Chapter IV
The brilliancy of the city astounded them, so they walked slowly toward the great gate that separated them from their hoped-for fortune.
When they reached the gate, which seemed to have been forged from some sort of green metal, they all stopped, unsure as to just what they should do next.
"Maybe there's a doorbell," suggested the Scarecrow.
A moment's examination revealed a small silver bell next to the gate. Torpedo tugged at the bell-pull, and at the modest ring, the gate swung open.
They passed through without hesitation, and entered a high domed room whose walls were completely encrusted with emeralds.
"'The Four Strangers Reach the Emerald City': take one," bellowed a Voice from behind them, startling the poor Lion so badly that he jumped into the Scarecrow's arms.
"Welcome to the magnificent Emerald City of Oz, my good friends!" went on the Voice, which turned out to be attached to a large walrus dressed entirely in green. "I am the Guardian of the Gates, and I am to be your escort through the streets of our fabulous metropolis."
"Thank you," said the Lion politely, getting back on his feet.
"You are ever so welcome," replied the Guardian of the Gates. "Now, can I assist you in any special way?"
"Yes," answered Torpedo. "We wish to see the Great Oz."
"What? What?" The Guardian's eyes grew wide. "Cut!" he screamed to the three penguins in the corner, who had been filming the whole episode on an old-fashioned camera. "No one sees Oz!" he cried, turning to Torpedo in a passion.
"Maybe not," said the Scarecrow, "but he has to see her!"
The Guardian scowled. "How's that?" he asked the stuffed man gruffly.
"Well, because..." But the Scarecrow simply couldn't think of a reason.
Torpedo had just about had it. "Look, Toothy," she snarled, grabbing the Guardian's lapels and shaking with all her might. "I've gone tromping all over the countryside and over a river for your lousy Wizard, and I expect service!"
The Guardian gazed at her in surprise, then his eyes fell on the mark on the tern's forehead.
"Zounds!" he exclaimed. "She's been - sanitized!"
The three penguins gasped in unison.
"That's right," said the Tin Woodman quickly. "She's protected by the Good Witch of the North herself!"
Torpedo released the Guardian, who shook himself. "Well, why didn't you say so? Why didn't you say so?" He was quite flustered. "Of course he'll see you. Come this way, my good people."
The Guardian of the Gates led the way to a small square chamber covered inside with green embroidered draperies. A green box sat in the middle of the room.
"Before you can enter the city," explained the Guardian to the party, "you must put on special spectacles to protect your eyes from the brightness of everything inside." The three penguins rushed up and rummaged through the box, which the others could see was filled with spectacles of many different sizes, each of which had green glass set in them.
"Don't you wear them?" asked the Lion.
"Certainly," replied the Guardian, "but only when I'm in the city. Come, come, you three, can't you find anything to fit our friends here?" he said to the penguins impatiently.
The small birds conversed quietly amongst themselves for a moment, then one approached Torpedo with a tape measure. Before the tern could protest, the penguin hopped up and measured the perimeter of her head, then went over and measured each of her companions' heads in turn. Then, as an afterthought, he measured the crow's and the stuffed dog's heads as well.
The Guardian tapped his foot on the floor. "We're wasting precious time!" he chided his assistants.
The penguins soon found a pair of the green spectacles to fit each measurement, and the Guardian locked the glasses on each person at the back with a small green key that hung on a chain around his neck. "There," he said, then locked on his own spectacles. He then went to the door of the room and opened it. The penguins, not wearing any spectacles, shied away from the glare that came from beyond, and hid behind the green box.
"Come along now," called the Guardian of the Gates, and the four companions followed him into the city.
o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o
The green spectacles may have kept them from being blinded, but the group members' eyes still smarted momentarily upon entering the Emerald City. Everything seemed to give off a bright green glare, and even the people appeared to be green. Of course, that could have been a faulty perception given them by the spectacles.
The road the Guardian took them by led to a massive palace, all green, naturally, and studded with the largest emeralds Torpedo had ever seen, even in her geologist's journals.
"This tower, my dear friends," boomed the Guardian, turning around, "is nine hundred and forty-two feet high, is constructed of a special green iron ore found only in this part of the country, and as you can see - "
"Cut the tourist clap-trp!" interrupted the Tin Woodman rudely, "and let's get on with it!"
" - And as you can see, it was built in the exact center of our illustrious city," the Guardian finished in a huff. "Wait here while I convey your arrival to the proper authorities." He continued on up the road, and the others waited behind.
