Pig-boy Romances Tanuki-chan

by Adamant Eve aka anna-neko

What will it take for Kenshin to admit his feelings to Kaoru? Why a pig, of course! RK and R1/2 crossover. Chapters have been rid of mistakes to the best of my abilities.

7. Chapter Six: Dating Accdg. To Sano and R...

Author's Note: I know what you're thinking. Now we get to the WAFFy stuff. Not! As the title of the chapter warned, be afraid, be very afraid. If you're an impressionable youngster, please do not heed the advice of Sano and Ranma. Let me remind you that they are, in fact, two of the biggest chauvinists in the history of anime. The women, now if guys want dating tips, listen to what girls have to say.

Standard disclaimers apply.

On with the story.

Chapter Six: Dating Accdg. To Sano and Ranma: Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid.

Part One: The Lectures

"You call that a swing? What's the matter with you? My grandmother could do it better than that!" Kaoru yelled at her student. "Five hundred swings!"

Yahiko glared at her. "Jeez!" Was all he permitted himself to say, the tiny silver box floating in his head. Is it that time of the month already? He thought in annoyance.

Nabiki, Akane and Ukyo, arms folded over their chests, all raised an eyebrow at the same time. They didn't say anything, nor did they see anything wrong with a little bit of tough lovin' to get the boy in shape, but after spending four years with Kaoru in all her moods, they knew something was definitely amiss.

Yahiko began counting his swings out loud.

Kaoru straightened her gi and hakama with a downward swipe of her hands. Blowing the bangs from her forehead, she muttered something about boys never doing anything right.

The three spectators looked at each other. Boys…particularly…?

"Say," Ukyo began casually. "Where have the men run off to?"

"Ranma and Ryouga went out to pick some stuff up in the market," Akane replied. "Said it was for a project."

Nabiki merely gave an indifferent sniff. She had been the one to send Ranma and Ryouga out that morning on an errand. After Ranma told her of Ryouga's money problems and the bandana merchandise, she had set off to find a buyer. It was the toughest test of her marketing skills yet. Nobody took interest in Ryouga's infernally atrocious bandanas. They were either "too yellow" or "too speckled". Someone actually went so far as to say that they looked like over-ripe bananas. And just when she was ready to give up, she came upon a woman who made drum beaters. Considering the toughness of the fabric and, goodness knows, its festive pattern, she bought the whole stock. The woman had said she didn't have all the money handy on her to purchase it right then and there, but she will have the payment ready the following day. Nabiki promised that the bandanas would be sold to her. Therefore, she sent Ranma and Ryouga today to go back and make the exchange. Of course, Nabiki would extract a sum from the sale, but she didn't become the money-grubber that she was settling for the twenty-ancient-coins commission. She was still hankering for Sano's share, which she knew would be hers eventually.

"Sano and Kenshin ran off too," Kaoru grumbled. "Stupid Sano…you'd think he'd do his own hiding. It was his fault he engaged himself to Shampoo! He didn't have to drag Kenshin with him!"

"Ah," said Nabiki, Ukyo and Akane in unison. They didn't mean to do it. It just sort of came out.

Kaoru frowned even more and put a hand to her waist. "What's that suppose to mean?"

"Nothing," all three of them chimed.

Kaoru looked about ready to explode.

"And what of Kuno and Genma?" Ukyo asked to distract the angry little shihondai.

"Kuno's in the woodshed, of course," Kaoru replied hastily. "Kenshin and Ryouga didn't like it that he tried to kiss me after breakfast. Genma's sleeping in the tree outside. Now what did you all mean when you said 'ah' like that?"

For a moment, no one replied.

Yahiko's counting sounded like a death toll in the background.

Finally, Akane decided to split the tension. "So, how did your date with Kenshin go yesterday?"

First, Kaoru paled, then she turned pink. In a moment, she was red all over. "I - It wasn't a date!"

Yahiko's bamboo sword clattered to the floor. He wanted to laugh his head off, but that would mean saying goodbye to his macho-image. Death or degradation, he'd rather choose death. He muttered a barely audible apology and tried to get back to his swinging.

It was divine intervention on the part of Kami-sama that Kaoru realized at that moment the inevitable. She sighed and lost her anger, replacing it with frustration and mild irritation.

"It couldn't have been a date," Kaoru said, sinking to the floor in front of her friends. "Do you call it a date when all he did was call me 'Kaoru-dono'? It felt like having a butler handy at every corner. Not to mention how we ended it. Rushing back to the dojo to save Sano's ass and almost sending Shampoo into a raging fit…real romantic!"

Ukyo bit her lip to keep her giggles from surfacing. "It wasn't that bad, Kaoru honey. At least you got to spend time with Kenshin somehow."

Kaoru shook her head in desolation. "That's not the point. We always spend time together. It's just that…the idiot doesn't really use it the way I want him to."

Akane scratched her head. "This is like, déjà vu."

Ukyo laughed. "Isn't it? But who'd have thought? Ranma was too rude and Kenshin's too polite. Sometimes men just don't get it."

"It's not fair to ask too much from Neanderthals, you know," Nabiki said with a smirk.

"Hey! Who you calling Neanderthals?" Yahiko demanded.

The girls sputtered in laughter.

"Don't worry, Yahiko honey," Ukyo said. "You're not a Neanderthal just yet."

"Indeed, hope lies in the children," Akane added piquantly.

Yahiko bristled even more. "I'm not a child!"

"There, there now, Yahiko-chan," Kaoru crooned. "As a male, it'll take you at least thirty years to grow up, and that isn't even a guarantee. Look at Kenshin."

The women laughed again.

Chan…always chan! Oh, what I would give to call her BUSU right about now. Yahiko decided to let his anger out on the swings he had been penalized to take.

"Oh stop that a moment, hon," Ukyo said, knowing Kaoru's mood had been altered for the better. "Come sit here for a while. Let us girls tell you a thing or two about women."

Always the teacher, Kaoru moved over to make space for Yahiko. This would be a better lesson than any kendo.

Yahiko froze in his swinging, but seeing Kaoru gesturing him to sit down, he complied without complaint.

"Listen very well, Yahiko-kun," Akane told him pointedly. "You will thank us for this in the future."

"It's not every day I do stuff like this for free, so pay attention," Nabiki said with a nod.

Yahiko settled himself comfortably and looked at the women surrounding him. He waited for them to begin.

"First thing you have to realize," Akane said, "is that to know a woman, you have to have patience. Take it slow at first. You can't just jump into the fray and swing every which way you can go. That goes for almost everything you wish to impart to us…"

"Feh!" Sano exclaimed, crouching low beneath the tall grasses as he and Kenshin crawled, soldier-style on the ground. "You gotta catch her by surprise, Kenshin. Go in for the kill. Girls don't like it when you dawdle."

"Umm…" Kenshin began uncertainly, grunting against the effort of staying low. He didn't know why Sano insisted on going to his bachelor's pad in this manner. Shampoo was nowhere in sight. "Sanosuke, I don't think Kaoru-dono would appreciate an ambush."

"Idiot!" Sano hissed. "We're talking about Jou-chan here. Miss Act-now-think-later!"

