The (Not So) Tragic Death Of Phil Palmfeather
::Disclaimor- I don't own the ducks(why?! Why didn't I think of it first?! Oh, why?!) But I do own a blessed monkey. He's black, and my boyfriend won him at Astroworld for me.(oh yeah, speaking of boyfriends, here's some advice for all you girls- Never ask your boyfriend why he can't be more like Nosedive (I was in deeeep trouble for that!)) Speaking of Nosedive, there will be a strange little scene with him and Wildwing, but I'll tell you right now, IT DOES MAKE SENSE AND IT DOES HAVE A POINT, SO JUST HANG IN THERE WHEN READING IT, ALL WILL BE REVEALED. Anyway, Phil will be dying soon, so just wait a liiittle bit longer, k?::
(The Mighty Ducks are in the Migrator, driving towards the abandoned building on the outskirts of town with Phil along for the ride)
Phil: I can't believe you brought me here! I have a date in an hour! Now what'll I do?!
(The team looks at him in shock)
Duke: Call Ripley's back, mon! Phil's gotta date, mon!!
Nosedive: I bet we could get at LEAST triple pay for that, mon!!
Mallory: So what if we're American aliens that can sweatdrop?! This is unbelievable, mon!!
Phil: Very funny. I'll have you know women throw themselves at me.
Nosedive: Yeah, women with life vests filled with time grenades on throw themselves at you, mon.
Tanya: That paints an interesting mental picture, mon.
Phil: You're just jealous, all of you.
(At this point, Wildwing does the unbelievable, the unthinkable, the extraordinary, the very rare thing... HE STARTS LAUGHING!! AHHHHHHHHHH....(hehehe))
Wildwing: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHA(continuous laughter)
Nosedive: ::shocked look:: Dude, mon!
Wildwing: ::falls out of the driver's seat he's laughing so hard (PUT ON YER SEATBELT WING!!)::
(The others scream as the Migrator almost drives into a light post, but Duke grabs the steering wheel and swerves to the right. Wildwing's still laughing like a lunatic, which causes Nosedive to start whimpering in fear)
Nosedive: Wildwing... What's wrong? Why are you laughing?
Duke: :: puts a hand on Nosedive's shoulder:: Kid, I don't think your brother's feeling too good...
Nosedive: Why? Duke, what's wrong with him? Why won't he quit laughing?
Mallory: Nosedive... Your brother's very sick right now...
Nosedive: What's wrong with him? ::about to cry::
Duke: I'm not sure... Come on, let's go over here... : trys to pull Nosedive towards the back::
Nosedive: :: won't go, is reaching for Wildwing, who is still laughing:: Wildwing! Stop, please stop! You're scaring me! Why are you doing this?! ::bursts into tears::
Mallory: WILDWING!! Stop! How can you do this?! You're supposed to be Nosedive's role model, but instead you're... you're... You disgust me!
Nosedive: No, it's not his fault, he doesn't know what he's doing!
Duke: Nosedive... We can't hide from the truth... It's time to face the facts. Wing's... Nosedive...
Nosedive: NO! I'm not listening!! It's not true, it's not!!
Duke: You're brother has...
Nosedive: No, you're wrong!
Duke: Gone...
Nosedive: ::crying hystericly:: Stop, please!
Duke: Out of character.
Nosedive: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! SHUT UP, IT'S NOT TRUE, I WON'T BELIEVE IT!! MY BROTHER'S PERFECT, HE IS, HE IS!!"
Mallory: Wildwing! Look at your brother! Look at Nosedive!
