The (Not So) Tragic Death of Phil Palmfeather
::Disclaimor- Cheese, why do you all enjoy torturing me so?! I don't own the Mighty Ducks, and you can stop rubbing it in my face, all right?? You cruel, cruel, insensitive people!! Anyhow, like I said before, Phil shall die in the 5th chapter, that's the grand finale. Dude, I wonder what they'll find in the house this time? Anyway, the fic ish almost done! Hurrah! Keep going, you're so close! Don't stop now!! This chapter's pretty long! And there is a kinda... uh... disturbing scene with Wildwing and Nosedive, if you don't like slashy stuff, even if it's a joke, than for god's sake, DON'T READ!! It's the monkeys that did it! Don't blame meeeeeeeeeeeee...::
(When we last left our heros, Shaggy and Scooby were - Wait, wrong heros. Ok, lesse...)
(Author- ::flips through a BIIIIG book, ala The Archive:: Ah, here you are! Sorry, I just found them here you go. ::disapears:)
(It's a dark, gloomy, foggy, night. It's hard to see, but in the glow of the dim streetlights, one can make out a strange vehicle parked in front of one of the many abandoned buildings on the outskirts of town.)
(Inside the vehicle, aka, the Migrator, Phil is walking around in a circle, talking to himself)
Phil: I don't believe this! They were supposed to be at the studio an hour ago! Those rotten ducks!
(He quickly jumps as the door to the Migrator bangs open to reveal a very wet and angry Wildwing, followed by the rest of the team looking confused.)
Wildwing: Why do people put moats around an abadoned building?! WHAT AND WHO IS THERE TO BE PROTECTED??!!
Nosedive: There there, it's ok...
Wildwing: I swear, that in the time the author gives us before she gets bored and starts another story, that we WILL get the right house!!
(Author- And they will too. ::old Bugs bunny cartoon wink:)
***
HOUSE NUMBER 10
Wildwing: Tanya, how many houses have we tried?!
Tanya: The one we just did would be... number 10, I think.
Wildwing: Then we must be close!
***
HOUSE NUMBER 26
Nosedive: Are we there yet?
Wildwing: If you ask that again, we aren't getting any ice cream.
***
HOUSE NUMBER 33
Mallory: Maybe we should stop now...
Wildwing: NO!
Duke: Never give up! Trust your instinct! (Those of you who've played Star Fox 64 know what I'm talking about - when you're about to die, the rabbit goes "Never give up! Trust your instinct!)
***
HOUSE NUMBER 41
Wildwing: We're getting close! I can feel it!
Tanya: Wing! Stop this crazy thing!
Nosedive: That's my quote!
Duke: Actually, It's George Jetson's.
Tanya: I know, but it sounded cool when you said it.
Duke: No one even acknowledges my comment...
***
HOUSE NUMBER 56
Mallory: Wing, maybe we should call it a night...
Wildwing: No! Just one more!
Nosedive: Are you addicted?
***
(The team just arrived at the 68th house. They are about to repeat the knocker process when Nosedive looks at Wildwing.)
Nosedive: Can I try it?!
Duke: But it's my turn!
(Wildwing gives Duke a mean look)
Wildwing: :: inspects the knocker, door, and everything else in the vicintiy to make sure it's perfect. It is.:: Ok Dive, here you go.
Nosedive: ::knocks the knocker::
Wildwing: ::is crying in happieness:: ::thinking:: What a perfect knock! Truly I am blessed! ::talking:: Great Dive! That was the most beautiful knock I've ever heard! I'm so proud of you!
Tanya: Dive, your brother sure does place high standerds on you...
Nosedive: ... Does this mean I can blow off school and you'll still be proud of me?!
(The door opens and they go inside. Inside the house, Nosedive managed to keep Wildwing from ramming into the door long enough for him to notice that there were two levers in the middle of the floor.)
Wildwing: Hmm... ::stands with one arm raised, the other on his hip.:: Duke! Pull the lever!
(Duke pulls the lever. The floor beneath Wildwing's feet opens, and he falls down very far.)
Wildwing: WRONG LEVEEEEEEEEEEEER!