"Men often make the mistake of resorting to too much flattery," Nabiki put in. "Flattery, smoothly and nicely put will do, but too much of it, even if sincere, can be a real damper. True, we like it when you notice the nice dress, or the new hairdo, but complimenting features, like eyes, or our skin, or something non-sexual like that, works best. Still, you have to remember not to lay it on so thick. It gets too weird when men do it that way."

"Don't forget to put in a compliment every chance you get," Ranma told Ryouga while walking through the market mob. "Girls really lap up that stuff. Experience has told me that you should lie low on the insults."

Ryouga rolled his eyes around. "Gee, you think? Ranma, sometimes you can be such an idiot. It's not like I'm going to make the mistake of calling Kaoru a violent uncute tomboy."

"Well, she can be that, you know," Ranma pointed out. "But given, you won't tell her that. I'm talking about those little bombs we guys make the mistake of letting loose. So just to be safe, whenever you can, say something good about her eyes, and her clothes and everything else you like about her. Heck, you can even embellish a little, just to make her go completely crazy with her ego."

"Women may be gentle and nurturing, but it doesn't mean we want to be treated like porcelain and let a man call the shots for us," Ukyo said. "We're not helpless, and we do not want men to think we are simpering and weak. We need help sometimes, but men have to understand that everyone needs help some time or another. It's not just the women, you know."

Akane nodded. "Women want to feel safe, not strangled."

"And for goodness sake, Kenshin," Sano told the former rurouni, dragging him by the collar to hurry them through the alley in stealth. "Be a little more dominating. Sometimes you act like such a girlfriend. When I heard you tell Jou-chan that her parasol goes well with her kimono, I just wanted to hit you over the head!"

Kenshin frowned. "That was meant as a compliment. You just told me women love compliments…"

"Damn! A compliment means telling Jou-chan her eyes rival the sparkle of the stars, or something like that. Not giving her fashion tips!" Sano hissed, ducking behind a barrel and pulling Kenshin down with him. "While you're at it, how about just go and tell her to 'get that adorable pink purse they sell at Raya's'." He had raised his voice to a girly pitch at the last phrase.

"Hey! This unworthy one resents that!" Kenshin exclaimed, clenching a fist.

"Then macho-up, man," Sano told him. "Girls like to be lorded over. It's that father-figure thing. Every girl's a daddy's girl. You want her to think you're the man. You're Mister Tough Guy. That while you're with them, they have a bad-ass boyfriend whom they can run to. Underneath all those mallets and spatulas and bokken, they're all just helpless little girls inside."

Kenshin smiled a little. "This unworthy one thinks Kaoru-dono feels secure enough and protected when I'm around."

Sano scoffed. "Sure, sure. That works, but you can't make her forget it. Remember: Badass."

"Sensitivity is the key," Kaoru told Yahiko who was seriously absorbing every word. "You have to listen with your heart. Sometimes, the things we women want men to pick-up on are not in the words we say, but what's in between them. We don't always say what we feel, so for the most part, it isn't obvious what we want. I repeat, you have to be sensitive. You have to listen."

Ranma waved off Ryouga's protest. "Women blab incessantly. Half the things they say don't mean nothing, so if you want to get through it without falling asleep, you gotta learn how to tune out for a while and pretend you're really interested in what they're saying. Don't be afraid that you'll miss something important. They're bound to tell you what it is again and again."

Ryouga gave Ranma a dubious look. "I don't know, Saotome. When I'm P-chan, Akane tells me stuff that are pretty important."

Ranma glared at him. "Don't even go there, Hibiki."

Ryouga gulped. "Sorry."

"Words make a whole lot of difference," Nabiki quipped. "Take Kuno for example. You don't want to sound like an idiot. He really goes overboard with the Shakespeare. Wit doesn't mean you have to spurt out poems and verses like a raving lunatic. Stick to sensible and honest. Mushy stuff has its place, but again, you must not use too much of it. Now, Ranma and Sanosuke are the exact opposite. Their colloquial eloquence is just plain grating to the ears. Perhaps Ranma had his flash of brilliance once or twice. How else could he have gotten Akane to marry him?"

"Hey!" Akane complained.

"But," Nabiki continued pointedly. "It's still better than Kuno's gobbledygook, because it's honest. Gritty and raw, yes, but honest. Used correctly, it can be endearing."

"Maybe you can learn a thing or two from that Kuno guy," Sano suggested, diving to the grimy ground.

"Oro! I'm not asking help from that idiot! Kaoru-dono doesn't respect him!" Kenshin exclaimed, dismayed within his neat-freak heart at the prospect of soiling his clothes.

Sano sighed. "But he's got the material! Women are suckers for poetry. Sure, Kuno may be overdoing it a little…"

"Did you feel that?" Kaoru asked her companions.

"What?" Nabiki asked.

Akane, Ukyo and Yahiko felt the air and nodded at the same time.

"Slight adjustment in the chi-field," Ukyo confirmed. "Like something…highly irregular just happened…"

"…but he's got some useful stuff going," Sano continued. "Besides, if you do it, it'll make a whole lot of difference."

"…Oop, it's gone," Ukyo said, the dead silence clearing. "Now where were we?"

Kenshin gave it some deep thought. "I don't know, Sano. Whenever Kuno does his thing, Kaoru gets this look on her face, like she was wiping something off her shoe…"

Sano sighed in exasperation. "Hello! Are you listening? It's Kuno she doesn't like. I'll bet you all of what I own…"

Kenshin thought with dismay that Sano had to be the worse gambler in these parts.

"…that if you're the one doing all of that archaic mumbo-jumbo, Jou-chan would be blushing and gushing like a…"

"…School girl," Ranma quipped.

"Kaoru doesn't seem to be the blushing and gushing type," Ryouga said, hauling his huge bundle of bandanas over the table where the kind drumbeater maker had told him to put it.

"Stupid! Don't you remember? Kaoru really went for that Midsummer Night's Dream thing," Ranma said. "In fact, I think we should snag a copy of that around here. I wonder if they have a library."

"These things we're telling you," Kaoru inserted. "You have to bear in mind that it doesn't mean that women can be boxed and stamped. Women are individuals. There may be similarities, but we shouldn't be indexed and catalogued. Every woman is different."

"Women are pretty standard," Sano and Ranma said from the far reaches of Edo. "Sometimes they're confusing, but most times, you've seen one, you've seen 'em all."

Kenshin and Ryouga gave pained groans. "If you say so…"

Part Two: Application

"You're all set, oinker," Ranma said, throwing the pouch of money towards Ryouga. "You got about a hundred of those money thingies in there. All you gotta do is give Nabiki her twenty percent and you're good to go."

Ryouga fiddled with the string of the pouch. "Now I just have to ask her out."

"Right."

The look of anxiety on Ryouga's face would have given anyone an ulcer. "How the hell am I suppose to do that without making a fool of myself?"

Ranma rolled his eyes around and pulled his friend towards the direction of the house. "Haven't you been listening? I just gave you the basics. Use all that to get her to say yes!"

"How can she say yes when I couldn't even find the courage to ask the question?" Ryouga implored, already making an off-course turn.

Ranma grabbed Ryouga's collar before he wandered off again. "Just ask it! Damn! You can be such a moron!"

Ryouga gave him an irritated glare. "You know what, why don't you tell me about the first time you asked Akane out. I bet you were blubbering all over the place!"

"I wasn't blubbering!" Ranma snapped, clenching a fist. "I just maybe stammered a bit…"

"Ha!"

