The (Not So) Tragic Death Of Phil Palmfeather
::Disclaimor- FINE!! Have it your way! I DO own the ducks! They are MY sole possessions! You see, Disney was borrowing them from ME!! You have no right to steal the wonderful, beautiful glory that is the Mighty Ducks, because they are MINE, ALL MINE!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! (Yeah, in my dreams) I don't own Scooby Doo. Ok, I swear Phil will be put on a permenent vacation VERY soon, but not in this chapter, that's the grand finale, pleeeese be patient, I'm not used to commitment.::
(The ducks turned around, hearing the door slam behind them. Wildwing starts banging against it, trying, unsuccessfully, to get it open. Grin just stares, then walks over to Wildwing. Grin picks Wildwing up with ease, and sets him back down next to the door. The team watches while Grin slams his fist into the door. The door, as expected, falls off it's hinges.)
Nosedive: Well, that was easy.
(There is a three-minute period of silence, either because no one expected it to be this easy, and had nothing to say, or because they were paying their respects to the door, which had closed, and opened, for the very last time. But it was probably the previous.)
Duke: *Sniffs* The poor thing. It never even had a chance to have its lock picked by an experienced thief. (So I was wrong, it was the latter ^.-)
Wildwing: Hold up. Let me get this straight. We come in. The door locks itself. We break down the door, go home, and everyone's happy? No fight? No mutated monster? No evil plans to take over the world?
Tanya: Well, ya know, it's possible that we picked the wrong house, and the door closed because of a draft of wind...
Nosedive: Well that would explain a lot.
Mallory: Wrong house? How many abandoned houses on the outskirts of town do you think are laying around?
Nosedive: *Looks out a broken window* Well, maybe it's that one over there.
Wildwing: What?!
Nosedive: Yeah, there's another house exactly like this one. It's hidden right behind this one too, guess that's why we couldn't see it. Why would anyone put a house there? I imagine the view is horrible...
(Wildwing growls at this, a GOOD leader is NOT supposed to miss things like that. And they aren't supposed to choose wrong either.)
Wildwing: Well, let's move!
(The team runs out the door and into the Migrator, where Phil is trying to download naughty websites on one of the computors, meanwhile, talking on his mighty cel phone of doom)
Phil: Yeah... Uh huh... Only ten grand?! Are you trying to gyp me man?! This is great, soppy, sickingly sweet stuff, and I, ooh, look at that... What? What were you saying? Of course I'm listening!!
(Mallory walks up to the computer and pulls the plug)
Phil: HEY!!
Mallory: And what is this?
(Mallory grabs a tape that Phil had been waving around while talking on the phone, and looks at the label)
Mallory: Tanya, isn't this tape from one of the Migrator's security cameras?
Nosedive: There are cameras in here?!
Tanya: Now that you mention it, yeah...
Nosedive: There are CAMERAS in here??!!
Tanya: Yes, but don't worry Nosedive, I didn't tell Wildwing about what was on some of them.
(Nosedive turns bright red)
Wildwing: What?! Tell me what?! WHAT WAS ON SOME OF THEM??!!
(Tanya and Wildwing both turn to Nosedive)
Nosedive: I didn't do it.
Wildwing: DO WHAT??!!
Nosedive: Nothing! Nothing at all! I did nothing!
Tanya: Well, if you call THAT nothing, I'd sure like to see what you call SOMETHING.
(Nosedive turns and runs around in a circle, his hands covering his mouth, trying not to scream.)
Wildwing: WHAT. HAPPENED. TANYA. TELL. ME. THAT'S. AN. ORDER.
Tanya: *Puts her hand over her heart* I cannot tell a lie. Some of the film had... interesting footage.
Wildwing: What KIND of interesting footage?
(Nosedive is hopping up and down, his hands covering his face, trying not to show his tears of fear.)
Nosedive: *Squeaky voice* Whatever she's says, she's lying!! I didn't do anything wrong, don't believe her!
Tanya: It wasn't much, just a couple of pieces of interesting footage, just like I said before.
Wildwing: But what was ON them?!
Nosedive: Does it really matter?! *Laughing nervously* I mean, after all, what we want to know is why PHIL had one isn't it?! Right?! Right!! Ahahaha! *Turns to Phil* Well Phil? Why DO you have them, sense we all care MUCH more about that than whatever boring footage must be on those silly tapes?! I'm sure your explaination will be a long and confusing one, so that we all have time to forget about the past, am I right?! Ok! On with the story then! Ahahaha!
Wildwing: What just a minute-
Grin: Speak, oh fat and unspiritual one.
