They've All Left Me
Author: Kelsey
Title: They've All Left Me Part
E-mail: Pisces748@excite.com
Disclaimer: I don't own them. If I did Angel would have his own show and wear nothing but leather... oh wait he already does. g Well I still don't own them, Joss Whedon, The WB and all them do. I'm just going to try and make them happy for a while. Yes it will get happy after a while.
Summary: I don't want to give it away before you read, but something REALLY bad happens. Not many people are in the story, that'll give you a big hint.
Spoilers: Nothing that I can think of.
Author's Note: This part is pretty angst filled, but I can tell you that it'll get better eventually. There are many character deaths. Only three remain...
Author's Note 2: I wrote this before season 5 of Buffy and season 2 of Angel, just so you know kind of what the story line had been up to when I wrote it. In other words, no Dawn existed, Spike hadn't fallen for Buffy quite yet, and Willow and Tara weren't all that serious, thus I still had the hopes of Oz coming back.
Rating: PG, PG-13 at the most. Nothing bad.
Distribution: Ask and ye shall receive
Feedback: Pretty please with sugar on top!
Thanks: To all my loyal feedback writers, Lisa, Shirl, Emily, Kyla, Kate, Sarah, Kelly, Lilith, and anyone else that I didn't write down! THANK YOU!
Part 1
Buffy Anne Summers's Diary
June 4, 2004 @ 11:12 p.m.
The battle was horrible. And horrible is the best word I can find to describe it, because it was so much worse. Awful, horrid, unbelievable, gory, retched, any bad word you can think of told you what that day was like for us. The worst day of my entire life, now and forever that's what this day will be. It was August 4, 2004. The hottest day of the year. It's been almost exactly, to the minute, a month now. I'll never forget that day, or that date.
For months we had all been training for this. It wasn't enough, not near enough to what we needed. Angel, Cordy, Wesley, and some kid named Gunn along with all of his friends came too, and they could actually fight pretty well. Of course none of them could fight well enough to survive.
My friends couldn't either, our friends are gone forever. I say ours because Angel, Spike, and me survived, well we survived the fight, what came after I didn't know whether any of us would.
I lost Xander, Willow, Oz (who came back last summer after we called saying Tara had perished after she tried to do a really difficult spell. Willow was devastated, and Oz helped her get through, they got back together a year or so after), Anya, Giles, my mom, and Riley (we broke up about 2 years ago, it just didn't work the way we had thought at the beginning, I have had a few other boyfriends in the past, but nothing ever *worked out*).
One of my friends did survive, as I said above, Spike. Although he was at first reluctant to help, but had in the end given in, knowing we needed him. He cared for me, and Angel, all of them. He'd never admit it, but he did. And he was sad when they died; I saw it in his eyes.
Angel lost the only friends he'd ever really had, Cordy, Wesley, and Gunn. I felt the pain going through him as he fought for his life, and for their deaths. I did the same; I had to continuously wipe the tears from my eyes, just so that I could see.
They both saved me a few times, I would just want to give up. Like when it had been 4 hours of straight fighting, well it seemed like 10 but afterwards we found that we had lost them all in a very short amount of time. I'd just fall and Angel'd have to come pick me up and tell me how much he loved me, and that we would get through this.
He was dealing with this by fighting; I dealt by breaking down.
They were my support system, without them there wasn't much left. But I finally got to the level of fighting Angel was at and we reigned over evil.
The demons dead bodies lay amongst our friends'. We moved their disheveled (softly put) bodies to the almost destroyed Mortuary. Spike and Angel did most of it; I could barely stand to look at them. I felt like I'd betrayed them.
If they'd never met me, they'd be alive right now. Well, I hope they would. But none of that matters, because they did meet me, and they were the best friends I could have ever in a million years, asked for.
