Kovacsgirl's
Notes: Well, need a new disclaimer, 'cause I managed to work CSI in here too.
So, I do not own CSI either, contrary to popular belief. Also, check out my
website to find the fic that started it all: Travels With Us. http://www.geocities.com/chicago_kewlkat.
---Day Three---
---@
The Vegas Crime Lab---
NICK:
...and here is the autopsy room.
KOVACSGIRL:
Ohhh! A dead body! Cool!
(A
pager rings and KOVACSGIRL glances at it)
KOVACSGIRL:
Damn.
NICK:
What?
KOVACKSGIRL:
I have a story to write. See ya later.
NICK:
Uh, okay.
---Back
@ the C.G. people's hotel---
DAVE:
I AM HUNGRY! FEED ME!!!
DEB:
You are hopeless. Hey, Kerry, did John ever come out of his...relapse?
KERRY:
Uh, probably... We had to screen his suitcases and everything for drugs.
DEB: I
think I'll go see him. (Heads for the elevators but stops.) Which room did he
have again?
LUKA:
(looking up from the paper) We forgot to give him a room, so he had to sleep in
the limo.
DEB
and ABBY: What!!!
LUKA:
You snooze, you lose. Or, I guess in his case, you get high, you lose.
DEB:
You are a mean man.
LUKA:
I'd watch what I say if I were you. You don't want to be sent to live with the
dingoes in the zoo do you?
PETER:
Did someone say "DINGOES!?" I love dingoes.
ROMANO:
I like pigmies.
PETER:
Dingoes, Dingoes, Dingoes!
ABBY:
Romano, you like pigmies?
ROMANO:
Yes!
PETER:
Dingoes, Dingoes, Dingoes!
ABBY:
Why?
ROMANO:
They're short and they shoot darts. What's not to like?
DEB: I
think I heard that quote from "Fraiser" once.
PETER:
Dingoes, Dingoes, Dingoes!
CLEO:
Oh shut up already! (CLEO smacks PETER upside the head with a plate. It
breaks.)
PETER:
Thanks. I needed that.
DAVE:
I'M DAMN HUNGRY. WILL SOMEONE FEED ME ALREADY!?
CLEO:
(also whacking DAVE upside the head): SHUT UP YOU LAZY BUM! FEED YOURSELF.
DAVE:
DON'T CALL ME A LAZY BUM, HIV WOMAN!
CLEO: I---AM---WOUNDED!!!!!
DAVE:
Good.
LUKA:
That was a little bit too melodramatic.
CLEO:
WHAT!!!! (Waves a fist at LUKA)
LUKA:
Uh, nothing... Do you want to have to walk back to Chicago?
CLEO: No.
LUKA:
Then shape up missy!
CLEO: Okay.
ABBY:
By the by, where is Elizabeth?
KERRY:
Morning Sickness.
ROMANO:
What!? And I'm not there to help! I'm outta here! (runs out of the room)
KERRY:
Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish.
KOVACSGIRL:
*Pant, Pant*
KERRY:
Where have you been?
KOVACSGIRL:
Um, in an autopsy room...
KERRY:
Where?
KOVACSGIRL:
In the Crime Lab...
KERRY:
With whom?
KOVACGIRL:
With... Hey, wait! You're not my mother! I'm under no obligation to tell
you!
KERRY:
Oh, sorry.
KOVACSGIRL:
You damn well better be!
MALUCCIECA:
Kovacsgirl!
KOVACSGIRL:
MM?
MALUCCIECA:
Where have you been?
KOVACSGIRL:
Busy?
MALUCCIECA:
You're late!
KOVACSGIRL:
You're starting to sound like Kerry!
MALUCCIECA:
I am
KERRY:
She is? I mean, that's bad?
KOVACSGIRL:
I don't know! I'm not TPTB!
DAVE:
(Food hanging from the corners of his mouth) Mhat?
KOVACSGIRL:
Didn't your mother ever teach you not to speak with your mouth full.
DAVE:
Mrobably.
MALUCCIECA:
TPTB stands for "The Powers That Be."
DAVE:
Oh...
ABBY:
Deep. Very Deep.
DEB:
I'm bored.
ABBY:
Me too.
PETER:
I like dingoes.
CLEO:
AGH! (Smacks PETER again)
PETER:
Stop it Cleo! That hurts.
DAVE:
I have an idea...
EVERYONE, SAVE MALUCCIECA AND KOVACSGIRL, WHO ARE CRINGING: WHAT!
DAVE:
A whorehouse.
ABBY:
Oh... fun.
