Written By: Mars and AngelAnne
Ah, Hilde, Hilde, Hilde. So pretty, pretty, pretty. In her little dressy, dressy, dressy...
Duo grinned in spite of himself and moved forward to embrace her. It had been so long since he had seen her! So long since he had been freed from that personal hell called "work", he'd almost forgotten the cute way that her eternal beret perched just so on her darling little head...
And her dress was made out of nothing but plastic wrap!
Duo's mouth moved as if to form words, but nothing was forthcoming, save a small trickle of drool.
"Maxxxxwellll..." Hilde said coyly, "Maxxxxwelllll..."
Duo blinked. Hilde never called him by his last name! It was always, "Duo, I need to you fix the garbage disposal", or "Duo, your hair is clogging the shower drain" or even, "Duo, baka! If you don't wake up this instant, Wufei is going to have your scalp and I won't protect you this time!", but it was never just plain old "Maxwell."
But then again, who was he to complain? Here he was, here Hilde was, here Wufei WASN'T...so what if Hilde was acting a little strange?
"Maxwell!" Hilde said a bit more sharply, "Kisama, wake up!"
And just like that, Hilde, her "dress", and the nifty little black void he had been floating in shattered and disintegrated, to be replaced by a pair of angry, almond-shaped onyx eyes.
"Maxwell! Are you dead or what? Wake the hell up!"
"Awwww," Duo groaned and let his head slam into the back of his office chair. It wasn't fair! It wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't! "Nooooooooo."
Wufei stepped back with a raised eyebrow and crossed his arms. "Did I disturb you?" he asked, although he could really care less.
"Let me just put it this way, Wu-man...you're not a welcome sight," said Duo as he irritably rubbed at his sleep-starved face. "Of course, it would be even worse if it had been you in the sandwich wrap..."
Wufei crinkled his nose. "'Sandwich wrap'!"
Duo shook his head, "Never mind. I assume since you deprived me from a blissful fantasy, you wanted something?"
"Besides to deprive you of a blissful fantasy?"
"Even you couldn't be so cruel, 'Fei-chan."
"I wouldn't bet on that." From some hidden pocket on his Preventers jacket, Wufei withdrew what appeared to be about twelve sheets of computer paper. He leaned in closer and whispered, "Can you keep a secret, Maxwell?"
"Of course!" Duo said, indignant, and puffed out his chest a bit.
"I didn't think so."
"HEY!"
Wufei didn't answer. Instead, he shoved the chibi-paper stack into Duo's lap, along with an official Preventers charge card.
Duo looked down at the paper...then up and Wufei...then back down at the paper. "What the hell is this? 'Pick up floral arrangements and dress'? 'Contact local Chinese catering and tell them to carry out the Chang-Po order'? 'Hi-jack the Preventers shuttle'?" Duo eyed Wufei. "What are you planning to do here?"
"Elope," Wufei said casually.
"Elope," Duo repeated, "With who? Me?"
Oh, that had been worth it! He didn't know Wufei's jaw could drop down quite that far or that the little crabby pilot could look quite so flustered...
"No, idiot! With Sally!"
"Ohhhhhhh." Duo nodded his understanding and then scrunched his forehead in confusion, "Ano...Wu, where is Sally?""In her office."
"Um...shouldn't she be helping you plan your little 'elopement'? Why do I have to do all this crap?"
Wufei looked at him as if he had sprouted a braid out of his nose or something. "I don't want her to know."
This time, it was Duo's turn for his jaw to fall off. Wufei smirked.
"Ah, Wufei, usually in a marriage, both parties are aware of what's usually going on..." Duo sighed, and put the papers on his desk. "I'd love to, er, help you, Wu-man, but you see, I've got my own sweetie waiting at home for me..."
Wufei grabbed onto his arm and Duo winced. His delicate little forearm, crushed by a raving Preventer! Oh, the injustice! "You. Are. Going."
"Or...?"
Wufei held up his katana that had miraculously appeared from some third dimension.
Duo's eyes widened in fear. "I'll get my coat."
Before Wufei could even blink, let alone slice, Duo was gone. Satisfied, he sheathed his ever-trusty katana and strolled back to his office, whistling a merry little tune.
Unfortunately, he failed to notice the stack of papers and charge card remaining on Duo's desk...
"Sir? Sir, are you paying attention? Sir!"
Duo shook his head sleepily. "Huh? Wha?" Again, someone had dared interrupt his wonderful rendezvous with Hilde in sandwich wrap, and it was very annoying. The humanity of it all! Couldn't people see he was overworked!
The clerk at the counter sighed. "Sir, again, how may I help you?"
"Oh! Yeah! Um, I'm here to pick up an order..." said Duo, fishing through the pockets in his jacket. "I grr know I have that...kisama! list in here...somewhere!"
Duo's face paled, still rummaging through the cavernous expanses of his hidden pockets. "Okay, Duo, not a crisis. Let's see. Wu-man handed you the papers, and the card, and explained this nut bar plan, threatened you with bodily harm with that damn katana..."
