Tainted Tainted
Some loves can never be forgotten

Lately I'm not who I used to be
Someone's come and taken me
Where I don't wanna go

If I knew exactly what I have to do
In order to be there for you
When you were feeling low

And all the things we ever wanted
Were once yours and mine
Now I know we can revive it
All the love we left

Everytime I kiss I feel your lips
And everytime I cry I see your smile
And everytime I close my eyes I realise that
Everytime I hold your hands in mine
The sweetest thing my heart could ever find
And I have never felt this way
Since the day I gave your love away

Save me, I've fallen from my destiny
You and I were meant to be
I've thrown it all away

Now you're gone
It's time for me to carry on
But baby I just cant go on
Without you by my side

And all the things we ever wanted
Were once yours and mine
Now I know we can't revive it
All the love we left
Everytime.....

We can survive it
All the pain we feel inside
You relied on me and now I've let you go down
Now, I promise you forever
I will be the best I can
Now, I know we can revive it
All the love we left
Everytime....



I'm tainted...

When I first entered the WWF I was so innocent, I was truly "daddy's little girl", there was no doubt about that... I could do no wrong in daddy's eyes and it was the truth but then something happened...

Hunter happened.

Hunter changed who I was, he made me into the person all the fans hate, he turned me into this screeching brat.

Before I had been someone, I had been sweet and I had been worthy of someone's love...

Not just someone... not just anybody... I had been worthy of Test's love.

I at one time had been worthy of his loving gazes, I at one time had been the person he thought about all the time, I at one time had been the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with... but I'm not that person anymore.

I bet all of you are pretty shocked by now, I bet all of you are surprised that the billion dollar princess is moping over Test.

I had and still have all of you fools fooled... no pun intended.

I even at one time had myself fooled, I fooled myself that Test was nothing to me, but it was just another lie I told. I'm good at telling the lies, I tousle my hair back, cover my face with all sorts of make-up, I put on the skimpy clothes, and then I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I don't love Test. I tell myself that he never meant anything to me, that the love we shared was NOTHING... that the love never existed, I tell myself that I love Hunter, but I don't.

I DON'T love Hunter, how could I love someone who is so cruel and cold hearted? Sure I had all of you fooled, but sitting in my dressing room alone and looking at my reflection in my vanity room, I finally realize that I could have been someone's everything instead of someone's trophy wife.

Test LOVED me more then Hunter could ever even try to love me; Test would look at me and I knew with just that one glance that he loved me with all the fiber in his body, and that he would continue loving me until the day he died. Test's love was the sort of love that I had been searching for all my life, and the minute I got that love... I ran to Hunter.

I didn't want to need Hunter, but I did. I wanted to get back at my father for the way he enlisted me into his conflict with Stone Cold Steve Austin, I wanted to get back at my brother for helping The Undertaker kidnap me, I wanted to get revenge at the two most loved people in my life: Shane and my daddy, for the horror and pain they made me endure... and to do that, I had to let go of Test.

I went to Hunter with my plan, and Hunter jumped at the opportunity to get back at, as what Hunter called him "The Big Man", and then the McMahon-Helmsley era was started.

The look on Test's face had been almost unbearable to look at, and then the way my father wrapped his arms around me protecting me from who was supposedly the bad man trying to hurt his baby girl, made me want to endow the marriage and marry Test and stay with my daddy and not to start up this damn era, but it was too late.

My daddy had been crushed... Shane had been crushed! The two people I wanted to crush were hurt, mission complete! But then the unexpected thing happened... Test had been crushed. I had never meant to hurt him, I loved him, I really did! I just needed that revenge so badly, that I looked past love, looked past Test.

And now Test hates me. Why wouldn't he? Even if he did have the ability to forgive me before, he doesn't anymore. Hunter has beaten the living hell out of Test, and at my father's orders and mine.

Things are SO crazy lately, I pretend that I love what is going on in the federation but I don't like it one bit, I hate it!

