Nameless Soldiers
Soldiers Stolidity
I am a nameless soldier, lost within a maze with no finish, running though ever deeper shadows looking for a sun that I only see in my dreams. It's finally over. Thank God, it's finally over. I feel flooded with relief, knowing I'm free. He's free.
I didn't realize the shell around me had grown so thick, grown into me so much that I was split. Nothing devastates more than desperation . . . desperation in every aspect of existence, most of all a futile love. Wherever it leads, you know you're the only element capable of being sacrificed. Sanity is so fragile, like an eggshell filled with paint thinner.
I was an accident, my whole life I mean. I was born unwanted, and I made something of it. I triumphed where others thought I would fail, held the fort when those around me wilted. That's why I know I've made it farthest - I tried. Nothing fills he wells of darkness more than success and the pleasure of triumphing over your enemies.
There was always one above all others. I would - and did - give up everything I'd worked so hard to gain for him. I don't know why he denied me for so long, possibly because of image but more likely because he wasn't willing to acknowledge the reality of it. he was like that, always a dreamer, a schemer, a romantic. Being from a similar background, I can't imagine where he got such optimism, especially after what happened. It was cruel, though, and unnecessary, and I supposed that's what he had wanted so I became so. Only then did I discover that I could never match his grace, his elegance. Oho, that was enlightening.
Yes, I know what happened. Anyone where we come from can tell you and he did nothing to hide it. he expected much, I think, and I made me reluctant to intrude. Perhaps it was all and well that I had, though, for that fall could have shattered the fragile glass that his heart really was.
It was chance, what happened I mean. He misjudged the boy - as we as had at some point - and had to accept a fate he didn't want. It should not have happened, and it makes one slightly suspicious.
It's dark and desolate here, appropriate for mourning. Some things can never be rebuilt to their original splendor. In fact, most things cannot sustain once wounded. That's how it was with him. It ill have my vengeance, and because I am better I will succeed! Death justifies death . . . a thousand gallons of blood spilt will quench my thirst. If not, we have many more people than we need in this world. I will not stop for anything. I will not stop until I'm with him again. That's all that matters.
And so I fight. I will fight as best I can for what he can no longer lead. I will fight because he believed in peace, but I will fight because he believed in the humanity of war. There is nothing I cannot do, nothing I cannot accomplish in his memory.
But I did try so hard to join him in his new place, unwilling to live, to breathe, to think without him there. Nothing else in the world matters, nothing at all. I know now, however, that he left me behind to accomplish a mission. His final mission is to care for them. All of them, not just his own. I'll watch them with a ready eye, a ready fist. I will war for them and be brutal. I will uphold the ideals they have impressed so far upon me, and the ones their minds have yet to reveal.
I am a nameless soldier, held fast between the brightness and darkness of the world, arms stretching too far apart, neck arched in agony, screaming with rage and cruelty and pain and loss and tragedy and a sense of beautiful peace and enlightenment. A state of emergency . . . how beautiful to be.
)()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()(
[]Quick footnote: that last line is from the Björk song "State of Emergency." I do not own it, so do not sue me.[]
Soldiers Stolidity
I am a nameless soldier, lost within a maze with no finish, running though ever deeper shadows looking for a sun that I only see in my dreams. It's finally over. Thank God, it's finally over. I feel flooded with relief, knowing I'm free. He's free.
I didn't realize the shell around me had grown so thick, grown into me so much that I was split. Nothing devastates more than desperation . . . desperation in every aspect of existence, most of all a futile love. Wherever it leads, you know you're the only element capable of being sacrificed. Sanity is so fragile, like an eggshell filled with paint thinner.
I was an accident, my whole life I mean. I was born unwanted, and I made something of it. I triumphed where others thought I would fail, held the fort when those around me wilted. That's why I know I've made it farthest - I tried. Nothing fills he wells of darkness more than success and the pleasure of triumphing over your enemies.
There was always one above all others. I would - and did - give up everything I'd worked so hard to gain for him. I don't know why he denied me for so long, possibly because of image but more likely because he wasn't willing to acknowledge the reality of it. he was like that, always a dreamer, a schemer, a romantic. Being from a similar background, I can't imagine where he got such optimism, especially after what happened. It was cruel, though, and unnecessary, and I supposed that's what he had wanted so I became so. Only then did I discover that I could never match his grace, his elegance. Oho, that was enlightening.
Yes, I know what happened. Anyone where we come from can tell you and he did nothing to hide it. he expected much, I think, and I made me reluctant to intrude. Perhaps it was all and well that I had, though, for that fall could have shattered the fragile glass that his heart really was.
It was chance, what happened I mean. He misjudged the boy - as we as had at some point - and had to accept a fate he didn't want. It should not have happened, and it makes one slightly suspicious.
It's dark and desolate here, appropriate for mourning. Some things can never be rebuilt to their original splendor. In fact, most things cannot sustain once wounded. That's how it was with him. It ill have my vengeance, and because I am better I will succeed! Death justifies death . . . a thousand gallons of blood spilt will quench my thirst. If not, we have many more people than we need in this world. I will not stop for anything. I will not stop until I'm with him again. That's all that matters.
And so I fight. I will fight as best I can for what he can no longer lead. I will fight because he believed in peace, but I will fight because he believed in the humanity of war. There is nothing I cannot do, nothing I cannot accomplish in his memory.
But I did try so hard to join him in his new place, unwilling to live, to breathe, to think without him there. Nothing else in the world matters, nothing at all. I know now, however, that he left me behind to accomplish a mission. His final mission is to care for them. All of them, not just his own. I'll watch them with a ready eye, a ready fist. I will war for them and be brutal. I will uphold the ideals they have impressed so far upon me, and the ones their minds have yet to reveal.
I am a nameless soldier, held fast between the brightness and darkness of the world, arms stretching too far apart, neck arched in agony, screaming with rage and cruelty and pain and loss and tragedy and a sense of beautiful peace and enlightenment. A state of emergency . . . how beautiful to be.
)()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()(
[]Quick footnote: that last line is from the Björk song "State of Emergency." I do not own it, so do not sue me.[]