Author's Note: Have I bored you yet? Well, it kinda picks up in this chapter. I'm hoping that I can finish this in a matter of days. If any of you have read my other stuff, I'm sure you know that I tend to go for loooong stories. You'll understand if you're reading "Bring Out the Dragon" (Rurouni Kenshin Fanfic) and this original piece I'm doing called "The Third Soul".
Enough preamble. Standard disclaimers apply.
On with the story.
Pig-boy Romances Tanuki-chan
Chapter One: Chaos in the Kamiya Dojo
"Oro!" Kenshin exclaimed, his head following the arc of the flying black pig, but his attention soon returned to the mirror as chaos began to pour through the Kamiya front yard.
A girl with long, ebony layered hair stumbled through the surface, rolling as gracefully as she can manage; two other people immediately followed her. One of them was a young man with a pigtail to add distinction to the jet-black tresses on his head. Next came a young lady, with short hair as dark as night and brown eyes to go with it. They all had odd packs strapped to their backs. It would seem that they were travelers.
The guy looked somewhat normal, as far as Mirror-Travelers go. He might have been Chinese if his attire was any indication. He wore the black drawstring pants and the red shirt with poise and bearing. He moved impressively, like one accustomed to push his body to the limit without looking like he was exerting any effort.
The two women…that was a different story.
The brown-eyed maiden wore fitting pants, cut off just below the knee. She was bare-armed, and her sleeveless blouse clung snugly to her body.
It was the first woman that caught most of Kenshin's attention. She wore short pants, made of a strange thick material that had seams and buttons. It hugged her hips quite attractively, accenting the well-shaped legs that stretched out from it. Her top consisted of a blue, cottony material, rounded at the collar from shoulder blade to shoulder blade, its sleeves slightly puffed and barely leaving the perimeter of her shoulders. The blouse fitted around her bosom and then flowed loosely up to her waist. Her feet were clad in the oddest kind of shoes, colorful and cushioned concoctions, laced up with thick strings.
"K-Kaoru-dono?" Kenshin asked in absolute astonishment. God, she was practically naked! All his fear and anger melted into embarrassment and all he wanted to do was take one of the sheets from the clothesline to cover her. For goodness sake, Sano and Yahiko were staring!
Kaoru paid him no heed as she grabbed the guy who had stumbled out with her and virtually shoved him towards the mirror. "Hurry up already, Ranma!" she cried urgently.
"I'm trying! I'm trying!" The boy called Ranma yelled. "I just ain't remembering the words right now!"
The other girl pulled a mallet out of nowhere. "Ranma, you idiot!"
"Un-cute tomboy!" Ranma hissed right back at her.
"SEAL IT ALREADY!" Kaoru screamed frantically.
Loud voices began to filter through the surface of the glass, speaking one after another.
"Where art thou, my raven beauty? Forsooth! Hast thou disappeared with my sublime Akane and the hauntingly mysterious pigtailed goddess in one fell swoop? No universe shall be wide enough to separate me from the three loves of my life!"
"Nihao! You no lose Shampoo so easy!" Ring! Ring!
"Ran-chan! What's the big idea, leaving me here? Konatsu, stop that!"
"Former son-in-law, where do you think you're off to?"
"Growf!"
"Oh my!"
"Wahhhhh! My little girl's been swallowed by a mirror!"
"Oi! I said 5000 yen!"
"Panties!"
A mummified little man jumped out and landed scandalously perched on the mallet-wielding girl's chest. He began to fondle her quite thoroughly.
"Perverrrrrrt!" she shrieked in horror.
Ranma's face darkened and he stepped forward with his fists curled menacingly. "Happosai…get away from my WIFE!" He yelled.
The old man gave a cackle, meeting Ranman's fist but not without pulling out the undergarment of the one he had so brazenly groped. The girl gave a second shriek.
"Hey!" Ranma growled. "Give that back!"
The two began to chase each other all over the yard with uncanny speed, zipping back and forth in a dynamic blur.