The clerk's face blanched. "Sir?"
Duo slapped his face with his hand, and dragged it down. "I left Wu's list on my desk...I left the card on the list..."
Of course, he perked up immediately. "Ah well! Time to improvise!" Scratching his head, he gave the clerk a quizzical look. "I think I'm supposed to pick up a wedding dress..."
The clerk, happy to get down to business, whipped out a pad of paper. "Who's the order under, sir?""Probably under Chang..." said Duo, staring blankly at a spot over the clerk's left shoulder.
The clerk turned, and peered into the store room. "Sir, there are two orders under Chang in here."
Duo was still staring blankly.
"SIR!" The clerk had finally given up on being perky. Hours of training can only prepare one so much. "Which one of these damn dresses is YOURS!"
Duo jumped, shaken. "Oh! Show 'em to me!"
The clerk pulled up two dresses to Duo's line of view. One was incredibly poofy, made of taffeta and silk. There were globe-shaped sleeves, and a trail of flowers embroidered with rhinestones running down the multilayered skirt, and it was incredibly pink. Cotton candy-under-fluorescent lights-pink.
The other dress, on the other hand, was, at least, not as pink. In fact, it was far from pink. It was an amethyst purple, reminding Duo of his eyes a little. It was...much lower in cut, reminding him of the plastic number Hilde had been wearing. It took all his strength not to drool. There were no sleeves, just a shelf, and it was also beaded with rhinestones, this time in a cascade-like pattern.
"I...think it's...that one..." said Duo dreamily, holding a shaking finger out at the little purple number. It had to be. He'd always known Wufei to have good taste in things.
Except, perhaps, in choosing a tea brand..."Very good sir," said the clerk through clenched teeth and hefted the dress onto the counter, all too eager to be rid of Duo. "Cash or credit?"
"Nani?"
The clerk let his head fall onto the counter with the dress.
Duo pulled out his wallet from yet another pocket in his jacket and peered inside. He had a grand total of...nothing. He had no money whatsoever. Just one charge card. And he had no choice, if he ever wanted to go back to plastic-clad Hilde...
Duo sighed as he forked over his defenseless charge card. Why couldn't Wufei believe in the power of pre-payment...?
Duo stomped out of the bridal boutique, much poorer now than he had been when he had gone in. He was going to kill Wufei. There was no way around it. He was going to steal that friggen' katana and sllloooowwwwwlllly cut him apart, starting with that damned pigtail!
Of course, he'd just settle for robbing him blind.
Duo stuffed the amethyst dress into the car and plunked himself down in the driver's seat. What else had been on that damned list...?
"Potting soil? No...fertilizer...flowers! That's it!" he grinned in triumph and gunned the engine, heading for the local florist. Maybe their clerk would believe in the "service with a smile" policy.
Oh. No.
Wufei stared down at Duo's desk in horror. His teacup slipped from numb fingers and shattered against the office floor. It couldn't be! It wasn't possible! It was an injustice!
Duo's desk was bigger than his.
And it was made out of oak.
And his wedding list was still there.
Wufei allowed himself a good, long, loud groan. How could Maxwell be such an IDIOT? How could he himself have been so weak as to NOT see the papers on his desk?
Ignoring his teacup, Wufei scooped up the papers and headed for the door. He had to find Duo before he screwed anything up! Duo usually had common sense, but when he was sleep deprived and having those Hilde-dreams...
Disaster was forthcoming.
"Wufei!"
Wufei skidded to a stop, despite his instincts screaming at him to keep going. "Onna..." he said, hoping to sound angry. Unfortunately, he sounded more like a frightened mouse.
Sally stepped into his line of vision, a sly smile playing on her face. "Where you off to in such a big hurry? And what do you have there?"
Wufei had never been a good liar. So he just kept his mouth shut.
"Is that the Hayase report?"
Hayase? Hayase? Wufei blinked. What in the hell was the Hayase report? Oh, well, it would work...
He wordlessly nodded.
Sally's grin grew even bigger and she snatched the papers from his hands. Wufei squeaked in protest.
"I could kiss you, Chang!" she exclaimed. "I need to compare your report with mine..." and with that, she had somehow vanished back into her office, all without looking at the papers.
Wufei buried his face in his hands and desperately tried to think of a ten-second plan. The answer hit him like Duo's braid. "QUATRE!"
"And so, he said, 'That's no rhododendron, that's my girlfriend's purse!"
The florist broke out into hysterical laughter, pounding a fist repeatedly on the counter. It was all Duo could do to keep from pulling out his gun from his belt pocket and putting himself out of this misery. His eyebrow twitched, and he forked over his worn-out little credit card.
The clerk chuckled once more, wiping his eyes and taking the credit card from Duo. He rang up the Chang order for the braided gentleman, and Duo stalked out of the shop, carrying two ratherlarge...plastic palm trees. Duo was still oblivious as to why his friend Wufei needed plasticpalm trees for a wedding, but he was Wufei, and Wufei really didn't need a reason for anything.
