Chapter IV, Love Lost
Bay View Hotel, New York City
Usagi was awakened by the moonlight. It shot through her sleep like a sizzling arrow, whispering doubts and fears in her mind like a Fortune Teller's tinkering bell. Though it had never bothered her before- in fact, the moon had often been a source of comfort and strength for her in the past- during these uncertain and tense days she found herself often awakened by the rays of white light that washed over her each night if she forgot to close her blinds tightly. Unfortunately she could not completely shut out the moonlight tonight. She was not in her bedroom, where her she could screw tightly closed the blinds or turn over in her own bed to ignore the light. Usagi was in a hotel in New York City, as far away from Tokyo as one could get without going towards it again. She was halfway around the world, and instead of her secure blinds Usagi was forced to do her best with flimsy, moth-eaten drapes that could not be entirely drawn closed. It was not enough. She couldn't even have the comfort of turning over in bed to escape the moon's pessimistic, warning glow. Rei dozed quietly next to her, taking up much room on the squeaky bed. I'll have to jab at her about it tomorrow, Usagi thought dimly. Even if Rei wasn't there, a long though dirty mirror reflected the moonlight onto Usagi's face from almost all angles in the room. She felt suddenly unnerved and lost all desire to sleep. Usagi sighed deeply and quietly, swallowing her remorse and forcing herself to remain as silent as possible.
It was a lost cause. There would be no escaping her destiny tonight.
Well, I might as well get up for a bit, Usagi thought reluctantly. She sat up quietly and pulled on her slippers, stepping carefully to avoid the prone bodies of Makoto, Ami, and Minako. She smiled at them, forgetting momentarily her unease. A few feathers and empty soda cans littered the floor, testaments to the earlier pillow fight prompted by five teenage girls who had drank too much caffeine. It had been a fight to see who would get to sleep in the bed. Rei and Usagi had won, but though they had crowed and gloated for nearly an hour they silently agreed to sleep on the floor the next night to allow everyone a turn on the bed. It had been a fun evening, though the memory of that happiness quickly faded as Usagi caught a glimpse of the full moon that seemed to be hovering just outside the window. She shivered involuntarily, remembering her fitful dreams from the past few weeks. She hadn't told the others yet. She didn't want to believe them herself. All of them were about the new enemy. Most of them centered also around Mamoru. None of them were good.
Mamoru.
At the thought of her boyfriend, Usagi covered her mouth with one thin hand and let herself quickly and silently out of the small motel room. She gasped when she was alone and fell into a heap in front of the door, the tears which had threatened to spill down her cheeks now making dark trails down her face and leaving wet rings on the cheap carpet beneath her feet. She spoke quietly to herself, her voice cracking.
"Where are you…"
Mamo-chan.
Mamo…
The man she loved was
somewhere HERE, in America. He could be
so close and yet Usagi still could not reach him. She tried very hard not to think of him…very hard. She tried not to think of his unruly black
hair or his broad, warm shoulders or of his gentle hands or of his deep eyes
that sang of two thousand years' worth of unrelenting love and passion…. or of
his lips, pressed sweet and long against hers in the once warm and soothing
moonlight, of moonlight rendezvous' in secret hideaways known only to their
lover's embrace and gaze, of being safe and secure in his naked arms and not
feeling so…so…so ALONE!
Why hadn't he
responded? Not once- not once in one
whole month! She wrote every day, she
called every night! Had she displeased
him somehow? Had he forgotten her
because of his studies? Or was it
because-
"No!" Usagi denied it, tried
to stop the thought from forming, the ugly string of words which had begun to
spread throughout her mind like a festering cancer, sickening her every time it
came close to surfacing, but she couldn't stop it this time-
because he doesn't love me.
Usagi shook her head furiously,
hot tears smearing against her reddening face as she sobbed violently in
silence. As a growing habit she began
fingering the beautiful yet simple ring Mamoru had given her before he left for
University. She turned it over and over
again in her hand, careful not to drop it.
He loves me, he loves me, he
loves me. It became a rhythm in her
mind, the pulse that ran through her veins. He loves me, he loves me. A
steady, comforting rhythm.
She was still crying when a
tired looking janitor walked down the hall on his evening rounds. The older man gasped in surprise as saw the
young girl crumpled and sobbing in front of one of the hotel rooms.
"Are you all right, young
lady?" he asked quietly. Usagi looked up sharply, his voice
surprising her. She nodded her head
quickly, smiling through her tears, trying to hide her own shame at crying so
openly.
"Hai," she whispered. The man looked puzzled.
"Umm…yes, hi, hello." The janitor said, scratching his head. Usagi quickly realized her mistake. She smiled slightly in spite of herself.
"Gomen- err…I mean,
sorry. Yes, I am fine," Usagi said in
jangling English. The man,
understanding that there existed a language barrier, laughed a little too.
"Well, is there anything I
can get you?" he asked, a smile on his face. Suddenly Usagi's face brightened.