"But I managed it, didn't I?" Ranma said loftily. "And I didn't get any kind of encouragement whatsoever. Hell, Ucchan, Kodachi and Shampoo were enough to discourage anyone, but I asked her out anyway. You got it easy. All you have to put up with is Kenshin."

Ryouga scoffed. "Shyeah. Scar faced killer of the Boshin Civil Wars."

"Don't let Kaoru hear you say that," Ranma warned. "She'll skin you alive. Besides, Himura's a war hero. His battle scars are way too cool to take against him."

"Ranma."

"Yeah?"

"Why don't you just put up a Hitokiri Battousai Fan Club right over there?"

Ranma fumed in silence for about a second then he began to speak. "Idiot! When are you going to get it into your head that Kenshin is a rival to be taken seriously? The guy actually deserves respect. If it wasn't for him, you and I would probably be serving in the imperial army, and the girls would be concubines for the emperor, or something."

"Real socio-analytical, Ranma," Ryouga said sarcastically.

"Are you hearing me?"

Ryouga sighed. "Yes, yes, I hear you. It's just that I forget being afraid of him when I remember he's after Kaoru too. I think he's just going after her to spite me. After all, he never treated Kaoru as anything more than a friend, and he actually calls her Kaoru-dono…"

"Keep telling yourself that," Ranma muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing. Listen, I don't think he's doing it just to spite you," Ranma said frankly. "I think you sort of provoked him to take some action. This is a good thing, actually."

Ryouga looked at Ranma quizzically. "Could you repeat that? I thought I heard you say this is a good thing."

"It is a good thing. It means he considers you a threat," Ranma surmised. "So, maybe you can make the legendary Hitokiri Battousai quake in his sandals for once. Ask Kaoru out. Just do it. Don't think about it, just do it."

"Just like that?"

Ranma frowned at him impatiently. "Well, how the hell do you wanna do it? Leading a grand parade? Jeez!"

Ryouga gave a hopeless sigh. "Fine. You're right. I shouldn't make such a big deal out of this. I mean, the worse thing she can do is turn me down, and I think I can deal with that…"

"Yeah, with a Bakusai ten ketsu," Ranma muttered.

"What?"

"Nothin'."

"Sano, this is ridiculous!" Kenshin said as they charged into Sano's one room pad while the ex-gangster slammed the door shut behind them. "Shampoo-dono will find you if she wants to. I see no point in hiding."

"Look, I don't have to wave myself in her face, do I?" Sano said. "Were you even listening to Ranma's story?" He gave a shudder at the remembrance.

Kenshin sniggered. "I wonder what Megumi-dono would do to you if she found you naked in bed with Shampoo-dono."

Sano frowned and grabbed his stock of sake from his hiding place and two saucers. "It ain't funny."

"I am sorry," Kenshin said. "The gravity of the situation hasn't sunk in on me yet, it seems. But frankly, thinking about your predicament, my troubles don't seem all that bad."

Sano slammed the sake jar down and they could hear the liquid sloshing inside. Damn rurouni. Bad enough I got engaged to some amazon chick and that Megumi dumped me even before she had something to dump, if I have to lose my money to that bet I made with Nabiki, I'd be convinced the gods are against me. "There you go again. Taking things for granted! Look, my problems are my problems. I'll figure something out. You got to focus on your goals, man."

Kenshin declined the sake Sano offered him and gave a ponderous nod. "This unworthy one isn't taking things for granted, that is the truth. In fact, I'm thinking of asking Kaoru-dono out for dinner tonight."

Sano nodded eagerly and sipped his sake. "Good, good. You do that. Just stick to the things I told you and you'll be fine."

A troubled look crossed Kenshin's face. "Are you sure those are the right things to do?"

"Have I been wrong about women before?"

Kenshin turned red trying not to reply to his question.

Sano realized what Kenshin was thinking and grimaced. "Alright. Wrong question, but you gotta admit, what I told you shed some light into the unknown, right?"

"Unknown…?" Kenshin wanted to give a groan of reluctance. Kaoru didn't seem so "unknown" until Sano started telling him all those things. Where before she was an enigma, now she was a freaking mystery of the universe. He was now more confused than ever. Well, I'll just have to hope that Sano knows what he's talking about.

Ranma and Ryouga arrived at the Kamiya dojo and heard Yahiko counting out loud to a series of swings. All they could see was Genma-panda sleeping in the tree and Kuno coming out of his coma.

"Hey Kuno, how's that bump on your head? Coming along fine?" Ranma asked him with a sneer.

Kuno glared at him and wobbled to his feet. "You mock my pain, Saotome."

"You deserve whatever it is you got, Tatewaki. Where do you get off trying to kiss Kaoru like that?" Ryouga scolded him.

"The love that coat mine lips shall free the soul of Kamiya Kaoru from the vile clutches of Saotome's spell," Kuno said, facing them in a pompous stance.

Ranma raised his eyebrow and smirked. "What fairy tale did you get that from, Idiot-sempai?"

Kuno clenched a fist. "The purity of my being can fight evil in any form…"

"Yadda, yadda, yadda," said Ranma wearily. "I swear, you're so damn annoying."

This did nothing to better Kuno's mood.

"Hey, you hungry?" Ranma asked Kuno.

Kuno frowned. "When hast mine welfare been thine concern, Saotome?"

"Well, fine. If you don't want any of the leftover miso, it's nothing to me," Ranma said casually, heading to the kitchen. "Starve for all I care. Now I can have all that delicious, hot and flavorful soup all to myself…"

Kuno's stomach growled and he jumped a bit in realizing that he could do away with the challenges for the meantime. "Er…perhaps I can break bread with you at this moment," he said, following Ranma awkwardly.

"Go check on the girls for me, will ya Ryouga?" Ranma told him, jerking his head to the dojo.

Ryouga caught on. He should ask Kaoru out now, while Kuno was busy feeding himself.

He nodded and headed off. Time to face the music.

Akane, Nabiki and Ukyo looked up at the sound of Ryouga appearing at the dojo door. He looked nervous, and by the way he kept his eyes on Kaoru, they could tell that something was going to happen.

Kaoru was too busy with Yahiko to notice Ryouga. "That's good Yahiko. Four more of those and we're done for the day."

Yahiko finished his swings, bowed to his sensei then collapsed to his knees, sweat breaking out of his pores.

Kaoru smiled at him. "Good work! I think we learned a lot today, ne?"

Yahiko nodded and tried to smile through his gasps.

"Umm…" Ryouga began.

Kaoru turned at the sound of his voice and gave him a smile. "Hey Ryouga. Did you get your errands done?"

Ryouga froze up. How can she smile at a time like this! She shouldn't! She should just…

"Hey, Ryouga, you okay?" Nabiki asked him.

Ryouga tried to control his heart as it went full throttle. "Y-Yeah. I was just…er…"

"Take charge. Exert yourself. Girls like that in a guy," came Ranma's words in his mind.

Ryouga took a deep breath and steadied himself. "Can I talk to you for a second, Kaoru-chan? Outside?"

Worry crossed Kaoru's face. He sounded so serious. Something must be wrong. Placing her bokken on its mount, she made a motion to go outside with him. "Sure Ryouga-kun. Is there a problem?"