Wildwing: :can hear everything that's going on, but it sounds strangely... far away...:: ::thinking:: Whoo, what was I doing? What's going on? I was supposed to be doing something, but who cares, PARTY! PARTY DOWN!! WOOOHOO! YEAH BABY! Hey, that sounds familiar... It sounds like someone's crying... WHY?! EVERYTHING'S GOOD IN LIFE!! GET DOWN! UH HUH, UH HUH! DO A LITTLE DANCE... Ok, I'm sure I've heard that voice before... Is it... Nosedive? Why is he crying? He has nothing to cry about! He's funny, sweet, smart( he hides it well), cute, and he has a nice butt on top of all that!! Whoa, can't believe I finally admitted that, well I guess it's not that weird, I mean, I have eyes, I use em, and besides, who WOULDN'T want to look at my brother's cute butt? I'm not that far gone... (Wildwing's bout ready for the funny farm, yes?) Am... I the one who's making you cry, baby brother? I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... ::realizing that he's making his beloved brother cry brings Wildwing out of his trance with only the thought of undoing this awful deed and bringing a pretty smile to his brother's cute little face:: ::Speaking:: Nosedive?
Nosedive: ::breaks out of Duke's arms and throws himself into his brother's arms, sobbing the entire time:: Please don't leave me... Please don't leave me again big brother... Don't leave me alone...
Wildwing: ::stroking Nosedive's hair, and murmuring apologies left and right:: Nosedive... I'm so sorry... I shouldn't have left you... My poor baby brother...
Nosedive: Are you... Are you going to be okay now? :: sniffles::
Wildwing: Yes... Yes, I am... I promise.
Nosedive: ::hugs Wildwing, begins crying in happieness and sadness both::
(Deep announcer voice comes on)
Voice: Remember... Avoid going out of character. It only hurts the people you love the most. If you have problems, and are experiencing strange outbursts of out of character behavior, contact your docter. Out of character syndrome is nothing to laugh about. It can break hearts, both mentally and physically.
(Deep announcer voice shuts up)
Phil: Man! I wish I had that on tape! We could get a fortune for that! Steven Spielburg would pay anything to get that on tape! I'll bet he could make it into a movie!
Grin: Phil. Now is the time to put away all the unspiritual money-making ideas out of mind, and fill your head with ways to be more sympathetic and peaceful when coming to terms with the family troubles that are facing my fellow teammates and your clients so that we all may learn to grow, just as the flower after a great drought.
Mallory: Grin! You're cured!
Grin... Whatever.
(The team sweatdrops)
Wildwing: Or not...
Duke: Hey, how'd we get here?
(Everyone looks and discovers that they are now at the abandoned building on the outskirts of town.)
Nosedive: How'd the Migrator drive without crashing if you let the wheel go after you pulled it over?
Mallory: And why didn't we notice that it was moving?
Wildwing: And how'd it go, period?
Tanya: Don't even think about asking me, I'm still confused about the whole out of character thing.
(The team gets out of the Migrator, leaving Phil inside, and walk toward the building, which looks like something out of a bad horror movie. As they near the building, lightning flashes against the dark, gloomy sky, and thunder crashes in the background, nevermind the fact that this is at 3:33 in the afternoon and a minute ago there wasn't a cloud in the sky (My, are we in Anaheim or Houston, make up your mind, yeah?))
Wildwing: :: Picks up the knocker, which consists of a bar in a gargoyles mouth (more bad horror movie props), and bangs it against the door::
Nosedive: Hello, we've come for tea, would you please be ever so kind, and let us in? I swear bro, you have got to work on your forcefulness. If Dragaunus is inside, do you think he's waiting for us to knock quietly so he can send his butler to escort us in?! Sheesh, talk about niave. ::pulls out his pucklauncher, and is about to blast the door down, when it suddenly opens, apparently on it's own) Ok, so maybe he's been working on his manners since we last saw him...
(The team walks in. After they are all inside, the door slams shut behind them, locking itself (ooh, spooky.))
HA! I made you wait another chapter! Hahaha! Don't worry, I promise Phil will die soon, you have my solemn vow on it. I don't know where the whole Wildwing thinking incest thoughts about Nosedive came in, it's just an example of my sick mind, ignore it. I swear Phil will die in the next chapter, or my name isn't Aqua_Divey_Whoosh. If you have any ideas, or just wanna chat, my e-mail is NOSGETUKA33@aol.com Ja!