They were the best, and I miss them, I'll always miss them. Willow's cheery attitude, Xander's jokes, Oz's short comments, Anya's *truthfulness*, Giles's Britishness, my mom's protection, Cordy's tact, Wesley's Britishness (much worse than Giles, I got him softened up during the years), and Riley's sureness, he always seem so sure of everything, and I could never be that way. I miss everything about every single one of them.
Faith, she never did get to fight, Angel told me she wanted to, and that he had talked to her before he left. But they wouldn't let her out. And shortly after had sent her to a hospital because she had tried to take her life. I really hope they can help her.
I would tell you the whole story from the beginning, but I can't go through it again now. Maybe someday I'll be able to put it on paper, but right now it plays over and over again in my mind. That's more than I can bare sometimes, and it's not something I know how to help.
Well I'll let you get back to the present; maybe I'll rewind a little and let you see some of the aftermath. Here's where the fight stopped...
***A Half Hour After***
(From Buffy's POV)
Spike sat on the side of the road with his head in his hands not able to hold it up. I couldn't tell if he was shedding tears over the loss, but I thought he was. I saw his body shake slightly every once in a while, and felt for him.
Angel was leaning up against a building staring blankly off into space. I knew now wasn't a time to comfort him, he needed time alone before that would happen.
I had blocked off all emotions for the time, I didn't have the energy to break down and cry.
I did have the energy to stand I found, and did so. As I shook my head slightly some dust flew in the air.
I heard a cry come from Spike's mouth, and he abruptly cut it off. Everything seemed to go in slow motion as a moved to him. I sat next to him on the curb, and wrapped one arm around him.
"Shhh," I said as he turned to me and looked in my eyes, his own filled with sorrow. "Bloody hell, Slayer," he choked out, "I cared about them! I tried so hard to save them, but I couldn't! Willow-" I watched in shock as he broke down falling into my embrace. At first I didn't know how to respond, I hadn't known that he felt so much for them, for her.
After a moment I wrapped my arms around him, knowing exactly how he felt. A few tears fell from my own eyes, but I, for the most part, kept my composure. I just held him as he cried for them.
(From Spike's POV)
I didn't see anything really, except for the palms of my hands when my eyes opened. I would sob once in a while, when I let my guard down and one would escape.
I missed her, she never knew it, but I loved her. Willow had just been nice to me throughout the past few years, and we had grown to be good friends. But she had Oz. And I was a vampire; I didn't deserve her. It didn't mean I ever stopped. It wasn't a force that *could* be stopped.
I did care about the others, too. I didn't like to admit it, but I enjoyed listening to them all talk. They all seemed so happy, and I wish I would've gotten to know them all better. I don't have that chance now, and that got to me. I hadn't expected it to get to me as much as it did.
I'd known they wouldn't survive this, but I still had hoped that maybe I'd be able to save her. But she'd slipped from my grasp, literally.
I was trying to get her to safety after she'd been knocked unconscious. Then it came over me and lifted her out of my arms. I hadn't been prepared, and hadn't been able to get her back. The demon had carried her high into the air and then just dropped her. I tried *so* hard to get to her and catch her, but I just wasn't fast enough.
She died while I held her, her last words were, "Tell, Oz... I...love...him...." Before though, she had smiled at me, and put her hand on me cheek, and told me, "I'm really glad we... became friends." I told her, "I love you, and I'm glad, too. Don't worry I'll tell 'im. He loves you, too. I know it." She had smiled at me again, but then she choked and her body went limp. I spared once last glance before I went to fight for her.
I did tell Oz what she had said; he died shortly after. I guess he just couldn't find a reason to keep fighting once she was dead. I knew what he felt, but I had other people to worry about.
People like Buffy and Angel. I love them two, and I love them even more when they're together. I did my best to keep both of them alive, because if I lost one, I'd lose the other.
So that left me where I was now.
I knew that Angel was probably still staring off into space, like I'd seen him before I came over here. I also figured Buffy to be sitting next to him hugging his seemingly lifeless form. But instead she sat next to me, and did the same for me.