When they were outside, Ryouga's eyes darted to the others, warning them to keep their business to themselves. He knew it wasn't going to do much to deter them, but he could at least get his two cents in.

He pulled Kaoru out, putting a considerable distance between them and the dojo.

Kaoru was beginning to feel frightened. What was so terrible that Ryouga didn't want the others to hear? Gods! Has something happened to Kenshin and Sano? Had Mousse chanced upon them and managed to kill them both? "Ryouga? For heaven's sake, tell me what's wrong!" She cried, clutching him by the shoulders.

Ryouga blushed at the contact and tried not to faint. "Er…it's nothing like that. Nothing bad has happened."

Kaoru sighed in relief, letting him go. "Mou! For a minute there I was sure you were going to tell me --"

"Have dinner with me tonight?" He asked. He had intended it to sound commanding, and assured, like Ranma had advised, but he couldn't help but tone it down. He couldn't exactly bring himself to boss her around.

Kaoru blinked upon hearing his words, processing it in her brain. Ryouga's…asking me out? He's asking me out on a date? What's going on?

"Please?" He added shamefacedly.

It dawned on Kaoru. He was asking her out on a real date, just the two of them. I never knew he liked me like that. I mean, we were always friends. Well, maybe not at the start, but he has become a good friend and…mou! These men are so damn unpredictable! Maybe she shouldn't. After all, she was…she was what? Involved? She wasn't exactly…Kenshin you moron!

What the hell. It's not like she had a very exciting love life. She wasn't even sure Kenshin had any feelings for her. If there's one thing she learned in the future, it's that girls shouldn't wait around for something to happen to them. If they wanted action, they should just go out and look for it. Maybe it's time she started exploring her options. Ryouga's pretty cute, anyway.

Heck, he's really easy on the eyes. And those fangs are just to die for, right?

Oh, stop kidding yourself! You want Kenshin! That redhead whose gaze could make you all jello-ee inside.

No, I can't say yes to Ryouga. Even if that idiot samurai wouldn't get off his butt, you can wait, right?

Like forever, you can wait.

A vision of a mummified bitter old maid holding a bokken while she waited on the porch came to mind. Then there was Cologne standing on her stick nearby, telling her to quit waiting for the rurouni to come back from his wanderings because bingo was about to start in the function hall.

Yaaaaaargh! I don't wanna be like that! "Dinner would be nice, Ryouga," she said a bit hollowly.

Ryouga's eyes widened. "It would?"

"Yes. I'll be ready around seven. Is that okay?"

Ryouga nodded. "Yes, yes. That's fine. Till then?"

She smiled at him. "Till then. Don't get lost."

He watched her walk off to the house, his feet refusing to move. When it finally registered that she had agreed, he felt something inside him going 'boom!'.

"Eee-yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!" He jumped and did a victory dance all by himself, then he called out to Ranma. He didn't want to get lost, and he needed Ranma's help to get around.

He had a date with an angel, and he intended to show up for it.

Yahiko frowned, hearing the conversation that took place. Stupid hag! What did you go and do that for?

Kenshin has to know about this. He's gotta know Ryouga's making moves on Kaoru!

Yahiko picked himself from off the bushes when Ranma fetched Ryouga and rushed out of the gates. He wasn't sure where he would find Kenshin, but he could look through a few places before asking around. He headed straight for Sano's place. It was sort of like the meeting place of the boys after all.

His quick feet got him to the grimy district in record time, and coming upon Sano's house, he flung the shoji door open without even announcing himself.

"Oro!" Came Kenshin's exclamation from his seat on the floor. Sano was seated across from him, sipping a saucer of sake.

"Dammit! When you gonna get some manners, Yahiko?" Sano demanded, his speech already a bit slurred from the alcohol.

Yahiko caught his breath as he tumbled into the room. "Kaoru…" he began with a gasp, clutching the sleeve of Kenshin's gi.

Kenshin reacted immediately, springing to his feet in an instant. "What happened to Kaoru-dono? Is she hurt? Has someone kidnapped her? Did Enishi come back? What? WHAT?!?!"

Yahiko shook his head each time Kenshin suggested an answer. Damn! If I could just speak! "Worse…"

"Oh my God!" Kenshin cried. "What could be worse than that?"

Yahiko swallowed and finally found the voice to be coherent. "Ryouga asked her out. She…said yes."

Kenshin stared at Yahiko, dumbstruck at the news. Kidnapping, he could handle, but this…this was the nightmare he could not wake up from. A faint memory of Sohjiro Seta's nameless grin came to his mind. Quite unconsciously, Kenshin began to get a sick smile on his face. Smile through the pain…

Yahiko saw the smile for what it was and growled, "Get a hold of yourself, Kenshin!" He yelled, slapping Kenshin clear across the face.

"Oro!" Kenshin cried, snapping out of his stupor and gathering his scattered senses. "I can't believe she said yes!"

Sano stood up and sauntered to the door. "Yep. That's what taking things for granted gets you."

Kenshin groaned and his shoulders drooped in misery.

Sano turned to Kenshin and Yahiko in irritation. "Well? Don't just stand there. We gotta get back to the dojo."

"Right!" Yahiko cried, rushing out.

"Not like that!" Sano hissed, grabbing Yahiko by his collar and pulling him down to the ground.

Sano skulked and looked from left to right before taking a fist full of Kenshin's gi. Playing the worse ninja anyone has ever seen, he dragged Kenshin and Yahiko all the way back to the dojo.

"So, lost boy finally got his nerve," Nabiki remarked while Kaoru scrutinized her face on the hand held mirror.

Ukyo laughed. "I'll say. I wonder what I accidentally put in the Okonomiyaki this morning."

"Ooh. He was never so bold with me," Akane said, holding up a pretty purple and blue kimono with subtle Sakura prints in white. "This would look nice on you."

Kaoru looked and an odd expression crossed her face. She smiled slightly and shook her head. "It would, but it doesn't feel right for this." It was the kimono she had been wearing when Kenshin said goodbye to her for Kyoto. She couldn't bring herself to wear it for a date with Ryouga.

Akane knew better than to pry. "Well, this one is almost as nice." She held up a pink and peach one, matched with a white obi.

Kaoru nodded. 'That'll do. Now what am I going to do with my hair?"

Everyone fussed over her. They liked projects of this kind, especially Akane who was more than happy to be the one to doll someone up, for a change. For the past four years, she had been the center of attention when it came to dressing up and getting ready for dates, and weddings…

Nabiki wanted Kaoru to look perfect. Ryouga must confess his love to her tonight. She could almost see the ancient coins of Sano in the palm of her hand. Which reminded her, she had a commission to collect…

Ukyo never had a chance to have such girlie fun before. It had always been boy games, and boy activities. This was strangely enjoyable. Something she had never done before. And maybe one day, she would be the one sitting in front of the mirror…

Nabiki brought out her battery-powered radio and played some U2 to set the mood.

In the midst of their giggling and teasing, a faint knock came on Kaoru's door.

Kaoru laughed as Ukyo tried to apply some lipstick on her lips with an enormous amount of effort. "Come in," she chimed.

The door opened and they beheld Kenshin, panting slightly as if he had been running.

The girls looked at each other in question and shrugged before Kaoru spoke again.

"What's up?" She asked.