Torpedo narrowed her eyes at the Tin Woodman vehemently. "Oh, you'd better get that heart soon," she snarled at him,. "I was hoping he'd say where those emeralds were mined!"
The Guardian hurried back down to the group, his hand on his hat to keep it from tumbling off his head. He began hastily: "I told him about your seal, but he didn't - " He glanced over his shoulder fearfully. "Sorry, dear friends, but I must away; that's a take." He waddled furiously back down the road the way they had come.
"Well, that was rude," commented the Scarecrow.
"We've got worse problems," cut in the Lion as a man approached.
The man, a tall rooster dressed in a green soldier's uniform, stopped right in front of Torpedo, who held her ground. "So, yous tink I's a problem, do yous?" He turned up his bill, which appeared to have been constructed from the same green metal that formed the gates outside, in disgust. "So's yous wanna see the Great Oz, huh?" He examined Torpedo carefully from head to foot "An' what are dose stupid shoes you is wearin'?" he demanded.
The tern was infuriated. "These are Birkenstorks!" she shouted, sticking out a foot so the soldier could see better. "I know the metallic look is out, but..."
"I heard it was coming back," put in the Tin Woodman.
The soldier stepped back. "The Silver Birkenstorks! Where did you get dose?"
"Never mind where she got them," said the Scarecrow. "She got them. You have to let her see the Wizard."
The soldier scratched his comb thoughtfully. "I suppose the Wizard'll let yous in wit' dose," he mused. "But I gotta tell yous, I can't guarantee nuttin'."
"Good enough," said the Tin Woodman. "Let's go."
The Soldier With the Green Bill took them inside, and led them to a large sitting-room, furnished all in green, of course.
"Yous wait here,"said the Soldier to the group, "and I'll carry your message to Oz." He left.
"It shouldn't bee too long now," said the Lion.
The Scarecrow nodded. "That's right," he said. "Soon we'll all get what we want."
"It better be soon," grumbled the Tin Woodman.
But it wasn't. They waited there for at least three hours.
"This is ridiculous!" Torpedo finally said to break the silence.
"It certainly is," agreed the Soldier With the Green Bill, joining them once again. "The Wizard wants to see yous - one at a time," he added quickly as the group rushed the door en masse. "The farmer brat goes in first."
Torpedo glared at the Soldier, then went through the door alone.
She followed a long corridor with green windows until she reached the large pair of barred iron doors at its end. As she stood there wondering just how to get in, the bar lifted of its own accord and the doors swung open silently. Clutching the toy dog nervously, she stepped forward.
"I am Oz, the Great and Terrible!"
Torpedo blinked and looked around. The room was empty, save for a set of green marble stairs at the far end, and the huge green throne adorning its top. Sitting on the throne was a huge Head, with no body whatsoever to support it. The Head of course was green, and its green helmet's pair of long green springs tipped with green spheres bobbed when it spoke.
"I am Oz, the Great and Terrible!" the Head repeated.
Torpedo paused. "Speaking of terrible," she said, "you really should think about braces for that buck tooth."
"Silence!" roared the Head, and phosporescent green fog rolled out of its bill. "I am a great and powerful wizard!"
"Oh, yeah, about that..." Torpedo wrung the toy dog in her hands. "I came here to ask you for - "
The Head interrupted her with a loud shriek.
"Oh, you came asking for a gift, did you?" it demanded viciously, its bill curling in a snarl. "Well, I don't give gifts without a favor in return. I can't do it for nothing, you know."
Torpedo shook her head. "No, of course not," she said. "Anyway, I was going to ask you for some - "
"It will have to be a big favor," put in the Head.
"Fine!" screamed Torpedo. "But first listen to what I want!"
"Oh, all right," said the Head sullenly.
Torpedo harrumphed. Some Great and Powerful Wizard. "I want some direction in life," she said. "Do you think you can manage that?"
"Oh, I think so," answered the Head. "Anyway, about my favor..."
"What is it?"
The Head took a deep breath. "I understand you killed the Wicked Witch of the East...Am I right?"
"Yeah, so?"
"So I want you to kill the Wicked Witch of the West."
Torpedo was astounded. "How?"
"You'll think of a way." The Head closed its eyes. "Do not return until she is dead. Just be sure to bring proof of her demise. Send in the stuffed man next. Good day."