"Great! Just great!" Kaoru cried in irritation. "Now they'll all be here!" She muttered in a panic. Shampoo will total my dojo with her on-goings. "I must contain the situation."
She moved in a blink of an eye, picking up Kenshin's laundry tub with one hand.
"Oro!" Kenshin exclaimed as he, Sano and Yahiko saw a horde of people, and one panda, squeezing through the mirror's surface.
With a grand splash, the soapy contents of the tub bathed the looking glass.
"Quack! Quack!"
"Growf!" The panda held up a sign that asked, "What did you do that for?"
"Meowwwww!"
Ranma stiffened and caught sight of the drenched kitten, trying to make its way out of a tangle of clothes and bonbori. "C-c-c-c-caaaaat!" he spat, jumping out if his skin in terror. He sprang to his hands and feet, bounding on the lap of the brown-eyed girl. He nipped her nose then rubbed his head under her jaw, purring loudly as he did so.
A girl with a gigantic spatula stepped out. "Kaoru, honey, did you have to splash everyone?"
Kaoru sighed wearily. "Sorry Ucchan, but water's stupid that way."
"I ought to charge you for this T-shirt," said another girl grouchily as her short brown hair hung a bit limp from the unexpected shower.
Kaoru placed her fists on her waist and frowned. "I told you not to follow."
"What? And miss out on all the profits? No way!"
"Meowr!! Hiss! Hiss!" Ranma sputtered, his eyes suddenly falling on the mysterious black pig that just happened to appear from its earlier flight.
"P-chan!" The brown-eyed girl cried.
Without warning, Ranma pounced on the pig and sent him flying another way, right smack into Sano's face. Yahiko collapsed on the porch in uncontrollable laughter.
"Ouch!!" Sano cried as he wrestled the pig from his hair. "Dammit! Oww!"
"Oh no! Bad kitty! Bad!" Scolded the brown-eyed lady, standing in front of the man turned cat. When Ranma curled up in remorse, the girl looked over her shoulder at Sano who seemed like he was throttling the pig. "Oh, P-chan!"
"I'm on it, Akane," Kaoru said, rushing to rescue the P-chan from Sano's murderous grasp. "You go take care of Ranma."
The pig calmed down instantly when it felt Kaoru's gentle touch. In a few seconds, she was cradling a contented pig in her arms.
"Er…Kaoru-dono," Kenshin was finally able to interject. "What's going on?"
"I'll tell you for 2000 yen--"
"Nabiki, stuff it!" Kaoru said with a serious frown. "We don't have that much yen around her yet, and I'm certainly not going to let anyone here pay for an explanation."
"Jou-chan, what the hell…"
"Later Sano," Kaoru said with a weary sigh. "I'll tell you everything just as soon as things settle down."
"Where is my granddaughter, Ancient One?" asked a tiny old woman who balanced perfectly on a stick.
"You should talk, Cologne," Kaoru huffed, but she replied to the question anyway. "I don't know where Shampoo is, but I heard something quacking over there, and where Mousse is, Shampoo must be nearby."
"Thanks!" Cologne said, hopping away with agility not common to one her age.
"I hope you are careful, girls!" A pleasant looking woman called from the mirror while a man sobbed loudly beside her.
Kaoru sighed again. "Mou! You might as well join us, Kasumi. The entire population of Nerima's here anyway."
"Oh my! No! Who will keep house if I do?" Kasumi replied. "Besides, I must keep father company since Uncle Genma is there with you."
"Well, in that case, I'll see you around, Kasumi. Say hi to Dr. Tofu for me. Bye Uncle Soun!" Kaoru said, waving a cheerful farewell.
Kasumi and Soun's image disappeared from the mirror.
"Yahiko, could you get me a glass of water?" Kaoru asked, observing that Ranma had settled himself comfortably on Akane's lap.
Yahiko was still letting out burps of laughter as he followed orders. "Sure Ugly," he said with a smirk.