"Shhh," she said soothingly to me. "Bloody hell, Slayer," I choked out, "I cared about them! I tried so hard to save them, but I couldn't! Willow-"
I was about to tell her how I felt, but the next thing I knew I broke down and fell into her arms. I held onto her for dear life, and cried. I never thought she'd be the one I'd cry with, but she was.
I heard her cry a few times, but she basically held herself together, unlike myself. I wasn't sure how she did it, but I wish she'd teach me.
(From Angel's POV)
They're gone. Wesley. Cordelia. Gunn. They were the only real friends I've ever had. I can't believe I lost them, too. First Doyle, now them, all of them.
Xander, Willow, and Giles, too. I miss them all, and it's only been... I don't have a clue how long it's been, but not that long.
I can see everything around me, but none of it really registers.
I can't even be happy that Buffy is alive. Well I am, but I can't show her that I am. I feel horrible for that, but I just can't feel relief right now.
Spike made it too; he's sitting across the street. He looks sad, but I'm not close enough to really tell, and to tell the truth I wouldn't really care either way.
Buffy's just sitting there in the middle of the street. I can't even imagine what she's thinking. For once I don't know what's going inside of her. I could if I tried, but I don't have the strength to reach out to her.
She's getting up now. I don't know whether I want her to come to me or not. Probably best if she didn't right now. I don't think I could provide her any comfort.
I'm having enough trouble keeping up the wall in front of my face that prevents them from seeing the pain I feel.
She shakes her head then turns to face Spike, who I could've swore let out a cry. She went to him. I couldn't hear their conversation. I could've if I wanted to, but I don't feel like it. They held each other for what seemed only minutes.
Then Spike wiped his eyes before facing her, and said something I did hear. "I'm glad you two didn't die," he smiled at her and she smiled back, and then gave him a short hug. They both stood, and Buffy dusted herself off.
I thought about that for a moment, *I'm glad you two didn't die...*. Suddenly I let out a loud hysterical laugh. And I slowly started my fall.
Author: Kelsey
Title: They've All Left Me Part
E-mail: Pisces748@excite.com
Disclaimer: I don't own them. If I did Angel would have his own show and wear nothing but leather... oh wait he already does. g Well I still don't own them, Joss Whedon, The WB and all them do. I'm just going to try and make them happy for a while. Yes it will get happy after a while.
Summary: I don't want to give it away before you read, but something REALLY bad happens. Not many people are in the story, that'll give you a big hint.
Spoilers: Nothing that I can think of.
Author's Note: This part is pretty angst filled, but I can tell you that it'll get better eventually. There are many character deaths. Only three remain...
Author's Note 2: I wrote this before season 5 of Buffy and season 2 of Angel, just so you know kind of what the story line had been up to when I wrote it. In other words, no Dawn existed, Spike hadn't fallen for Buffy quite yet, and Willow and Tara weren't all that serious, thus I still had the hopes of Oz coming back.
Rating: PG, PG-13 at the most. Nothing bad.
Distribution: Ask and ye shall receive
Feedback: Pretty please with sugar on top!
Thanks: To all my loyal feedback writers, Lisa, Shirl, Emily, Kyla, Kate, Sarah, Kelly, Lilith, and anyone else that I didn't write down! THANK YOU!
Part 1
Buffy Anne Summers's Diary
June 4, 2004 @ 11:12 p.m.
The battle was horrible. And horrible is the best word I can find to describe it, because it was so much worse. Awful, horrid, unbelievable, gory, retched, any bad word you can think of told you what that day was like for us. The worst day of my entire life, now and forever that's what this day will be. It was August 4, 2004. The hottest day of the year. It's been almost exactly, to the minute, a month now. I'll never forget that day, or that date.
For months we had all been training for this. It wasn't enough, not near enough to what we needed. Angel, Cordy, Wesley, and some kid named Gunn along with all of his friends came too, and they could actually fight pretty well. Of course none of them could fight well enough to survive.
