Chapter III
The path through the forest seemed to stretch on for miles, and indeed it might have, for it was full of twists and bends and curlyques that made the trip much longer than it could have been. And to make the travelling worse, the woods became very dark very fast, probably due to the sun setting, although none of the party could be sure if that was the case, as the canopy of leaves overhead was too dense to see through to tell whether the sun had set or not.
"That's it - I've got to stop," announced Torpedo, sitting down on a convenient tree stump.
"Why?" asked the Scarecrow.
"Because I'm tired, that's why." Torpedo took off the Silver Birkenstorks and rubbed her feet. "I know such things probably don't bother you, but I've walked enough for today, and I need to rest." She put the shoes back on, then froze. "I heard a noise," she hissed to the others.
"So did I," said the Scarecrow. "Hay is quieter than straw, too."
Before Torpedo could tell the stuffed man that it wasn't that kind of a noise, a Lion appeared out of the foliage behind her and sprung over her head to knock down the Scarecrow, who went sailing over to the edge of the road amid a flurry of scattered straw. The Tin Woodman waved his axe menacingly at the beast, but the Lion gave a great roar and sent the tin man flying with one blow of a forepaw. Having disposed of Torpedo's companions, he bounded towards the tern with his teeth bared.
Torpedo did the only thing she could do. She seized the toy dog and smacked the Lion one across the jaw. The beast rolled over onto his back and lay there, stunned, with all four paws in the air. Torpedo stood over him, shaking the toy dog like a shaman's rattle.
The Lion whimpered and rubbed his jaw. "Why'd you do that; I didn't do anything to you," he whined pitifully.
"No, but you were going to." Torpedo lowered the toy dog. "Look what you did to the Scarecrow." She waved towards the stuffed man, who was crawling around on his hands and knees, retrieving his displaced straw and shoving it down his collar by the handful. "And you hit the Tin Woodman!" Torpedo added indignantly as the indicated person puffed like a bellows in an effort to push out the huge dent in his chest.
"Don't hit me again!" pleaded the Lion, getting to his knees and wringing his forepaws together. "I didn't mean to do it, honest!" he went on. "But they were such easy targets!" He hung his head. "I guess I'm just a big coward."
Torpedo glared at him. "You're more than that," she said. "You're a...you're a...you're a plant," she finished, noting that the Lion was green and sported three stamens on his head.
The Lion shook his purple mane sadly. "All my life I've been a coward," he sighed. "I was born that way, I guess."
"You mean sprouted," corrected Torpedo.
"Gee, Torpedo," offered the Scarecrow, "maybe we should ask the Lion if he would like to - "
Torpedo quickly clamped the Scarecrow's bill shut with both hands. "Oh, no you don't," she hissed. "That's how we got Mr. Protagonist in our little group." She nodded at the Tin Woodman, who was humming tunelessly as he sharpened his axe on his tin head.
"Ask me if I would like to what?" inquired the Lion, sniveling.
"Come with us to see the Wizard of Oz," answered the Tin Woodman before Torpedo could stop him.
"Oh, can I?" The Lion wiped away his tears with the purple tuft on the end of his green tail. "I would be so grateful if the Wizard could give me courage."
"Oh, terrific," blurted Torpedo, releasing the Scarecrow and crossing her arms. "Who's next, Negaduck?" She looked over at the Lion tiredly. "Of course you can come," she said. "I just hope you don't have leaf lice."
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They camped out that night in the woods, for the Lion claimed that while he himself was a coward, his roar would keep any wild animal away. So the Tin Woodman built a fire, and the Scarecrow returned the basket to Torpedo so she could eat some of the bread and cheese for dinner. When she offered some of the food to the Lion, he refused politely and crept off to the edge of the campsite to plant himself in the soil there, where he fell asleep. Torpedo herself slept by the fire, and by morning they were all ready to continue down the contact-paper-covered road.
They hadn't been following it for twenty minutes when they came up to the edge of a very wide, very deep ditch that stretched out in both directions so far that they couldn't see the ends of it.
"Well, that's peachy," grunted the Tin Woodman in disgust.
"What should we do?" cried the Scarecrow.
Torpedo peered down at the bottom of the ditch. It was littered with many sharp stones and other nasty-looking things that surely wouldn't be nice to fall on. "That reminds me," she thought, "I really need to update my tetenus shots."
"I might be able to get us across," said the Lion after a bit of mental calculating.
The others were willing to try anything, so they consented to the Lion's plan.
"I really should think about getting my cerebellum tightened," remarked the Tin Woodman, struggling to maintain his balance as he crossed the gulf on the thin vine that the Lion had caused to grow between the two sides.
