Author's Note: Hello minna! Thank you all for your reviews! I really didn't think anyone would care about my little story, but I'm glad you want to see what comes of this. I hope I haven't disgusted any of you with Kenshin's OOC-ness, but we all know that if I just let him keep "oroing", that wouldn't make him very interesting, ne?
Anyway, I hope you like this next chapter. I know it's taking long, but I just got all these ideas in my head that are clamoring to get out. Bear with me here. I promise there is a light at the end of this long and winding tunnel. There will probably be some WAFF in the end of this story, but I'll try to keep it funny. In the meantime, prepare for more chaos.
This chapter hopes to answer the request of one of my readers to show Kenshin kicking ass.
Lime in this chapter, but only a smattering of it. Crass words…well, that goes without saying when Sano and Ranma are abroad.
Standard disclaimers apply.
On with the story.
Chapter Four: Nabiki Gets Down to Business
"OHHHH RANMAAAA!" Came a shriek from the room at the end of the hallway.
Inside Kaoru's room, three women who loved their sleep buried their heads beneath their pillows to block out the sound, muttering curses by themselves.
"OH RANMA! YES! YES! YES!"
"OH AKANE! OH BABY!"
Kaoru, Nabiki and Ukyo rose from their beds like disturbed and extremely irritated zombies. They looked at each other grouchily. The noise continued, and it did not seem like it was going to stop any time soon.
"Might as well get up," Kaoru grumbled, throwing back her blankets.
Nabiki got out of her sheets as well, twice as grumbley. "Can't believe…wherever they go! Humping like rabbits! Couldn't even do it quietly. Shit!"
"Ran-chan no hentai," was all Ukyo kept saying under her breath as she kicked herself out of her futon.
Gathering their things amidst the tumult, they all made their way to the bathhouse.
Ukyo and Nabiki were surprised to find Kenshin firing the furnace.
Kenshin flashed a rurouni smile at them. "I prepared this bath for Kaoru-dono," he said, yelling a bit to be heard over the din. "But I can do the same for you two if you want."
"Arigato, Kenshin, that would be nice," Kaoru said as if it was the most normal thing to be served by Kenshin.
Ukyo and Nabiki raised their eyes in approval.
An hour later, all three ladies were bathed and freshly made up for the day.
Kenshin noted with inward gratitude that Kaoru had gone back to wearing a kimono. If she strutted around in her shorts again, he wouldn't be able to hold out.
Ukyo relieved Kenshin from the kitchen to cook the okonomiyaki patties she had prepared for the trip. She had brought enough to feed a battalion, just enough for a meal with Ranma, Genma, and possibly Sano.
Nabiki set out to earn some money, loath on burdening Kaoru with extra expenses on account of their arrival. She was not afraid to lose her way. Extortion talked the same no matter where they were.
While Kenshin and Kaoru helped Ukyo in the kitchen, Kaoru asked where Ryouga was.
"He went to the bathroom just before I got up and hadn't come back since, you see," Kenshin replied with an innocent smile.
"Oh no! You should have gone with him Kenshin! He could be half-way to Kyoto by now!" Kaoru said compassionately.
Good riddance, Kenshin thought before giving an even sunnier grin. "Oro! I don't think a man would appreciate having someone looking after him when summoned by the call of nature, Kaoru-dono. Ryouga will be fine."
Kaoru sighed and looked at Ukyo who merely shrugged in return.
"Maybe I'll put off looking for him after breakfast," Kaoru muttered.
By the time they finished breakfast, the whole house was awake, and Sano had arrived to do what he does best: Freeload.
Less Nabiki who said she'd be back a little past breakfast, they all sat down to eat. The chopstick battle between Kaoru and Genma ensued. Genma lost, but there was no Nabiki around to gather bets.
Towards the end of the meal, Kaoru and Ukyo set their glare at Ranma and Akane.
"You two woke us up this morning," Kaoru said a bit sternly.
"Oro!" Kenshin reacted, his cheeks flaming. He had been already about the dojo when he first heard the passionate screams, and he figured that Yahiko and Genma would be able to sleep right through it, but he supposed the three women had a harder time of it. He did not count on hearing Kaoru complain about it, though.
"Sorry," Akane muttered.
"Hey! Can we help it if we're good in bed?" Ranma argued.
Genma laughed heartily. "That's my boy!"
"Shut-up, pop."
Ukyo frowned at him. "Well, keep it down, will ya?"
"Yeah. People are trying to sleep," Kaoru pointed out. "And as much as you appreciate each other's sexual prowess…WE don't!"
Akane sighed, refilling her husband's plate with patties. "Ranma's right though. It can't be helped."
Ranma grinned at his wife and gave her a rated PG-13 look. "Yeah, especially when we do that thing…" he said, winking.
Akane giggled and nodded emphatically. "I know! That was breathtaking, love."
"You didn't sound like you were out of breath to me," Kaoru grumbled.
Sano laughed. "You'd understand them more if you were getting some, Jou-chan. Get my drift, Kenshin?" he said, nudging Kenshin with his elbow.
"Yuck!" Yahiko said with distaste.
Kenshin glared at the gangster. "Sano…" he warned.
Kaoru turned absolutely red in the face.
Sano grinned evilly.
"Well, don't blame me if Nabiki's in a bad mood," Kaoru said, trying to get past her discomfort at the sudden turn of the topic.
"Speaking of which, where's the money-grubber at?" Sano asked.
"She's out, earning money I think," Kaoru replied.
"Extorting so soon?" Ranma asked. "Boy, she really doesn't waste time, does she? She ought to get Kuno to marry her so she can milk him for every penny that rich idiot's got."
Karou gasped, suddenly remembering something. "Omigod! I forgot about Kuno! Shit!"
"What about him?" Akane inquired.
"He's in the woodshed! Tied hand and foot. The poor guy…" Kenshin replied, suppressing a smile.
Kaoru got up. "I have to set him free. It's not like he can harm anyone with his ranting."
"I'll go with you," Kenshin said, already getting up.
Kaoru remembered Kenshin's reactions the night before and thought of a safer recourse. "Stay here, Kenshin. Ucchan will go with me. Would you, Ukyo?"
"Sure honey. Be right back, people," Ukyo said, getting up.
They found Kuno in the woodshed leaning against a pile of wood with a ratty old mattress cushioning it.
"My love hath come to save me! No doubt free from the spell that Saotome Ranma, evil sorcerer of Nerima, has cast upon thee!" Kuno began to rave.
"Well, this was mighty considerate of Nabiki," Ukyo remarked, taking note of the old futon. "She must be getting soft."
Kaoru laughed at the idea. "Not a chance. Watch. Hey, Kuno!"
"Yes, my sweet raven beauty?" He responded.
"How much did this mattress cost you?" Kaoru asked.
"5000 yen," Kuno answered. "Oh, but a small price to pay to remain fresh and well-rested for thine eyes' viewing pleasure."
Ukyo whistled. "5000…Kuno-honey, you are too easy."
They proceeded to untie him and he sprang up on his feet the moment he was free.
Kaoru's bokken and Ukyo's spatula were out in a second.
"Touch me and we tie you up again, you hear?" Kaoru threatened.
Kuno halted whatever it was he was going to do and nodded mutely.
"Now come to breakfast with us," Kaoru told him sternly. "You must be starving. I know you missed dinner."
Ukyo shook her head. "And you, Kaoru-chan, are too nice."
"Oh, but such kindness can only be descended from heaven!" Kuno proclaimed. "My sweet --"
"Kuno, if you don't shut-up, I swear, I'll deck you to the next century," Kaoru said.
Kuno finally fell quiet.
They arrived at the dining hall and there was some food still left over.
"Sit," Kaoru ordered him like a dog.
Kuno did so just as obediently, eyeing Akane with his usual leer.
"What are you looking at, idiot-sempai?" Ranma demanded.
Kuno glared at Ranma as he clenched his fist. "You've forced the fair Akane to marry you and it has become my personal quest to --"
"Kuno…" Kaoru warned.
Ukyo shoved a bowl and chopsticks into Kuno's hands. "Just eat, hon."