My friends couldn't either, our friends are gone forever. I say ours because Angel, Spike, and me survived, well we survived the fight, what came after I didn't know whether any of us would.
I lost Xander, Willow, Oz (who came back last summer after we called saying Tara had perished after she tried to do a really difficult spell. Willow was devastated, and Oz helped her get through, they got back together a year or so after), Anya, Giles, my mom, and Riley (we broke up about 2 years ago, it just didn't work the way we had thought at the beginning, I have had a few other boyfriends in the past, but nothing ever *worked out*).
One of my friends did survive, as I said above, Spike. Although he was at first reluctant to help, but had in the end given in, knowing we needed him. He cared for me, and Angel, all of them. He'd never admit it, but he did. And he was sad when they died; I saw it in his eyes.
Angel lost the only friends he'd ever really had, Cordy, Wesley, and Gunn. I felt the pain going through him as he fought for his life, and for their deaths. I did the same; I had to continuously wipe the tears from my eyes, just so that I could see.
They both saved me a few times, I would just want to give up. Like when it had been 4 hours of straight fighting, well it seemed like 10 but afterwards we found that we had lost them all in a very short amount of time. I'd just fall and Angel'd have to come pick me up and tell me how much he loved me, and that we would get through this.
He was dealing with this by fighting; I dealt by breaking down.
They were my support system, without them there wasn't much left. But I finally got to the level of fighting Angel was at and we reigned over evil.
The demons dead bodies lay amongst our friends'. We moved their disheveled (softly put) bodies to the almost destroyed Mortuary. Spike and Angel did most of it; I could barely stand to look at them. I felt like I'd betrayed them.
If they'd never met me, they'd be alive right now. Well, I hope they would. But none of that matters, because they did meet me, and they were the best friends I could have ever in a million years, asked for.
They were the best, and I miss them, I'll always miss them. Willow's cheery attitude, Xander's jokes, Oz's short comments, Anya's *truthfulness*, Giles's Britishness, my mom's protection, Cordy's tact, Wesley's Britishness (much worse than Giles, I got him softened up during the years), and Riley's sureness, he always seem so sure of everything, and I could never be that way. I miss everything about every single one of them.
Faith, she never did get to fight, Angel told me she wanted to, and that he had talked to her before he left. But they wouldn't let her out. And shortly after had sent her to a hospital because she had tried to take her life. I really hope they can help her.
I would tell you the whole story from the beginning, but I can't go through it again now. Maybe someday I'll be able to put it on paper, but right now it plays over and over again in my mind. That's more than I can bare sometimes, and it's not something I know how to help.
Well I'll let you get back to the present; maybe I'll rewind a little and let you see some of the aftermath. Here's where the fight stopped...
***A Half Hour After***
(From Buffy's POV)
Spike sat on the side of the road with his head in his hands not able to hold it up. I couldn't tell if he was shedding tears over the loss, but I thought he was. I saw his body shake slightly every once in a while, and felt for him.
Angel was leaning up against a building staring blankly off into space. I knew now wasn't a time to comfort him, he needed time alone before that would happen.
I had blocked off all emotions for the time, I didn't have the energy to break down and cry.
I did have the energy to stand I found, and did so. As I shook my head slightly some dust flew in the air.
I heard a cry come from Spike's mouth, and he abruptly cut it off. Everything seemed to go in slow motion as a moved to him. I sat next to him on the curb, and wrapped one arm around him.
"Shhh," I said as he turned to me and looked in my eyes, his own filled with sorrow. "Bloody hell, Slayer," he choked out, "I cared about them! I tried so hard to save them, but I couldn't! Willow-" I watched in shock as he broke down falling into my embrace. At first I didn't know how to respond, I hadn't known that he felt so much for them, for her.
After a moment I wrapped my arms around him, knowing exactly how he felt. A few tears fell from my own eyes, but I, for the most part, kept my composure. I just held him as he cried for them.
