Boogie Nights
Day 2
SCENE: Limousine taking the CCGH staff.
JOHN: (on cell phone) I miss you already!
DEB: Does anyone realize that he's only said that a hundred times so far?
CLEO: Hey, White Boy! (slaps Carter) I don't have a thousand free minutes on that phone, you know.
JOHN: If I paid for it, would you still say that?
CLEO: You're probably using all your money on drugs.
JOHN: Just because I pop a few pills every now and then doesn't mean I'm a druggie.
Everyone begins humming and staring innocently into space.
JOHN: Right, guys?
No one looks at him.
JOHN: Deb?
DEB: No comment.
JOHN: Dave?
DAVE: (stuffing his face) Whokerkagl?
JOHN: Believe what you want. I'll have you know that I bruise very easily.
KERRY: Dave and Luka, I just want to thank you for almost sending us back to Chicago.
LUKA: Why are you blaming me? Dave was the one who suggested setting the plane on fire! Besides, I won the trip.
KERRY: Touché.
ROMANO: Yeah, what was that about, Malatucci?
DAVE: (burps) Whoa, that Bordeaux wine was good! Man, I gotta move on to wine-tasting….
ROMANO: Answer the question.
DAVE: (shrugs) Just a suggestion. I mean, God, you just put the words "fire" and "plane" in one sentence and everyone already thinks you're an arsonist…..
DEB: I believe your exact words were, "LET'S SET THE PLANE ON FIRE!"
DAVE: Maybe they were, but that wasn't supposed to mean anything.
PETER: Then what does?
DAVE: Hey, I never told you what happens when I get the urge to dance.
MARK: Do we want to know?
DAVE: I also sing crazy songs, say things I don't really mean -
ABBY: Then why didn't you just save us the trouble and become a dancer?
DAVE: I did that in college.
ROMANO: "Dave" and "college" in one sentence?
CLEO: That's scary.
DEB: Unless it was, "Dave didn't study in college".
DAVE: Maybe so, but let's not get into that.
MARK: You say things you don't mean? Damn, what's your excuse for the rest of the time?
DAVE: So-orry. Hey, Chief, pass me an éclair……
ELIZABETH: Luka, why did you go along with it?
ABBY: Yeah, you hadn't even consumed any Cherry Coke at that point!
LUKA: You want me to kick you out of the limo?
EVERYONE MINUS DAVE: NO!
LUKA: Then lay off.
KERRY: Hey, I didn't do anything.
JOHN: Look! A sign for the Blue Man Group!
DEB: Ohhhh! The Blue Men! I wanna see them!
DAVE: If you wanna see a blue man, you could just check me out in a scrub top.
DEB: No, really?
PETER: Yes!
EVERYONE: What?
PETER: Sarcasm! Yeah buddy! I GOT THAT!!!
Everyone claps. John giggles.
EVERYONE: What?
JOHN: Inside joke about the Blue Men.
LUKA: Oh, really? Care to share it with us?
JOHN: Cleo, I need to call Rena and ask if that's OK…..
CLEO: NO.
JOHN: Grouchy, grouchy.
BOB, THE CHAUFFEUR: There's a cell phone here in the limo you can use, sonny.
EVERYONE: NO!!!!
PETER: So…..what are the sleeping arrangements?
LUKA: (eyes pop) We have sleeping arrangements?
PETER: Shouldn't we?
LUKA: I'd say, first come, first serve….. four to a room max.
DAVE: I'm calling Jing-mei.
DEB: Kerry, save me!
KERRY: That did not sound right…… I'm surprised, he quit stuffing his face long enough to place dibs on you.
DEB: I don't care, SOMEONE else please room with him!
LUKA: Too late. My trip. Besides, I've always wanted to put you together. Next?
DEB: You did not! That's just your line.
LUKA: What the hell, I'll do the assignments. Kerry, you and Cleo in one room.
CLEO: Hey, hey, don't I get to room with Peter?
LUKA: Officially, no….
PETER: Why?
LUKA: Because you are rooming with Mark, Romano, and Elizabeth.
ROMANO: I always thought that if I roomed with Lizzy I wouldn't have to share her with two other guys.
MARK: You know what, pipsqueak? Of two out of three guys, she's gone out with everyone but you!
ELIZABETH: Oh my God my water broke!