"HOW DARE YOU CALL HER SUCH SLANDEROUS NAMES, YOU NON-APPRECIATOR OF BEAUTY!" Someone thundered from the depths of the looking glass.
"Here he comes," Nabiki muttered to Kenshin.
Kenshin was too bewildered to even say "Oro" with his usual conviction.
"Eh?" Yahiko asked, catching very little in the babble.
A figure in a gi and hakama stepped out of the mirror, pompously holding a bokken. "I am the great Kuno Tatewaki, Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, rising star of the honorable art of kendo, defender of women against the vile sorcerer Saotome Ranma, and destined soul mate of Kamiya Kaoru!" A rumble sounded overhead in spite of the fact that there wasn't a single cloud in the sky.
Kenshin glared. What? Soul mate he said?
Kaoru rolled her eyes around in disgust.
"Come to me, thy picture of a rare and wondrous flower!" Tatewaki cried, running towards Kaoru with arms wide open. "Let me shower thee with the richness of Kuno coffers! I will date thee!"
Kaoru pulled a bokken out of thin air in much the same way as Akane pulled out her mallet and slammed it clear across Kuno's face, sending him flying against the dojo gate with a splat.
"Oro!" Kenshin exclaimed louder than ever. He seemed to have lost his powers of speech, for that was all he could say for the past minute.
"Kuso!" Sano cursed. "Who the hell does he think he is?"
"He's told you quite clearly," Kaoru replied. "Yahiko, the water please."
Yahiko went off, grumbling.
Kaoru approached Akane and Ranma. The others and a very furry panda came up behind her.
"How's he doing?" Kaoru asked, kneeling beside them.
Akane sighed and grunted against Ranma's weight. "He's fine, but my legs are falling asleep."
Kenshin looked at Ranma's purring form gingerly. "What's wrong with him, if you don't mind me asking?"
"The poor boy is suffering from Nekoken." Kaoru explained.
Sano scratched his head. "What's a Nekoken?"
"Cat training," Kaoru said. "You wrap a victim with a string of sausages and maybe a bit of fish, throw him into a pit of hungry cats and see where it gets him, instant Cat-Fist. Most victims go out of their minds completely. Ranma's lucky."
There was something ineffably disturbing about Ranma being considered lucky in spite of his current state of mind.
"Yeah, no thanks to his dad over there," Nabiki mumbled, pointing a thumb over her shoulder at the panda behind her.
Sano gave her a puzzled frown. "Er, that's a panda, toots."
"I know," Nabiki replied. "Like I said, his dad."
"What the hell? Somebody better start explaining all this!" Demanded Sano.
"Hey ugly! Here's your water," Yahiko said, appearing from the house.
"For 5000 yen I can make him stop calling you names," Nabiki whispered to Kaoru.
"3000" Kaoru bargained, sidetracked.
"4000," said Nabiki. "Final price."
Kaoru sighed. "Fine. Just get him off my back."
Nabiki grinned. "Give me three days, he'll be licking your boots."
Kaoru nodded and took the glass from Yahiko. She immediately splashed its contents on Ranma.
Kenshin, Sano and Yahiko gasped as Ranma became a busty, female redhead before their very eyes. "Eh!?!?!?" They cried in unison.
Ranma snapped out of Nekoken in an instant, sputtering through the droplets of water. "Aw, shit!" she cried in a woman's voice. "Not again! Why'd you have to splash Shampoo anyway, Kaoru?"
"Idiot!" Akane hissed. "If Shampoo and Mousse came piling in here as people, they would have wrecked the place! Who's going to pay for the damage? You?"
Ranma hopped off Akane and frowned. "Dammit! I could have taken both of 'em in a couple of seconds!"
"Bwee!" Squealed the pig from Kaoru's arms.
"Shut-up, pork breath!" Ranma yelled.
"Leave P-chan alone!" Akane cried, grabbing the pig from Kaoru and hugging it to her chest.
Ranma glared angrily. "How many time do I have to tell you not to glomp that little porker?"