***
(Nosedive is helping a once again wet and p.o.ed Wildwing into the Migrator.)
Wildwing: Why do they have that lever anyway?!
***
274 HOUSES AND 5 VERY WET AND ANGRY WILDWINGS LATER...
Wildwing: That's IT! If this house isn't it, I'm going to turn evil, blow ALL the houses up, and run around in the mall screaming the lyrics to the Barney theme!
Nosedive: And managing to help the director continue his evil scheme to confuse people all over the world.
Phil: And giving me the opurtunity to get you on Wicked!
***
INSIDE THE LAST HOUSE
Wildwing: It looks like all the others we've seen so far...
Tanya: Wildwing! Look out!
Wildwing: What the -
(Wildwing screams like a girl as he's hit by a package of marshmallows)
Duke: They got Wing!
Wildwing: ... I'm... alright...
Mallory: Oh no!
(The whole team tries to block their hands with their hands as they are bombarded with pointy shoes, pans of lasagnia, mighty cel phones of doom, diet cokes, and many copies of Christina Agulara's latest cd)
Grin: Ahhh! All the evil things of the world! Even an aura as strong as mine cannot remain unclouded under such conditions!
The rest of the team: Oh, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(They look up to discover that the objects of fear are being thrown by evil winged monkeys.)
Nosedive: Neeh!
(One of the monkeys flies down to Nosedive.)
Wildwing: Get the hell away from my little brother!
(Wildwing begins dodging the evil objects, trying to get to his little brother. But before he can reach him, the evil monkey melts into Nosedive's body, thus, possessing him. Nosedive's eyes turn a funkay shade of green with gold and black specks as he looks at his big brother, smiling evilly.)
Wildwing: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Nosedive: ::licks his fangs (oh no, another fang boy! Move over Tasuki!) jumps on Wildwing, and begins doing... *evil* things::
Mallory: Ewe...
Duke: These monkeys could give Dragaunus a run for his money...
Grin: Maybe we should give them some privacy...
(The whole team (except for Nosedive and Wildwing who are, uh, preocupied) shudders, and look away. The evil flying monkeys watch, some of them get nosebleeds and faint from lack of blood)
Tanya: ::to the author:: Don't you ever give us a break? First it's the whole Wildwing looking at his own brother's butt thing, now this?!
Author: It's not my fault! I was under the influence of cheese that other time! And I didn't do this! It was, uh, the monkeys! They're the ones who kidnapped Sylphs too! They took over my mind, and wrote themselves into the story!
Tanya: Sure they did.
Author: Watch your mouth!
(A monkey hits Tanya in the head with a package of marshmallows.)
Tanya: Ow ow, ok, I'll shut up...
(Wildwing is lying unconcious on the floor, with only enough clothing on to keep this fanfic from being NC-17. Nosedive is looking around, bored now that he's done with his brother. He spies Tanya... (author: uh oh) and jumps on HER.)
Mallory: Ok, I am leaving.
Duke: We can't just leave all of them there!
Mallory: ...
Grin: All is possible.
(Grin slings Wildwing over his shoulders, knocks Tanya and Nosedive unconcious, picks them up, and begins to walk out the door, ignoring the angry screams of the monkeys.)
***
(The Migrator is now driving towards the Pond, with a still unconcious Wildwing, a very... busy Nosedive and Tanya, a frightened Phil, a driving Duke, an angry Mallory, and a, well... Grin-like Grin.)
Phil: Uh guys, there are monkeys on the roof, and I think they want in.
Duke: Ignore them Phil.
Phil: How?! By watching the mating process of humanoid ducks?! Actually, that doesn't sound TOO bad... ::begins watching Dive and Tanya::
Mallory: Perv.
HELLO! OK, I KNOW THIS FIC ISH GRADUALLY GETTING SICKER AND SICKER, BUT WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE WHAT I, UH, I MEAN THE MONKEYS HAVE PLANNED FOR THE NEXT ONE! ::EVIL GRIN:: HEHEHE... YOU'RE ALMOST TO THE END! DON'T GIVE UP NOW, YOU CAN DO IT! ONE MORE CHAPTER TO GO!! JA! ::RUNS AWAY SCREAMING::
RUN AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!