MARK: AGHHH!!! Not when we're vacationing! (taps her belly) Daddy told you to wait!
ELIZABETH: Just kidding, sweetie.
LUKA: And that leaves Abby, but she's with me.
Deb grabs a slice of Corday's pizza out of Dave's mouth.
DAVE: Hey! I'm eating here!
DEB: Luka, how much did he pay you to make the sleeping arrangements?
LUKA: None, I swear.
DEB: Liar.
PETER: Pants on fire.
KERRY: Noooo! Not fire!
PETER: Sitting on a telephone wire.
JOHN: Wow, Reese's lullabies must have gotten to you.
ELIZABETH: Dave, you're eating my pizza!
DAVE: Ha! Second slice I've nicked and you didn't notice!
ELIZABETH: You eat like a pregnant woman.
DAVE: If that was a compliment, thank you very much.
ABBY: Have you noticed how many lines Dave has? Even when he's not eating?
JOHN: That's because Dave is the author's favorite character.
LUKA: Please don't tell me you're omnipotent for the rest of the trip.
JOHN: If you want me to, I can be.
CLEO: Then why aren't you the favorite? I thought you were!
JOHN: Because. That's the other author. Duh, don't you know anything?
DAVE: Awesome! I'm someone's favorite character?
DEB: I told you this was a show. (mumbles) Estupido…..
MARK: Oh! Hablas espanol tambien?
PETER: Nooooo! I thought that was over! (to Deb) Since when did you learn Spanish?
DEB: After "Independence Day". (sticks tongue out at Dave)
DAVE: Not yet, Jing-mei.
DEB: GRRRR! Oh my GOD! I'm rooming with HIM!!!
CLEO: See, Peter, I told you there were SO two authors.
KERRY: Here they come now!
LUKA: Kovacsgirl --- and who's this?
Enter Kovacsgirl and friend.
KOVACSGIRL: You don't remember my name?
LUKA: Ummm…. It's…
MARK: Deb! Ella lo sabe!
(DAVE: Translation: Deb knows…)
LUKA: Don't tell me! I forgot! Oh!….
KOVACSGIRL: Well, that's okay.
PETER: Then who's this?
GIRL (MALUCCIECA): It's me.
ABBY: That sounds like a knock-knock joke.
MARK: Mi favorito!
KERRY: Let's not go there.
MALUCCIECA: Come on, don't you know me?
DAVE: Oh, you!
MALUCCIECA: The one and only.
DAVE: That's not your name. Don't you have another? Isn't it -
MALUCCIECA: That's still me.
DEB: I know! You were one of the first people to start writing about me! Thank you!
MALUCCIECA: You're welcome. C'mon, Deb -
DEB: Don't call me Deb.
MALUCCIECA: But it says here ---
DEB: Yeah I noticed but DO NOT CALL ME DEB! Only Carter can do that!
MALUCCIECA: Jing-Mei, don't you know that there are others out there who would kill to room with Dave?
DEB: Like who?
MALUCCIECA: *whistles *
DEB: Room with him!
MALUCCIECA: Sorry, I can't. Mark Barry's next door to me.
ROMANO: Who the hell is that?
MALUCCIECA: I'll explain later…. All you need to know is that he's next door.
KOVACSGIRL: Oh yes, very important. If I can't find her to write some more, then I'll know where she is.
LUKA: So, where are you going to be? *Hint, Hint*
KOVACSGIRL: I promised myself I wouldn't get into trouble during this trip. Plus I have a date with a certain Nick Stokes...
LUKA: Who?
KOVACSGIRL: From CSI.
LUKA: What?
KOVACSGIRL: Don't you ever watch TV?
LUKA: Uh...I take the fifth!
JOHN: Not again!
MARK: Me llamo es Mark Greene. Yo soy Chicago.
ROMANO: My god, they really did tweak with his brain!
CLEO: Am I the only one not getting paid this time?
KOVACSGIRL: No-one's getting paid! Luka really won the trip.
LUKA: That's right! And I'll send you all back...
EVERYONE, SAVE DAVE: NOOOO!!! WE LOVE YOU LUKA!
LUKA: That's more like it.
KOVACSGIRL: So, did I hear someone say we have a cell-phone in here?
BOB: Yeah.
KOVACGIRL: Can I use it?
BOB: Yeah.