Kenshin had to first get over the initial shock of seeing Kaoru's hair cascading down her shoulders and brushing her cheeks in sultry curls because it had previously been held up with a ribbon. Then he had to figure out where that weird music was coming from. None of them were visibly singing, and it was a man's voice too. Finally, he had to wrestle with the realization that he had absolutely no idea why he had barged in on them. It's not like he could tell Kaoru to cancel that infernal date she had with Pig-boy.

"K-Kaoru-dono," was all he could say.

Nabiki smiled mischievously and somehow turned up the volume of the song. It was All I Want Is You.

Ukyo and Akane sputtered into giggles.

Kaoru glared at them and turned back to Kenshin. "What is it, Kenshin?"

Kenshin found the sense to speak. "This…this unworthy one would like to speak to you in private, if you'll allow..."

Kaoru sniffed audibly before rising to her feet. "Excuse me girls. Kenshin wants to talk to me." She ignored more of the giggles that followed as she stepped out of the room and closed the door. "Yes, Kenshin?"

Kenshin fidgeted in his tabi and squared his shoulders to find some measure of steadiness. "This unworthy one would…this unworthy one would like to," his voice squeaked at the last word, and the muted laughter from behind the shoji door told him that it had not gone unnoticed.

Shit! Why do I always have to go puberty-ridden when I'm asking her out?

Kaoru waited for him, raising an eyebrow in anticipation. The last time his voice cracked, he had invited her to a tour of Edo.

He coughed a few times before continuing. "This unworthy one seems to be coming down with something, Umm…I was hoping you would have dinner with…me?"

The widening of her eyes and her sudden blush discomforted him a little.

"Kenshin…I can't tonight," she said, suppressing a groan of disappointment. "I have other plans."

Kenshin nodded and did not flinch. "This unworthy one knows. You're going out with Ba--Ryouga, yes?"

"I am," Kaoru replied softly.

"This unworthy one was thinking of tomorrow night," he continued. "If you would accept."

Something like a glimmer came to Kaoru's eyes. She smiled and cocked her head to the side. Omigod! He actually asked me out! On a real date! Yes! Ooh! Finally! Kenshin you idiot! What took you so long?

"Of course I would accept, Kenshin," she said calmly. "I can't wait to have you."

"What?"

Kaoru wanted to scream. I CAN'T BELIEVE I SAID THAT! "I can't wait to have you for dinner!" She corrected herself. SHIT! F@%$! "Can't wait to have dinner! With you! Can't wait to have dinner with you!"

"Th-This unworthy one is looking forward to it as well," he said, a bit flustered.

Kaoru wanted to die on the spot. Of course, God was not that merciful. With her cheeks flaming, she felt like going into Anything Goes School of Martial Arts mode: Take off in a fast run. "I have to go, Kenshin. I'll see you later, okay?"

He nodded mutely as she fled back into her room. The loud laughter than came from inside made him smile. These future girls are so lively. I hope they stick around.

Without a trace of anything perverted or anything that might make Kaoru's father turn in his grave, Kenshin gave a rurouni smile to himself and whispered, "I can't wait to have you too, Kaoru-dono."

Part Three: Terminal Application

Kenshin saw Ryouga being escorted by Ranma to Kaoru's bedroom door. The Pig-boy had done away with his yellow bandana and he was wearing a strange, western-like outfit. It looked a little baggy, unlike the stiff, fitting clothes of Saitoh Hajime. He also clutched a small bouquet of flowers in his hand: Jasmines.

"This is my stop. Good luck pal," Ranma said to Ryouga, sauntering off and avoiding Kenshin's eyes. He could tell that Battousai was very displeased, judging by the deadly way he sat with the hilt of his sword resting on his shoulder.

Ryouga loosened his shoulders by shaking them a bit and raised his knuckle to knock on Kaoru's door.

Before he could, Kenshin spoke, "P-chan, you better take good care of her. Or else I'll take care of you."

Ryouga swallowed his fear and did not feel like honoring it with a response. He tried to knock again.

"Do you hear me?" Kenshin continued. "If she comes home upset, in any context, I will personally marinate you in soy sauce."

Ryouga cleared his throat. "Kaoru is safe with me, Kenshin…"

A growl rose out of Kenshin.

"…sama," Ryouga finished. Damn that Hitokiri. If he wasn't so f#$%ing terrifying…He hurriedly knocked on the wood of the shoji to avoid any bloodshed that might take place.

The door slid open and both men were surprised when Akane, Nabiki and Ukyo stepped out instead.

"Umm, where's Kaoru?" Ryouga asked.

Akane jerked her head towards the room. "She's inside, putting the finishing touches to her look." She gave Ryouga a critical once-over. "Not bad. What do you think, Nabiki?"

Nabiki nodded. "Nice pants. Dockers?"

Ryouga fidgeted. "Uh…yeah."

Nabiki looked at Ukyo. "At least he knows where to shop. Kaoru's date has sense."

"I'm sure he'll be a wonderful date, hon," Ukyo replied, discussing as if Ryouga wasn't there. "And I'm certain he'll treat Kaoru properly. Hmm?" She shot a look at him.

Ryouga jerked, realizing he was being addressed. "O-Of course."

Kenshin snickered to himself at the scene.

Akane raised an eyebrow amidst her innocent smile. "You can look, but you can't touch. Right?"

Ryouga's heart thudded against his rib cage. He could sense a nosebleed coming, but he sniffed as if his life depended on it and stopped the flow. "Right."

"Where are you taking her?" Nabiki asked him sternly.

"Uh…"

"Speak up!"

Yeesh! Where the hell's Kaoru when I need her? He thought desperately. "The Akabeko…"

Nabiki nodded in approval again. "Good restaurant, I've heard. You seemed to have come across some money, Hibiki."

Ryouga acted on instinct. "I'll -- I'll give you your commission later, Nabiki."

All three pairs of eyes bore him down, shrinking him to microscopic size.

"Eep! Is Kaoru--"

"Kaoru will be out in a moment," Akane said. "Now I want her back by ten, alright?"

"Ten. Got it," Ryouga promised wholeheartedly.

Akane grinned. "And you better not be late, or…oops! Where did that come from?" A tanto cluttered to the floor, its blade gleaming in the moonlight. Akane picked it up. She swung it around expertly for a few seconds and looked at Ryouga. "Don't you think this is a superb tanto? Kaoru lent it to me, for tonight."

Ryouga gulped, having no idea whether Akane could actually wield the thing properly, but he wasn't going to put it past her. "It's great."

Kenshin chortled from his seat. He was enjoying himself immensely. He was probably going to get the same treatment when his turn came, but right now, he had a right mind to sit back and watch the fireworks.

"People," chimed a welcome voice from behind them.

Ryouga's sigh or relief and Kenshin's laughter was cut short by the sight of Kaoru.

She had her pink and peach kimono ensemble. Her hair had been put up in a half-pony tail, with small braids going down the cascade. Her face had been made perfect with something, known to the girls as Mac lipstick and Mac powder. She looked gorgeous.

Ryouga had to compose himself before he started drooling.

Kenshin was holding down a storm of jealousy. How is Ryouga supposed to keep his hands to himself if she looks likes that? My God! She's so beautiful! Oh, just let him try! Just let him try! I'll be on him like a ton of bricks! Kaoru, I will avenge thee…! He hit himself over the head. If he started thinking like Kuno right now, he'd really fly off the hook.