Torpedo held the toy dog out in front of herself like a tightwalker's pole. "No kidding," she agreed.
"What's so hard about this?" asked the Scarecrow, strolling unconcernedly along the vine with his hands in his pockets.
"I guess sometimes it's good not to have a brain," Torpedo whispered to the Tin Woodman.
After they had all safely crossed, the Lion waved his paw, and the vine receeded into the side of the ditch where it had originally come from.
The road took a sharp left turn, and very soon they were out of the forest, and standing on the bank of the river that bordered the woods. The location of the river had been fine with them before, but now the road led straight into the water! Indeed, the road could be seen emerging from the water on the other side and continuing on over the hills.
"I can't go in there," objected the Tin Woodman immediately.
"None of us could go in there," exclaimed Torpedo, watching the water froth as it pounded on the rocks.
The Lion sat back on his haunches dejectedly and said, "Then I guess we're stuck."
"That's not fair," complained Torpedo, sitting on a boulder next to the Lion. "We can't stop now - and I know I can't get these shoes wet."
"If we had a boat we could get across," said the Scarecrow.
The Tin Woodman nudged Torpedo. "Who says he needs a brain?"
"Why don't you use that axe of yours to build us a boat?" demanded the Lion of the tin man.
"He won't need to," supplied the Scarecrow, returning from the clumps of reeds at the river's edge dragging a log raft behind him. "The props department was way ahead of us."
They asked no questions, and boarded the small craft. The Tin Woodman and Scarecrow took up long sturdy reeds to steer with, and they launched the craft into the middle of the current.
"Look out!" cried Torpedo in panic. "We're going to crash into those rocks!"
The Scarecrow shoved his pole deep into the river to try to alter the raft's trajectory, when a voice yelped:
"Hey, watch it, buster! That was my eye!"
The Liquidator thrust his head out of the water to glare at the raft's crew angrily.
"You?" Torpedo was astounded. "What are you doing here?
The Liquidator looked irritated. "I'm an extra," he snapped. "It was either that or Toto. Anyway, right now I'm playing the river's current, and you're my cue."
He disappeared under the surface, and suddenly the Scarecrow's pole was siezed and pulled away from the raft. The stuffed man, not having the wits to let go, was left stranded in the middle of the river.
"Good-bye!" he called to the others as the raft continued downstream.
"Oh, this is terrible!" wailed the Lion.
"We've got to save him!" Torpedo said loudly.
The Tin Woodman lost his pole to another current, and tumbled onto the deck of the craft. "I think we'd better worry about saving ourselves!" he shouted, pointing to the row of huge rocks that spanned the river ahead.
"I think I can pull us to shore," said the Lion quickly, "if one of you hold on to my tail."
So the Lion sprang into the water, and the Tin Woodman held fast onto his tail as the beast paddled furiously toward the opposite bank.
Torpedo began to panic. "We're not going to make it!" she screamed as the rocks loomed closer.
But the Lion increased his efforts and managed to land the raft safely before anyone got hurt.
The Lion shook himself off, and the Tin Woodman hid behind Torpedo to keep from getting wet and rusting again. "Well, we've managed to reach the other side," the Lion said, "but I'm afraid we've lost the Scarecrow in the process, and must continue without him."
Whereupon Torpedo became very sad, for she felt rather sorry for the poor Scarecrow, who was now doomed to a fate no longer scaring crows, but kingfishers or something similar.
The Tin Woodman picked up Torpedo's basket. "Well, then, let's go," he said.
Torpedo retrieved the toy dog, and with the Lion following her, she joined the Tin Woodman in heading back along the embankment in order to meet up with the rest of the contact-paper-covered road.
After they had gone fifty paces or so, the Lion stopped.
"Look!" he cried, pointing out over the river. There, stuck on his pole, was the Scarecrow, looking depressed and dejected.
"Oh, we can't just leave," Torpedo admonished the Tin Woodman angrily. "We've got to get him back."
So they sat on the bank to try to think of a way to save their stuffed companion.
While they were sitting there a Stork waded up to them from where she had been probing for crayfish in the mud. She looked at the group curiously.
"Quit staring, feather-mop!" snapped the Tin Woodman at the bird. "This ain't no peep-show."
The Stork ruffled her tail in indignation. "I was just wondering," she began sharply, "if you knew where that eyesore in the middle of my beautiful river came from and when it's leaving. I can't have the scenery around my future home marred like that."
"He's with us," said Torpedo quickly, "and we've been trying to think of a way to get him over here."