JOHN: I call it after K-girl!
DEB: GOD DAMNIT NO!
JOHN: All right, keep your shirt on.
DAVE: No, I think she should take it off!!!
(DEB slaps him with a random suitcase.)
DEB: Take that, and that, and that...
CLEO: HEY! That's my suitcase!
DEB: Too bad, we all had you anyway!
CLEO: Wh-wh-what? You all hate me?
EVERYONE SAVE KOVACSGIRL, WHO IS ON THE PHONE: *whistle*
CLEO: Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Peter, take them out!
PETER: Well, I was thinking...
DAVE: Go Peatie!
PETER: ERRRRRRRRRR! DON'T CALL ME PEATIE! YOU'E DAMAGED MY PRIDE MAN! THAT MEANS DEATH!
MALUCCIECA: NO! DON'T KILL DAVE!
KOVACSGIRL: Blah, blah (In Russian, as she is making a long distance call to St. Petersburg.)
CENSOR MONKEY 1: Hey, what's going on!
BOB: Yo, dudes, keep it down, I can't concentrate!
JOHN: Does anyone have some Phentonal, I mean a fan?
ABBY: I knew it!
ROMANO: You're still snipping drugs!
KERRY: Carter! How could you?
JOHN: No, it's not like that, I mean, I'm clean!
ROMANO: TAR AND FEATHER HIM!
KERRY: Yeah...What?!?!
KOVACSGIRL: Keep it---Who said John was a drug sniper?
(All point to ABBY)
ABBY: Well, I...
KOVACSGIRL: I should have known! I hate Abby!
ABBY: HEY!
KOVASGIRL: How could you do this to poor John. Can you hold on a minute Ev? (Sets down phone) Let me just erase this part...
MALUCCIECA: No!
KOVACSGIRL: What?
MALUCCIECA: Keep it in there.
KOVACSGIRL: The Censor Monkeys won't like it.
MALUCCIECA: Why?
KOVACSGIRL: I don't know... (Whispers) If you ask me, I think they're the ones who are high!
MALUCCIECA: Well, screw the Censor Monkeys!
KOVACSGIRL: Well... OKAY!
PETER: Wow, a half page of conversation between the authors!
KOVACSGIRL AND MALUCCIECA: SHUT UP!!!!
PETER: Christ, don't loose your shirts!
LUKA AND DAVE: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KOVACSGIRL: Oooookay. Uh, well I've got to go, I'm staying at the MGM grand, so here's my stop.
LUKA: You're not at our hotel?
KOVACSGIRL: Hell No! This place it much better!
DAVE: I'm hungry.
MARK: Si, yo tambien. Y tu, Elizabeth?
ELIZABETH: Um, I took French in high school, what did he say?
TRANSLATOR BAMBI: He said "Yes, me too. And you Elizabeth?"
ELIZABETH: Who the hell are you?
TRANSLATOR BAMBI: I'm "Translator Bambi." Specially programmed to translate Spanish!
PETER: You look like a Barbie.
JOHN (high): Look at all the pretty colors.
TRANSLATOR BAMBI: Oh, Barbie is a corporate sponsored toy. To cut back on legal costs, they made me!
ROMANO: Come sit on my lap, pretty girl!
KERRY: WHAT legal costs?
TRANSLATOR BAMBI: Oh, you know if they get sued...
KERRY: Who is "they."
TRANSLATOR BAMBI: Oh, Chico DeMille Publishing, Inc.
MALUCCIECA: K-girl's company.
EVERYONE, SAVE HIGH JOHN: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
JOHN: Mommy, I don't want to take a bath!
LUKA: Good thing K-girl isn't here to see this... But I miss her so!
KERRY: You really like her don't you!
ABBY: I knew you didn't love me! Out of my sight!
LUKA: Do you want to go back to Chicago, without the airfare being paid. Or not flying at all?
ABBY: Oh, sorry.
LUKA: I LOVE all this power.
JOHN: Oh, Rena, of course you can *CENSORED*
CENSOR MONKEY 2: What? You don't think we want an NC-17 fic on our hand do you?
BOB: Here we are at your hotel!
EVERYONE: OHHHHHHHHHHH! AWWWWWWWWWW!
FAN FICTION FAIRY: That's AWE, not AW!
EVERYONE: AWE!
FAN FICTION FAIRY: Why do I even try?