He dragged the trees to the sidewalk, and stared hard at his car. And stared more. Because there, stuck between his windshield-wipers, was a parking ticket, appearing to glare at him.
Duo sighed, snatching the evil little paper and resigned himself to contemplation of how two 6 foot plastic palm trees were supposed to fit in the backseat of his precious little PT Cruiser. It was times like this he wanted to wonder if letting Hilde pick his car was the best idea after all.
Production in the office didn't cease with Wufei's plea for help. Normally, he would have been impressed with the affiance, but right now, all he wanted was the blonde Arabian in front of him.
And the aforementioned little blonde Arabian was no where to be seen.
Wufei groaned. Little squirt was probably out to lunch with Trowa. That meant...that meant...
HE HAD TO SOLVE HIS PROBLEM BY HIMSELF! Oh, the injustice!
"I am such a weakling," he muttered as he bent down to retrieve the pieces of his shattered cup, "Can't even stand up to that...onna..."
Maybe he could act shocked when Sally came out of her office in a bewildered frenzy! Yes! He could somehow blame the whole thing on Maxwell, and he would live happily ever after! Maxwell would be cursed to drive around town for eternity in his silly little car, and he, Wufei Chang, mighty warrior of justice, would prevail with his integrity intact!
Or he could just resort to underhanded treachery and steal the papers back...Wufei thought for a moment, and made his decision as soon as the pieces of his teacup hit Duo's desk.
With a very uncharacteristic evil cackle, Wufei scampered towards the kitchen in hopes of finding a crowbar.
Duo gave one last shove, and the last of his shopping bags squished themselves into the backseat of his tiny little car. The plastic palm trees bent over the front seat, almost touching the steering wheel. It was a good thing Duo didn't mind being succumbed by foliage.
In the backseat lay the rest of his - well, technically Wufei's - purchases. There were four trays from the caterer's, complete with roast pheasant stuffed with truffles, a platter of various expensive -looking cheeses (labeled things like "Brillat Savarin," "Saine-Maure," and "Roquefort Charles"), something the caterer called, "dufour pastries", a tray of delicious- looking carmel apple truffles, and a bottle of Brut Rose wine. (Which had, fortunately, been pre-paid. Everything that Wufei had ordered was very expensive looking, and Duo's credit card was this close to having an ulcer.)
The man behind the desk at the caterer's office scared him, though. He was waaay too happy to see Duo when he mentioned he was here to pick up the Chang order...and the man mentioned something about Duo being Ms. Chang's nephew or something...and to wish her a wonderful anniversary. But Duo wasn't really listening. He plastered on a 150-watt smile, and accepted the huge amount of food without a complaint.
Now, with the two 6-foot plastic palm trees, gourmet food, and to-die-for dress picked up, what was left?
"Hmm," contemplated Duo, as he tried to squeeze himself behind the wheel and not poke an eye out with those damn trees. "Got food, dress, floral-type things...Wasn't I supposed to hijack some sort of transportation for Mr. Injustice? Limo? Plane? Oh yeah! Preventers shuttle!"
With that, he jammed the car in gear, and sped away towards the air hanger.
With the Shuttle safely in his command, Duo plopped into the pilot's chair and felt it was time to call his comrade. He pulled out a cellphone, and dialed Wufei's phone. Oh, Wufei would be so pleased with him! He finally did something right! He cradled the phone on his ear as the shuttle hummed to life.
Beep...beep...beep...
"WHERE IS HE!"
Wufei jumped in surprise, and slammed his head against the bottom of the kitchen sink.
"Kuso," he muttered, slipping out to face the screaming feminine voice behind him.
He turned to see Lady Une, face flushed red and eyes narrowed to dangerous little slits.
"Um...Lady Une..." stammered Wufei.
"Where is Duo!" she shouted again. Wufei winced. Damn, that woman had a shrill voice when she wanted it.
"He has a report due in an hour, and he's nowhere in the office! And I can't get a hold of him on his cellphone!"
Wufei's face paled. Not only were his wedding plans, his secret wedding plans sitting on the desk of the one person who shouldn't be seeing them, but NOW he had to cover for the braided idiot who had left the plans here in the FIRST PLACE! Where was the humanity in all of this!
"Lady Une...I can explain--" He started, but was interrupted by a beeping sound from his office."Wuuuufeeeii!" shouted Sally. "Your phone is ringing!"
Wufei heaved a sigh, and sprinted toward his office. Saved by the office phone.
"Chang speaking," said Wufei breathlessly.
"Jeezes, Wu, you sound like you've been running! What the Hell have you been doing over there!"
Wufei's eyes narrowed. "Duo...when you left...did you forget something VERY IMPORTANT?"
He heard Duo snicker. "Yeah, I know. I forgot the list. But that's okay, 'cause I improvised!"