DAVE:
I thought so too.
ABBY:
I was being sarcastic. Couldn't you tell?
PETER:
I used to have that problem... Until I met a dingo. OW!
DEB: I
don't even want to know...
KERRY:
Let's find a better, non-X rated activity.
DAVE:
Awwwww...
KOVACSGIRL:
Where the hell is John?
(EVERYONE
looks at one another.)
PETER:
You're the author, you should know.
KOVACSGIRL:
For you information, I was very busy last night.
LUKA:
I'll bet. (Under his breath) Dirty Little Whore.
KOVACSGIRL: I HEARD THAT! And no, that's not why I was busy.
KERRY:
Why then?
KOVACSGIRL:
You don't think this is the only story I'm working on, do you?
CLEO:
Well. I was kinda hoping...
KOVACSGIRL:
Its not. Plus, I had to work on Russian.
LUKA:
Why?
KOVACSGIRL:
I'm learning it.
LUKA:
Why?
KOVACSGIRL:
'Cause I want to.
DEB: I
thought you were talking in Russian on the phone in the limo yesterday.
KOVACSGIRL:
I'm no damn beginner.
DEB:
Of course not.
ABBY:
So where are we going?
KOVACSGIRL:
Will someone tell me where the hell John is?
CLEO:
Well, uh... lets just say somewhere he just lifted his head from a puddle of
drool.
KOVACSGIRL:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
CLEO:
Man, that was a lot of O's.
PETER:
I like dingoes. OW!
---The
Limo---
JOHN
(W/his head in a puddle of drool): What? Where am I?
He
looks up around him.
JOHN:
(small voice) Rena?
DAVE:
Awww, why can't we go to the whorehouse?
MALUCCIECA:
Awww, why won't you guys listen to him?
MARK:
Awww, will you shut up?
MALUCCIECA:
That's it; you're dying a painful death.
LUKA:
(coughs) Remember our agreement?
KOVACSGIRL:
She's sorry.
LUKA:
Okay.
KOVACSGIRL:
(to MALUCCIECA) Why are there circles under your eyes?
MALUCCIECA:
I went on a date . . .
DAVE
& KOVACSGIRL: With whom?
MALUCCIECA:
Who were you in the crime lab with?
KOVACSGIRL:
With – ewww!
ALL:
What?
KOVACSGIRL:
My hand landed on a puddle of drool.
She
looks down and sees our darling John.
KOVACSGIRL:
What happened to you?
JOHN:
Someone didn't give me a room!
LUKA:
Gee, I wonder how that could have happened.
SCENE:
Later, at some funky restaurant.
DAVE:
(grumpy) This is so not a whorehouse.
JOHN:
You're right; it's the Hard Rock Café.
DAVE:
(smiles) What the hell, its food! I'm happy now!
ELIZABETH:
Oh, look, over there!
CLEO,
PETER, & ROMANO: What?
ELIZABETH:
The Beatles' autograph! This sucks!
MARK:
Here, I'll take a picture of you next to them!
ELIZABTH:
Nooooooo . . .
KERRY:
What's wrong?
ELIZABETH:
(sobbing) I can't get a picture next to them! The whole picture'll be my
stomach!
DAVE:
Are pregnant women always this emotional?
MARK,
ROMANO, & JING-MEI: SHUT UP!
LUKA:
Oh, look! A whole wall dedicated to Elvis!
ABBY:
(to group) His role model.
CLEO:
I don't wanna know . . . is it because of the hair grease?
MALUCCIECA:
(disgusted) OH MY GOD!!!!!
JING-MEI:
What?
MALUCCIECA:
Who's got a cellie?
DAVE:
I do!
MALUCCIECA:
And how are you paying that off?
DAVE:
You wanna use it or not?
MALUCCIECA:
Okay. (dials) Hi! Mark? . . . oh, sorry, honey . . . You never told me you made
it to the Hard Rock Café! . . . when did that happen?
DAVE:
(to K-girl) Who's she talking to?
MALUCCIECA:
I'm so proud of you! Hold on, how'm I better than the Hard Rock Café? . . . you
perv! . . . no, never mind, don't get him. Okay. I'll see you later. Bye.
DAVE:
Hold on, how can you be better than the Hard Rock Café? They make food!
MALUCCIECA:
Because I got more than his autograph . . .
KOVACSGIRL:
Something tells me that that wasn't Mark.
MALUCCIECA:
You're right, that wasn't.
DAVE:
You little whore!
MALUCCIECA:
I'd watch it if I were you, sweetie, didn't you go to Mark's wedding with two
dates?