After giving Ranma, Kenshin and Sano deadly looks, Kuno finally fell to eating.
"Poor guy's famished," Ukyo whispered to Kaoru, watching Kuno gobble down the remaining food as quickly as he spewed Shakespearean verses.
"I know," Kaoru replied.
So intense was Kuno's enthusiasm for breakfast that he knocked over a glass of water and, of course, splashed Ranma.
The red-headed girl sprung to her feet. "Kuno, you moron!" she screeched.
Yahiko shook his head. "Man! That was freaky!"
Sano nodded. "Totally."
"It gets freakier," Akane told them.
"My pig-tailed goddess!" Kuno cried happily, dropping his bowl and chopsticks. "Oh, how doth evade mine eyes for so long? Thou has but traversed my dreams and reveries, until now! My love has but strengthened in thine absence."
"Eeeeeeeewwwwww!" Sano and Yahiko cried in unison above Kenshin's "Oro!"
"Whatsamatter? Never seen boy love before?" Ukyo asked them, grinning.
Ranma-chan let loose a flying kick that sent Kuno careening into the yard, unconscious. "For your information, Ucchan, it isn't boy love. At this moment, I happen to be a very attractive woman," she said with a very unfeminine pose as she flexed her muscles.
"Cut it out, Ranma," Akane told her. "We all know you got better boobs than all of us, so could you please just quit bragging?"
"Speak for yourself," Nabiki said, appearing at the door laden with groceries. "I think my boobs are better than Ranma's."
Kenshin and Yahiko blushed to the roots of their hairs.
"Mine has a special Nabiki lift to it," Nabiki said, angling her shoulder a bit seductively.
"Well, that's because you're wearing support," Ranma pointed out.
"You guys!" Kaoru said in a pleading tone. "Could you not? You're embarrassing the boys!"
Sano leaned back on the wall with a grin. "I don't mind, and I personally think Nabiki's tits are best."
"Sano!" gasped Kenshin, Yahiko and Kaoru in shock.
Nabiki took it in stride, dumping the groceries to the floor. "You're sweet and all, Sano, but you couldn't afford me," she said bluntly, pulling at a long chord, at the end of which was Ryouga in a robe.
"Well, well, well," Ranma said, laughing. "Look who decided to join us? Let me guess. Took a piss and never came back?"
Kenshin laughed as well. "Quite so."
Ryouga glared at both Ranma and Kenshin. He was about to say something when a loud crash followed by a rain of debris invaded their senses. They all coughed and sputtered, discussions forgotten.
Kaoru didn't even need to see who it was. "Oh, Shampoo!" she cried in distress, eyeing the hole in the wall sadly.
"Nihao, Ancient One! Shampoo come to talk to airen!" Said the purple-haired Amazon. She smiled cutely in her red Chinese dress, slit thigh-high at the sides. She held a bonbori in each of her hands.
"Orororo!" ensued from Kenshin, wondering how much more he can take.
"What the heck is that?" Sano asked, his eyes growing wide with wonder.
Genma leaned towards Sano. "That, my boy, is a Shampoo. Chinese Amazon warrior."
"Shampoo, what did we talk about?" Kaoru asked her as if to remind her of something.
Shampoo nodded eagerly and grinned, settling herself down on the floor and showing a scandalous amount of legs. "Shampoo not forget, Ancient One. Ranma no Shampoo's airen anymore, but airen-name quite stuck. Just habit, yes?"
Akane somewhat glared at her. "Well, un-habit it."
Shampoo sighed, sincerely apologetic. "Shampoo been trying, but Shampoo call someone 'airen' for years. No get used to anything but that. Shampoo need new airen."
"What about Mousse?" Ukyo suggested kindly.
Shampoo gave an adorable frown. "Duck-boy not even option. He no beat Shampoo even if try thousand years."
"That's true, you know," Ranma-chan said in all honesty and arrogance. He prided himself of the fact that he was one of the select few who could actually beat Shampoo in a fight. He failed to remember that it was the reason he got so horribly engaged to her in the first place.
Akane elbowed her, knowing the way her husband thought.
"Mousse only good for one thing: Peking-duck three ways!" Shampoo said with a giggle.
The whole Nerima-gumi laughed with her.
Realizing that her Meiji family was at a loss, Kaoru introduced them to Shampoo.
When she got to Kenshin, Shampoo immediately let loose a delighted gush. "Oooh! You Ancient One's airen, yes?"
Kenshin could only guess through earlier conversations that "airen" meant something more than "just friends." This conclusion was confirmed with the way Ryouga glowered visibly.
Kaoru gave an audible sniff. "Not quite," she said.
Ranma hooted. "Hear that, Ryouga? Not quite!"
Ryouga turned beet-red right after. Kenshin turned even redder.
"See that?" Yahiko whispered to Sano. "Now that's pathetic. Two pathetic love-idiots."
Akane and Ukyo elbowed Ranma at the same time.
Shampoo gave an impish smile then changed the subject. "Anyway, Shampoo no here to create trouble. Shampoo here to tell you that when Airen-gumi go to find cure, be sure let me know. Shampoo help."
Everyone fidgeted a bit at her words.
"Er…Shampoo, honey," Ukyo began delicately. "There is no cure here. That was just some rumor."
Shampoo's cheerful seeming disappeared, then she gave a resigned sigh. "Shampoo thought so. Too good to be true. Actually expect nothing, but still disappointing to hear."
"You know, you're a bunch of idiots," Nabiki said in an irritated tone. "Do any of you realize that we went back in time?"
They all stared at her blankly. Duh!
Nabiki gave an exasperated sigh. "Hello! The springs shouldn't be destroyed yet!"
Realization dawned on all of their faces.
"Oh…my…GOD! Nabiki, you're right!" Ranma-chan shrieked.
Chaos fell upon the room with everyone talking all at once.
Kaoru looked at Nabiki who shrugged and made a gesture.
"Be my guest," Nabiki told her, knowing they were thinking of the same thing.
Kaoru raised her hands. "People! People!"
No one paid attention to her.
"ALRIGHT EVERYBODY JUST SHUT-UP!" Kaoru yelled.
The room fell silent.
Kaoru took a deep breath and nodded. "As I was saying…how do you intend to go to China? We aren't exactly rolling in money, you know. These days, it's pretty expensive to get a boat to leave the country."
There was a deathly quiet.
Nabiki cleared her throat. "Seeing as you're all morons, it's safe to assume that I am the only one capable of getting us to China, but it's going to cost all of those who want to go."
"How much, Nabiki?" Akane asked her quietly.
"The Nerima-gumi can pay me when we get back home," Nabiki replied. "How does Fifteen Thousand Yen each sound?"
"Are you crazy?" Ranma exploded. "You already own my soul! How are Akane and I going to pay for that?"
"And how about me? I couldn't afford something like that even if I worked my entire life!" Ryouga exclaimed, slumping to the floor.
Akane scratched her head. "Er…why would you want to go to China, Ryouga-kun? It's not like you really have to go."
Kenshin leaned forward on the table and gave a grin. He had no intention of spilling any beans. Though nothing bound him to keep quiet, the only one who had a real right to squeal was the pig himself. He was more interested in seeing how Ryouga was going to get out of this fix.
Ryouga began to sweat. "Umm…there might…err…" He whimpers a bit before continuing. "A cure for my curse…"
Kaoru and Ranma's eyes widened. Was he actually going to say…?
"Eh? What curse?" Akane asked, her eyebrows knotting.
Ryouga swallowed. He couldn't. He couldn't do it! "My direction curse."
Kenshin shrugged at Kaoru and Ranma whose shoulders have slumped in disappointment.
Akane looked thoughtful. "Oh, right. I forgot. Anyway, Nabiki, your price is too high. If we were in Nerima, it doesn't take that much to ride a boat."
Ryouga winced. Great, now she'll expect me to go looking for some kind of monk or something.
Nabiki jerked an eyebrow and looked at her nails. "True. But we're not in Nerima. Think of it as In-Season Prices. Tell you what. I'll do this for the three of you for Ten Thousand Yen, but when we get back to Nerima, you must do everything I tell you to do for a whole month."
