I sighed and made to move away from the window again, knowing it
was no use me dwindling on these thoughts. A movement in the
bushes caught my eye though, frowning I moved closer too the
window so that my warm breath was steaming patches of the glass
up. It was a vampire, I could tell by the way he moved, and the
way he looked, but mostly because of the slayer instinct that
although I had decided to disown, I still had. For a second I was
about to grab a stake and go out there and get him, before a
thought hit me. Well, actually many thoughts. I'm
not a slayer anymore was one of them but the main one, that she
had not told Giles about was, They have a right to live too, in
whatever depraved way they can, its only the old predator vs prey
issue. And as far as I am concerned they are just trying to
survive, and I don't care anymore. I
watched as the vampire followed one particular couple down the
street, keeping pace with them. As I watched the vampire grabbed
the woman by the back of her neck and quickly swung her around,
digging his fangs into her exposed throat. She barely had enough
time to scream before she went limp. The man stared at the
vampire in disbelief, his mouth trapped open in a silent scream.
Looking at his face brought some small spark of compassion into
my mind, his life would never be the same again, if he lived at
all that was, as the vampire had now dropped the woman's
body and was staring at the man hungrily. Muttering a noise of
annoyance I picked up a stake from my dresser and moved towards
my door. I may have quit slaying but I wasn't stupid enough
to get rid of all my weapons while I was still living on a hell
mouth.
stroked the stake with my thumb as I moved down the stares,
taking them two at a time. It was a black stake, my favourite of
all the stakes I owned, it was so highly sanded it looked like
black glass, but it was razor sharp. Not bothering to sneak up on
the vampire I wrenched open my front door and charged out into
the street. The vampire turned around at the sound of the door
slamming and grinned. That supprised me, he took his attention of
the man, who after a last glance at his girlfriend ran away as
fast as he could.
I was told the slayer had packed it in... The vampire
snarled, his eyes fixed on the stake that I hadn't bothered to
conceal. I realised that this was why he had been hunting so near
my house, the word that I had retired had spread among the
vampires.
I smiled coldly, Thrusting the stake into his
heart, I'm not.... He burst into dust that was
quickly caught by the midnight breeze. I felt the old thrill of
satisfaction start to run through my body, only stopping when I
remembered that I had done what I had said I would not. The guilt
at breaking the promise to myself soon left though as I polished
off the stake on my T-shirt. I decided, that as this was a habit
that you couldn't just break like that, that I would go out
slaying, one more time. I knew that I had not quit slaying, just
quit being the slayer.
I was distracted from my inner monologue by the sound of
footsteps. It was unmistakably a vampire by the lightness of its
movement, moving like a giant cat. I tensed myself in readiness,
waiting to pounce out from behind the dustbin. The footsteps
moved closer until the vampire was standing right beside the
dustbin I was behind. Quickly as possible, slayer instincts
kicking in I sprang forward, stabbing forward with the stake that
was clutched in my hand. But somehow, perhaps from being out of
practice, or from some deep psychological warning, I stumbled and
the stake only pushed its self into the vampires thigh. Still
that was enough to cause the vampire to fall, yelling out in a
voice that was familiar to me.
Bloody hell... Spike exclaimed staring from the stake
in his leg to me, his eyes angry, What did you do that
for...?. I could only stare at him, sinking into a kneeling
position beside his leather clad body.
I managed to say finally, my voice breaking
with every word, Its...poisoned...the stake is
poisoned... My hands travelled to were the stake was
embedded in his leg and I wrenched it out, blood covered it and
my hands.
Said Spike, only the slightest amount of fear on
his face, We go to Giles and... I shook my head.
You can't reverse it, in a few minutes you
will...you'll be.... I couldn't bring myself to
say the word but Spike got what I meant. One tear fell from my
eyes, then another, soon my face was caked in tears.
Spike said, Don't do that...Its
only me, Spike, William the Bloody...You can't...you
can't start getting upset about killing me... His
voice was breaking as much as mine, You've wanted to
do I for so long...threatened to do it..And if anyone was to
stake me, I'm glad it was...glad it was you His
breathing was becoming laboured, and I could tell the poison was
taking affect. He reached up and grabbed my hand tightly in his,
Don't blame yourself...Buffy, I love you he
closed his eyes then.
I let out a rattling sob and knew, with a sudden clarity, that
there was something I had to say to him, something I now felt,
more than ever. It wouldn't help him at all, but maybe, just
maybe he would be happy for a few seconds before...before...
I took a deep breath, Spike, I... He opened his eyes
and smiled at me serenely before his body exploded into dust. It
was with such force that even his clothes crumbled away, gasping
I stared at the spot where he had been lying. Already the dust
had blown away, save for the fragments stuck on my blood caked
hands. Spikes blood, Spikes being. I turned my head, to search
for someone to help, but no-one was there, and no-one could help
me. A hard gust of wind whipped around the alleyway, pushing my
hair over my eyes. Without thinking I pushed it back again,
transferring some of the blood into my hair and onto my face. I
whimpered and flopped back onto the ground.
Suddenly the noises that I had been missing smashed back into my
ears. The cars driving by and splashing in the puddles, the faint
sound of rock music escaping from the club, and the wind howling
through the trees. I shivered in spite of myself and looked
around. If I was writing a book about this moment, I would have
said I looked around, my eyes soulless
and stunned, realising I had killed the only person who truly
cared for me. He was a vampire without a soul some said, but I
know he had a hell of a lot more than that'.
But I wasn't writing a book and never would, not about this.
Despair gripped my and I could do nothing more but sit, watching
the faint light of the cars as they went past, and waiting for
morning.
Authors note: *cries* I'm sorry...I'm so so sorry...Spiiiiiike....
Disclamer: You know the drill, anyone you know isn't mine, anyone you don't is.