song was like a chase. The song would remind him of the orphanage, which in turn would make him think about Squall, Quistis, Selphie and Irvine. Thinking about them only accentuated how Zell had no place among them anymore, or perhaps ever. He growled in frustration and covered his ears, but continued humming, as if that feeble gesture could block out the memories, but allow in the soft melody. But the memories continued. The feeble gesture failed. Memories of their childhood flooded him.
"Stop it!" Zell screamed.
Memories continued flooding. Zell tore at his hair, growling. He had stopped humming, but the memories carried on. Zell started banging his head on a nearby banister. It wouldn't have been so bad if they were all pleasant memories. But among the memories were recollections of Zell being teased, pushed around, ignored, abused even. He was their punching bag. But he didn't mind. Not back then. He thought they were just playing. But now he realized he never did belong. No, just a third wheel. Just the runt of the pack. Just there.
"Hey, chicken wuss, you're going to dent that banister with your hard head."
Zell stopped and at looked up at a menacing grin and a familiar scar. "What do you want, Seifer?"
"Your screaming and banging is disturbing the entire dormitory. As head of the Disciplinary Committee, I can't allow this."
"You idiot. The Disciplinary Committee is gone. And you should be too. Squall was a fool to let someone like you back into GARDEN."
Seifer snared and punched Zell in the jaw, hard. Zell flew back, falling onto the floor. He hadn't been expecting that. "Fucking chicken wuss. As long as I'm in this school, the Disciplinary Committee exists and I'm in charge of it. Now, get the hell out of the lobby before I make you."
Zell glared at Seifer and didn't move.
"Are you deaf, chicken wuss?!" Seifer yelled.
Zell didn't reply and still didn't move.
"Okay. Have it your way." Seifer said, pulling out his gunblade, "I'll make you move."
"Fine." Zell finally said, jumping to his feet.
"Your funeral, chicken wuss." Seifer said, grinning cockily.
Zell didn't reply as he wiped the blood from his mouth. He had no gloves, no Guardian Forces and no magic. He was dancing with death. But that only made him return Seifer's grin.
~"Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high…"~
Zell heard Ellone's voice, singing that old lullaby. A feeling of peace overcame him as he charged towards Seifer.
"Cry-Ba-by-Ze-ll! Go back to bed!" voices taunted as Zell ran from the beach.
Zell continued charging directly at Seifer, but at the last moment, he dropped to the ground and kicked out Seifer's legs from under him, causing him to fall.
~"There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby…" ~
Seifer swung his gunblade at Zell, but Zell back flipped away in time.
"CRY-BA-BY-ZE-LL!!!" a young Seifer yelled, "NAH-NA-NA-NA-NAH!!!
Seifer slowly stood up and glared at Zell. "You'll pay for that, chicken wuss."
~"Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue…"~
Zell only grinned and taunted Seifer the way he taunted his own opponents. He gestured for Seifer to attack.
"Yo, Squall. Show me your gunblade, will ya?" Zell asked in the GARDEN car.
Squall didn't reply.
"C'mon, man!" Zell pleaded.
Squall still didn't reply.
"Just a peek!"
Squall remained silent.
"Tch, fine…"
Seifer charged at Zell, his gunblade poised to stab him in the chest. Zell tried to kick the gunblade away, but it didn't work and he ended up getting his leg cut.
"Shit…!" Zell mumbled.
Seifer chuckled sadistically. "Your own fault, chicken wuss."
~"And the dreams that you dare dream really do come true…"~
Zell didn't say a thing.
"Come on, chicken wuss. Normally you won't shut the hell up. Why so quiet?" Seifer tauntingly asked.
Zell stayed silent, eying Seifer carefully.
"So you guys are SeeDs?" Zone asked.
"I'm the squad leader, Squall. This is Zell, and Selphie." Squall replied.
"Nice to meet ya. I'm the leader of the Forest Owls." Zone said, offering his hand to shake with Squall. Squall ignored the hand. Zone, acknowledging that, went over and shook Selphie's hand. Zell offered his hand out to shake, but Zone didn't even see it as Squall went on about starting the mission.
"What's wrong, chicken wuss? Cat got your tongue?"
Zell suddenly threw a punch at Seifer's face. Seifer, expecting that sooner or later, slashed Zell with his gunblade. Zell backed away, covering the wound on his abdomen. Blood seeped through his fingers.
~"Someday I'll wish upon a star,
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops,
Away, above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me…"~
"Oh, would you look at that? The little baby got hurt. Maybe he should run home, crying to his mommy?" Seifer mocked
"Fuck you, Seifer." Zell snapped.
"Ha! The chicken talks again."
Zell took his hand away from his wound. Blood covered his hand.
"That colour looks good on you, chicken wuss. Hey, it looks good on my gunblade too!"
Zell ran towards the cafeteria, hoping they wouldn't run out of hot dogs this time. As he neared the cafe, he overheard something about the new SeeDs. Apparently gossip got out pretty fast. Zell had only been a SeeD for half an hour. He slowed down and decided to listen a bit to find out what the latest gossip about them was.
"… gunblade expert He's pretty hot too."
"He's the only one. The other brunet is, like, so plain. And then there's that Zell guy. Can we say 'ew'? I mean, no fashion sense. Hyper like a stupid two-year-old on sugar. Horrible hair. And that tattoo? What, does he hunt wild animals in the jungle in his spare time?"
The two girls burst into a fit of giggles. Zell blinked a few times. Was this what all cadets thought of him? He shook his head and headed back towards the dorms. Maybe he'll just rest until the inauguration party…
Zell wiped the blood onto his shorts.