Phil: Well, after you guys left, I was bored, so I decided to look around. While I was, I found a camera, and saw that it had taped that little scene with Nosedive and Wildwing, so I tried to sell it to Spielburg just now, oh, speaking of which, you don't mind, do you?
Nosedive: *Points accusingly at Phil* HA! I can't believe you could be so low! Imagine selling such an intimate and personal tape Hollywood!! You are definatly the worst Phil!!
Wildwing: I agree.
Nosedive: *folds his arms, satisfied that he's made everyone forget about his little "movie-making" experience*
Wildwing: *whispers to Nosedive* Not even close, my little one. You have some MAJOR explaining to do when we get back home. *Ignores the terrified look on Nosedive's face, and looks at Phil* Phil, you are in deep trouble when we get home.
Duke: Uh, guys? It happened again.
(The ducks look up and notice that they are now parked in front of the SECOND abandoned house)
Mallory: This is getting repetitive.
Wildwing: *sighs* Well, let's get this over with.
Nosedive: Uh, maybe we should look for another one...
Wildwing: Forget it, this is the one.
Nosedive: If you say so...
Wildwing: Phil! Stay here, and no more business deals!
Phil: Sheesh, you guys are so uptight!
(The team walks out, leaving Phil alone. They walk up the cracked sidewalk, and onto the front porch. This house has another gargoyle knocker. Wildwing picks it up and slams it against the door. The door opens by itself, and slams after the team's inside. Wildwing begins to bang against the door again.)
Nosedive: Uh, you did that in the other house.
Wildwing: Of course. *slam* This *slam* is *slam* what *slam* I'm *slam* supposed *slam* to *slam* do. *slam* Ow...
Nosedive: Maybe we should investigate...
???: HEY!
(The team looks up, but a net is promptly thrown over them, successfully blocking their eyes from seeing anything.)
???: Freddy, your plan worked! We caught them!
(The net is pulled back to reveal... Freddy, Thelma, Daphne, Shaggy, and Scooby!)
Mallory: HA! I TOLD YOU! I TOLD YOU I TOLD YOU I TOLD YOU! I KNEW IT WAS SCOOBY AND THE GANG, I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!!
Nosedive: When?!
Mallory: Back in the first chapter!
Nosedive: Oh yeah...
Freddy: Now to reveal the criminal!
(Freddy walks over to Duke and tries to pull his head off)
Duke: Hey, hey, HEY!! What do you think you're doing?!
Shaggy: Zoinks!! It's an alien! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Scooby: Rarien? RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!
Nosedive: Alien? AHHHHHHHHH ok maybe not.
Freddy: So aliens are real! But why? What was your motive?
Wildwing: What?!
Thelma: Was it for the money? The fame? The excitement? Or are you just plain evil?
Wildwing: I think there's been a mistake...
Nosedive: And we would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids, and your dog!
Grin: ...
Wildwing: We're looking for a suarian named Dragaunus.
Daphne: And we're looking for the caped cod!
Mallory: An evil fish, how intimidating.
Freddy: If you're not him, why are you here?
Duke: Aw man, we got the wrong house AGAIN!
Wildwing: *thinking* How embarrasing! *speaking* Well, how were we supposed to know?! It's not as if there were signs saying "Mystery in process, do not disturb"!
Nosedive: Actually...
Wildwing: Actually what?
Nosedive: I knew they were here.
Wildwing: Whaat?! Why didn't you say anything?!
Nosedive: When we drove up, I saw the Mystery Machine parked around back. I told you we should've tried another one!
Wildwing: Well, IS there another one?!
Shaggy: We saw another right behind this one. Kinda strange, it looked like a clone of this one, they were exactly the same!
Wildwing: *mad because making one mistake is bad enough, but two in a row is a major no-no in the leader's handbook* ALRIGHT THEN!! WE'LL TRY AGAIN!!
(The team gets up and runs out the door)
Freddy: Good luck!
(Phil looked up from where he sat, being very bored, in the driver's seat, hearing the door slam. Wildwing grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the chair)
Phil: What, you screw up again?
Wildwing: NOT A WORD!!
Nosedive: Maybe we should just wait, and let the Migrator drive itself again.
(At this point in time, anyone talking to Wildwing would get their head ripped off for even daring to question his authority and judgement. But hey, as we saw before, Nosedive holds a strange power over Wildwing. Wildwing got out of the seat and stood, not saying anything.)
Hello. I am going to stop continuing the fic until I get up a couple more reviews, so please try to review! May the power of Nosedive compell you, as it has so obviously done with Wildwing!! HAHAHAHAHA CHEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEENNNNNOOOOSSEDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEWHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!!!! *runs away screaming something about paper towels*