Ranma could already envision lewd photos of him/her, and/or/with Akane, because they had no choice but to pose for Nabiki. That wasn't even the worse of it. "No way!" she cried vehemently. "Akane and I ain't doing it! Go get your porn material somewhere else!"
Ryouga groaned. "And how about me? You know I couldn't keep a job even if I wanted to."
"Take it or leave it, Ryouga," Nabiki said. Her tone could have formed ice-crystals in the middle of summer. "And if you do take it, you'll have to deal with a 10% interest rate per month on late payments. That goes for you and Ranma as well, sis."
"Ho-ly inflation, Batman…" Ukyo said in English.
"Vampire Bat, to be exact," Akane said with a glare. "Big sister, how could you?"
Nabiki rolled her eyes around. "PU-LEEZ! Big-sister? You can do better than that, lil sis. Anyway, the deal will stand. It's just a matter of wanting to go or wanting to stay. You know the terms. Just let me know if you wish to take on these terms. For those whom I assume are willing and able to pay me, I will collect your payments as soon as we get back to Nerima. Any more questions worth my time?"
"Kaoru-dono, what will Nabiki-dono charge us for going, if I may ask?" Kenshin asked with a frown. He didn't even know if they were going, but Kaoru might want to go with them because it would be like her to help her friends. If that were the case, then no force on earth would stop him from going with them. Catch me letting Bacon-breath having her all to himself. I don't think so!
Sano raised an eyebrow. He didn't want to go to a place where a bunch of crazy people could knock him into a cursed spring. Heaven for-fend he'd fall into the spring of drowned girl. Oh, the horror! On the other hand, maybe they could pass by that Amazon village they had talked about. Amazon equals lots and lots of women, tough ones at that, but if any of them looked half as good as Shampoo…"I'm sure we can come to a reasonable arrangement with Nabiki," he said.
"Right…" Kaoru said. One thing came to mind: Freeloading Zanza. "Ahem Nabiki, I used up the last of my Yen to pay for that thing we agreed you'd do for me. For a certain someone who would be licking my boots, so to speak?"
Nabiki's eyes turned Yen. Antiques were some of her favorite hauls. "I haven't forgotten Kaoru-chan. Seeing as you guys don't really have to go, perhaps an heirloom or two of Kaoru's would do for all four of you."
Kaoru rolled her eyes around in turn. "How very magnanimous of you, Nabiki."
Nabiki affected modesty. "Oh you know me, behind the hard exterior…"
"Is a hard and cold interior," Ranma supplemented.
"Oh, you know. I do my best," Nabiki said with a wink.
"Well, Shampoo rather go to great-grandmother first before feed self to vulture," said the pretty Chinese woman as she got to her feet. "Shampoo go now. Mousse and great-grandmother be along shortly. Tell them I no want see them. Great-grandmother want Shampoo marry Mousse, and Shampoo say Duck-boy can go to hell. Thanks, Ancient One. See you!"
Shampoo leapt out with inhuman height, jumping over rooftops in a matter of seconds.
Sano crawled towards the hole and peered out to watch her disappearing figure. "Wow! What a babe!"
Everyone stared at him in surprise.
Yahiko raised an eyebrow. "Sano, can you say 'Fox-Lady'?"
Kaoru muffled a laugh upon seeing Sano's sour scowl.
"What about her?" Snapped the ex-gangster.
Yahiko grinned. "Oh, so you don't mind me telling her that you were drooling over an amazon with fabulous legs?"
"Hey!" Sano yelled, then realizing that he had reacted a little bit too much, he calmed down and affected nonchalance. "Go ahead. It's not like it matters, you know."
"Oro!" Kenshin exclaimed. Can you say 'Pain from the Fox-Lady'?
"You might be way in over your head, boy," Genma muttered. "If you want to get Shampoo, you have to beat her in battle first."
Sano scoffed. "Feh! I ain't going to fight a girl."
An infinite number of eras and I have to be stuck in the one where Ranma's ilk exists, Akane thought with derision.
Ukyo grinned. "You're gonna have to, honey. It's amazon law."
"And she's really good with those bonbori too," Ranma told him.
Sano crossed his arms over his chest stubbornly. "I don't care. I ain't fighting her. Feh! The idea! Who ever heard of having to fight for a date?"
Everyone looked at Akane and Ranma.
"What!?" They exclaimed in unison.
At that very moment, Cologne came bounding through the hole in the wall with a very tall, longhaired man who wore very thick glasses.
"Shampoo!" The man exclaimed, giving Kaoru an amazon glomp.
Kenshin and Ryouga tensed but held back, processing his mistake in identity.
"Mousse, you moron! It's me, Kaoru!" She cried, resisting with a grunt.
Upon hearing Kaoru's voice, Mousse sprang away in embarrassment. "I-I'm sorry, Ancient One! I thought…"
"You must forgive my idiot potential son-in-law, Ancient One," Cologne muttered, balancing on her stick.
Mousse blinked behind his spectacles.
"I see my great-granddaughter's been here," Cologne said, observing the diameter of the hole. "Where did she head off to, Ancient One?"
Yahiko doubled over in laughter. "A hag talking to another hag!"
Ranma began to laugh with him.
A bokken did away with Yahiko and Ranma got the stick from Cologne.
"You will respect the Ancient soul of Kamiya Kaoru, former son-in-law," Cologne said, then she turned her attention to Yahiko whose eyes were spinning quite nicely. "And you, I restrain myself only because your soul is ancient as well, but you must heed those older than you, so I suggest you respect your sensei."
"Shampoo does not wish to see you," Kaoru said without batting an eyelash. "She doesn't like it that you're pressuring her to marry Mousse. Frankly, I'm at a loss. Mousse hasn't beaten Shampoo in battle. Why should she marry him?"
Sano winced upon realizing that beating Shampoo meant marrying her. Hmph! Another reason not to fight her!
The Nerima-gumi squirmed uncomfortably. They still had not quite gotten used to seeing Cologne being bossed around, especially by Kaoru.
Cologne sighed. "Ancient One, you have a valid point, but hear out an aging great-grandmother. Your word with the elders of Joketsuzoku released Shampoo honorably from her obligations to obtain former son-in-law as her husband. For that, Shampoo and I are eternally grateful, but I would like to see my great-granddaughter married, if only for the sake of heirs, and although she is officially honorable, none of the men of the tribe, except Mousse here, is willing to challenge her because former son-in-law has refused her. The truth is, I encourage Mousse simply because he is the only one willing."
Mousse blushed and lowered his head. "Even if my most hated enemy Saotome Ranma has tarnished her reputation, I will always love Shampoo."
"Dooormaaat…" Sano said in a soft sing-song voice.
Kaoru shook her head. "Well, my advice is, let Mousse do his own fighting, or you will lose your great-granddaughter's regard. Surely your relationship with her is worth more than any man, Cologne. You're an amazon, for goodness sake! You of all people should know that men are only good for servitude and bedding.
"OI!" exclaimed all the men in protest, especially Kenshin who thought that the "servitude" part struck a little too close to home.
Kaoru ignored them. "Men are sex objects. Replaceable."
"OI!"
Cologne nodded sagely. "As usual, you make sense, Ancient One. I will consider your words. In the meantime, Duck-boy, you're on your own."
"Wha -- "
"Thank you, Ancient One! Goodbye!" Cologne said as she pogoed off over the rooftops.
Mousse fell to his knees is utter desolation. "What have you done, Ancient One?"
Kaoru shook her head sympathetically and knelt down to face him. "No offense, Du -- er, Mousse, but do you honestly think that Shampoo will have you if you don't beat her in battle? Even with Cologne's endorsement, Shampoo will kill you first before she marries someone who could not defeat her. Now, my advice to you is practice, understand?"
Mousse nodded forlornly. "You are right, Ancient One, as always."
Kaoru grinned. "As always. Now, are you hungry? I'm sure Ucchan will be glad to whip up some more of her delicious okonomiyaki for you."