(From Spike's POV)
I didn't see anything really, except for the palms of my hands when my eyes opened. I would sob once in a while, when I let my guard down and one would escape.
I missed her, she never knew it, but I loved her. Willow had just been nice to me throughout the past few years, and we had grown to be good friends. But she had Oz. And I was a vampire; I didn't deserve her. It didn't mean I ever stopped. It wasn't a force that *could* be stopped.
I did care about the others, too. I didn't like to admit it, but I enjoyed listening to them all talk. They all seemed so happy, and I wish I would've gotten to know them all better. I don't have that chance now, and that got to me. I hadn't expected it to get to me as much as it did.
I'd known they wouldn't survive this, but I still had hoped that maybe I'd be able to save her. But she'd slipped from my grasp, literally.
I was trying to get her to safety after she'd been knocked unconscious. Then it came over me and lifted her out of my arms. I hadn't been prepared, and hadn't been able to get her back. The demon had carried her high into the air and then just dropped her. I tried *so* hard to get to her and catch her, but I just wasn't fast enough.
She died while I held her, her last words were, "Tell, Oz... I...love...him...." Before though, she had smiled at me, and put her hand on me cheek, and told me, "I'm really glad we... became friends." I told her, "I love you, and I'm glad, too. Don't worry I'll tell 'im. He loves you, too. I know it." She had smiled at me again, but then she choked and her body went limp. I spared once last glance before I went to fight for her.
I did tell Oz what she had said; he died shortly after. I guess he just couldn't find a reason to keep fighting once she was dead. I knew what he felt, but I had other people to worry about.
People like Buffy and Angel. I love them two, and I love them even more when they're together. I did my best to keep both of them alive, because if I lost one, I'd lose the other.
So that left me where I was now.
I knew that Angel was probably still staring off into space, like I'd seen him before I came over here. I also figured Buffy to be sitting next to him hugging his seemingly lifeless form. But instead she sat next to me, and did the same for me.
"Shhh," she said soothingly to me. "Bloody hell, Slayer," I choked out, "I cared about them! I tried so hard to save them, but I couldn't! Willow-"
I was about to tell her how I felt, but the next thing I knew I broke down and fell into her arms. I held onto her for dear life, and cried. I never thought she'd be the one I'd cry with, but she was.
I heard her cry a few times, but she basically held herself together, unlike myself. I wasn't sure how she did it, but I wish she'd teach me.
(From Angel's POV)
They're gone. Wesley. Cordelia. Gunn. They were the only real friends I've ever had. I can't believe I lost them, too. First Doyle, now them, all of them.
Xander, Willow, and Giles, too. I miss them all, and it's only been... I don't have a clue how long it's been, but not that long.
I can see everything around me, but none of it really registers.
I can't even be happy that Buffy is alive. Well I am, but I can't show her that I am. I feel horrible for that, but I just can't feel relief right now.
Spike made it too; he's sitting across the street. He looks sad, but I'm not close enough to really tell, and to tell the truth I wouldn't really care either way.
Buffy's just sitting there in the middle of the street. I can't even imagine what she's thinking. For once I don't know what's going inside of her. I could if I tried, but I don't have the strength to reach out to her.
She's getting up now. I don't know whether I want her to come to me or not. Probably best if she didn't right now. I don't think I could provide her any comfort.
I'm having enough trouble keeping up the wall in front of my face that prevents them from seeing the pain I feel.
She shakes her head then turns to face Spike, who I could've swore let out a cry. She went to him. I couldn't hear their conversation. I could've if I wanted to, but I don't feel like it. They held each other for what seemed only minutes.
Then Spike wiped his eyes before facing her, and said something I did hear. "I'm glad you two didn't die," he smiled at her and she smiled back, and then gave him a short hug. They both stood, and Buffy dusted herself off.
I thought about that for a moment, *I'm glad you two didn't die...*. Suddenly I let out a loud hysterical laugh. And I slowly started my fall.