"But you can't do that!" Torpedo became frightened. "I don't know how to kill a witch!"
"Good day," repeated the Head, then it fell silent.
Torpedo pleaded for a few more minutes, but the Head said nothing in return (it was as if it had been shut off), so finally she went back to the sitting-room, where the others had been waiting for her.
"What happened?" said the Lion eagerly.
"What did Oz look like?" asked the Scarecrow.
Torpedo told them all of what had transpired: about the self-opening doors, and the bodiless head, and finally about the favor the Wizard had demanded.
"But what will you do?" cried the Scarecrow. "How do you kill a witch?"
Torpedo sighed and sat down on a green footstool. "I don't know," she said. "Anyway, he wants to see you next."
"Well," said the Scarecrow, "if Oz is nothing but a Head, then there is nothing for me to be afraid of, for a Head can't possibly do anything to hurt me."
So the others wished him luck, and the Scarecrow went down the corridor.
When he reached the doors, they opened by themselves, just as Torpedo had said. Reassured that things were going as expected, the Scarecrow stepped into the throne room boldly.
There was a great clattering, and the Scarecrow looked up at the green throne, which held not a Head, but a huge pair of green -
"Novelty teeth?" The Scarecrow scratched his stuffed head.
"I - am - Oz - the - Great - and - Terrible!" the Teeth clattered. "What - is - your - business - with - me?"
"I thought you were a giant Head," remarked the Scarecrow, who didn't know enough to be frightened.
"I - am - everything - and - yet - I - am - nothing!" clacked the Teeth.
The Scarecrow pondered upon this wisdom for a moment, then decided to overlook it.
"Will you give me brains?" he asked.
The Teeth snapped furiously. "Only - if - you - do - something - for - me," they replied. "Kill - the - Wicked - Witch - of - the - West!"
"But I thought you wanted Torpedo to kill the Witch..?"
"I - don't - care - who - kills - her!" the Teeth chattered angrily. "Don't - come - back - until - you - can - prove - she - is - dead! Send - in - the - metal - man - next! Good - day."
The Scarecrow returned to the others and told them everything.
"A toy?" roared the Tin Woodman, and he laughed maniacally. "The Great Oz is trying to scare us with a toy? Well, he can't scare me." He stomped as loudly as he could all the way down the corridor and through the doors, which had opened for him.
And there he stopped.
"You - you're not a toy!" he cried in terror.
"Pull the other one," hissed the fire hose coiled on the throne, swaying back and forth like a snake. "I am Ozss, the Great and Terrible. What isss your desssire?"
"Well...ah..er...um..." The Tin Woodman tried to find his voice, and wound up dropping to his knees. "Uh...I came here for a...for a heart."
"A...heart?" A forked droplet of water shot out of the hose's nozzle, hung there a moment, then crept back in as the creature turned the tin man's request over in its mind. "Very well," it answered at length, "but firssst you mussst ssslay the Wicked Witch of the Wessst...When you have done that, bring proof of her demissse to me, and then I will give you a heart, but not before. Sssend in the plant nexsst. Good day."
So the Tin Woodman went back. The Lion was very much relieved to find that the Great Oz was a water hose.
"For," he said, "water is one of my favorite things!"
So he went down the corridor and through the doors, and looked around the Throne Room in bewilderment.
"There's no one here!" he exclaimed, surprised.
"Oh, yes there is!" squeaked a tiny voice from the seat of the throne. "I am Oz the Great and Terrible!"
The Lion climbed the staircase and peered at the throne's cushion.
"Oh no, a leaf-louse!" he cried, drawing back in alarm.
The tiny louse crossed its legs and yawned widely. "I am Oz the Great and Terrible," it repeated languidly. "Why do you seek me?"
The Lion kow-towed to the insect fearfully. "Oh, Great Oz," he pleaded. "I am in great need of courage!"
"I can give you courage," replied the louse unconcernedly, lounging on its side. "Kill for me the Wicked Witch of the West, and I'll give you all the courage you want. Don't forget to bring something to prove that you did her in. Good day."
The Lion returned back to his companions sadly, for he was sure he could never kill the Wicked Witch, and so would never get his courage.
"But the Wizard said he didn't care who kills her," the Scarecrow told the beast, "so if one of us kills her, you'll get your courage."
"Killing a witch isn't like stomping an ant, you know," the Tin Woodman felt he had to point out.
"That's true," said Torpedo, "but I'm sure we'll think of something."