The alliance between Stone Cold Steve Austin and my "husband" Hunter is sickening, the way they are destroying Kane and The Undertaker makes me sick to my stomach, and the way Hunter nearly killed Test because of Test's involvement in the last man standing match between Shane and The Big Show made me want to cry, but instead I stood tall and I cheered my "husband" on.

I stand by Hunter and stand tall and proud, but I'm not proud of the sort of carnage he is doing... I don't want to be with Hunter, but I have NO choice. If I even try to leave Hunter, I'll be kicked out of the family just like my mom and Shane. I won't be daddy's little girl anymore, I won't be the billion dollar princess anymore... and I just can't see me not being that... that is all I have ever known. If I left Hunter, where would I go? I have nowhere to go, I don't have Test anymore.

I'll be just like Shane. Shane had one time been the billion dollar prince, he was just like me but then one little mistake sent him kicking and screaming out of the family. Shane protected mom's honor, he's more then I could ever be. Shane knew the consequences of his choices, and he still did them. Sure I hated Shane before, and some part of me still does for his involvement with what happened between The Undertaker and I, but Shane is my brother.

One time I had been the sort of person Shane was proud to call his little sister, he used to call me "Stephy" and he would look at me with love in his eyes, but not anymore. He hates the person I have become, there is disgust in his eyes when he looks at me and as much as I say it doesn't hurt... it does.

Shane had always loved me no matter what, no matter what I did... I was always Shane's Stephy. I had always been Shane's little sister, but not anymore. What did I expect? The choices I have made have affected EVERYONE! And the decisions I have made have caused me to lose the people I loved the most...

Test and Shane.

They have so many similarities... they both loved me with everything they had, and I betrayed them both. I said I loved them one day and then the next day I stabbed them in the back; I looked them in the eye and told them I was disgusted with them and slapped them in the face. I said things and done things to them that can't be taken back, and now when I want to take them back, they are unforgiving.

"10 minutes Stephanie."

I look away from my vanity mirror and nod at one of the crewmen... 10 minutes until I go skipping into that ring, 10 minutes until that "slut" chant starts up, until that damn "slut" chant ring in my ears.

I am NOT a slut! Doesn't anyone see that? Can't anyone see past the hairspray and the make-up? Can't anyone see past the skimpy clothes and all the lies? Can't anybody see that I'm still Shane's Stephy? Can't anyone see that I am still in love with Test? Of course not, I'm too good of a good liar for them to see past my act.

"Ready babe?"

I look up and paste on a fake smile, as Hunter smiles at me from the doorway. Okay I had been wrong... Hunter does love me. He has to love me, he fought Rikishi for me on Smackdown, and he's stayed faithful to me this whole time... yes Hunter loves me... it just doesn't go around. I want to love Hunter, because maybe if I do love him then I can stop loving Test, but no I don't love Hunter.

"Yep, just putting the finishing touches on my make-up. How do I look?"

Hunter smiles at me, flashing me that handsome smile of his.

"Beautiful, as usual, now come on. Steve is waiting for us."

I get up and stroll over to Hunter, I grab his hand and we walk down the hall, smiles on our faces. We are the WWF's model couple, like me and Test had been a while back. Even though I hate Hunter, I admit we look good together...

"Looks like Testicle wants some more..."

I roll my eyes at Hunter's little nickname for Test, but I laugh at it just to show I'm not pissed... which I am. I look up at and see Test walking past us; His ribs still taped up, he glares at Hunter and me, and then for a split second, I see his eyes soften up when we look at each other.

*Please Test I love you, don't you ever forget that.*

For a second it's just Test and me, and I stare into his eyes, hoping he can hear my subliminal message.

Test doesn't say a word, but he just stares. His eyes drilling into mine, not a word, just a gaze. It's not a gaze full of hate, but it's not a gaze full of love either... it's just Test looking at me, and then he looks over at Hunter, finally glaring.

"Yeah Triple H, you're damn right I want some! Me and you tonight, in a hardcore match, you up to that?"

I watch them with an intense look in my eyes.

NEXT IN THE 'TAINTED' SERIES:

Test thinks of Stephanie and finds himself feeling sorry for his ex-fiancée.

Triple H and Test fight in a hardcore match.