"K-Kaoru, you look…" Ryouga began, at a loss for words.

Kaoru smiled at him as she stepped out. She did not wait for him to finish. "Thanks. Are those for me?"

For a moment, her words didn't register, and then he remembered the flowers. "Um, yeah." He handed them to her.

"They're very pretty," Kaoru said. "Ucchan, would you mind putting these in water?"

"Of course not, honey," Ukyo said. "Now go and have fun. Remember Ryouga…"

"How could I forget?" Ryouga muttered, gesturing for Kaoru to lead the way. "Proper…ten…or else, soy sauce." He had gotten the threats a little mixed up.

Hmph! Don't you forget it, Bacon-breath, Kenshin thought venomously.

The girls decided not to delve into his confusing words.

Kaoru gave her good byes to everyone and walked out of the gates with Ryouga in tow.

The three girls watching collapsed in laughter, holding their sides as they did.

"Do you prefer I cook dinner tonight, Ukyo-dono?" Kenshin suddenly asked.

Ukyo smiled "I'll be fine, Kenshin-honey, but if you--"

Kenshin was gone in a flash. Where he went, they couldn't tell, but Nabiki found it unsettling. If he followed the couple and got in the way of anything, she wasn't going to win her bet with Sano. She better make sure Kenshin doesn't do anything.

"I have something to do, minna. Don't wait up for me," Nabiki said hastily, rushing off to find Ranma.

Akane and Ukyo looked at each other and shrugged.

Tae met Kaoru at the entrance of the Akabeko and smiled. "Welcome!" She exclaimed, bowing graciously. "Will you and Himura-san be -- oh!" She was caught off guard upon seeing that Kaoru was not with Kenshin but with her other friend from yesterday.

Tsubame, who had been ready to greet her dear Kenshin-san, shuddered at the alternative pair. She felt like bursting into tears. She could not handle these irregularities.

"Nope," Kaoru said, trying to live through her blush. "It's me and Ryouga-kun this time."

Tae smiled anyway. "Of course. Right this way, Kaoru-chan."

Ryouga tried not to be so affected by Tae's error.

They were ushered to a table, and Tae's good soul (or evil one, depending on ones perception) saw it fit to give them a place that was usually given to couples who would appreciate some privacy.

Ryouga had to summon all his self-control not to bite his nails. As Kaoru went into a casual conversation about the menu, Ryouga began to recall the things Ranma had told him. Don't dilly-dally…flattery at every chance…lord over her…pretend to listen but take notes on some important stuff…poetry…standard. Got it!

"Ryouga? I asked what you thought of chicken teriyaki," Kaoru said, nudging him.

Ryouga blinked and tried to collect himself. "P-Perfect, Kaoru-chan. They bring out the sapphire of your eyes."

Kaoru stared at him uncertainly for a moment then tried to smile. "Er, thanks, I think."

Ryouga felt like hitting himself. Since when did the brown of teriyaki go well with the blue of her eyes? When will it ever? Oh man! "I mean…" he continued, trying to salvage the situation. "It's not the teriyaki, per se. It's just that I can't stop thinking about how beautiful your eyes are, so anything I see reminds me of them…" Ooh! That was so lame, Romeo!

"That's very nice of you to say, I think," she said, uncertain again. Ryouga was acting very strange. "Maybe the eel would be better, you think?"

Be the man. "Chicken teriyaki would be good," Ryouga said in an authoritative voice. "You'll like its sweetness. Yes, I think you would." He realized inwardly that he had rhymed. Well, that's poetry for you…

So odd…"I'll go for the eel. You can order teriyaki if you want," Kaoru said.

Ryouga nodded, shutting his trap. That didn't go as planned, but that's okay. Could've gone worse. He called over the waitress and was about to give their orders in a crisp, commanding tone when Kaoru started giving the orders herself. It didn't take long for her to finish.

"Will that be all?" Asked the young waitress.

Kaoru nodded and smiled. "Yes, Tsubame-chan."

Tsubame gave them both a shy grin and skittered off to relay their orders to the kitchen.

Oookay, that didn't go as planned either, but it still could have been worse.

It was at that point that Kaoru began to talk about things. Being in Edo, comparing it with Nerima, etc., etc. Ryouga found himself listening, and thank goodness he forgot Ranma's advice about drifting off to a different world. It was the first thing on the date he got right.

Yahiko and Sano didn't like being dragged around by the scruff of their necks in the dark of night. They didn't like leaving the comfort of their homes to spy. And they didn't like it that Kenshin was beginning to look like an assassin right out of the pages of the Boshin Civil Wars, watching for an opportunity to slash his next victim.

Kenshin led them to crouch underneath the window of the Akabeko. With his menacing eyes (thank the gods they haven't gone gold yet), he peered into the restaurant and scanned the faces inside it. He was quick to spot Kaoru and Ryouga. Kaoru was talking, and Ryouga listened in rapt silence. He spoke occasionally, but most likely just to respond to something she had said.

"There they are," Kenshin murmured.

Two more sets of eyes peered with him.

After a few minutes of silence, Yahiko spoke, "Well, that's that, I guess. Nothing happening here. I think I'll go back to bed."

Both Kenshin and Sano pulled him back down. They began to head to the back of the restaurant stealthily and dragged a kicking Yahiko by the arms.

"What -- What are you going to do to me?" Yahiko asked in panic.

"You're going in there to work," Kenshin told him.

"B-But it's not my shift!" Yahiko protested, grunting against them.

Sano sneered. "Then make it your shift! Do me a favor and spill something on the guy."

Yahiko paled as the back door of the Akabeko came into view. Spill…silver box…my ass is grass…"No! I won't do it! I won't do it!" He yelled, struggling harder than ever.

"Hold still you little menace!" Sano said. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I am not going to do anything!" Yahiko insisted, making a motion to bite Sano's hand.

"Hey! Watch it!"

The elder men managed to toss Yahiko into the kitchen where they were certain either Tsubame or Tae would spot him. They dove back into the shadows right after.

Yahiko was about to scramble through the door when Tsubame appeared just in time.

"Yahiko-kun! What are you doing here? Your shift is done!" Tsubame said, blushing behind her dishrag.

Yahiko righted himself and tried to regain his composure. "I -- I got bored at home. Thought you might need some help."

"Thank you, Yahiko-kun. We will appreciate your help. The restaurant's unusually busy tonight," she said. "And do you know what? Kaoru-chan is in there with another man."

Yahiko nodded. "I know. His name's Ryouga. House guest."

Tsubame's eyes widened. "Oh? What does Himura-san think?"

"That idiot didn't know what hit him," Yahiko said loudly. He could almost hear Kenshin saying Ooh! I'll get you for that, Yahiko-chan. "Well, anyway, we better get inside. Lots of customers to serve."

Yahiko didn't want to spill anything on Ryouga. Kaoru would see right through it and she would call manners-patrol on the double. It was too much to ask of him, but as a favor to Kenshin, he had added a generous dose of chili powder into Ryouga's teriyaki, just to make him sputter a little and perhaps spit some food on Kaoru's kimono.

Kaoru was surprised to see him, saying that she thought she knew Yahiko's restaurant shift by heart. When Yahiko said that Tsubame had requested that he help out, Kaoru accepted his explanation and got on with her date.