Wufei's face paled again. Duo? Improvise? That's about as safe as pouring radioactive waste in your pants!
"Anyhoo, get your unsuspecting fiancé to the hangar as soon as possible! I'm starting to get strange looks from people!""Nothing new," muttered Wufei.
"I'm hurt, Wu. Really." Duo sniffed indignantly.
"You will recover, I'm sure. I'll be there in--" Wufei checked the tiny clock on his computer "--an hour. Is that okay with you, baka?"
"Yeah! By the way, whatever happened to that list?"
"WWWUUUUUUFEEEEEIIIII!"
"Don't tell me," sighed Duo. "Did someone find it?"/p>
Wufei made a sort of "meep" sound as a certain tall, chestnut-haired Preventer came thundering into his office.
"G-gotta g-go, D-D-Duo..." stuttered Wufei, and let the phone receiver tumble from his hand.
Lady Une's eyes narrowed through her glasses--glasses! Oh, dear lord, he was in for it now…
"Mr. Chang, I am going to ask you this once…and once only," she said in a clam, collected voice that was obviously suppressing fury, "Where. In. The. Hell. Is. Duo?"
Wufei had always prided himself on his fearlessness. He had faced down Heero Yuy, Treize Khusherenada, and countless numbers of those irritating mobile dolls. He had kept (mostly) calm when he had been imprisoned by OZ and he hadn't gone kamikaze when his colony had self-destructed. Fear was for bleeding hearts and women, after all!
But seeing Lady Une with those glasses and her trademark LOOK being focused on HIM instilled Wufei with good ol', honest fear.
And so, he did the same thing that anyone who had their wedding crashing around them topped off with Lady Schizophrenia would do: He RAN.
Lady Une glowered at his retreating figure and reluctantly removed her glasses. She shook her head with a sad sigh. "Doesn't anyone around here still work?"
Sally sat down at her desk, and cracked her knuckles. Beside her (replaced) computer, sat Wufei's rendition of the "Hayase Report."
He was too sweet to her…when he wasn't insulting her intelligence, stamina, or calling her a "baka onna."
Something…squeaked…from the vicinity of Wufei's office, and Sally peeked through her door in interest. She was just in time to see Wufei bolt into the stairwell. Sally blinked several times to make sure she had seen correctly. Wufei. Had…bolted? Wufei was scared of something? Wufei?
"Probably a sale downtown on katanas…" she muttered, and reached for the first paper of the stack.
"Po-san!"
Quatre poked his sinfully cute face into Sally's office and smiled brightly. "I've returned from lunch, Po-san! Will you help me with the end of my presentation?"
Sally sighed and stood. How could she not help Quatre? It would be a crime to cruelly ignore him…not to mention she'd make a mortal enemy of Trowa if she did."Of course I will," she said with a smile of her own. If possible, Quatre's face became even brighter. The Hayase Report would just have to wait…
Duo leaned back in the shuttle's pilot chair and yawned. What in the hell was taking that nutty Wu so long! Sheesh, he had been so insistent to get this show on the road, why was he being so bloody SLOW now?
"'We'll get there fast, then we'll take it slow…that's where we want to go…way down in Kokomo…'"
"The Beach Boys won't save your sorry hide, Maxwell."
Duo jumped in his seat and spun around to come face to Preventers jacket with Wufei. "The Beach Boys?" he squeaked. "I thought it was the Muppets!"
He could feel Wufei's glare. "We're leaving, right?" he asked hopefully. "Just tell me where, and I'll get you and soon-to-be, pity her soul, Mrs. Chang to your date with destiny."
"Sally isn't here, Maxwell."
Duo groaned. A good, long, exasperated groan. "Where IS she, Wufei?"
Wufei didn't answer. Instead, he plunked himself down into the co-pilot's seat and sighed in resignation. "This was a terrible idea, Maxwell…and I am such a weakling."
"Where. Is. She. Wufei?"
"Ever since I defeated Treize, I have been adrift and alone. My hatred for him gave me something tangible to hold onto…without the war to guide my actions, I am lost. I am pathetic and spineless. I can't even admit to Sally---"
"WHERE IN ALL NINE HELLS IS SHE, CHANG?"
Wufei looked up at the raving and foaming Duo. "At work."
Duo was going to kill him. Just grab his pistol, and shoot him! Or himself, whichever was faster…
"Thank you again, Po-san!"
Sally smiled, and plunked back down into her chair. Quatre's presentation was finished, and she could now hunker down and read Wufei's report. Again, she cracked her knuckles and picked up the stack of papers. It was time to hunker down and get some real work done. With anticipation, she read the first page aloud.
"Plans To Elope. Pick up floral arrangements and dress. Call Chinese catering service at tell them to carry out the Chang-Po order..."
Her eyes scrolled down the page, and then flipped to the next page. And the next one. And the next one. She blinked once. And then blinked again. And just for good measure, she blinked once more. After the third blink, reality sunk in.