"Honestly Ranma!" She shouted. "To be jealous of a pig!"
"Hey, you're my wife and pig-face ain't gonna get its paws on you, got that?" She shouted back, making a lunge for the pig. "You're not even wearing a bra!"
"Maybe his…er, her sanity was affected after all," Kenshin whispered to Kaoru.
Akane rose with lightning fast quickness, moving out of the way. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Can we please settle down?" Kaoru pleaded, stepping between Ranma and Akane. "I have a lot of explaining to do, so please…"
Ranma and Akane sighed, shamefaced. "Sorry," they said together.
"Jeez, and they're suppose to be married," Sano muttered to no one in particular.
"It's alright," Kaoru responded to Akane and Ranma with a nod. "Now…"
"Ukyo-sama…" came a voice from the mirror.
Kaoru sighed in exasperation. It seemed sighing was the order of the day for her. "What now?" She grumbled, turning to look.
A pretty head popped out, grinning.
"Konatsu!" Ukyo exclaimed, looking displeased. "I thought I told you to look after the restaurant while I'm gone?"
Konatsu bowed apologetically. "Yes, yes, but Kasumi-sama requested me to drag over Ryouga-san's bag and umbrella in case he needed it. I, er…need help."
Akane's face softened. "He's here? Oh dear, he must be lost by now. Go get his bag, Ranma. You're the only one who could carry it. Isn't Kasumi sweet to remember Ryouga?"
"Yeah, she's giving me a toothache," Ranma grumbled, walking towards the mirror. She reached into the glass and pulled out a backpack and a parasol. "Thank you, Konatsu."
Konatsu sighed in relief. "No. Thank you. Kasumi-sama can really make you do things."
"Tell me about it," Ranma replied.
Konatsu disappeared and the mirror finally went still.
"Think you can seal it now, Ranma?" Kaoru asked her, loathed at the thought that Kodachi, Kuno Tatewaki's crazy sister, might come barreling through.
Ranma's face brightened and she nodded. "Yep! I suddenly remember the words!"
"Yeah, after the whole of Nerima walked right through it," Nabiki said sarcastically.
Ranma frowned. "Hey! If Happi hadn't come through and groped Akane…"
"Never mind that, Ran-chan," Ukyo said. "Just seal the damn thing!"
Ranma placed her hand on the mirror's surface. "Victoria's Secret Spring Collection, 1990!"
The mirror flashed a bright white light then settled.
"That's it? Those are the magic words?" Akane asked. "Ranma no baka!"
"Hey! It's Happosai's mirror, not mine!" Ranma protested. "I'm not perverted enough to remember it just like that!"
Akane merely shook her head and muttered something about her husband being hit by a stupid-stick.
Kaoru led them all towards the house with the panda lumbering behind them.
"Do we have some hot water, Kenshin?" Kaoru asked him daintily.
"O-Of course, Kaoru-dono," Kenshin stuttered, somewhat overwhelmed by her sapphire pools.
"Look at him," Sano said to Yahiko in a low voice.
Yahiko gave Sano an irritated glare. "Is that all you want me to do all day? Look at him?"
Nabiki grinned at Kaoru. "Cool! You're boyfriend thinks you're royalty."
Kaoru rolled her eyes around. "Not quite, Nabiki. Watch."
"Would like some help with that, Ranma-dono?" Kenshin asked.
"Uh…I see your point," Nabiki remarked. "But the boyfriend part…"
"He's not. He's perfectly clueless," Kaoru said in misery. "Worse than Ranma before he admitted his feelings to Akane."
Ukyo shook her head in amazement. "More clueless than Ran-chan? Bummer."
"Tell me about it," Kaoru responded.
Kaoru got all of them in the sitting room and she grabbed the kettle of hot water from the kitchen. She first poured it over Ranma. Another gasp rippled through the present Kenshin-gumi at the change that took place.
"N-No way! Must be some sort of trick!" Sano exclaimed, hitting himself on the head just in case his mind was playing a joke on him.