Day 2
SCENE: Limousine taking the CCGH staff.
JOHN: (on cell phone) I miss you already!
DEB: Does anyone realize that he's only said that a hundred times so far?
CLEO: Hey, White Boy! (slaps Carter) I don't have a thousand free minutes on that phone, you know.
JOHN: If I paid for it, would you still say that?
CLEO: You're probably using all your money on drugs.
JOHN: Just because I pop a few pills every now and then doesn't mean I'm a druggie.
Everyone begins humming and staring innocently into space.
JOHN: Right, guys?
No one looks at him.
JOHN: Deb?
DEB: No comment.
JOHN: Dave?
DAVE: (stuffing his face) Whokerkagl?
JOHN: Believe what you want. I'll have you know that I bruise very easily.
KERRY: Dave and Luka, I just want to thank you for almost sending us back to Chicago.
LUKA: Why are you blaming me? Dave was the one who suggested setting the plane on fire! Besides, I won the trip.
KERRY: Touché.
ROMANO: Yeah, what was that about, Malatucci?
DAVE: (burps) Whoa, that Bordeaux wine was good! Man, I gotta move on to wine-tasting….
ROMANO: Answer the question.
DAVE: (shrugs) Just a suggestion. I mean, God, you just put the words "fire" and "plane" in one sentence and everyone already thinks you're an arsonist…..
DEB: I believe your exact words were, "LET'S SET THE PLANE ON FIRE!"
DAVE: Maybe they were, but that wasn't supposed to mean anything.
PETER: Then what does?
DAVE: Hey, I never told you what happens when I get the urge to dance.
MARK: Do we want to know?
DAVE: I also sing crazy songs, say things I don't really mean -
ABBY: Then why didn't you just save us the trouble and become a dancer?
DAVE: I did that in college.
ROMANO: "Dave" and "college" in one sentence?
CLEO: That's scary.
DEB: Unless it was, "Dave didn't study in college".
DAVE: Maybe so, but let's not get into that.
MARK: You say things you don't mean? Damn, what's your excuse for the rest of the time?
DAVE: So-orry. Hey, Chief, pass me an éclair……
ELIZABETH: Luka, why did you go along with it?
ABBY: Yeah, you hadn't even consumed any Cherry Coke at that point!
LUKA: You want me to kick you out of the limo?
EVERYONE MINUS DAVE: NO!
LUKA: Then lay off.
KERRY: Hey, I didn't do anything.
JOHN: Look! A sign for the Blue Man Group!
DEB: Ohhhh! The Blue Men! I wanna see them!
DAVE: If you wanna see a blue man, you could just check me out in a scrub top.
DEB: No, really?
PETER: Yes!
EVERYONE: What?
PETER: Sarcasm! Yeah buddy! I GOT THAT!!!
Everyone claps. John giggles.
EVERYONE: What?
JOHN: Inside joke about the Blue Men.
LUKA: Oh, really? Care to share it with us?
JOHN: Cleo, I need to call Rena and ask if that's OK…..
CLEO: NO.
JOHN: Grouchy, grouchy.
BOB, THE CHAUFFEUR: There's a cell phone here in the limo you can use, sonny.
EVERYONE: NO!!!!
PETER: So…..what are the sleeping arrangements?
LUKA: (eyes pop) We have sleeping arrangements?
PETER: Shouldn't we?
LUKA: I'd say, first come, first serve….. four to a room max.
DAVE: I'm calling Jing-mei.
DEB: Kerry, save me!
KERRY: That did not sound right…… I'm surprised, he quit stuffing his face long enough to place dibs on you.
DEB: I don't care, SOMEONE else please room with him!
LUKA: Too late. My trip. Besides, I've always wanted to put you together. Next?
DEB: You did not! That's just your line.
LUKA: What the hell, I'll do the assignments. Kerry, you and Cleo in one room.
CLEO: Hey, hey, don't I get to room with Peter?
LUKA: Officially, no….
PETER: Why?
LUKA: Because you are rooming with Mark, Romano, and Elizabeth.
ROMANO: I always thought that if I roomed with Lizzy I wouldn't have to share her with two other guys.
MARK: You know what, pipsqueak? Of two out of three guys, she's gone out with everyone but you!
ELIZABETH: Oh my God my water broke!