Man, I hope Kenshin appreciates this.

How can I eat when I am faced with such beauty? Ryouga thought wistfully, staring at Kaoru with woebegone eyes. She kept on talking animatedly while starting with her eel dish and he was barely aware that he was taking some teriyaki from his plate.

Absentmindedly, he put some food into his mouth and chewed.

His eyes grew wide. Hot! Hot! Hot! And he gagged.

The piece of meat got lodged in his throat and he couldn't breath.

"Gurk!" Ryouga choked, trying to find a way to get the chicken out of his breathing passage.

Kaoru was too busy talking and picking at her eel to notice him turning red with exertion.

He clutched at his throat in silent panic and tried to tell her he was choking.

"…then Sano told him to blah, blah, blah…"

Ryouga could feel his eyesight growing dark and he finally decided to grab hold of Kaoru's sleeve.

His hand promptly landed on one of her breasts, complete with a squeeze.

Kaoru stopped talking, looked at his hand, and shrieked to the high heavens. "PERVERRRRT!"

"HE'S FINISHED!!!!" Kenshin screamed, ready to jump through the window and beat Ryouga to a nameless pulp.

Sano, his eyes more objective, grabbed Kenshin with all his strength. He had seen Ryouga struggling for air and knew that if Kenshin didn't kill him, the chicken teriyaki would. "Dammit! He's choking! He's asking help from Jou-chan!"

It took several seconds for Kenshin to accept this, and his struggling stopped when they heard a crash from inside the restaurant

Ryouga careened into the wall right beside their window, and Kenshin saw the cursed bite size lump of meat fly out of his mouth. When Ryouga fell, he was gasping for air.

Kaoru saw the chicken, and she realized how horribly mistaken she had been. Her face crumpled into sympathy and wretchedness. "Oh, Ryouga! I'm so sorry! I -- I didn't know! I wasn't thinking! Oh, are you alright?" She rushed to him, crouching down to rub his back with her palm to ease his breathing.

Ryouga nodded and tried to smile. "Th-Thank you," he rasped. "You saved my life, Kaoru-chan. Pardon me if I --"

Kaoru waved off his apologies. "It's alright. I was the idiot. Besides, your nose isn't bleeding, so I know you didn't do it intentionally," she said with a giggle.

"You're -- You're so kind to me, Kaoru-chan," Ryouga said, blushing.

She helped him up and let him lean on her all the way back to the table. Tae, Tsubame and Yahiko assured the crowd that everything was all right, that there had just been a little mishap that no one need worry about.

Kaoru and Ryouga sat back down and she had him drink a few glasses of water before getting back to dinner. When he was completely recovered, she smiled at him fondly and moved her plate to the center. "We'll share this eel, yes?"

Ryouga gave her an appreciative smile.

In the shadows, the growling continued, but there would be no more attacks for the next hour or so.

Nabiki and Ranma gave sighs of relief from the other side of the restaurant. They had been so sure that Ryouga was a goner, because of both Kaoru and Kenshin, but fate had been kind. The choking escapade was perhaps the best thing to happen.

Dinner went more smoothly after the initial fuss, after which Ryouga brought her to a respectable teahouse for some more light chatter. Kaoru noted that the date was inclined to be modern, as in 1991 modern: Dinner and then tea afterwards. She liked its simplicity.

It didn't take long for them to decide to head home. It was almost ten o'clock by the watch Ryouga kept handy, and he wasn't going to take Akane's threat for granted.

As they headed home, Ryouga quietly mustered his courage for his big confession.

"Oro!" Kenshin cried as he collided full bodied into something that felt like a rock.

"Shit! What the hell!"

Kenshin and Sano looked up to find Ranma and Nabiki staring down at their crouched forms.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Sano demanded of them.

Ranma frowned, making an effort not to seem so threatening. "Trying to make sure you don't ruin it for my friend! He almost bought it in the restaurant a while ago."

"Well, he put his slimy hands on her, he did!" Kenshin argued.

"He was choking!" Ranma returned.

Kenshin simmered into silence, muttering something about pulverizing Ryouga anyway.

"Well, anyway, we shouldn't get in their way," Nabiki said. "They're having a good time and I can't even begin to tell you what Kaoru will do to you if she finds out you're spying, Kenshin."

Kenshin turned a little red.

"And you, Sanosuke," Nabiki began, crossing her arms over her chest. "Am I sensing some interference? Can you say forfeit?"

Sano was up in arms at once. "Hey! Kenshin was the one who dragged me here!"

Kenshin looked at Sano. "Forfeit what, Sano, if I may ask?"

"Nothing!" Sano said hastily. "We better get going, Kenshin. They're passing by that firefly pond as we speak!"

His announcement worked like a charm, and all four of them, arguing in hushed voices, tracked the doomed couple.

Genma crouched in the tree in human form, grunting and muttering that it was so much easier if he was a panda. He had already seen Kaoru and Ryouga pass by. They looked cozy. That was a good thing. It meant that there was a possibility for Pig-boy to pucker up, and he'd be damned if he let the whole lot of kids destroy that opportunity. Nabiki has won over him one too many times.

When Kaoru and Ryouga were at a safe distance, he dropped from the tree and fell right in front of the foursome that followed.

"Where do you think you're all going?" Genma asked them, adjusting his glasses.

"Pop? What're you doin' here?" Ranma asked him in wonder.

"Protecting my interests," Genma said, more pointedly to Nabiki. Nabiki glared at him but did not admonish him for what he was doing. It wasn't like interfering. He was simply making sure that everything went its natural course.

Kenshin did not look happy, but he wasn't about to start attacking the guy. "I am very sorry, Genma-dono, but I cannot let you get in my way. I have to protect Kaoru-dono."

Genma crossed his arms over his chest. "Your Kaoru-dono is safe with Ryouga. Ryouga is an honorable young man and he wouldn't do anything that might compromise Kaoru's virtue in any way."

Ranma fidgeted uncomfortably. He wasn't used to seeing his father do something he approved of. Somehow, he felt that he had to start a fight or something. This was highly irregular.

"I give you my word she will be safe," Genma told him.

Kenshin controlled his emotions. "You will pardon me if I don't take your word for it. Ryouga may be honorable in general, but there are things about him which makes me question his honor, in particular."

Ranma flinched. He couldn't argue with that.

"What are you planning to do?" Genma asked him, raising an eyebrow.

Kenshin frowned but conceded to telling him. "Just watch at a safe distance. Make sure she'll be alright."

Genma fell silent for a few moments, then he nodded. "Fine. We'll all watch, but nothing more unless Kaoru screams bloody murder. Agreed?"

Kenshin looked at Sano who nodded.

"Agreed," Kenshin said, letting Genma lead the way.

Nabiki leaned over to whisper in Ranma's ear. "Shees. You'd think they were negotiating an international peace treaty or something."

Ranma cocked a smile.

They headed up the tree Genma had come from and all of them managed to clamber up its branches. From where they sat, they can see Kaoru and Ryouga standing by the pond.

Kenshin wondered why they had stopped walking and gathered all his willpower not to charge headlong into the scene. If he could help it, he would stay out of sight. Nabiki was right after all. If Kaoru found out he was trailing her and Ryouga, she'd never forgive him.

