Oh, my goodness…I would like to apologize for not updating for the longest time! I didn't mean to keep everyone in suspense, but I did so many things this past few weeks. I finally got my beloved internet back, so that's great! I don't want to burden you guys with details from my hectic life, so I'll just let you get down to the good stuff, alright?
You've gotten this far so you should very well know that the characters are not mine. I only own the story, which is from the very depths of my vivid imagination. Ideas always lurk in the tiny crevices in my head, and they are a bit hard to put on paper. So please, now I'm asking you, don't steal it. It's not nice to plagiarize!
'Kay…I'm all done here. Read on!
Seizing the Moment
By ~*Mystikal Essence*~
Chapter Nine: Perplexity over Sexuality
Ken managed to run about a mile in the shoes and tight clothes. Then he started walking slowly in the side of the road, until a cab came along.
"Where to, ma'am?" the cabbie asked politely when Ken got in the backseat.
"What time is it?" Ken asked in a harsh tone. He had no idea where to go. He certainly couldn't go back to their apartment; one look at him and Yohji will find out everything.
"It's almost one o' clock," was the reply.
Damn. Where the hell will I go? He looked at the young cab driver who looked around the same age as Ken. He had a long braid and a warm smile. Ken felt more at ease, but still having a little trouble trusting men. This guy looked friendly enough, though, and he certainly acted considerately.
"Uh, can you take me downtown? Fourth and Main," he said briefly.
"Sure thing."
~*~*~
"Now, I'm just so confused, Omi. Should I tell him? I mean, what if he freaks out when he finds out that I'm gay?" Ken asked his friend anxiously.
"He won't freak out, Ken-kun. I'm positive that Yohji-kun's bisexual," Omi reassured Ken. It was around noon and Ken just got out of bed. Just as he expected, Omi not only welcomed him to his apartment, but also lent him clothes to change into.
"How do you know? He's never been with a guy before," Ken pointed out. He was so perplexed by Yohji's actions the previous night. He had sought Omi's advice on the matter, which helped a little. He couldn't help but tell Omi. Afterall, he had to explain the getup, and plus, he didn't want to lie to another person. One little lie had led to another and now he was screwed.
"That's true, he's never been with a man. But I know his preference. He even said it before: 'Being bisexual is having the best of both worlds,' end quote," Omi insisted. "He just puts up that whole playboy façade and hating men as part of his image. He does have a reputation, you know."
"You got a point there, Omi," Ken said quietly. But that still doesn't explain his behavior last night. No matter, I'll end it now before it gets more complicated. Even if Yotan is really bi, I can't risk it. Being bi didn't mean that he'll accept me as Ani. "Well, thanks a lot for everything. I owe you one, buddy." He stood up and gave Omi a sad, grateful smile before heading towards the door.
~*~*~
He arrived in the apartment half an hour later, and to his relief, Yohji was nowhere to be seen. He probably just picked up another girl on his way home, he thought resentfully. He quickly dismissed the thought. Now you're jumping to conclusions, Hidaka. When did you start hating him like that? You know you love him. Ken shook his head, as a tear slid down his cheek. He brushed it away angrily.
His mind was made up and he decided to get out of this the easy way. He won't confess to Yohji, just say a casual good-bye, then everything will be back to normal. I know, I'm a coward. He scoffed. Funny how I'm an assassin and I don't even have the courage to tell the truth. Thoughts filled up his head, but only one stood out from the rest: I must end it now.
He reached for the phone by his table and dialed Yohji's cell phone number. Ring ring. Ken could just hear Yohji's tone in his mind. He smiled a little at the thought. It was he who messed around with Yohji's phone and now the tone was stuck to "Mary Had a Little Lamb." He had locked the selection menu, so Yohji couldn't change it.
"Yes, Yohji Kudou speaking," came Yohji's smooth voice.
Ken closed his eyes and calmed his pounding heart. "Hi, Yohji, it's Ani. Can you meet me at the Japanese garden in about an hour? I really need to talk to you," he said in a somber monotone.
"Yeah, I'll be there," Yohji answered. Ken couldn't help but notice the worry and anxiety in his voice.
"All right. Thanks." Ken hung up.
He went to his room and rummaged through the duffel bag of his girl garments. It was now or never.
~*~*~
Yohji was sitting on the same bench they were on last night, looking out into the water. The day was warm, but breezy and there were a few couples walking hand in hand that passed him.