"Everything will be explained just as soon as…er, everyone's back to normal," Kaoru said, walking over to the panda. She began to pour and the Nerima-gumi shrieked for her to stop.
Too late. The water had been poured and Genma was stark naked.
"Eep! I'm so sorry!! I forgot!" Kaoru cried, turning away in total embarrassment with the girls.
"Ugh! That's more than I would like to know," Nabiki said in disgust.
"Kaoru, you moron," Ranma said in exasperation.
P-chan shrieked in protest of his words.
"Yeah, yeah, pork breath," Ranma grumbled. "But your girlfriend deserved that."
"Really, Ranma," Kaoru huffed.
"Don't just stand there boy, get me some clothes!" Genma yelled, coiling into a tight ball on the floor.
"Jeez, pop! Don't cha think I would if I could? Where am I gonna get clothes for a fat ass like you around here?" Ranma asked disdainfully.
Kenshin was shocked at the disrespect he was giving his father.
Ukyo and Akane gave each other helpless glances.
"Ran-chan, just try to help him, would you?" Ukyo appealed.
"Um…If it pleases you, I might have a spare robe," Kenshin said. "It might be a little tight for him, but it will fit."
"Thank you," Ranma responded, surprise evident in his voice. "Jeez, you're awful polite. Are you sure you were Battousai?"
Kenshin mustered a rurouni grin. "Certainly, Ranma-dono, last time I checked." He got up to get the robe and noticed the pig…snarling at him. Don't be ridiculous, pigs can't feel…jealousy? Was that chi he was feeling from the pig? Impossible, animals cannot focus chi.
"Kenshin, do you think you can give the robe to Genma?" Kaoru said to him. "There are a few things I have to do."
"Or course, Kaoru-dono," he replied.
"How long is this going to take, ugly?" Yahiko whined from his seat.
"Bwee!" The pig cried.
Akane giggled. "You better stop calling Kaoru-chan names, Yahiko-kun. P-chan doesn't like anyone dissing her, I've noticed."
Kaoru sighed for the upteenth time that day. "Just wait, brat. Akane, do you mind if I bring P-chan outside for a while? I'm not very partial to animals in the house."
"Umm…sure, Kaoru. Please secure him. I don't want him getting lost here," said Akane, handing Kaoru the pig.
The pig immediately snuggled itself against Kaoru contentedly.
With the kettle unnoticeably in her hand, Kaoru stepped outside the house and slid the door close. She set P-chan down and he bweed happily.
"Ryouga, listen to me," Kaoru began sternly. "When you change back, I don't want any 'Die Saotomes' or any challenges to a fight, you hear? This property is all I have left of my father and I don't want anyone destroying it. You hear?"
The pig nodded solemnly.
Kaoru smiled easily for the first time that day. "Good. Now let me call Ranma," she said, raising her head to call over her shoulder. "Ranma! Some help here!"
Ranma came out, grinning. "Have you talked to pork-face?"
Kaoru nodded and handed Ranma the kettle amidst P-chan's squeal of protest. "No taunting. I can't have a fight in this dojo."
"Yeah, yeah," Ranma said as Kaoru went back inside.
Genma was now decent.
Kaoru sat before them and introduced everyone as she waited for the two other men outside. "Everyone, this is Himura Kenshin, Segara Sanosuke and Myojin Yahiko," Kaoru said, pointing to the two samurais and the street fighter. "Guys, these are my friends from Nerima. Saotome Akane, Saotome Genma, Tendou Nabiki and Kuonji Ukyo. The one outside is Saotome Ranma, Genma's son and Akane's husband. Then there's…er…"
"Hey people, look! It's Ryouga!" Akane said in surprise as he entered the house with Ranma.
A young man wearing ninja shoes and a yellow bandana around his head appeared, his hair somewhat wet.
Kenshin stared at him suspiciously, particularly at the yellow bandana.
"Hibiki Ryouga," Kaoru said, grinning.