"Wufei...was planning to elope...with me..."
All of the piece of the puzzle fit back into place. That was why no one could get into contact with Duo, and that was why Wufei had made tracks out of the building...
Without a second thought, she stuffed the "report" under her arm, pulled her car keys out of her pocket, and ran out of her office.
And nearly plowed into Lady Une, coming out of her office with a large stack of papers of her own.
"Gomen, Une-sama!" Sally blurted out, and scrambled away toward the door.
"Wait! Sally! Where are you going!" shouted Lady Une. It was too late. Sally had already screeched out the door, on her way to who-knows-where.
Just as Une was about to explode for the second time in an hour, that sinfully cute face peered out from his office.
"Une-sama? Is there something wrong?"
Lady Une sighed, and trudged slowly back to her office. "No, Quatre. I just fear that I am employing a bunch of slackers, that's all."
Quatre smiled a smile that would have made chocolate melt. "Don't worry, Une-sama. I'm still here."
Une returned the smile, despite herself. Quatre was always working, and was always cheerful, unlike a former Shenlong pilot she could think of...
"Thank you, Quatre. It's nice to know this office won't fall down around its foundation with you around."
He winked. "You bet, Lady."
With that, he closed the door to his office, leaving Une in the hallway to contemplate proper torture for the three shirkers who had left her to her own devices.
"Hmm...I wonder what Wufei would think of wallpaper with little bunnies on it..."
"I will not hurt him," Sally growled through clenched teeth as she yanked open the door of her Jeep. She threw the "report" into the passenger seat and slid behind the wheel. "I'm sure there's a perfectly logical solution to this whole mess…"/
The nerve of that--that WUFEI, to think that he could simply arrange a wedding and not even tell her! How dare he think he could simply waltz into her office, kidnap her, and then marry her! How could he believe she would not protest-not that she would! But still…
How sweet of Wufei to try and arrange a wedding without her knowing! Under all that cursing, and woman bashing, and justice ranting, he was such a sweet-heart!
But still--!
One did have to admire how he pulled everything off…
But still--!
"He could've at least asked me about a dress," Sally muttered as she started the engine and shifted the gears into reverse, "That idiot probably thinks I'll attend my wedding in my uniform! Pah!"
"I am such a--"
"Wufei, if you say 'coward' one more time, I will not hesitate to brutally kill you."
Wufei sank back into the co-pilot's seat without so much as a glower.Duo felt a chill go down his spine. If Wufei didn't even have the will to be angry anymore…everything really had hit that proverbial fan. Duo shook his head in sympathy. Of all the times he had wished a curse upon Chang Wufei-be it for katanas, curses, or threats-he had never wanted anything like this to happen to him!
Wufei stared idly out the cockpit window, a great and heavy sadness in his eyes.
Duo knew he shouldn't say anything; he knew he would regret saying anything…but there were just some things he had to know! "Ne…Wu-man? Why do you need palm trees?"
Wufei slowly turned to face him, an eyebrow raising for every centimeter he turned, "'Palm…trees', Maxwell?"
Duo nodded. "Palm trees! Two really ugly plastic things…and the expensive cheese, Wu! And don't forget the pheasant! I didn't know you liked pheasant!"
Wufei's eyebrow was now tickling his hairline. "What?"
Duo felt his stomach sink through the floor. "Wu-man…you didn't by any chance order Sally a neon pink gown, did you?"
Wufei fell out of the chair. "What? Neon pink! Palm trees? Cheese? I didn't order any of that!"
Duo's stomach was now somewhere in Neptune orbit, "Well…at least I got the dress right…" he muttered under his breath. "Well," he repeated, a bit more loudly, "I guess some poor, shriveled woman is going to have to feast herself on your planned-on Chinese entrees…"
Wufei's head hit the cockpit floor with a resonating thud.
With one last, deep breath, Sally removed the key from the Jeep's ignition and, opening the driver's door, plodded slowly toward the awaiting shuttle. She still hadn't determined whether she was going to kill Mr. Chang, or kiss him until his lungs collapsed. She could do both, (not necessarily in that order), but having a dead groom could put a damper on their..."wedding."
She paused at the ladder leading up to the shuttle door. What would she do? Wufei had gone to all that trouble making plans, and under that hard exterior, he was just as hopelessly romantic as she was.
And yet, he hadn't even consulted her! She was just supposed to pile into a shuttle...
"Hijacked Preventers property, no less," muttered Sally. "Une will have his head when she finds out."
She was just supposed to pile into a shuttle, head off to some exotic island somewhere, and be blessed in holy matrimony by an island medicine man? Uh-uh. Not in THIS lifetime. Perhaps a couple centuries ago, but not now.
"This isn't getting me anywhere," Sally sighed. "I'm just going to go in, and see what my bumbling fiancé has to say for himself."
With the papers still under her arm, she climbed the ladder to the shuttle door, and slid her ID card through the scanner. There was a hiss of air, and Sally strode inside.