WAITRESS
WITH RED HAIR: Can I take your order?
LUKA:
As you can tell, we're so not ready.
WAITRESS:
Well, do you want any drinks?
The
table goes around and orders because I'm too lazy to write it all down.
WAITRESS:
(to Luka) Have you decided yet?
LUKA:
Um, I'm tempted to order a –
ABBY:
NO.
LUKA:
All right, get in the limo and pack your bags . . .
DAVE:
I have an order!
JING-MEI:
What, the whole menu?
DAVE:
Actually, half of that . . . and maybe you OR our waitress.
Deb
slaps him with a menu.
ROMANO:
Say, what's your name?
WAITRESS:
Cherry. Like –
LUKA:
Cherry coke, please.
ABBY:
(sighs) Oh, God.
SCENE:
Later, as they are bumming around in the streets . . .
ELIZABETH:
My feet hurt. We've been walking around looking for that whorehouse for a whole
hour and we have not found it yet!
ROMANO:
I'll carry you, Lizzie!
MARK:
NO.
ELIZABETH:
What happened to the limo?
LUKA:
We need exercise.
DAVE:
Abby! Look over there!
ABBY:
I don't see anything.
DAVE:
Made ya look.
LUKA:
Dave . . .
DAVE:
Holy crap, man, did you just growl at me?!
PETER:
This is so sad. The most productive thing we've done all day is go to the Hard
Rock Café and now we're searching for a whorehouse.
DAVE:
Shut up, you know you want entertainment tomorrow night.
PETER:
Why the hell not?
CLEO:
You ------- !!!!!!!!!!!
PETER:
Calm down, Cleo.
CLEO:
I've been hurt twice today! Oh my God!
JING-MEI:
There's a first time for everything.
MALUCCIECA:
Trust me, if I can like a guy at my school, there really is a first time for
anything.
KERRY:
Right now I'm just waiting for everyone to shut up.
LUKA:
(throws back his head and howls like a wolf)
MALUCCIECA:
Relax, it's only mid-afternoon, and there's no full moon tonight.
KOVACSGIRL
shoots her a LOOK.
MALUCCIECA:
Well, there won't be if Mark doesn't go to the pool.
MARK:
Hey!
MALUCCIECA:
Not you, God! MY Mark, Mark-who-is-rooming-next-door-to-me-Mark.
DAVE: What
does he do?
MALUCCIECA:
He's in a band.
DEB:
Really?
MALUCCIECA:
A "band". A quote, unquote, band.
KERRY:
Are they any good?
MALUCCIECA:
I think they suck. But whatever . . .
PETER:
What's the name of this band?
MALUCCIECA
mumbles something inaudibly.
ALL:
WHAT?!
MALUCCIECA:
Yes, I admit it! Dave, what is your problem?
DAVE:
(with starry look in his eye) Did you say "Big Mac"? Yum!
KOVACSGIRL:
Oh my GOD. Don't tell me you like BBMak!
MALUCCIECA:
I didn't say that!
ALL:
EWWWWW!
MALUCCIECA:
Hey, if it's gross for you, it's grosser for me! I *like* them . . . sort of .
. .
LUKA:
Hey, they're cool! They actually play guitars, like Elvis! (pause) Like Elvis .
. .
ABBY:
Oh, no.
LUKA
throws back his head for another insane wolf howl.
JOHN:
(nods at lady on street who is staring at them) He ain't nothing but a hound
dog.
ABBY:
(cringing) I think the Cherry Coke is starting to kick in . . .
SCENE:
Hotel. LUKA, KOVACSGIRL, MALUCCIECA, and JOHN are standing outside a door.
LUKA:
So we managed to scrounge up something for you.
JOHN:
Gee, thanks, Luka!
LUKA
unlocks the door. One by one, they all file in.
KOVACSGIRL:
Well, look at that! You have a room all to yourself!
MALUCCIECA:
Hey, he's sparing the others . . .
KOVACSGIRL:
Erase that!
MALUCCIECA:
Too late. All the Carter lovers will have to deal with it.
LUKA:
All right, so we'll see you tomorrow! Good night! (LUKA, K-GIRL, & M-CIECA
exit room)
CARTER:
Oh, boy.
He
looks around.
CARTER:
(all excited) Hey, a container of bleach! I can get high on this! Awesome!
SCENE:
Outside.
MALUCCIECA:
Sounds like he's enjoying the supply closet.
KOVACSGIRL:
Let's go visit Nick at the Crime Lab.
MALUCCIECA:
Okay.