"Hey," Ken said, sitting beside Yohji. He didn't bother with fancy clothes or makeup. He just put a pair of jeans on and a sweater. The long hair, he just left hanging around his face, concealing his downcast expression.
"Hey there," Yohji replied. He looked tired; his hair was tangled and his eyes were sunken, as if he hadn't slept yet.
Make it brief. Hurry before you lose your nerve. Ken could already feel his heart constricting painfully.
"Yohji, I'm sorry about what happened last night. But I've come to tell you that I'll be leaving soon. So, I guess this is it," he said, keeping his eyes down. He knew that a glimpse of Yohji's face and eyes would be unbearable.
He started to get up, when Yohji put his hand on his arm. "Ani, wait," he started.
Ken looked up and saw Yohji's face and shook his head. "No. I have to go," he firmly stated. "Just let me go, dammit!"
He pushed Yohji away and ran, one last time.
~*~*~
Ken walked all the way back to the apartment. He didn't even run after me. He never went after me. He threw the wig, as well as the sweater, in the dumpster behind their building on his way home. Closure.
Now he was back in the elevator. Back to where it all started. Deja-vu. He tried not to remember that night. On his long walk home he thought of all the horrible things Yohji does, had done in the past, or capable of doing in the future. It was his way of making himself feel better, but for some cruel reason, it just made him feel worse.
Now I know how it
feels to have loved and lost. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat
and continued walking through the corridor. Just think of it this way: You didn't lose him, just merely let him
go. But even this line of thinking
didn't alleviate the ache that seemed to gnaw endlessly inside him.
He figured that if he moves out of his and Yohji's apartment, he would be able to move on faster. But who was he kidding. He'll never be able to move on.
Life is such a cruel
bitch, he thought bitterly. Yohji's
distressed face materialized in his mind. And so
am I.
Right before turning the knob on the door, he wiped his eyes
and face and faked a smile. Just in case Yohji's home.
He stepped into the sunny living room and found Yohji sitting on the couch in the living room.
"Where were you Kenken? You didn't even come home last night," Yohji said worriedly, carelessly tossing the magazine he was reading onto the coffee table.
"I spent the night at a friend's house," Ken answered truthfully, keeping his eyes past Yohji, concentrating on the window overlooking the city.
"Ken, hold on. I want to talk to you for a minute," Yohji requested. He motioned for Ken to come sit next to him.
Ken couldn't let Yohji know that something was wrong with him or he'll start suspecting. With a small nod he walked towards him. "What?" he asked, rather coldly.
Yohji ignored Ken's curt tone and continued talking. "You know, Ken, two people can just be friends. At one point or another, one of them will fall for the other," he paused, looking intently at Ken, who just stared down at his hands. "Maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late…or maybe….just maybe…forever."
Ken's heart started to thump faster. "Are you talking about that Ani girl, Yotan?" he asked softly.
"Yeah."
Ken felt pain in his chest. "Why are you telling me this?"
"Because I love you, Ken Hidaka," he said, brushing Ken's bangs away from his face. "Also known as Miss Anika Toshihiko."
Ken's jaw went slack and he gaped at Yohji. Yohji took the opportunity to give him a long, fervent kiss.
"I let you run from me twice, but now, I'll never let you go, Kenken."
~*~*~
"How did you know?" Ken asked that night. They were in Yohji's comfortable bed, doing nothing but enjoying being with each other.
"Know that it was you?" Yohji asked, giving Ken's shoulder a playful squeeze. "I'm not blind, Kenken. You can get plastic surgery done and I'll still recognize you."
Ken shifted in the bed and snuggled closer to Yohji's warm body. "But still," he mumbled. "I didn't even fool you? Not even that first night?" He was a little insulted. All that work and Yohji knew it was him. "Why didn't you tell me you knew? It would've been so much easier. And those outfits were hell," he added with mock anger.
"Nope. Ya never fooled me," he kissed Ken's forehead. "And I didn't tell you right away because I thought that it would embarrass you so much and won't go out with me anymore. But if it's any consolation, you looked damn sexy in those outfits." The ever-present lascivious look was back in Yohji's eyes, his smile, suggestive and carnal.
"I do still have them in my room…If it turns you on that much…"
~Fini~
Whoo hoo! Yeah, baby…so all ends well with our boys…they got it on…yep, they sure did! Hope it was worth the wait. I know I should be smacked for updating this late, but come on…at least I didn't abandon it, right? *big, toothy grin* Ya like? Ya don't? Why don't you tell me? Yes, review…Can't forget to ask you to please review…Jaaa!