The Wizard of Odd Chapter VII, a darkwing duck fanfic

Chapter VII

"You want us to take you where?"

Torpedo sighed. "This is my third and last request," she told the Monkey With the Golden Tie-Tack, "and all I want is for you to take me to someone named 'Glinda'--don't you know who she is?"

"Well, of course we know who she is!" snapped the Monkey. "She's the Good Witch of the South! Everybody knows that."

A sharp pain snapped through Torpedo's head. "Another witch! Why do I have all the luck? Oh, well, if she's the only one who can help me..." She turned to the Lion, Scarecrow, and Tin Woodman, who looked a little sad. "Well, I'm off," she said. "Good luck, I guess." She wondered briefly if she should be emotional, but she wouldn't have gotten the chance anyway, because just then the lead monkey siezed her arms, and, flapping his huge wings, he carried her in a southwardly direction.

On the ground, her former companions waved farewell.

Torpedo was furious. "You didn't let me say good-bye!" she fumed at the Monkey.

"Such is Life," answered the Monkey shortly, and Torpedo decided not to argue any more.

After about a half-hour of travelling, the tern felt that her arm-sockets must be getting tired (although she really couldn't feel her arms anymore anyways). Therefore she almost screamed for joy when they began gliding doown towards a pink and lavendar palace.

"It's lovely," remarked Torpedo sarcastically. "Actually, it looks sort of like a day-care center."

The Monkeys released Torpedo in the midsts of a topiary, then looked at her expectantly.

Torpedo frowned. "What do you want, a tip?"

The lead monkey grimaced in annoyance. "We were hoping," he began, "that you might return the pearl necklace to us, so that no one could summon us again..."

"What?" cried Torpedo, severely taken aback. She took the necklace off of her ankle and clutched it protectively. "This trinket's going to land me a fortune at the Thieves' Guild! There is no way I'm going to give it to you monkey suits!"

The Flying Monkeys were too heated up to speak. They just turned on their tails and flapped up and away, and Torpedo never saw them again.

"Freeloaders," grunted the tern, dropping the pearl necklace into her apron pocket. She began to make her way around hedges shaped like bunnies, puppies, and playful kittens as she looked for an entrance to the palace.

"Some of these witches have common characteristics," she thought.

Finally she found a small button marked 'doorbell' next to a pink gate and pressed it. A little tinkling noise reached her ears, and the gate swung open.

Torpedo stepped into a sizable garden, filled with cascading waterfalls and prancing deer and swaying willow trees, and she honestly thought she would be sick.

She was also honestly tired of standing around admiring the scenery.

"Glinda!" Torpedo called. "Glinda the Good Witch! I need to speak with you!"

She was startled by a voice behind her.

"Well, I'm right here. You shouldn't shout like that."

Torpedo turned. "Oh," she cried, spying a racoon wearing a pink ballroom gown and rhinestone tiara, who had materialized in the low-lying branches of a tree. "There you are."

Glinda flicked her ringed tail. "What can I do to help you?" she asked calmly.

Torpedo wasn't so calm. "You've got to help me," she told the Witch. "I need some direction in life...Got any lying around?"

Glinda paused, then tossed her long brown hair with a laugh. "Of course I do, dear. You've come to the right place, certainly."

"Well?"

"Well," continued Glinda, pressing her fingers together. "Are you ready?"

"Yes!"

"Sure?"

"Yes!"

"Get a day job!" screeched Glinda shrilly, then fixed her hair. "And there you have it."

Torpedo stood there for a moment in silence. "Well," she said at length, "I guess that could do it."

Glinda pulled a wand out from behind her back and waved it in the air over Torpedo's head. "Now for your departure," said the Witch sweetly. "I hope you've had a nice time...Now, take off those Birkenstorks."

Torpedo became defensive. "But the Good Witch of the North said I could keep them!" she protested.

"Oh she did, did she?" Glinda suddenly frosted over. "That North Witch! Always trying to set the rules! Doesn't she know I'm much more powerful than she is? She's nothing but an overgrown--"

But Torpedo didn't catch that last insult, because while she was removing the Birkenstorks to avoid an argument, the spell was completed and she was sent back...

o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o

"Huh? What? Oh, what a migraine!" Torpedo sat up and glared at the book in front of her. "That's it! I knew I shouldn't have raided Quackerjack's private library! At least I'll turn a nice profit from this." She put her hand down to get the pearl necklace from her apron pocket, but not only was the necklace gone, but so was the pocket, and the apron, as she was dressed once again in her usual wetsuit. "What a royal gyp!" she exclaimed. "...I wonder what Maus is about."