"When did you get here?" Nabiki asked as he sat beside Kaoru.
"Er," Ryouga began. Change the subject! His brain told him. Kaoru pinched his rib painfully to speak up. "Umm…I wasn't about to let Kuno make moves on the girls without me beating what little brains he has left."
Ranma laughed, sitting beside Akane. "Kaoru already did that. You're too late."
Ryouga glowered a little. "He'll be recovering from his current state soon. When he does…if he even speaks to Kaoru…I'll kill him!"
Ranma snickered but everyone else fell silent. Kaoru was staring at him like he was nuts.
"What is wrong with you, Ryouga? Are you alright?" Kaoru asked him.
Ryouga went pale, realizing just now what he had said. "Er…what I meant to say was…you and Akane…right. Both of you."
Nabiki sniffed yen. She has been suspecting something for months now, and in her experience, when she was suspicious, it usually bore merit. "What about me and Ukyo, hmm?" She fished.
"Y-you too," Ryouga stammered, lowering his gaze. Shit! I can't believe I said that! In front of Nabiki too! And Battousai! Double shit!
Kenshin peered at him intently. What is this boy getting at?
Kaoru waved a hand before her. "Oh, leave him alone Nabiki. Ryouga-kun, quit squirming so I can get this explaining over with. Now, it goes like this. That mirror out there, it's the whole of a piece Happosai owns. Happosai is that little lecher you saw a while ago and he uses the magic from the mirror to travel back and forth in time. So when I fell into it, I ended up in Japan in the future…well, it's been four years for me since."
"Eh?" Sanosuke exclaimed, befuddled by the math. "But you were gone for no more than five seconds here!"
Kaoru nodded. "Yes, I am aware of that."
"Feh! You're even more of a hag now that you're twenty three!" Yahiko piped.
"Shut-up, you little brat!" Kaoru hissed, landing her magical bokken on the boy's head. No one seemed to feel this was out of the ordinary.
Kenshin fidgeted. Where does she hide that thing? "Kaoru-dono, this unworthy one does not understand how that is possible," he said mildly.
The Nerima-gumi stared at Kenshin in awe. Not only was Battousai polite and gentle, he also considered himself unworthy, not what they expected of the ex-Ishinshishi Assassin.
Kaoru was not fazed in the slightest. Apparently, this was his normal behavior. "It is. Strange things happen in Nerima, and for goodness sake, I think its strangeness is spilling over. Anyway, I think maybe Happosai created the magic mirror. He has enormous chi. It might be even as strong as yours, Kenshin, if not stronger. That says a lot because your chi is stronger than Ranma's, Akane's or Ryouga's. I don't know if he outweighs Hiko's though."
"Seijuurou Hiko? The Seijuurou Hiko?" Akane asked. "He's still alive?"
Kenshin gave her a rurouni grin that unsettled the Nerima-gumi a bit more. "Of course, Akane-dono. Master Hiko is only forty something, you know."
"And he's a master of Hiten Mitsurugi style already? Coolness!" Ranma exclaimed in admiration.
Kaoru smiled. "Kenshin already qualifies as a master, and he's only thirty!" She said proudly.
"Thirty?!?" The Nerima-gumi cried in unison.
"B-but you were only 19 when you came to Nerima, Kaoru-chan!" Ryouga pointed out. "You…and he…?"
"Ooh! Older man!" Nabiki said, her eyes glowing at the intrigue.
Kaoru and Kenshin blushed.
Ryouga looked about ready to cry.
Ranma nudged his friend. "Psst! You alright?" he whispered.
"How can I compete?" Ryouga responded forlornly.
A mischievous glint crossed Ranma's eyes. "Hey, younger guys like us, we got stamina…"
"Ranma…you pervert…" Ryouga growled.
Ranma frowned. "Hey, who you callin' a pervert, bacon-face?" he suddenly yelled.
"Oro!" Kenshin piped in surprise at the outburst that came out of nowhere.
"That's my manly boy!" Genma guffawed.