The Stork preened a wing. "Well, if he weren't so heavy, I'd offer to fetch him myself."
"He isn't heavy," interposed the Lion eagerly. "He's stuffed with straw. You can carry him."
"And we would be so thankful if you did," put in Torpedo. She nudged the Tin Woodman with her elbow. "Right?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah, sure."
"Well, I'll try," said the Stork, and, flapping her wide wings, she flew over to the Scarecrow, clasped his arm in her claws, and headed back for the bank. But she didn't stop there.
"What's she doing?" cried the Lion.
"I don't know," answered Torpedo, "but we have to follow her!"
So the three ran along after the Stork, who continued on away from the river; for the bird had decided that the Scarecrow's straw was just the thing to build a nest out of (and it was a lot cheaper than a rental).
Torpedo and the others ran along until the tern and the Lion were winded and the Tin Woodman's feet were dented. But eventually the Stork got to calculating contractor's fees, and dropped the Scarecrow in a field of wildflowers.
Torpedo, the Lion, and the Tin Woodman hurried to the Scarecrow's side. "Are you all right?" asked Torpedo, although she was fairly certain nothing which had transpired could have possibly hurt the stuffed man.
"I'm fine," responded the Scarecrow cheerfully, sitting up, "although I'm disappointed that the Stork didn't think I was kosher enough to make a nest out of."
"Never mind that - we've got to find the road again." Torpedo shielded her eyes from the bright glare the sun put on the flowers, and strained to see the horizon. "There it is!" she announced, pointing to the other side of the field.
"And there's the Emerald City!" added the Lion.
Overjoyed at almost being at the end of their journey, the four began to run through the field of flowers towards their destination.
"Soon I'll be brave enough to be the true King of the Forest!" cried the Lion happily as he bounded along.
"And I can get a heart and then maybe someone can tell me why I needed one in the first place!" exclaimed the Tin Man.
"And I'll be so happy when I get my...uh...when I get my...What was I getting again?" the Scarecrow asked the grinning yellow crow on his shoulder.
Torpedo was also glad. "And finally I'll have some direction in life! Well, it's about time." She yawned. "I'm getting tired," she told the others.
The Lion yawned too. "So am I," he said.
They stopped running.
"Didn't you two just rest a few hours ago?" demanded the Tin Woodman.
"Well, I need to rest again," snapped Torpedo, lying down. The Lion lay beside her, and soon they were both fast asleep.
"I don't believe this!" The Tin Woodman was agitated at the wait. "We're almost there!"
"Calm down," said the Scarecrow. "They're living things. They need to go...limp...like that every once in a while."
"Ooh, I'll make you go limp!" roared the Tin Woodman, swiping at the Scarecrow with his axe.
The stuffed man ducked. "Hey, wait!" he cried. "What did I do?"
"You say the stupidest things," answered the Tin Woodman, "and they grate on my nerves!"
The Scarecrow dodged, then noticed something descending from the sky. "Look - up there!" he said, and the Tin Woodman and he both marveled at the sight.
"Wow, a giant soap-bubble," remarked the tin man.
The Good Witch of the North halted her descent when she was still a good ten feet from the ground, and the bubble disentegrated around her.
"You idiots!" she screamed, hovering above Torpedo and the Lion. "This is a poppy field! You ran right into a poppy field! Don't you know anything?"
"No," answered the Scarecrow. "I don't have a brain."
The Good Witch ignored him. She was upset at the inconvenience saving Torpedo and the Lion had put upon her. "Well, this ought to wake the sleeping beauties up." She took a cannister from her apron, opened it, and dumped a generous amount of powdered cleanser on the pair.
Torpedo and the Lion soon roused, choking.
"Oh, yechh!" sputtered the Lion, spitting the soap out.
Torpedo was enraged. "Sanitized again?" she complained.
"Nope," answered the Good Witch, "scrubbed!"
"Oh, peachy," snorted Torpedo in disgust.
The Good Witch went on. "The smell of the soap will keep you from falling asleep again, kids," she said. "I'd have thought that you would have had more sense than to walk right into a field of poppies!"
Torpedo was mystified. "What's so bad about poppies?"
The Good Witch was severely taken aback by the question. "Everybody knows that when there's a lot of poppies in one place, their scent is so strong that it can make someone sleep forever!"
"No it isn't," said the Lion.
"Now, don't get in trouble again!" the Good Witch warned the group. "I've got enough to do without having to come around and bail you people out!" And with these words, the Witch disappeared in a puff of cockroach fumigation.