Duo could only stare. Wufei was still on the cockpit floor, but he was now repeatedly banging his head into the solid metal. He was beginning to make a dent, and Duo wasn't going to pay for the damage. Une was probably going to kill them for taking the shuttle anyway, and he didn't need to wear out his charge card anymore in the next 6 months.
He was about to make a remark about Wufei's loss of brain cells when he heard a familiar sound: the hissing air behind the shuttle door.
"Ano, Wu, I hate to be a bother," said Duo, "but I think Ms. Po is here."
Wufei abruptly stopped banging his head, and looked up at Duo with truly frightened eyes.
"Your kidding, right, Maxwell? A joke?" he said meekly.
"Chang, even I have a better sense of humor than that."
For the second time that day, Wufei squeaked, and Duo forced down more snickering. There, at the door of the cockpit, was Sally. Under her arm was a very familiar stack of papers, and her face was flushed red. Wufei knew what was forthcoming, and he tried to stall.
"Well, hello, onna. What a surprise to see you--" he started, but was cut off abruptly when Sally tossed the list over her shoulder and yanked him forward into a passionate kiss."Oh, please," groaned Duo, hiding his eyes. "I don't need to see that."W
ufei tilted his head, and Sally wrapped her arms around his neck. Her tongue tickled on the edge of his lips, and he opened them without hesitation.
For a few more moments, they stood in a close embrace, kissing with forceful passion. When Sally realized that her lungs were aching, she pulled her head away, and smacked Wufei sharply upside the head with her palm.
"Woman! What was that for?" said Wufei angrily.
"That was for arranging our wedding without any help from me," said Sally smugly.
"And this," she continued, kissing his cheek with a sly grin. "was for being such a romantic silly. I didn't even think you could define 'elope'! You're such a sweetie, when you aren't ranting and being chauvinistic."
Duo laughed, and Wufei blushed a tomato red. "Don't spread that around, onna," he said with a mock-glare, squirming uncomfortably.
"Why, Wu? Can't let anyone know that Mr. Justice has a girly romantic side?" said Duo, fluttering his eyelashes and resting his head on his hands.
"If this weren't such a happy occasion, I'd slice your braid off," Wufei said huffily.
"You're cute when you're petulant, Wufei," said Sally, smiling in a semi-suggestive manner.
Wufei blinked, and then chuckled a little. "I'm glad you think so."
There was blissful silence for a few more moments, and finally Duo got up enough courage to break the lovey-dovey feeling. With a thud sound, he plopped into the pilot's seat.
"Well, lovebirds, where to?" he said in his best British chauffeur voice. "Hawaii? Bahamas? Las Vegas?"Wufei's eyebrow twitched. "Las Vegas isn't romantic, Duo, it's gross. Who wants to get married in a town that sleazy?"
Duo coughed. "No one in particular...Just tell me where we're going, okay? Une's gonna figure out where we went soon enough, and the farther away from Headquarters we are, the less organs I'll lose."
Wufei smiled, and tilted his head up at Sally. "Well, onn-er, Sally, where do you want to go?"
Sally smiled back. "It doesn't matter, Wufei. As long as I'm there with you."
With that, they fell into another passionate kiss with all of the modesty of a Victoria's Secret catalog.Duo gagged quietly. "I think I'm gonna ralph," he moaned, and slammed his hand down on the engine button to block the...noise.It was a standard Wisconsin morning. (Or rather, it would've been a Wisconsin morning if the World Nation hadn't been declared…but "standard World Nation morning" just didn't have that special ring to it…) Birds were chirping, the sun was shining, the waffle iron was going into over-drive…
Matilda grinned in contentment and stretched. Today looked to be the sort of day where nothing could or would go amiss. She'd finish with the waffles, get dressed, and spend the day with Mary Ellen and Jameson. Maybe, with a tad of luck, she'd be able to see Harlan today as well! That would just make life peachy keen!
Matilda pulled the floral curtains of the kitchen window apart and breathed the lovely Wisconsin air in. Ahh, the fresh scent of honeysuckle and jet fuel! Nothing was--
Matilda blinked. Jet…fuel? She tentatively sniffed the air. Yup, jet fuel. And it was probably coming from the shuttle-type-jet that had suddenly appeared in her backyard.
Without a second thought, Matilda threw on her bathrobe and bolted out the backdoor. Halfway down the steps, she realized she was going forth into the unknown without so much as a skillet to defend herself with. With a curse, Matilda started to turn to go back inside, when the shuttle's hatch hissed open.
Matilda fervently prayed to live to see the end of breakfast.
A pair of amethyst eyes framed by a heart-shaped face and a ridiculously long chestnut braid peeked out from around the corner. "Hi!" said a slightly accented voice, "My name's Duo Maxwell, I'm with the Preventers, as I'm sure you've seen, and well, we're kinda lost…" the face briefly turned back inside the shuttle, "You're supposed to wait until after the wedding to consummate it! Jeeze, you two are revolting…" he turned back, "So would you mind telling me where we are?"
