TITLE: Never Ever After
AUTHOR: Erykah Miszti
EMAIL: erykah@hamadryad.com
WEBSITE:
SUMMARY: Death… it comes to us all.
SPOILERS: Everything up to end of Season 5.
RATING: G
DISCLAIMER: At least a couple of these characters and situations belong to Joss Whedon and some big nasty corporations. Much groveling at the feet of Joss, much booing and hissing to the corporations (except when the show needs more financing - yes, I'm a whore for my favourite show grin).
ARCHIVING: Anywhere but please keep this header intact. Telling me that you're archiving it would also be nice.
DEDICATION: To all the people who stop me from being alone.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Today is the day I die. I knew it when I woke up.
The bed beside me is empty now. A scent still lingers. Faint traces though, that's all.
Once upon a time I was sure I would die alone. So damn sure. There was a time when everyone seemed to leave me. Those that didn't go of their own free will or by the hand of the Powers That Be, well them I pushed away instead. It seemed easier that way. It seemed easier to be alone. To cry alone in the night when no one could see me. I had to be strong. Independent. I thought that meant alone.
I was so sure that I would die alone, that I did.
I hurled myself into the wind, the eye of an apocalyptic storm. I told myself that I did it to save a life but that was a half-truth. I did it because I couldn't go on as I was. Doing the right thing for all the wrong reasons. I seem to have done that a lot in my life. My sacrifice was not to save the world, it was to escape from it.
We sometimes have to die to be reborn.
The Powers knew that. Wish they'd given me the manual on it in advance though, instead of just the vague spiel about death. I see it now. Death was my gift. Their gift to me.
I had thought I was alone. I was never alone.
My friends brought me back. They reached out in love and brought me back.
Heh, that soft knock at the door. I can't believe he still knocks. The head poked around the door. A smile as bright as forever. He's graceful as a cat as he walks up to the bed and lays down the breakfast tray.
"Morning beautiful." He tells me, his hand sweeping my hair out of my eyes. He looks at me as if he doesn't even see the wrinkles time has put onto my face. His kiss is soft with passion cooled but never gone. His misty blue eyes shine love down on me.
I'm not alone.
His embrace as he climbs into the bed brings back memories of how he's held me in his arms so many times before: at 25, 35, 45, 55, 65. Being woken on each birthday by those passionate kisses. Breakfast in bed. His special treat.
Keeping his arm around my shoulders, he feeds me. These days it's liquidized mush but to me it tastes like the strawberries and cream we shared on our second birthday morning. It's not my real birthday, of course. It's my other birthday. The day I stopped being dead.
When I've eaten all I can, which is not much these days, he puts away the tray and kisses me again tenderly. I do my best to kiss him back. To show him that old age and illness hasn't altered my passion for him. I run my fingers through his hair and down his muscular back. He smiles indulgently at my attempts and kisses me on the nose as if I were a kid.
"I have a surprise for you." He is grinning now, that naughty grin I love. He moves away to the bedroom door, opens it wide and calls out "Hey guys!"
Then suddenly the room is filled with laughter. Mine at first and then my friends.
Here's Willow, the fine red hair is shot with grey now. The power and wisdom given to her by age and magic make her look tall, stately and, thankfully, not remotely like she's escaped from a fairy tale on her broomstick. There with her is Tara, ethereal and delicate in every way that Will now looks powerful and strong. Perfect mystical counterpoints to each other.
Oh no, the noise, it can only be Xander and Anya.. fighting again! Oh good, they brought the whole family. I haven't seen Grace, Angeline and Rob in so long. I must remember to chide them all for not bringing my god children to see me before now. The place is suddenly overrun by wives and husbands and third generation brats. Who knew Xander and Anya were founding a dynasty?!
It's hard to see through this crowd in my bedroom but I do think I know that figure in the doorway, receiving her welcome embrace from my man…
"Dawn…?" I call out and, yes, there's the brat now. That grin, never changed, is turned on me as the others let her pass. I don't see the woman standing in front of me, I see the little girl who came to me from nowhere and loved me anyway. My burden, my responsibility, my sister, my saviour. "Where's James?" I ask her.
"He's still parking the car." She tells me and rolls her eyes. "We were late. He told me he knew a shorter way to get here."
"You got lost?" I smiled.
"Men!" She states grinning. I look back over at my man and can only agree with her. He catches my eye and grins extra wide.
The other man in the doorway turns…Oh my god! It's Oz!! I haven't seen Oz in person for years. Last I heard he was still on tour. Old rockers never die, so they say. He's looking fine for his age. No wonder the girls are still going crazy for him. Pity for them he's so devoted to his wife. But then, he would be, since she's a werewolf too. I hate to think what they get up to when the moon's full. But their kids couldn't ask for better parents.
There's Dawn's husband now. They share a tender kiss and I can't keep the grin from my face. Everyone has someone, something. No one's alone.
Hey, wow! Jonathan's here too. Quite the party we're having in my bedroom. Why are we having this in my bedroom? Heh. I may be ill but I could have gotten out of bed for a party!
Is that Giles' daughter, Adrienne, and David coming in now?! Heehee, I remember their wedding day! Giles and Ethan in those lovely grey morning suits, fighting it out on the lawn by that sweet little church in Surrey. Their kids get married and they still can't get along. I wish Giles were here but then I may be seeing him in a few hours.
Angel!!! Angel's here. I knew he had to come. Hey, he brought the crowd… Cordy and Wesley, Gunn and that wife of his.. what the hell's her name again? I don't know. It's nice they're here.
Who's that with Angel…? Faith!! It's Faith. She came. I'm so glad she came. The gang's all here. Old times. Good times. Okay, some bloody awful times too - near-miss apocalypses and all that - but they're all still here. Alive and together.
I catch my love's eyes again as Faith and I hug. His eyes tell me he loves me, as he's told me over and over again down the years. Always there for me.
"Thank you." I mouth at him and he blows me a kiss before turning back to Xander and telling him to stop fighting with Anya or he'll throw them both out the window. I can't stop my giggle. Yep. Just like old times. Hey, they're not heading out to have sex are they?! At their age! It's just not fair.. they're still like bunnies and I'm stuck in this bed lying next to this gorgeous hunk of male every night and he wont touch me 'cause he's scared he'll hurt me! And I love him for that concern. But still, it's not fair.
As Faith and Angel move away again my love returns to my side and wraps an arm around my shoulders. Hmmm… I don't need sex. Just being near him, like this, is enough. Together we watch our re-united family. Them, this gathering, seeing all the generations, is almost enough to get over us not being able to contribute to the ever growing Scooby Gang. We were never going to start a dynasty like Xander and Anya have. Still, we never were an ordinary couple. That's why it worked. Looking back I can't believe how close I came to losing this.
"I love you, Buffy." My eternal, immortal, love tells me softly as he kisses my temple.
"I love you, Spike." I murmur back as I cuddle into his side.
Yes, today is the day I die. But, I know now, that I'll never, ever be alone.
The End