Ukyo grinned and got to her feet. "Of course, Ancient One."
"Thank you," Mousse said in a dejected voice.
"Umm…Kaoru-chan," Ryouga piped.
"Yes, Ryouga-kun?"
"Did you mean those things you said to Cologne about men…?"
Kaoru, Akane and Nabiki burst out in laughter.
"Well, what do you think, Ryouga-kun?" Kaoru asked, winking at him mischievously.
Oro! She's so cute when she does that! Kenshin thought as he stared at her.
Ryouga blushed painfully. "Give me a break, Kaoru-chan. You were never easy to read."
Kaoru smiled fondly. "Ryouga, you're so silly sometimes! When have I ever been the wham-bam-thankyou-ma'am type? Of course I didn't mean it! I just said that to get Shampoo and Cologne back to speaking terms. You know I could not stand to see families torn by ridiculous pursuits."
"Amen to that," Ranma said.
Nabiki dug into her bag of tricks and pulled out a small pouch filled with a glittery powder. Ah, my best weapon yet, the truth. Nothing works better than a pinch of Truth Spice from Nerima's local witches, Shampoo and Cologne. It didn't take much to extract a lifetime supply from them: A little persuasion, a little smile, and a whole bunch of blackmail. Mr. Recorder does it all.
She took out a second pouch containing some pills.
Snickering to herself, she put her drugs into her pocket. There was the little matter of Yahiko to take care of before she worked on the China boat ride. Then of course there was the Kenshin-Kaoru-Ryouga love triangle. She couldn't wait to get started on that.
Well, first thing's first. Gotta earn my keep. She checked her watch. She was right on schedule. It's about that time…
She headed straight for the kitchen, passing several tableaux before she got there.
First of all was Kuno. He was still unconscious on the ground. Nobody bothered to move him, probably because he's better off passed out.
Ranma, now male, and Genma were at each other on the front yard, fighting over the koi pond, as usual. They just had to train over a koi pond. She considered stopping to make bets, but no one was watching them, so she gave up that idea.
Akane was nearby, taking pointers from Sano on how to do the Futae No Kiwami. They were practicing on clay blocks. Several of them, in fact, were already littered around their perimeter.
Kaoru was watching Yahiko doing five hundred swings. No doubt, the little brat had managed to call her hag or ugly. Ukyo stood watching them, her spatula swung over her shoulder.
Kenshin was doing the laundry.
I must know how Kaoru gets him to do all these things. Nabiki thought with a shake of her head. How Kaoru got Kenshin to do housework was no big deal. Money could make anybody do that, but for someone to do all of it for free? That was different. Pity there are no wandering samurai in Nerima.
Ryouga was nowhere to be found, which was expected. He'll be along soon. In fact, she was expecting him right about…now.
"WHERE THE HELL AM I???" Came the resounding scream from a distance.
Bingo!
"Oro!" Kenshin exclaimed, stumbling on his butt in surprise.
Everyone else stopped what they were doing.
"Alright, whose turn is it to get him?" Akane asked wearily.
Nabiki smirked to herself. She already knew the answer to that.
Kaoru sighed. "It's my turn," she replied, giving her bokken to Ukyo.
Kenshin got to his feet and wiped his hands on his apron. "Let me accompany you, Kaoru-dono. Bac--er, Ryouga sounded like he came from pretty far away."
Kaoru grinned. "Sure Kenshin, but keep up."
In a split second, Kaoru had leapt to a nearby tree, springing from its branch to land on the roof of her house.
Kenshin managed another one of his favorite exclamations before following her path, apron and all.
I ought to put out a bet on how many times Kenshin says that ridiculous word in a day. Well, now for the first step. Nabiki went straight to the kitchen and pulled out the lemons she had bought from the market that morning. She proceeded to make lemon juice, preparing a glass for each person in the yard. Setting aside one glass, she took a pouch from her pocket and placed a pinch of the powder into the lemonade. She stuffed her supply of Truth Spice back into her pocket and went to the door.
"Hey! Yahiko! Get over here!" Nabiki called to the boy who had collapsed on the grass in exhaustion.
Yahiko looked up from his resting-place, frowning in annoyance. But with Kaoru's angry face telling him to do 500 swings still fresh in his memory, he thought it best to be polite to guests. Struggling to his feet, he heeded Nabiki's summons.
That's right, come to mama. Nabiki thought in delight.
"What can I do for you, Nabiki-san?" Yahiko asked her tiredly.
"Oh, I was just hoping you could help me with this tray of lemonade," Nabiki explained to him. "But my, you look pooped! Here, have a drink."
Seeing the cool freshness of the yellow beverage, Yahiko found his smile and eagerly took the glass from her. "Arigato, Nabiki-san!"
Nabiki watched wordlessly as Yahiko gulped the glass dry. Too easy.
"Ah! That was delish, Nabiki-san. May I have more?" Yahiko asked.
"Sure, Yahiko-kun," Nabiki replied, doing her best imitation of Kasumi, her domestic, pleasantly sunny sister. She spiked another glass with her slight of hand and gave it to Yahiko.
"You know," Yahiko began, holding the drink tentatively. "You're not all that bad, for an conniving, ice-laced, extortionist."
Hmm…how quickly it takes effect. Better get Mr. Recorder working. She flipped the switch inside her coat.
"Hey! Lemme have some of that!" Someone suddenly said, grabbing the glass straight from Yahiko's hand and gulping down its contents.
It was Sano, and Nabiki had to do everything in her power not to panic.
Shit! Loud-mouth rooster-head! Alright Nabiki-baby, calm down. This can be a good thing, right? Just keep both of 'em in the kitchen.
"Hey!" Yahiko complained. "Big-boobed Nabiki gave that to me!"
The little lecher. Oh well. Comes with the territory.
"Oh, shut your trap, Yahiko-chan. There's still a whole tray of it," Sano said, proceeding to drink down the other glasses.
Yahiko turned red and curled a fist. "Don't call me chan! Why do you all call me chan anyway? I'm not a kid anymore. Do any of you realize it hurts me when you treat me like that? I hate it! I just hate it!"
"Jeez! Get a grip, Yahiko," Sano said, staring at him. "You're not the only one with problems around here. Do you realize how stressful it is to pretend coming down with some sort of malady just so I can get the good doctor to check on me? It's hell! Sometimes, Megumi's so busy that it has to be Dr. Genzai who takes over. Do you realize how irritating that is?"
"Shut up, you freeloader!" Yahiko yelled, tears forming in his eyes. "That's all you ever care about! Yourself! You eat off Kaoru's income every freaking day of the year! She doesn't say anything, because she's the kindest soul in the face of Japan."
Oh, how sweet, so perfectly sweet. Keep it coming, Yahiko-chan. Nabiki thought with a feral smile.
Yahiko stomped his foot like the eleven year old that he was. "It's really hard to keep being the brat I am! I have to call her all sorts of names just so I don't get all mushy on her, but she's the sister I never had! I love her for being the big sister I need!"
Better and better! And I haven't even asked any questions yet!
Sano laughed his head off at Yahiko's declaration. "Aw, aren't you the sweetest little boy? Big Sis Kaoru's Li'l Bro! Well, I don't know about you, but I used to think Kaoru was a really hot chick."
A match made in hell: Kaoru, the control freak and Sano, the existential lazy-ass bum.
Yahiko blinked in surprise. "Wha--?"
"Yep. Totally cute, even if she can't cook worth a shit." Sano rattled off. "But then Megumi came along, and man-o-man! I forgot Jou-chan in a second! Kenshin can have Jou-chan for all I care. Megumi's like, a major sizzler." He turned to Nabiki quite casually. "I still think your rack's great and all, but it's different with Megumi. No offense."
"None taken," Nabiki said immediately. In fact, I'm having the time of my life.
"You know what, Sanosuke," Yahiko said with a flushed face. "You and your line of women! Kaoru would have never even considered you as anything more than a useless bum! And I can't even begin to tell you about what Megumi thinks of you. At least I make myself handy. Tsubame-chan thinks I'm cute and she's going to be my wife some day. Of course, I won't be surprised if I convince Megumi-chan when I'm older that I'm better than you."