MARK: AGHHH!!! Not when we're vacationing! (taps her belly) Daddy told you to wait!
ELIZABETH: Just kidding, sweetie.
LUKA: And that leaves Abby, but she's with me.
Deb grabs a slice of Corday's pizza out of Dave's mouth.
DAVE: Hey! I'm eating here!
DEB: Luka, how much did he pay you to make the sleeping arrangements?
LUKA: None, I swear.
DEB: Liar.
PETER: Pants on fire.
KERRY: Noooo! Not fire!
PETER: Sitting on a telephone wire.
JOHN: Wow, Reese's lullabies must have gotten to you.
ELIZABETH: Dave, you're eating my pizza!
DAVE: Ha! Second slice I've nicked and you didn't notice!
ELIZABETH: You eat like a pregnant woman.
DAVE: If that was a compliment, thank you very much.
ABBY: Have you noticed how many lines Dave has? Even when he's not eating?
JOHN: That's because Dave is the author's favorite character.
LUKA: Please don't tell me you're omnipotent for the rest of the trip.
JOHN: If you want me to, I can be.
CLEO: Then why aren't you the favorite? I thought you were!
JOHN: Because. That's the other author. Duh, don't you know anything?
DAVE: Awesome! I'm someone's favorite character?
DEB: I told you this was a show. (mumbles) Estupido…..
MARK: Oh! Hablas espanol tambien?
PETER: Nooooo! I thought that was over! (to Deb) Since when did you learn Spanish?
DEB: After "Independence Day". (sticks tongue out at Dave)
DAVE: Not yet, Jing-mei.
DEB: GRRRR! Oh my GOD! I'm rooming with HIM!!!
CLEO: See, Peter, I told you there were SO two authors.
KERRY: Here they come now!
LUKA: Kovacsgirl --- and who's this?
Enter Kovacsgirl and friend.
KOVACSGIRL: You don't remember my name?
LUKA: Ummm…. It's…
MARK: Deb! Ella lo sabe!
(DAVE: Translation: Deb knows…)
LUKA: Don't tell me! I forgot! Oh!….
KOVACSGIRL: Well, that's okay.
PETER: Then who's this?
GIRL (MALUCCIECA): It's me.
ABBY: That sounds like a knock-knock joke.
MARK: Mi favorito!
KERRY: Let's not go there.
MALUCCIECA: Come on, don't you know me?
DAVE: Oh, you!
MALUCCIECA: The one and only.
DAVE: That's not your name. Don't you have another? Isn't it -
MALUCCIECA: That's still me.
DEB: I know! You were one of the first people to start writing about me! Thank you!
MALUCCIECA: You're welcome. C'mon, Deb -
DEB: Don't call me Deb.
MALUCCIECA: But it says here ---
DEB: Yeah I noticed but DO NOT CALL ME DEB! Only Carter can do that!
MALUCCIECA: Jing-Mei, don't you know that there are others out there who would kill to room with Dave?
DEB: Like who?
MALUCCIECA: *whistles *
DEB: Room with him!
MALUCCIECA: Sorry, I can't. Mark Barry's next door to me.
ROMANO: Who the hell is that?
MALUCCIECA: I'll explain later…. All you need to know is that he's next door.
KOVACSGIRL: Oh yes, very important. If I can't find her to write some more, then I'll know where she is.
LUKA: So, where are you going to be? *Hint, Hint*
KOVACSGIRL: I promised myself I wouldn't get into trouble during this trip. Plus I have a date with a certain Nick Stokes...
LUKA: Who?
KOVACSGIRL: From CSI.
LUKA: What?
KOVACSGIRL: Don't you ever watch TV?
LUKA: Uh...I take the fifth!
JOHN: Not again!
MARK: Me llamo es Mark Greene. Yo soy Chicago.
ROMANO: My god, they really did tweak with his brain!
CLEO: Am I the only one not getting paid this time?
KOVACSGIRL: No-one's getting paid! Luka really won the trip.
LUKA: That's right! And I'll send you all back...
EVERYONE, SAVE DAVE: NOOOO!!! WE LOVE YOU LUKA!
LUKA: That's more like it.
KOVACSGIRL: So, did I hear someone say we have a cell-phone in here?
BOB: Yeah.
KOVACGIRL: Can I use it?
BOB: Yeah.
JOHN: I call it after K-girl!