A frightened croak managed to escape from Matilda's throat."'Wisconsin'?" Duo repeated and wrinkled his nose, "Wonder how I pulled that off…Hey you two!" he shouted back into the shuttle, "We're there!" Duo turned back and smiled a smile that made Matilda's knees give out. "Thank you very much! Do you mind if we leave this," he gave the shuttle side a good whack for emphasis, "here for a couple of hours until I can call Headquarters and ask them to stop by and refuel it?"
Matilda croaked again.
"Hey, great! You're a real sport!" Duo threw her a wink, "Now if you'll excuse me, I gotta pry the other two apart long enough to find someone who'll do the special honor of engaging them in eternal wedlock…"
Duo disappeared back into the shuttle.
Matilda blinked and tried to say something, but her mouth just flapped uselessly. Her last thought before she collided with the ground was a brief moment of wonder on how that enormous shuttle had missed crushing the swingset…
"No. No way.""Saaaalllly..."
"Duo, I refuse."
"C'mon, Sally. He picked out just for you!"
"That may very well be. I'm still not wearing that... thing! I don't even LIKE purple!"
"You should have seen the OTHER one. Better grape than cotton candy."
"...What?"
"Never mind. Look, it's THAT, or you two get married in your uniforms."
"Are those my only options?"
"'Fraid so."
"Damn. Fine, Duo, hand me the dress. He didn't happen to get me proper shoes, did he?"
"Great. Well, fortunately, I have a spare pair back here for just such an occasion..."
"You keep a spare pair of shoes back here just in case you happen to elope?"
"You aren't funny, Duo."
"Yeah, I am. You just won't admit it."
"I, Chang Wufei, do take you, Sally Po..."
"I, Sally Po, do take you, Chang Wufei..."
"To be the wife of my days..."
"To be the husband of my days..."
"The companion of my house..."
"The companion of my house..."
"The friend of my life, and the mother of our children..."
"The friend of my life, and the father of our chil--"
"Oh dear...Wufei's offspring. I don't even wanna thi--Itaiiii!" squeaked Duo, suddenly finding Wufei's shoe in his shin.
"You're ruining the moment," admonished Wufei. He cleared his throat. "Where was I? Oh yes. We shall bear together whatever trouble and sorrow life may lay upon us..."
Sally smiled despite herself. Wufei looked so sweet in the clothes he was wearing; a soft silk shirt, dyed scarlet red, and a pair of silk pants in a deep black. He had been persuaded by Duo-
'Kami-sama knows how,' she thought silently.
to take his hair down out of its normal painful ponytail, and it hung slightly limp, a few black strands dangling in front of his eyes. She was wearing the now-famed purple dress, with a pair of while high-heels. Her hair, too, was taken out of its familiar style, and was pulled back into a thick braid that ran down her back. Finally, it seemed, Duo had done something helpful.
"We shall bear together whatever trouble and sorrow life may lay upon us..."
"And we shall share together whatever good and joyful things life may bring us..."
Duo smiled. Finding a priest on such short notice- 15 minutes-wasn't easy, but he finally found a pretty little chapel, complete with a little, middle-aged priest, happy to see someone in church on a Thursday.
He had to admit, though, that with all of the catastrophes of this whole eloping plan, and all of the fights and tough crap Wufei and Sally had been through, that they were finally getting married.
"Will the best man present the rings?"Best man! "Oh! Right! That's me!" exclaimed Duo. Suddenly, his eyes went wide. "Ano, Wufei...You never told me to get rings..."
Wufei winked--Waaait, winked? Yes, indeed, Wufei winked. "Don't worry, Duo. I've got it covered."
From a tiny pocket in his silk pants, he produced a small box. With a creak, it was opened to reveal two golden chains, each with an intricately carved dragon charm, twisted in such a way that if the two charms were brought together, they would make a tiny, beautiful sculpture.
"Oh, Wufei," breathed Sally. "They're...beautiful!""Does it make up for the dress?"
Sally blushed. "Yes...I'm sorry I didn't tell you I hated purple."
Wufei chuckled. "No need to apologize. You're here, I'm here, and that's all that matters."Wufei took one necklace from the box, and Sally took the other.
The little minister smiled. The couple was certainly not the kind he saw in here every day, but he could tell they'd gone through Hell and high water for each other, and it had paid off. This was what made his job the most exciting.
"These necklaces may not be of great value in and of themselves," said the minister. "But what they stand for and what they will symbolize cannot be given a price. I have only met the three of you today, but I can see that there is a great deal of history and love within you."
He laughed. "By the looks of the shuttle that landed in Matilda's backyard, I can see that you work for the Preventers. I can't tell you how proud I am of people like you, who risk their lives and their sanity every day for the sake of Peace."
"Wufei, place the necklace on Sally's neck, and repeat after me. Sally, I give you this necklace as a seal on the covenant I have made with you."