"Chicken wuss, your mommy is going to have a hard time getting that stain out. Why, you may even get a spanking for that!" Seifer said, laughing.
Zell didn't make a sound as he jumped kicked Seifer in the stomach, causing Seifer to stagger back a few steps.
Seifer growled and put his hand over his stomach, trying to breathe normally despite how the wind was knocked out of him. "Fine, chicken wuss, playtime's over. Now we play for keeps."
~"Somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly…"~
Seifer charged at Zell and started slashing at him. Zell, having no protection, could only dodge and avoid the slashes.
The T-Rexaur charged at Zell. Zell, being the over-confident guy he was, didn't bother calling out to Selphie and Irvine, who were off in another part of the training center, trying to find that Blizzard Draw Point. Zell danced around the T-Rexaur, throwing punches here and there. But, becoming careless, he tripped over the T-Rexaur's tail. Sprawling across the dirt floor, Zell was about to flip back onto his feet, when the T-Rexaur roared loud enough for the sound to echo through the entire center and prepared to step on Zell, crushing him. Zell, realizing what the T-Rexaur intended to do, quickly rolled away, but the T-Rexaur was faster and caught Zell's leg under its foot. Zell yelled in pain. Very soon, Selphie and Irvine appeared and within moments, the T-Rexaur was defeated. Irvine and Selphie quickly rushed over to Zell, but as they were running, Selphie tripped. Immediately Irvine knelt down beside her.
"Are you okay, Sefie?" Irvine asked, concerned.
Selphie nodded. "But I think I hurt my ankle."
Irvine instantly started using all his cure spells on her ankle.
"Thanks, Irvy."
Zell cleared his throat. "Yo, guy with a stepped on leg here. How about directing some of that magic this way?"
Irvine turned around and grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, Zell, I just used the last of my Cures."
"And I didn't bring any." Selphie said.
"Well, okay, can you at least…uh… hello? Irvine? Selphie? Dammit!" Zell yelled out, because they had left the training center without so much as a look back. Zell sighed and starting crawling towards the exit. Hopefully monsters would take pity on him and not attack…
Seifer kept slashing at Zell. The loss of blood from the wound on his abdomen was affecting him now. Every now and then, as he was dodging a slash, he'd lose his footing and receive another cut from Seifer.
~"Birds fly over the rainbow, why then, oh, why can't I…?"~
Seifer stuck his foot out and tripped Zell. Zell fell and slid across the tile floor, leaving a trail of blood.
"Tsk. Making such a mess, chicken wuss. Hope you know you're cleaning this up." Seifer said, as he slowly walked over to where Zell was struggling to get up.
Zell looked up at Seifer. "Bite me."
Seifer merely chuckled as he lifted his gunblade over his head, preparing to impale Zell, but at the last moment, Zell rolled away.
"Get that… thing out of my house!"
"He's our child!"
"That runt is no child of mine. Get him the hell out of my house!"
"Where am I suppose to send him?!"
"I don't give a damn! Just get that pathetic, scrawny thing out of my house!"
"Fine! We'll drop him at that orphanage."
"I said I don't give a damn!"
Francine picked up Zell, who was playing not 2 feet away from his parents, oblivious to the fact that they were arguing over his future. Francine muttered things to baby Zell, who was not as curious as to where they were going, as he was with how his mom's hair moved because of the wind, as she walked through town, towards the harbour.
"Stupid boy. This is the first fight we've gotten into for a year now. I should've given you away before he came home. This would've been fine if you hadn't been born."
Zell only babbled to himself.
A week later, the pair arrived at Edea's house. Edea came out to greet them.
"Good afternoon, ma'am. How may I help you?"
Francine shoved Zell into Edea's arms and muttered, "Found him. His name is Zell. No parents. Thought I'd bring him here." With that, she left without so much as a glance back at her son.
Edea sighed softly and held Zell tightly. "I could see the family resemblance. That was your mother, wasn't it, Zell?" Edea kissed Zell on the forehead. "You poor child."
Ellone slowly walked outside and stood beside Edea. "Matron, I saw it all."
Edea nodded. "I know." Edea set Zell down and he instantly ran up to Ellone and hugged her. "This is our secret, Ellone. You can't ever tell anyone. Especially not Zell. He doesn't deserve such cruelty."
"Okay." Ellone replied, hugging Zell back and humming softly.
Zell winced in pain. He never experienced that memory before. His eyes started tearing up.
"What's the problem, chicken wuss? Pain too much for you? Maybe I should just put you out of your misery."
~"If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow, why, oh, why can't I…?"~
Zell stared blankly at Seifer. He continued staring blankly as Seifer walked towards him, lifting up his gunblade. Seifer plunged the gunblade down into Zell's chest and blinked in surprise. He had expected Zell to move, but he didn't. Seifer cursed, pulled the gunblade out and started chanting cure spells, but to no avail. The wound was too deep, too wide.
Zell continued staring blankly. He didn't try to gasp for air. He didn't grasp at the wound. He didn't fight it. He knew this was it, finally. With his last breath and ounce of strength, he turned to Seifer and hoarsely whispered 'thank you'.
* Author's Notes: No, I don't hate Zell. In fact, I love him. He's one of my favourite characters. But why did I write such a cruel fic about him? I'm actually not sure. My muse wanted something dark and somehow, Zell got chosen. Yes, poor him. =( I didn't mean to make it this angsty, but it happened.
And 'dolourous' means to show sorrow. It was just pure coincidence that I found this word. But, hey, it works.
Oh, and I chose Somewhere Over The Rainbow for no reason, really. I just like the song.