DEB: GOD DAMNIT NO!
JOHN: All right, keep your shirt on.
DAVE: No, I think she should take it off!!!
(DEB slaps him with a random suitcase.)
DEB: Take that, and that, and that...
CLEO: HEY! That's my suitcase!
DEB: Too bad, we all had you anyway!
CLEO: Wh-wh-what? You all hate me?
EVERYONE SAVE KOVACSGIRL, WHO IS ON THE PHONE: *whistle*
CLEO: Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Peter, take them out!
PETER: Well, I was thinking...
DAVE: Go Peatie!
PETER: ERRRRRRRRRR! DON'T CALL ME PEATIE! YOU'E DAMAGED MY PRIDE MAN! THAT MEANS DEATH!
MALUCCIECA: NO! DON'T KILL DAVE!
KOVACSGIRL: Blah, blah (In Russian, as she is making a long distance call to St. Petersburg.)
CENSOR MONKEY 1: Hey, what's going on!
BOB: Yo, dudes, keep it down, I can't concentrate!
JOHN: Does anyone have some Phentonal, I mean a fan?
ABBY: I knew it!
ROMANO: You're still snipping drugs!
KERRY: Carter! How could you?
JOHN: No, it's not like that, I mean, I'm clean!
ROMANO: TAR AND FEATHER HIM!
KERRY: Yeah...What?!?!
KOVACSGIRL: Keep it---Who said John was a drug sniper?
(All point to ABBY)
ABBY: Well, I...
KOVACSGIRL: I should have known! I hate Abby!
ABBY: HEY!
KOVASGIRL: How could you do this to poor John. Can you hold on a minute Ev? (Sets down phone) Let me just erase this part...
MALUCCIECA: No!
KOVACSGIRL: What?
MALUCCIECA: Keep it in there.
KOVACSGIRL: The Censor Monkeys won't like it.
MALUCCIECA: Why?
KOVACSGIRL: I don't know... (Whispers) If you ask me, I think they're the ones who are high!
MALUCCIECA: Well, screw the Censor Monkeys!
KOVACSGIRL: Well... OKAY!
PETER: Wow, a half page of conversation between the authors!
KOVACSGIRL AND MALUCCIECA: SHUT UP!!!!
PETER: Christ, don't loose your shirts!
LUKA AND DAVE: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KOVACSGIRL: Oooookay. Uh, well I've got to go, I'm staying at the MGM grand, so here's my stop.
LUKA: You're not at our hotel?
KOVACSGIRL: Hell No! This place it much better!
DAVE: I'm hungry.
MARK: Si, yo tambien. Y tu, Elizabeth?
ELIZABETH: Um, I took French in high school, what did he say?
TRANSLATOR BAMBI: He said "Yes, me too. And you Elizabeth?"
ELIZABETH: Who the hell are you?
TRANSLATOR BAMBI: I'm "Translator Bambi." Specially programmed to translate Spanish!
PETER: You look like a Barbie.
JOHN (high): Look at all the pretty colors.
TRANSLATOR BAMBI: Oh, Barbie is a corporate sponsored toy. To cut back on legal costs, they made me!
ROMANO: Come sit on my lap, pretty girl!
KERRY: WHAT legal costs?
TRANSLATOR BAMBI: Oh, you know if they get sued...
KERRY: Who is "they."
TRANSLATOR BAMBI: Oh, Chico DeMille Publishing, Inc.
MALUCCIECA: K-girl's company.
EVERYONE, SAVE HIGH JOHN: OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
JOHN: Mommy, I don't want to take a bath!
LUKA: Good thing K-girl isn't here to see this... But I miss her so!
KERRY: You really like her don't you!
ABBY: I knew you didn't love me! Out of my sight!
LUKA: Do you want to go back to Chicago, without the airfare being paid. Or not flying at all?
ABBY: Oh, sorry.
LUKA: I LOVE all this power.
JOHN: Oh, Rena, of course you can *CENSORED*
CENSOR MONKEY 2: What? You don't think we want an NC-17 fic on our hand do you?
BOB: Here we are at your hotel!
EVERYONE: OHHHHHHHHHHH! AWWWWWWWWWW!
FAN FICTION FAIRY: That's AWE, not AW!
EVERYONE: AWE!
FAN FICTION FAIRY: Why do I even try?