"Oh, is that right?" Sano said sarcastically. "You and Megumi, now? Are you out of your mind? Megumi's at least thirteen years older than you! Besides, she'd be married to me by that time."
Nabiki could not help but interject. "I didn't know you proposed to her, Sano."
Sano frowned. "I haven't. I'm just taking my time, that's all. She wouldn't say no to me."
Yahiko went into maniacal laughter. "Oh man! You're just as chicken as Kenshin! You're even worst because you're already a rooster-head, chicken!"
Now for the kill. Nabiki thought with a smirk. "Yahiko-chan, I know you're pretty young and all that, but when Tsubame-chan and you are old enough to, ahem, have a relationship, what are you and her going to do together?"
"That's easy…"
After Nabiki administered the next set of drugs she had on her, she called the Nerima-gumi for help. She said that Sano and Yahiko had passed out in the kitchen, probably from the heat. The poor victims will remember almost nothing from the kitchen episode, at least, nothing about each other. There would, however, be a faint memory of having said words they would not have said under normal circumstances, and Mr. Recorder would help refresh that memory. The beauty of the second drug was that the Truth Spice would have worn off by the time they woke up.
She smiled to herself as Yahiko and Sano were brought to one of the bedrooms to recover.
"Ryouga, you idiot! Not that way! This way!" Kaoru cried, seeing Ryouga wandering a bit off course.
Kenshin contained his snort of derision. It's been five times since they recovered Ryouga that he turned in the wrong direction. It put a strain in their travel time over the rooftops, and Kenshin considered suggesting that they just use the regular way to get back to the dojo: Walking in the street.
Ryouga blushed but nodded, correcting his mistake instantly.
Kenshin's patience was running thin. Apart from the fact that Kaoru had to constantly grab Ryouga's hand to keep from straying, Kenshin felt utterly ridiculous clutching an apron in his fist. The worse part of it was, it had been Ryouga who had pointed out that he was wearing one.
"What's up with the apron, Ms. Martha Stuart?" Ryouga had asked him earlier.
Kenshin hadn't the slightest idea who Martha Stuart was, but Ryouga's sneer and Kaoru's giggle was enough to trigger very unholy thoughts.
"Kaoru-chan, there's something in your hair," Ryouga said, plucking a dry leaf from Kaoru's head as they moved.
Kaoru smiled at him in thanks.
SLASH! THRUST! Kenshin imagined, lapping off Ryouga's hand and ramming his sakabatou right through the porker's ass in his mind.
Tsk, tsk! So blood thirsty.
"That'll do, pig," Kenshin whispered to Ryouga with a growl.
Ryouga's fist clenched and he gave the samurai a murderous glare. "Bite me, Martha," he grumbled in return.
"Boys," Kaoru called to them over her shoulder having completely missed the exchange.
"Yes?" Kenshin and Ryouga chimed, smiles suddenly pasted on their lips.
"The dojo's up ahead," she said, pointing in the direction of the familiar roof. "Don't get lost now, Ryouga-kun."
"That's right, Ryouga-kun. Don't get lost," Kenshin seconded.
Ryouga made a supreme effort not to blow up. "Himura…"
They arrived at the dojo immediately after, landing on the front yard where Genma had just fallen into the koi pond to emerge as a panda.
"Welcome back, people," Akane said to them with a grin. "Was it difficult finding Ryouga?"
"Not really," Kaoru replied. "It was easy to spot him with the people avoiding him and all."
There was a groan somewhere from the yard and they saw Kuno coming out of his coma.
"Hearken. My agony doth overcome me," Kuno said with a wince, slowly rising from the grass.
"Can't he say 'ouch' like a normal person?" Ranma muttered.
"If he did I'd say you hit him too hard," Kaoru said with a chuckle.
Kuno staggered to his feet and fell a couple more times before he managed to get up completely. Clutching his head, he made his way gingerly to the porch. "I think it best to recover before mine quest to pursue my heart's desires is continued. I grow weary at this moment's time."
"Translation: He's getting too old for this," Ukyo said, grinning.
A scream pierced the calm of the yard.
"Pervert! Pervert!" Genma's sign said.
"PERVERRRRT!" Akane shrieked in horror, staring wide-eyed at the tiny old man attached to her chest.
Ranma glowered and his eyes turned white in complete rage. His breathing went absolutely ragged. "Hap…po…SAIIIIII!!!" He yelled, charging forward and knocking Kenshin out of the way.
"Ororororo!" Kenshin exclaimed, flying in the direction of a tree. Damn! He's even stronger than Sano! Ordinarily, Kenshin would just let himself go splat during such a skirmish. God knows how many times he had gone crashing to a wall when Kaoru dealt him one of her Knuckle-to-Kenshin specials. Even now, he felt out of sorts using his skill to preserve himself from Ranma's unintentional hit, but Ryouga was staring, and he'd be damned if he let Pig-boy see him flat on his face. Clipping his legs together, he flipped, planted his feet on the tree and pushed up to make a graceful landing on the ground.
He smirked at the disappointment in Ryouga's eyes.
Meanwhile, chaos had taken on a whole new meaning.
Ranma made a dive for Happosai but missed when the old pervert sprung off Akane, dragging her bra with him. Ranma's hands became firmly attached to Akane's breasts.
Akane turned a very deep shade of red. "Pervert! Not here!"
Ranma didn't even apologize, being so consumed with wrath. "Happosai! Get back here!" He shouted, leaping after the old man all around the yard.
"Ranma, don't be such a moron!" Akane cried.
"I'm trying, dammit!" Ranma shouted back.
"Can't catch me!" Happosai shrieked in delight, altering the direction of his flight. "More pretties!" He made a bee-line for Kaoru, Ukyo and Nabiki.
Kuno appeared behind the women and took all three of them in his arms. "I, Kuno Tatewaki will protect -- oof!" He henceforth crumpled to the ground, clutching at his nuts. "Oh! My jewels be defiled!" he squeaked in a high pitched voice.
Ooh! That's gotta hurt, thought Kenshin, wondering who among the three had dealt the killing blow considering they were all equally capable of such a thing.
Nabiki scampered off while Kaoru and Ukyo took up their weapons to face Happosai.
Ryouga acted on instinct. "DIE HAPPOSAI!" he hollered, promptly uprooting a tree and swinging it at the old man.
Happosai ducked at the swing, momentarily distracted, but nevertheless driven by the same goals. "Ohoho! Gotta do better than that to keep me from my pretties!"
Kenshin only took a moment to be awe-stricken by the display of such strength. In a matter of seconds, Happosai made straight for Kaoru. "Let me hold you, Kaoru-chan!"
Kenshin's eyes widened. His uneven temper from the search for Ryouga, combined with the thought that this creature, this lecher, was going to touch his Kaoru in an unthinkably impermissible way, sent the blood rushing to his head. Battousai came bounding out of his skin, and his hand immediately grasped the hilt of his sword.
There was a flash, a slight gust of wind, then time almost seemed like it stood still.
Kenshin was in front of Kaoru with his back to her, poised in a completed Amakakeru Ryuu no Hirameki, and then there was Happosai, falling to the ground in an unconscious heap.
Happosai's body dropped to the grass, the imprint of Kenshin's sword running a diagonal line from shoulder to hip. He was not moving, and his eyes were closed. Kenshin stood over his body and flicked his blade before re-sheathing his sword. He stood still, surveying his work.
"Umm…" Kaoru began, stunned by what had happened.
The Nerima-gumi, even Ryouga, stared in astonished awe.
"A-Awesome…" Ranma breathed, his anger for Happosai gone. "How the hell did you do that?"
Kenshin looked up and startled everyone with his golden eyes. "Amakakeru Ryuu no Hirameki. He was going to touch Kaoru. Nobody touches Kaoru without her consent."
"Er…you were very clear on that point," Nabiki said.
"Holy…" whispered Ryouga. "Is Happi alive?"