::Disclaimor- Cheese, why do you all enjoy torturing me so?! I don't own the Mighty Ducks, and you can stop rubbing it in my face, all right?? You cruel, cruel, insensitive people!! Anyhow, like I said before, Phil shall die in the 5th chapter, that's the grand finale. Dude, I wonder what they'll find in the house this time? Anyway, the fic ish almost done! Hurrah! Keep going, you're so close! Don't stop now!! This chapter's pretty long! And there is a kinda... uh... disturbing scene with Wildwing and Nosedive, if you don't like slashy stuff, even if it's a joke, than for god's sake, DON'T READ!! It's the monkeys that did it! Don't blame meeeeeeeeeeeee...::
(When we last left our heros, Shaggy and Scooby were - Wait, wrong heros. Ok, lesse...)
(Author- ::flips through a BIIIIG book, ala The Archive:: Ah, here you are! Sorry, I just found them here you go. ::disapears:)
(It's a dark, gloomy, foggy, night. It's hard to see, but in the glow of the dim streetlights, one can make out a strange vehicle parked in front of one of the many abandoned buildings on the outskirts of town.)
(Inside the vehicle, aka, the Migrator, Phil is walking around in a circle, talking to himself)
Phil: I don't believe this! They were supposed to be at the studio an hour ago! Those rotten ducks!
(He quickly jumps as the door to the Migrator bangs open to reveal a very wet and angry Wildwing, followed by the rest of the team looking confused.)
Wildwing: Why do people put moats around an abadoned building?! WHAT AND WHO IS THERE TO BE PROTECTED??!!
Nosedive: There there, it's ok...
Wildwing: I swear, that in the time the author gives us before she gets bored and starts another story, that we WILL get the right house!!
(Author- And they will too. ::old Bugs bunny cartoon wink:)
***
HOUSE NUMBER 10
Wildwing: Tanya, how many houses have we tried?!
Tanya: The one we just did would be... number 10, I think.
Wildwing: Then we must be close!
***
HOUSE NUMBER 26
Nosedive: Are we there yet?
Wildwing: If you ask that again, we aren't getting any ice cream.
***
HOUSE NUMBER 33
Mallory: Maybe we should stop now...
Wildwing: NO!
Duke: Never give up! Trust your instinct! (Those of you who've played Star Fox 64 know what I'm talking about - when you're about to die, the rabbit goes "Never give up! Trust your instinct!)
***
HOUSE NUMBER 41
Wildwing: We're getting close! I can feel it!
Tanya: Wing! Stop this crazy thing!
Nosedive: That's my quote!
Duke: Actually, It's George Jetson's.
Tanya: I know, but it sounded cool when you said it.
Duke: No one even acknowledges my comment...
***
HOUSE NUMBER 56
Mallory: Wing, maybe we should call it a night...
Wildwing: No! Just one more!
Nosedive: Are you addicted?
***
(The team just arrived at the 68th house. They are about to repeat the knocker process when Nosedive looks at Wildwing.)
Nosedive: Can I try it?!
Duke: But it's my turn!
(Wildwing gives Duke a mean look)
Wildwing: :: inspects the knocker, door, and everything else in the vicintiy to make sure it's perfect. It is.:: Ok Dive, here you go.
Nosedive: ::knocks the knocker::
Wildwing: ::is crying in happieness:: ::thinking:: What a perfect knock! Truly I am blessed! ::talking:: Great Dive! That was the most beautiful knock I've ever heard! I'm so proud of you!
Tanya: Dive, your brother sure does place high standerds on you...
Nosedive: ... Does this mean I can blow off school and you'll still be proud of me?!
(The door opens and they go inside. Inside the house, Nosedive managed to keep Wildwing from ramming into the door long enough for him to notice that there were two levers in the middle of the floor.)
Wildwing: Hmm... ::stands with one arm raised, the other on his hip.:: Duke! Pull the lever!
(Duke pulls the lever. The floor beneath Wildwing's feet opens, and he falls down very far.)
Wildwing: WRONG LEVEEEEEEEEEEEER!
***
(Nosedive is helping a once again wet and p.o.ed Wildwing into the Migrator.)