With pride and confidence, Wufei repeated the words, and clasped the golden chain around Sally's neck.
The minister smiled. "Sally, place the necklace on Wufei's neck and repeat after me. Wufei, I give you this necklace as a seal on the covenant I have made with you."
Sally, too, repeated the phrase and carefully clasped the necklace around Wufei."I now, happily, pronounce you husband and wife. You may now ki--"
Duo jumped up. "Ohhh no! Whatever you do, do NOT tell them to kiss!"
The minister blinked. "If you say so, sir. You may now...hug the bride."
Sally couldn't hold it in any longer. Two rivers of tears quickly dribbled down her face, and she swept Wufei up into a warm embrace.
"I love you, Chang Wufei..." she whispered, voice thick with emotion.Wufei sighed happily. "I love you, too, Sally Po..."
The moment was sweet and silent--until a cellphone went off.
Duo almost fell over. He yanked the blasted thing from his jacket. "Maxwell. What!"
His eyes went wide. "Um, Une-sama...Yes, I know I've had my pager off, and my phone off...Where am I? Um..."
He looked around frantically. "Help?" he squeaked. His plea was unheeded, as the two newly-weds walked arm in arm out the door of the chapel, marriage license in hand.
"I KNOW you want an answer, Une-sama...I just...don't have one..."
"I'll kill him!" BAM! CRASH! THUD!
Quatre briefly glanced up from his "assignment", to see Lady Une hurl what appeared to be the official Preventers fax machine out and through the window. Quatre winced. She was pissed, all right. And to make matters worse, she didn't even have her glasses on.
"Um…is there a problem, Une-sama?" he asked in his most polite and timid voice.
Smoldering brown eyes caught him in their awful glare. Quatre fought all urges to meep. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you," she growled out through clenched teeth, and proceeded to rip one of the printers up from its desk.
Quatre shrugged, "If you say so."
"The nerve of that…that…WUFEI!" Lady Une snarled and beamed the printer into the far wall, barely missing an office lackey, "The little ingrain! The weasel! And DUO! Just wait until I get my hands on him! I'll kill him with his damned braid!"
Quatre knew he shouldn't ask. His common sense screamed at him to keep on his task and just be the lovable blonde Arabian that everyone…well, loved. But he was just dying of curiosity! "What did they do, Une-sama?"
The LOOK was focused on him again. "They got married during office hours."
Quatre blanched. "Nani? They got married! Wufei and Duo?"
"Of course not!" Une chided. "Wufei and SALLY!" She gave a dismissive sniff before flinging a desk up on end. "And they didn't invite me! Me! The kind, tender and loving employer! The nerve!"
"Can't imagine why they wouldn't invite you," Quatre muttered with a roll of his eyes.
Quatre yelped as he was hit with the stapler Une flung at him.
"Keep wallpapering, Winner," she ordered coldly, another stapler on hand. "I want Chang's office SWATHED in pink ballerina bunnies by the time he gets back. SWATHED, understand?"
"Understood," Quatre grumbled sourly as he plastered more paper to the walls, "Oh, understood completely…"
Finally.
Duo grinned and lay back on his nice, cushy bed. Finally, the day was over! No more hoping around, fulfilling Mr. Injustice's whims, no more weddings, no more nothing! He could relax in the wonderful room of the wonderful bed and breakfast the priest had advised, and dream the wonderful sandwich wrap dream of his wonderful Hilde. To make matters even better, Wufei and Sally had a room on the opposite side of the house, so he wouldn't have to listen to any…noises…they might make in the night.
Oh, life was so good.
BAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAM!
"Noooo…" Duo groaned, burying his face into his pillow, "For the sake of Shinigami, just let me DIE, Chang!"
"Mr. Maxwell! Police! We have accusations from a Mrs. Gretchen Simmons-Chang of Tokyo that you've been impersonating a delivery boy and stealing her anniversary orders! We traced your credit card trail!" BAMBAMBAMBAMBAM! "Open up, sir! Sir! Open the door!"
Duo resisted the urge to scream the frustrated scream that had been building up all day. Instead, he settled for merely burrowing further into the cocoon of cotton of down feathers. He was Shinigami; he didn't HAVE to listen to these petty mortals!
"Mr. Maxwell!"
"Mr. Policeman," Duo muttered blearily, "All disrespect intended here…but stick a katana up in it," and with that, he rolled over, closed his eyes, and awaited his beloved dream.
OWARI
I hope none of you got too anxious while we slaved away...We went as fast as humanly possible, I guarentee it.
Mars-san...This was the most fun I've had in QUITE awhile. If you weren't so darn far away, I'd hug you 'till you were blue in the face. I'm still so happy you wanted my help...From the first day I was interested in Gundam, I was hooked on After Hours, and I wanted to be a part of it...And now I am! Thank you SO much!Hey! If you liked it, write us a nice little review! If you didn't, well, review anyway!
AngelAnne