"Can you please tell me
where I may find a phone?" she asked carefully in English, her eyes as wide as
saucers.
"Yes, down the hall and to
the right," the man answered, gesturing over his shoulder. Without another second passing Usagi jumped
lightly to her feet and ran towards the other end of the hall.
"Arigatooooo!" she called
out shrilly, forgetting to use English in her excitement. The man winced, worrying that her loud cry
would wake the other guests, but he couldn't help but smile at the funny young
girl with outrageously long pigtails and a bight smile. He walked away to continue his rounds.
Breathlessly Usagi found the
phone, which was only a little way from the Outer Senshis' rooms. She pushed a few silver coins into the pay
phone and nervously dialed the phone number she knew so well.
Its almost two in the
morning! she thought happily. Mamo-chan
MUST be home by now! She didn't care if
she woke him, she just HAD to talk to him!
It seemed like years before
she could hear the dial tone, and then she held her breath as the line rang,
and rang…and rang…and rang…and rang…and…once again the familiar baritones of
Mamoru's voice-over on his gritty answering machine asked Usagi to leave a
message. The sadness settled thickly in
her throat again. She closed her eyes
and waited for the message to finish playing, treasuring each spoken word like
a jeweled lifeline. At least, if she
couldn't talk to him live, she could hear his voice. After the obnoxious beep cut her last lifeline, Usagi hung up the
phone, which felt suddenly too heavy and lifeless in her hand. Usagi slumped to the floor, giving in to her
despair as low, guttural sobs racked her whole body. She leaned heavily against the wall for support, hiccupping
miserably and gasping for air. Tears
soaked her pink pajama top and ran in rivulets to the ground. She absentmindedly wiped her face with one
trembling hand.
Minna, I'm not strong enough. I miss him so much! I want him to be back with me safe and sound, always with me, telling me that I'm safe and loved. I don't want him to be at the University, that damn horrible place that stole him from me! Oh, I love you Mamo-chan! Can you hear me?! I love you so much! Don't you love me? Can't you even write me one letter? Are you all right? How will I know? Why don't you answer? Don't you love me? Don't you!!!!
She tried to quiet
the sobs that grew loudly in desperation as her thoughts rattled angrily
through her mind, but to no avail. She
rocked back and forth in the corner underneath the payphone's high shelf. After a futile moment of restraining her
anguish, she allowed herself to sob openly into the quiet, empty hall.
Haruka opened her
eyes quickly, shaken merciless from a wonderful slumber. She groaned silently and looked at her
clock. It was only 2:13am. Haruka had plenty of time to sleep, but she
wondered suddenly what noise had woken her. She strained to listen, pushing a strong hand through her short blond
hair as her other hand reached for her transformation pen. She wanted to be prepared in case it was the
enemy staging a surprise attack. Haruka
heard the noise again, coming undoubtedly from the hallway. There was nothing threatening about the
noise. In fact, it sounded like Usagi,
almost. Was she…crying? Haruka slipped quietly from the bed, careful
not to disturb her aqua-haired lover who slept soundly on the edge of the bed.
Haruka opened her
bedroom door a crack and peered cautiously into the dim hallway. Her eyes widened at what she saw.
"Usagi?" she
whispered at the young girl who was curled into a ball and sobbing
silently. When she didn't reply, Haruka
moved quickly to her side and put her hands on Usagi's shoulders.
"Kitten?" Haruka
whispered with concern. Usagi looked up
as she heard Haruka's affectionate nickname for her spoken just before her
face. She gasped in surprise and shame
as she saw the older girl hovering worriedly over her. Usagi tried to hide her face by violently
wiping the tears that covered her cheeks, but Haruka stopped her and looked
into her red-rimmed and sad eyes. She
was first saddened by what she saw, but then she was angry. She looked around, putting a strong arm
protectively around Usagi's small shoulders.
"What's wrong,
kitten," Haruka asked quickly, "Did someone hurt you?"
"N-no, Haruka-san!"
Usagi stammered, 'I-I-I'm fine, really."
"No you're not,
Usagi, now tell me what's wrong." Haruka demanded quietly, pulling Usagi gently
to her feet and supporting the younger girl as she trembled with exhaustion
from crying. Usagi looked up at the
phone sadly, her lower lip trembling weakly. Haruka's heart went out to the small girl.
"I haven't been
able to-to-to talk to M-mamo-chan…" Usagi whimpered, looking quickly at her feet. Haruka smirked a little and smothered a
chuckle.
"Is that all? Well, he said he wouldn't be able to talk to
you much while he was studying…when was the last time you talked to him?" Haruake said gently with relief. Our princess is such a cry baby. Usagi began
to cry again, wrapping her arms around her shoulders. Haruka cocked her head to the side in confusion, but waited for
Usagi to answer. After a moment, Usagi
looked up at the older girl with clouded, innocent eyes.
"I haven't talk to
him since he left," she whimpered, her voice cracking as she forced herself to
answer. Haruka gasped.