"What is it, Ryouga?" Kaoru asked, wondering why they had to stop.

Ryouga looked like he was ready to melt right into the ground beneath him. He seemed to be struggling to say something and he was constantly rubbing his palms on his pants.

His hands were sweaty, and he didn't know if he could go through with it, but he had to. He had promised himself that he would tell her tonight. That way, he could actually start to woo her if he needed to.

"Um…Kaoru-chan, it's like this," he began. Shape up! This isn't a state of the nation address. Just tell her. "We've been good friends, right?" Oh hell. Just do what you think is right.

Kaoru smiled at him. "Oh yes. Good friends!"

Ryouga nodded and cleared his throat. "Right. So, I was hoping…that is…I'm wondering…"

Kaoru waited.

"What are they talking about?" Kenshin asked anxiously.

Nabiki wanted to know herself. She picked into her backpack and pulled out a miniature receiver. It looked like a dish, with spikes. She attached it to a small speaker, flipping the switch and recorder.

Ryouga's voice came through. "We've been good friends, right?"

"Oh yes. Good friends!" Was Kaoru's reply.

Throat clearing, then, "Right. So, I was hoping…that is…I'm wondering…"

Kenshin clenched his teeth. So did Sano, for an entirely different reason. His money was slowly slipping from his fingers.

"Nihao airen! You miss Shampoo?" Somebody suddenly whispered in his ear.

"Gak!" Sano exclaimed, shocked out of his skin. Where had she come from? How in hell did she sneak up on them without any of them noticing?

Sano struggled vehemently to get away and the tree shook.

Everyone else in the tree started complaining as Shampoo tried to snake her way into Sano's arms.

"Airen take Shampoo out on date, yes?" She squealed delightedly, working her way through the leaves and branches.

"Gyaaa!" Sano grunted, flailing his arms about.

"Hey! Watch the equipment!" Nabiki cried.

"Kaoru," Ryouga said with resolve. "I love you."

"Ryouga!" Kaoru exclaimed.

"F%&$in' A!" Sano cursed, Genma pinning him down, but he hardly gave a damn. He had just lost the bet.

Kenshin was ready to go ballistic on the spot and he added to the chaos by trying to wretch free of the press of bodies.

"Calm down everyone!" Ranma cried, his foot tangling with Kenshin's hakama.

The tree shook.

"Get off!" Sano growled at Genma, pushing him unwittingly into Shampoo's open arms.

Shampoo was not the least bit happy to have Genma glomping her. She gave a shriek that echoed in the night. "Pervert maaaaaan!"

"What was that?" Kaoru asked.

Shampoo let loose her bonbori, straight at Genma's helpless form. Genma went flying into the air, heading right for Kaoru.

Kaoru and Ryouga didn't see Genma coming.

Popping out of nowhere, he came so fast that he plowed right into Kaoru slight form. They splashed right into the pond, pinning Kaoru under the water with the weight of the huge panda.

"KAORU!" Ryouga cried in horror. What the hell was he supposed to do? If he went into the water, he'd turn into a pig and he wouldn't be able to help her anyway! "Genma! Get the hell off her!"

"Growf!" Genma let out, trying to roll over to find purchase but succeeding only in making the situation worse.

"Oh god!" Ryouga shrieked, clutching at his hair. Kaoru wasn't struggling. She was frighteningly still, and in his terror, Ryouga picked up a tree and swung it like a bat on Genma to get him off her.

Genma-panda went splashing to the other side of the pond.

Kenshin appeared with Sano, Shampoo, Ranma and Nabiki right behind him. With lightning quickness, Kenshin jumped into the water and hauled Kaoru out. She was unconscious, and when Kenshin laid her out on the ground, he thought with dread that she didn't seem to be breathing.

"Holy crap! Somebody administer CPR!" Ranma yelled.

"Shampoo know CPR!" Said the amazon eagerly.

"Growf!" Genma barked, holding up a sign that said, "Ryouga knows CPR!"

Kenshin glared at Ryouga with amber stricken eyes.

Nabiki fell to Kaoru's side and swiped out her pocket mirror. CPR was harmful if administered to a person who was breathing. She held the mirror under Kaoru's nose and saw a mist forming. She sighed in relief. "It's alright, she's --"

"Step aside!" Ryouga shouted, discarding the tree with a crash and pushing everyone away.

Nabiki was assured enough of Kaoru's life to think about her money, and protecting it. She could now see through Genma's ploy. Oh no you don't!

With strength not customary to her person, she shoved Ryouga away and stood to full height. "You idiot! She's going to be -- "

"Nabiki, she's dying!" Ryouga cried, trying to get around her.

Nabiki sighed. "No, she's not! Look, if you'll just listen -- "

"Nabiki-dono, we have to get Kaoru-dono to the clinic!" Kenshin said, already beginning to scoop Kaoru in his arms.

"She's breathing fine!" Nabiki yelled. "What she may have is a concussion! And if that's the case, we shouldn't move her! We should call the doctor here."

"I'm on it!" Sano said, rushing off.

"Shampoo go with airen!" She chimed, running after him.

Kenshin stood up and faced Ryouga. "This is all your fault, Ryouga! If you weren't making googly eyes at my Kaoru-dono, you would have been able to protect her!"

"What? What do you mean it's my fault? How the hell was I suppose to know that I should have been looking out for flying pandas?" Ryouga shouted back.

Nabiki sighed and looked at Ranma wearily. "Oh no. Here we go."

"You're supposed to be ready for anything, if I may be so frank prok-rind!" Kenshin hissed. "That includes Jusenkio cursed fathers!"

"Just who the hell are you calling pork rind, you red-headed freakazoid?" Responded Ryouga, clenching his fists in a fighting position.

Kenshin sprang away for some distance. "I am ready for you," he growled, going on Batou-jutsu stance, the click of his sword sounding.

"Can't we all just get along?" Ranma asked.

"NO!" Kenshin and Ryouga snapped in unison.

Ranma, not the most patient of people, frowned angrily. "Fine! Kill each other! See if I care!"

"I will not go easy on you," Kenshin told his opponent.

Ryouga glared at him. "Make my day, Martha."

"Martha?" Ranma asked Nabiki.

"Marth Stuart, I think," Nabiki said.

"Oh," Ranma responded. For Ryouga, that was pretty good.

Kuno came bounding to the scene of the commotion. "What? Mine Kaoru is hurt! I must save her! I must awaken the beauteous creature in her slumbering purity!"

He approached Kaoru, never minding that the fight of the century was about to take place.

Kaoru stirred and felt her head throbbing. She moaned to herself and tried to open her eyes. Mou! I feel like a building fell on me! Genma…that's practically the same thing.

She pried her eyes open and was met by a horrifying sight.

It was Kuno's lips, and it was heading straight for her.

Forgetting her splitting headache, she let out a blood-curdling scream. "PERVERRRRRT!"

Bokken in hand, she sent Kuno right into the soothing darkness of the night.

Author's Note (as usual, I couldn't shut-up): How's that? Things are finally coming together. Well, for me. This was long, yes. That's because it's somewhere along the final stretch. It's almost done. Two more main chapters and another one for the epilogue. Yep, everything's going according to plan.

Next up: Chapter Seven: It's About Damn Time!

This isn't just going to be about Kenshin and Kaoru. Who else do you think does this title include?