Wildwing: Why do they have that lever anyway?!
***
274 HOUSES AND 5 VERY WET AND ANGRY WILDWINGS LATER...
Wildwing: That's IT! If this house isn't it, I'm going to turn evil, blow ALL the houses up, and run around in the mall screaming the lyrics to the Barney theme!
Nosedive: And managing to help the director continue his evil scheme to confuse people all over the world.
Phil: And giving me the opurtunity to get you on Wicked!
***
INSIDE THE LAST HOUSE
Wildwing: It looks like all the others we've seen so far...
Tanya: Wildwing! Look out!
Wildwing: What the -
(Wildwing screams like a girl as he's hit by a package of marshmallows)
Duke: They got Wing!
Wildwing: ... I'm... alright...
Mallory: Oh no!
(The whole team tries to block their hands with their hands as they are bombarded with pointy shoes, pans of lasagnia, mighty cel phones of doom, diet cokes, and many copies of Christina Agulara's latest cd)
Grin: Ahhh! All the evil things of the world! Even an aura as strong as mine cannot remain unclouded under such conditions!
The rest of the team: Oh, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(They look up to discover that the objects of fear are being thrown by evil winged monkeys.)
Nosedive: Neeh!
(One of the monkeys flies down to Nosedive.)
Wildwing: Get the hell away from my little brother!
(Wildwing begins dodging the evil objects, trying to get to his little brother. But before he can reach him, the evil monkey melts into Nosedive's body, thus, possessing him. Nosedive's eyes turn a funkay shade of green with gold and black specks as he looks at his big brother, smiling evilly.)
Wildwing: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Nosedive: ::licks his fangs (oh no, another fang boy! Move over Tasuki!) jumps on Wildwing, and begins doing... *evil* things::
Mallory: Ewe...
Duke: These monkeys could give Dragaunus a run for his money...
Grin: Maybe we should give them some privacy...
(The whole team (except for Nosedive and Wildwing who are, uh, preocupied) shudders, and look away. The evil flying monkeys watch, some of them get nosebleeds and faint from lack of blood)
Tanya: ::to the author:: Don't you ever give us a break? First it's the whole Wildwing looking at his own brother's butt thing, now this?!
Author: It's not my fault! I was under the influence of cheese that other time! And I didn't do this! It was, uh, the monkeys! They're the ones who kidnapped Sylphs too! They took over my mind, and wrote themselves into the story!
Tanya: Sure they did.
Author: Watch your mouth!
(A monkey hits Tanya in the head with a package of marshmallows.)
Tanya: Ow ow, ok, I'll shut up...
(Wildwing is lying unconcious on the floor, with only enough clothing on to keep this fanfic from being NC-17. Nosedive is looking around, bored now that he's done with his brother. He spies Tanya... (author: uh oh) and jumps on HER.)
Mallory: Ok, I am leaving.
Duke: We can't just leave all of them there!
Mallory: ...
Grin: All is possible.
(Grin slings Wildwing over his shoulders, knocks Tanya and Nosedive unconcious, picks them up, and begins to walk out the door, ignoring the angry screams of the monkeys.)
***
(The Migrator is now driving towards the Pond, with a still unconcious Wildwing, a very... busy Nosedive and Tanya, a frightened Phil, a driving Duke, an angry Mallory, and a, well... Grin-like Grin.)
Phil: Uh guys, there are monkeys on the roof, and I think they want in.
Duke: Ignore them Phil.
Phil: How?! By watching the mating process of humanoid ducks?! Actually, that doesn't sound TOO bad... ::begins watching Dive and Tanya::
Mallory: Perv.
HELLO! OK, I KNOW THIS FIC ISH GRADUALLY GETTING SICKER AND SICKER, BUT WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE WHAT I, UH, I MEAN THE MONKEYS HAVE PLANNED FOR THE NEXT ONE! ::EVIL GRIN:: HEHEHE... YOU'RE ALMOST TO THE END! DON'T GIVE UP NOW, YOU CAN DO IT! ONE MORE CHAPTER TO GO!! JA! ::RUNS AWAY SCREAMING::
RUN AWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!