"Na ne? Why?!" Haruka asked, obviously outraged. She vowed silently that she would make that man suffer for hurting
Usagi, even if he was the future King of Crystal Tokyo.
"I…"
"What is it
Kitten?"
"I don't think
he-he loves me!" Usagi wailed. Haruka
hugged her gently, willing her fingers not to tighten in anger as she felt
Usagi sob in her arms.
"Don't worry,
Usagi, we'll find out what's wrong."
Usagi looked up at
the older girl, her lisp pouting, and she nodded happily through her
tears. Haruka smiled a little as she
guided the younger girl down the hall.
"Ja, now you need
to get some sleep!" Haruka scolded lightly, her eyes smiling. Usagi nodded.
"Hai!" she said,
and with a decidedly more light frame of mind, Usagi went quickly down the hall
to her room. Haruka watched her leave
and then slipped quietly back into her own room.
"What was that
about?" Michiru asked, her voice cutting quickly through the stillness in the
dark room. Haruka wasn't surprised that
her lover had woken up. It wasn't
unusual for Michiru to wake from a sound sleep whenever Haruka left the room. The tall, blond-headed woman turned around
and smiled sadly at Michiru, whose bare shoulders protruded from the sheet she
had wrapped around her naked frame.
"Mamoru-san hasn't
talked to Usagi since he left for university," Haruka whispered as she sat down
on the bed next to Michiru. The smaller
girl gasped.
"But he's been gone
for a month now!" she said. She gazed
sadly down at her hands, "Poor Usagi. She must be so sad."
"Hai."
"We'll have to try
to find him while we're here, but we can't tell the others," Michiru said,
running a slender hand through Haruka's hair. The tall girl shifted her body closer to Michiru's, and she smiled
lazily.
"Hai, I don't want
to hurt Usagi," Haruka whispered, her voice slightly thick. She looked up suddenly and held Michiru's
face in her hands.
"I'm glad you're
here Michiru," she whispered. Michiru
nodded.
"Me too Haruka."
Outside in the hall
Usagi had just reached her door when she heard a group of people moving down
the hallway. They talked in animated
English, and Usagi smiled as she heard the laughter a young girl. After a minute they turned the corner and
Usagi could see them. She was
unprepared for the colorful group: three women, two men, and one girl that seemed to be only a little
younger than Usagi. Usagi had never
seen such tall women before. She was
awestruck by their unique beauty. One
had the longest, brightest red hair she had ever seen, with pale, smooth skin-
a combination not entirely common in Japan. The other light-skinned woman had long, curly ringlets with a single
white stripe running almost down past her shoulders. The other woman was a total novelty to Usagi. She was dark skinned, the color of coffee,
with milky white hair that tumbled down past the middle of her back. The young girl looked more familiar to
Usagi- she could recognize the Asian decent, probably Chinese. The girl wore a bright yellow trench coat
that Usagi liked very much. The two men
followed in the back, much more quiet since they were carrying most of the
luggage. One man was very
handsome. Usagi had never seen a man as
handsome as him- well, except for Mamoru, of course. Just wait until Minako and Makoto hear about this, she thought excitedly. The other man was shorter and stockier, and there was something
wild about his rough looks. Usagi
backed into the door when she saw him, trying her best not to look
frightened. They passed her quickly,
but surprisingly enough all of the women smiled and waved at her- a friendly
gesture Usagi had not seen yet in New York City. She smiled brightly back, and the young girl with the motley grouped
waved excitedly, snapping a bright pink bubble of gum in her mouth.
"Isn't it a little
late for such a beautiful p'tite such as yourself to be wandering alone in this
big hotel?" the handsome man asked her as he passed. She recognized his accent- definitely French, but with a twist of
some sort. Usagi blushed deeply and
smiled. He's very charming, she caught herself thinking.
"Gomen-sai," Usagi
whispered as she opened the door to her room. The man smiled that devastating smile again, but it was cut short as the
woman with the white stripe in her hair slapped him on the arm.
"Ow chere!" he said
in feigned hurt as he rubbed his arm. Usagi giggled into her hand as the women dragged him away.
"Leave her alone
Remy, you're embah-rassin' her," the woman said with an accent Usagi had never
heard before. Its sounded like a sweet
purr.
As the group moved
farther down the hall Usagi could hear the young girl talk excitedly to the
shorter, frightening looking man. Usagi
was surprised to see the girl grab his arm without hesitation, as if he were
just an over-grown stuffed animal.
"Hey, Wolvie, didja
hear what she said? What did she say?"
the girl asked in moderately hushed tones. Usagi giggled quietly, hiding partly behind the door. She liked that young girl.
"That was Japanese,
darlin'," the man-Wolvie, apparently-said with a grin, "She said 'pardon me' or
'sorry' or something…"
Their voices
trailed off as they turned the corner.
"There are so many
interesting people in America- I wonder if I will get to see them again?" Usagi
whispered to herself as she quietly closed the hotel door behind her as she
entered the room. This time the
moonlight didn't bother her, and Usagi fell quickly asleep.
End part four
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