"Unfortunately," Kenshin replied, turning to Kaoru with his amber gaze.
"Kenshin uses a reversed edge sword because…well, just because," Kaoru explained, loathed on telling them such personal things about Kenshin. "Happi's just really knocked out." She tried to smile at Kenshin who was staring at her just a little too much.
"Wow," Akane said, wondering why anyone would carry a reversed edge sword in the first place, least of all the former Hitokiri.
Kaoru blushed at the less-than-wholesome feelings Kenshin's expression was creating in her. "You alright, Kenshin?"
"Yes," he replied with a low murmur.
"Alright, show's over! Time to get back to work," Nabiki said, pushing past Kaoru and shoving her right into Kenshin's arms. She was a monstrously miffed that the fight had been too fast for her to call bets, and she just wanted to get back to her tasks to forget about it.
"Oh my!" Kaoru exclaimed as Kenshin caught her.
"Are you alright, Kaoru…dono?" Kenshin asked in his Battousai drawl.
"Kenshin…"
"You have to tell me how you did that!" Ryouga suddenly cried a bit frantically. Battousai and Kaoru were just a little too comfortable for his tastes, and even if it meant he'd be at the receiving end of an Amekaka Ryuu no Hikaremi (or whatever it was called), he was going to break up the coziness. "That was amazing! Incredible…"
"Not for anyone else to learn," Battousai muttered. "Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu stops with me, and I'm certainly not going to tell you how I did it, Pig-boy."
Kenshin walked away from all of them, leaving a bunch of astonished people at his wake.
Pig-boy? Everyone thought. What the hell…?
Ryouga glowered. "Why you…"
Ranma hit Ryouga upside his head with a thwack.
Ryouga whirled around angrily to face Ranma. "What'd you do that for?" he demanded.
"Trust me, porker," Ranma told him. "You don't wanna mess with that one."
They watched Kaoru ran after Kenshin as he disappeared into the kitchen.
Sano cracked his eyes open and felt his head thrumming like a Japanese drum. He groaned and rolled over on his futon. Damn! Drank too much again! Wonder where I got the money for that.
His arm encountered a body beside him. Crap! Who's the girl this time?
He looked, and his eyes widened. It was the sleeping form of Yahiko.
"Holy mother of God!" Sano exclaimed, feeling a sick sob rising in his throat. "What have I done?" He could think of an endless line of people who would kill him if he…if he…Kaoru and Kenshin would be the least of it. There was Dr. Genzai, Tae, possibly Tsubame, then there was Megumi. "Nooooooo!!!"
"Calm down!" A voice in the room said.
Sano's eyes swerved to the figure sitting at the corner of the room. The short brown hair and big boobs registered in his brain. "N-Nabiki! Oh no. Not you too!"
Nabiki peered at him curiously. She'd been wondering what the ex-gangster was fussing about. She was confused, and she didn't like being confused. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"What did I do? What did I do?" Sano demanded from her, going to his hands and knees in shame at the mere thought that he might have…
Realization registered in Nabiki's perceptive mind. She crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow. "You pervert. You haven't done anything. You and Yahiko passed out in the kitchen after training under the sun for too long. We let you sleep it off. Now that I think about it, I certainly hope you don't have the pedophilic tendencies to even think it possible that you did things to the poor boy beside you."
Sano was too relieved to be offended. "Oh thank God…it's just that when you're under the influence, you never know, you know?"
Boy, do I know. Nabiki gave a smirk. "Whatever. I didn't come here to talk to you about things like that. I came here to see if you're willing to try your luck at making a bit of money."
Sano settled on the edge of the futon and calmed himself. Money would be good. "Do I have to work?"
"Course not. I would never let you do such a terrible thing," Nabiki said with a grin. "Word has it that you're a betting man, Sanosuke."
"Well, yeah. So?"
"So, would you like to make a wager on a certain red-headed samurai?" Nabiki asked. "I win, I get your bet. You win, I'll quadruple your bet."
Sano raised an eyebrow. A bet on Kenshin? He didn't like the sound of it, but the money would be good, and whatever the bet is, it's not like he would ever bet against his friend. "What's this about?"
"A love triangle," Nabiki simply said. She brought out her pocket cassette player and pressed the play button.
"Oro! I ought to teach you a lesson, you little porker, but that would be stooping to your pig-sty. I hardly even consider you a threat. Kaoru-dono has more sense than to fall for an idiot like you."
"Four years, grandpa. I've known her for four years. I know what she likes, I know what she hates. She loves french-fries, she loves to play basketball, and she likes R.E.M. Oh, wait a minute that's right, you don't know what those things are! My, my, my, isn't that an advantage over you…"
"Kaoru-dono has more depth than that, Bacon-breath-dono. I don't have to know all that to get her to love me. Here in the Meiji, we don't need all that junk to romance a woman."
"Feh! I'll show you…"
"You do that, Bacon-breath-dono,"
"Stop calling me that!"
"Oh, kiss mine, porker."
"Old geezer."
Nabiki switched it off and watched with sheer amusement at the wonder on Sano's face.
"Was that just…? How did you…?" Sano stammered. That other voice had to be Ryouga. He had heard Ranma referring to the eternally lost boy as a pig every so often, and he was somewhat surprised that Kenshin had taken to name-calling as well. And for goodness sake! How did Nabiki get their voices in a tiny box?
"Just a little technology from the future," Nabiki said as if to reply to his thoughts. "And yes, that was Kenshin and Ryouga. They're fighting over your precious Jou-chan."
Sano glared at no one in particular. "Why that idiot!"
Nabiki chuckled. "Which one?"
"Ryouga will never get Kaoru," Sano growled. "The fact of the matter is, Kaoru and Kenshin are in love. They've gone through too much for anyone to change those feelings. If you want a wager, I'm betting on Kenshin any day."
Nabiki gave a sage nod. "So I've heard, and I do believe that Kenshin and Kaoru do love each other. I've had too much experience with people denying their feelings to each other not to see it coming a mile away. However, that's not what the bet is going to be about."
"Eh? Call me stupid, but I'm at a loss," Sano said.
"Well, Stupid, the wager is about who will admit his feelings to Kaoru first." Nabiki eyed Sanosuke intently, waiting for him to react.
"Whoa. Hey," Sano responded, raising his hands up as if in surrender. "That's a different story altogether. You ain't seen Kenshin going all weak-kneed…"
"So you're betting on Ryouga?"
Sano blinked and regrouped. "Hell no! Kenshin will kill me if I did that. I'm betting on the samurai."
"An excellent choice. How much?"
"Well, I ain't got much, you know. I only got about fifty bits in my apartment."
Perfect! Those coins could bring in a fortune! Nabiki thought with anticipation. No matter what she did in the market, she couldn't get a handle on ancient currency. The merchants would only allow themselves to barter with goods. None were too lavish of their coffers. This would be the only opportunity to score for old money. Old money…I like the sound of that.
"Fifty bits it is!" Nabiki said, going over to him and shaking his hand. "Remember. Admitting feelings means the first one to say 'I love you', nothing more, nothing less. Got that?"
"Absolutely!"
"Good! Contrary to popular belief, the rooster-head isn't as dumb as everyone thinks."
"Hey!"
"Just kidding," Nabiki said, standing up. "He really is dumb."
She rushed out of the room before Sano could really throttle her. It was then that Sano realized what he had done. He had the sudden urge to hit himself. He just made a bet on who would admit their feelings to Kaoru first. He didn't know what was more stupid: Betting on Kenshin, or agreeing to make the bet, period.
Nabiki was excited. She was going to get those coins, no matter what it took, and she knew just how she was going to go about it. Of course, she must admit, Sanosuke walking into her truth session with Yahiko had offered her the opportunity to practically ensure that, but she believed that luck only presented itself to one perceptive enough to spot it.
Next on the list was to speak to Megumi. Working out a little deal with the wily doctor should be easy. It was that fact, after all, which would work to Nabiki's advantage.
Megumi would be along soon. Kaoru had sent for her the moment she found out about Yahiko and Sano's collapse. A sweet deal for the extortionist. Kind of like having food delivered to ones front door.