Ranma glowered a bit blue. Anything that reminded him of the ordeal he had to go through with his mother and her idea of seppuku if he wasn't "manly" enough really got his goat. "Shut up old man!" He grabbed his father's collar and threw him out to the pond. There was a splash, and then a resounding "Growf!"
Kenshin blinked, astounded by his strength. "How did you do that?"
"Ranma, you moron!" Kaoru and Akane yelled at the same time.
"You should treat your father with more respect!" Akane scolded him.
"I'll give him respect when he deserves it," Ranma growled.
Ryouga rose to his feet, glowing blue himself. "Ranma…you honor-less cur…"
"Who are you calling honor-less, oinker?" Ranma demanded, rising to his feet as well.
"Er…" Sano began uncertainly from his seat.
"Don't worry," Nabiki grumbled to him. "Kaoru's an expert diffuser."
Kaoru sprang up between them and turned her stern gaze at Ryouga. "Ryouga, you promised!" She reminded him.
Ryouga froze, then lowered his stance. "I did. I'm sorry. It won't happen again," he said, plopping back down on his place.
Kaoru then looked at Ranma. "You! Sit!"
Ranma met eyes with her stubbornly, then he relented, beginning to relax. "Oookay! Sheesh! How many un-cute tomboys do I have to put up with in one lifetime?" He muttered.
Kaoru's bokken and Akane's mallet sent him careening into a robe-clad panda making its way back across the yard.
"Aw, shit!" Said a sign the panda managed to hold up just before Ranma connected with a crunch.
"Jerk!" Akane hissed. "Can't believe I married the pervert!"
"Damn, Jou-chan!" Sano cried. "Is there a light at the end of this tunnel?"
"Oh, how cute!" Ukyo gushed. "He calls you Jou-chan, Kaoru? Sweet!"
Ryouga glowed blue for a second then went back to normal.
"Tanuki-chan!" Someone called from outside.
Kaoru groaned, recognizing who it was at once. "Great! Now Megumi's here to make things worse."
Nabiki began to laugh. "Tanuki-chan?"
Akane and Ukyo giggled while Ryouga was seriously trying to hold down his cackles.
The attractive doctor appeared at the door. "Do you know you have an unconscious panda on your yard wearing a robe, pinning a struggling man to the ground?"
"Please sit down, Megumi-chan. You might as well be here," Kaoru said wearily.
Megumi came in to sit with the circle, her eyes roving. "My, you've got quite a full house today."
Kaoru nodded and introduced everyone, leaving out Genma for the meantime. Ranma was able to crawl out from under the panda just in time for introductions.
"Where did you get these studs, Kaoru?" Megumi asked, her fox-ears showing.
"Ranma and Akane are married, Megumi," Kaoru said in haste, seeing that Akane had begun to shimmer red. "And Ryouga-kun's--"
"Not available?" Nabiki suddenly interjected with a raised eyebrow.
"Whatever are you talking about?" Kaoru asked in perplexity.
Ryouga managed to go pale again.
Seeing his face and heeding Nabiki's words, Ukyo somewhat caught on. "Confused?" She said by way of suggestion.
"I'm not confused!" Ryouga protested.
"Lost maybe, most of the time," Ranma said with a cocked grin. "But not confused."
"Saotome…" Ryouga growled.
"Aaargh!" Kaoru exploded, clutching her hair. "This is impossible! I'll never get this done!"
"I'll do it for you for one of your kimonos, Kaoru-chan," Nabiki said. "A nice, expensive antique when I get back to Nerima."
"Deal!" Kaoru cried in absolute relief.
Nabiki nodded. "Alright everyone, listen up! Questions will only be entertained after the narration. Any interruption will be sanctioned by Kaoru's bokken. Is that clear?"
"Aye!" Said the Kenshin-gumi.
"Oh, thy sun upon the blackest day that heaven doth sent!"
WHAM!
Kuno stayed pasted to the gate a little longer.
To be continued…