Things the Harry Potter Characters Would Never Say
Harry: Wouldn't it be great if Snape was actually my father?!
Hermione: 75%, oh well, no one's perfect.
Snape: Harry, I'm actually not a slimy old git, I'm just jealous of your superb good looks Quidditch skills and it baffles me how well those glasses suit your face.
Dudley: I can't wait till Harry gets home so we can bake cookies together!
Uncle Vernon: I wish I was a wizard.
Aunt Petunia: No Dudley, you can't have that new video game, and by the way, you'll only be getting 20 birthday presents this year.
Mad Eye Moody: If it doesn't work the first time, just give up.
Lockhart: Look at these teeth, I'm hideous!
Quirrel: No
Voldemort: You know, black isn't a particularly flattering color, I think I'll switch to flamingo pink.
Hagrid: I'd like for you to meet Tootsie, my new pet hamster. Isn't he great?
Hermione: I really think we should sneak out and steal some stuff from Snape tonight, just for fun.
Uncle Vernon: Welcome back Harry! Let's go out for dinner and a movie!
Dudley: Happy Birthday, Harry. I'd like you to have my brand new TV set. Oh and you can have my pocket money for all of summer, I don't need it.
Hagrid: I think those are a bit too dangerous to raise as a class project, don't you?
Draco: Wouldn't it be great if we lost to Gryffindor at the next Quidditch match? They deserve to win.
Neville: Professor Snape, do you need help cleaning up after class?
Albus: Harry, you're expelled, get out of here. I never liked you, you whiny little brat. You're father would be ashamed if he were alive.
Ron: I can't wait for Divination. I think Trelawney's a looker, don't you? Those glasses emphasize her beautiful eyes.
Rita Skeeter: I think we should respect their privacy and find another story.
Lockhart: No, Severus Snape is far better looking than I. He deserves this award.
***The end***
Yeah, no one's ever done this before, have they? Stupid things just appear on my computer when I get bored, it's the strangest thing. Oh well, R/R s'il vous plait, don't tell me I'm not original, I already know that, okay? If you do, I'll write more stupid fics just to annoy you flamers! :P HA HA HA!
Mother Mercury