Megumi arrived just when Sano emerged from the room.
After assuring the doctor, none too gently, that he was fine, Megumi attended to the sleeping Yahiko. The examination didn't take long. Aside from lacking the technology to decipher that Yahiko had been lightly drugged, the boy's sleep seemed healthy enough for the doctor to conclude that there was really nothing to worry about.
"He's just exhausted," Megumi told all of them. "Tanuki-chan, you silly girl! What have you been doing to the child?"
Kaoru turned red in the face. "Nothing! At least, nothing unusual!" Guilt had obviously settled into her conscience. "Do you think I should have gone easy on him today, Kenshin?"
Kenshin smiled at her with his normal violet eyes. "It could not have been your fault, Kaoru-dono. It was just the heat of the sun. Sano passed out as well, didn't he?"
Sano muttered an expletive but didn't protest. It was embarrassing enough.
"Hey, maybe she should check on Happosai as well," Akane suggested, flicking a thumb in the direction of the old man whom no one had bothered to make comfortable in the corner of the room.
Ranma scoffed. "Pervert like that deserved more, if you ask me."
"Don't be mean, Ranma," Kaoru said.
Megumi nodded. "What everyone deserves is to be treated well for their wounds. Let me have a look at him…oh my! Ken-san, did you do this?"
Kenshin flushed deeply, frowning. "This unworthy one didn't mean to be so rough. It's just that he…Kaoru-dono…"
"He was going to touch Kaoru," Ranma explained, knowing exactly how it could be a cause for anger.
"I'm not even going to ask what you meant by 'touch'," Megumi said evenly, gingerly examining the unconscious old man. "It didn't have anything to do with that totaled tree up front, did it?"
"That's my fault," Ryouga said wearily. "I'll replant it later, Kaoru-chan."
"Thank you," Kaoru said in a bit of a huff. Ever since everyone came to Edo, she had been in constant dread of her home being destroyed. It was certainly a common occurrence to have ones home defiled when Ranma, Ryouga and Shampoo were about. To have all three of them nearby certainly put a damper on her feelings of peace.
Kenshin said nothing. The strength these Nerima people displayed was beyond anything he had ever seen, and as much as he hated to admit it, Ryouga was pretty impressive. Ranma was quite strong himself, hurtling people about without effort. And Kenshin would wager that he could take hits thrice as strong, but Ryouga had raw power. Kenshin had never seen a man uproot a tree with his bare hands. Ryouga had done so, like plucking a daisy for goodness sake! Sano can only hope to match that kind of strength.
"I think I'll take this one to the clinic," Megumi said, rising to her feet. "Shame on you for hurting an old man, Ken-san."
Kenshin wanted to sink through the floor, but the Nerima-gumi spoke in his defense.
"Oh, believe me, Megumi-san, Happosai so deserved it," Ranma said.
"Pervert had it coming," Ukyo added.
"I'd have hit him with a tree, you know," Ryouga put in magnanimously. "No one lays a hand on Kaoru."
"Growf!" said Genma. The words on his sign left nothing for any self-respecting person to read.
"Kenshin ought to have gotten a reward," Nabiki muttered.
Akane smiled. "Happosai has gotten worse, I think. He'd been imprisoned in a cave before, for years, so this is actually a pretty kind gesture."
Megumi didn't want to know why anybody deserved this kind of beating. The last few people who got it from Kenshin, which happened to be Hiko, Aoshi and Shogo, had done some weird things to earn it.
"I'll take him to the clinic with you," Nabiki offered, pushing Sano down with a shove. "I've been wanting to see this clinic of yours."
Everyone but Megumi raised an eyebrow. This was suspicious, but they all knew better than to get in the way of the ice-woman when she was taking care of business.
Nabiki grabbed Happosai by the collar and began to drag him out the door.
"Umm…" Megumi began, her eyebrows knotting in worry.
"Don't worry, he'll be fine," Nabiki told her as she closed the shoji doors behind them.
Still uncertain but unnerved by all the reluctant concern everyone had for the old man, Megumi took a hand full of Happosai's clothing to help with the cargo.
"So," Nabiki began. "What do people do around here in Edo to have fun?"
Megumi was surprised at the question. "If you knew the things the Kenshin-gumi have gone through, this peace and quiet is an absolute blast."
Nabiki chuckled. "My friend, I've met demons, voodoo priests, amazon witches, dangerous lunatics, huge monsters, and I live with a man who turns into a girl and a cat, depending on the circumstance. Trust me. There's more to life than just peace and quiet."
Megumi grinned. "Well, I haven't exactly encountered demons and amazon-witches."
The two-second silence was followed by a laugh from both women.
"You got a boyfriend, Megumi?" Nabiki suddenly asked. She had beat around the bush enough, by her standards.
Megumi tensed a bit before replying. "No. I don't have time for that sort of thing. I have patients to worry about."
My, how kindred. Nabiki thought momentarily. She was beginning to like this Megumi, and she's a doctor too, in this era! Where most women would be content to keep house, Megumi was out doing the go-girl thing all by herself. This plan of hers was going to work.
"What if you had complete control over that situation? The boyfriend situation, I mean. Where you can call all the shots and have absolute reign over a certain, ahem, rooster-head."
Megumi stared at Nabiki. Goodness! The girl is talking about Sano! How did she…? She supposed she shouldn't be surprised. After all, the girl from Nerima had shown enough of her conniving, cunning, ice-encased self for everyone to see that she was, well, conniving, cunning and ice-encased. She also knew that Nabiki did nothing for free, which brought her to the next question. "What's in it for you?" The moment the words were out of her mouth, she realized that she had failed to deny what Nabiki had implied, that she had something for Sano.
Nabiki grinned again. Megumi was not disappointing. "I need you to keep something for me. Hold it until you have to use it."
"And when will that be?" Megumi asked.
"If and when Kid-samurai insults Kaoru again." Nabiki replied. "I will show you how to use a tape player, and you will play it when the time comes, right in front of Tanuki-chan or Tsubame when Yahiko is present. But in no instance will you play it before that."
Megumi chuckled. "So, Kaoru put you up to this?"
Nabiki shrugged. "She paid for my services. I make good on my obligations, just as I expect you to make good on yours if you accept my offer."
"And what is your offer, pray tell?" Megumi asked.
Nabiki smiled. This is the best part. She took out a cassette player and pressed the start button. Sano's voice came laughing out of the tiny box.
"Aw, aren't you the sweetest little boy? Big Sis Kaoru's Li'l Bro! Well, I don't know about you, but I used to think Kaoru was a really hot chick."
"Wha--?"
"Yep. Totally cute, even if she can't cook worth a shit. But then Megumi came along, and man-o-man! I forgot Jou-chan in a second! Kenshin can have Jou-chan for all I care. Megumi's like, a major sizzler." There was a pause, then, "I still think your rack's great and all, but it's different with Megumi. No offense."
"None taken,"
"…she'd be married to me by that time."
"I didn't know you proposed to her, Sano."
"I haven't. I'm just taking my time, that's all. She wouldn't say no to me."
"Oh man! You're just as chicken as Kenshin! You're even worst because you're already a rooster-head, chicken!"
Nabiki switched off the player and watched Megumi turning a bright red. Whether it was from anger or something else, Nabiki did not know, but the extortionist knew that if there was any anger at all, it was directed at the rooster-head. "I'll give this to you, tape player and all, for you to use it as you see fit. I have no copies. Once I hand it over to you, it's all yours, but in exchange for this, you have to do what I ask you to."
Megumi's head was spinning. So, Sano was taking his time with her, huh? Wouldn't say no to him, huh? Dropped Kaoru when I came around…humph! She would let him know what pain was. She would play this thing in his face and she would see where it got her. Sano, prepare to meet your maker!
"Give it here, Nabiki-chan," Megumi said with strong resolve. "I'll have that Sanosuke groveling on my feet if it's the last thing I do, and I'll do that thing you're asking me to do in return. Truth be told, I think I got the better part of the deal."
Nabiki chuckled. "Oh, I'm willing to give way every once in a while."
Nabiki came back to the dojo and found everyone in various states of calm.
Akane and Ranma were lounging on the porch, arms around each other, probably plotting their next "bedroom spar" to rock the house with.
Sano and Genma were playing Go not too far away. Both were concentrating painfully on the board.
Sano must be an idiot on the game to sweat like that with Genma.
Ukyo was entertaining herself with Kuno, baiting him into saying the most absurd things.
Feh! So many idiots in one place. Speaking of idiots…
Ryouga was currently replanting the tree he had uprooted earlier. Kaoru and Kenshin were standing nearby, holding shovels. None of them looked too happy about it, but at least they weren't fighting. Well, not verbally. The looks Kenshin and Ryouga were throwing at each other could have ripped the tree to shreds if they put a little chi in it.
Nabiki approached the trio and smiled. "My, Greenpeace would be proud."
"Shut-up, Nabiki," Ryouga growled, somewhat struggling. Battle rush made lifting trees as easy as lifting his umbrella, but when he wasn't proclaiming anybody's death sentence, things just seemed to feel a wee bit heavier.
Kenshin flashed a rurouni smile that Nabiki and Ryouga had learned not to be fooled with.
"What brings you here, Ice-Queen?" Kaoru asked with a smirk.
Good ol' Kaoru. "Business. Can we talk for a sec?" Nabiki said to her.
Kaoru suppressed a chuckle as she turned from the tree planting and walked some distance with Nabiki. "What about?"
"You have nothing to worry about Yahiko's name calling anymore," Nabiki told her. "And if you play your cards right, he'll do anything you tell him to. You've virtually purchased yourself a slave, Kaoru-chan."
Kaoru was impressed. "Wow, Nabiki. That was fast. How did you do it?"
Nabiki gave her a smug smile. "You know better than to ask that. Anyway, if he ever disrespects you again, tell Megumi. She'll know what to do."
Kaoru was even more impressed. "You got Megumi working for you now?"
Nabiki cocked her head to the side. "I worked out a deal with her. Does that still surprise you?"
Kaoru scoffed in derision. "Hardly. I'll just say, 'Good work, Nabiki' and let everything play on itself."
'Play' is the operative word, baby, thought Nabiki in savage satisfaction. "That's all. You can go back to your men now."
"My men? Oh, those men," Kaoru said, rolling her eyes around at her two wanderers. "Goodness! How can life get any more pathetic?"
Nabiki chuckled. Kaoru didn't know what she was asking for.
"…I love Kaoru like a sister…after I hold Tsubame's hand, I would see if I could kiss her…that's what Sano said guys do to girls…I would give my life for Kaoru…"
It went on and on, and Yahiko could only grow paler at every word his voice was saying from the tiny silver box Nabiki held. He could see his macho image flashing before his very eyes. He couldn't exactly remember saying the words, but a faint flicker of memory reassured him that he had said them.
Finally, Nabiki switched off the box.
Yahiko got his bearings. "Give me that!" He demanded, making a grab for the box.
Nabiki yanked her cassette player out of reach. "Even if I give this to you, it wouldn't do you any good. Megumi has a copy of this. She will play it if she gets wind of anything disrespectful you do and say against Kaoru. As long as you're good, you'll be safe from the consequences of the tape."
Yahiko didn't know what a tape or a copy of a tape was, but if it could replicated things he had said…the horrors! He could see it now. Kaoru going all soft on him and thinking he was the sweetest little thing, Sano laughing at him for being such a chan, and Tsubame…she would never speak to him again! She would probably just blush and hide behind the counter worse than ever!
"I'll…I'll get you for this, Nabiki," Yahiko growled.
Nabiki ignored the threat and smiled. "Kaoru-chan asked me get you to respect her more. I told her I would do it, and this is how I'm doing it. Kaoru has not heard the tape, neither has Tsubame, but I have instructed Kaoru to go to Megumi if you ever disrespect her again. Megumi knows what to do if that instance ever occurs. Megumi will play it for Tsubame as well, so unless you want to keep that macho little image of yours intact, you must behave."
Behave? My life is over! Yahiko thought with utter despair.
Nabiki got to her feet to leave the room, laughing within herself. She wasn't feeling any guilt. Yahiko's confessions were not really as bad as he thought. They were just the ramblings of a cute little boy, but if it made him squirm, she was willing to use it. Anyway, if ever he does stray from the path of righteousness, so to speak, it's not like the recordings would destroy his life. For goodness sake, the worse thing he'd get was unbearable teasing. He may just wake up one day and decide that the things he had said isn't worth the good behavior. In the meantime, it would be used to get some manners into the tiny devil. Who knows, the boy might even come to like being polite.
Not!
Kenshin emerged from his room and began to walk down the stretch of the hallway. Dinner had been great. In spite of the fact that Ryouga had managed to strike a deal with Ukyo about financing his ride to China, Kenshin has basked under Kaoru's attentions.
He wondered briefly what he had done right. Kaoru had never been that attentive before, or had she? Maybe he had been too busy running around, chasing madmen to notice that she was attentive.
Kenshin gave a weary sigh. If only he was more worthy of her.
Something purple on the floor caught Kenshin's eye. It was situated in a corner, just before the hallway turned. He recognized it at once. It was Kaoru's ribbon. Dropped on the floor by accident, no doubt.
I will return it, and perhaps enjoy the appreciative look on her face. He remembered what it was like when he returned her ribbon from his fight with Jin-eh. The smile on her face had been his complete undoing. He had fallen for her when she attacked him, and he fell in deeper when she showed happiness at the symbolic gesture of the ribbon's return.
He bent down to pick it up and was thoroughly surprised when his head hit something hard with a bump.
"Oro!" He cried, falling on his behind.
"Wha--!" Someone else exclaimed, falling as well.
Kenshin looked up. It was Ryouga.
Both men blinked in wonder, then their eyes fell to the ribbon on the floor.
Oh, don't you dare, pig-boy! Kenshin thought as he met eyes with Ryouga again.
Ryouga glared at him.
"Yaaaahhhh!" Both men yelled, making a lunge for the doomed ribbon.
They fell upon it the same time, each grabbing a fist full of its velvety fabric.
Ryouga gave a somewhat restrained pull, afraid to tear it to shreds. "I…saw…it…first!"
"Said…who?" Kenshin growled with a grunt. "I'm giving it back to Kaoru-dono."
"Over my dead body!" Ryouga said in return. He grabbed Kenshin by the wrist and swung him to the wall.
"Oh no you don't, Bacon-breath-dono!" Kenshin responded, flipping in the air to get his feet to push him to safety.
The maneuver caused both men to stumble all over each other, rolling down the hallway in a ball of scratching and pulling.
"Aargh! Let go of my hair!" Kenshin said through grit teeth as Ryouga's hand accidentally caught a few locks of red in his fingers.
Ryouga grunted against the foot Kenshin had on his jaw. "Serves you right for wearing it so long you…you…pretty-boy-girlie-man…"
"Oh, you're going to get it, P-chan!" Kenshin swore. "Pork teriyaki sounds good right about now!"
RIIIIIP!
Both men fell away, crashing into their respective walls.
The sound of running feet soon pervaded the hallway.
Kaoru's voice rang out first. "What the hell is going on here?" She demanded, seeing the bent walls and a few wood chips to boot.
Kenshin and Ryouga's eyes were spinning and they each held a strip of velvet cloth in their hand.
The audience behind Kaoru stifled their laughter, realizing what had happened.
"M-My ribbon!" Kaoru exclaimed in disbelief. "My house! What did you…why did you…? You idiots!"
"I didn't do it!" Kenshin and Ryouga cried in unison. Then, "He did it!"
"MORONS!"
Kenshin and Ryouga spent the night in the woodshed.
Author's Note (Again): Thought that little ditty in the end would lighten up the drama. Like I said, don't worry that this is going to be very long. I'm not going to go into the whole China expedition thing. I just put it in to give Nabiki some action.
Next Chapter: Protecting Interests.
See what happens when Nabiki rubs off on everyone else.