She's leaving. She's leaving me and I have to go catch her before it's too late. I need to tell her how I feel about her before she leaves and never comes back.
I can't believe I'm doing this. Everything is changing so quickly. If I step onto that train, I'll never see Chicago again. Once I'm with my family I won't be able to leave. No more County, no more empty little apartment. No more Mark. That one hurts the most. He's my best friend...he's been there through all of this. I feel so awful leaving him after all he's done for me. But I need to be with Suzie. That day he kissed me, though...I don't really know why he did it. He never showed any interest in me like that again. But I felt something there. It's probably why I stopped him...I mean, there are enough rumours already. But I can't start loving him now. He's my best friend and I'm leaving him. The most important choices always feel the worst to make.
There she is...She's so wonderful. How can I do this to her? She knows I want to say something. She's waiting for me to speak. I don't think that I can do this...but I have to. I force the words out of my mouth and she stares at me. Then that one perfect kiss...so soft and sweet, but filled with passion. And then she's gone. Gone. Dammit. Did I really think I could get her to stay with me? I couldn't ask...I shouldn't have asked her to pick me over Suzie. Then I see her once more, yelling to me, her emerald green eyes shining even in the dim lights of the station. She loves me too. But she's leaving now, leaving me here. The train pulls away slowly, and I know that she is never coming back.
He loves me. All this time, I never really knew it. But he feels the same way I feel. I wanted to jump off the train and run back to him. I don't want to leave him now. But I have to go to Suzie. She's my life, she's everything. Or I thought she was. Then there's Mark, possibly the love of my life. I'm being pulled in two different directions and I'm just about ready to cut myself in half so I can be in 2 places at once. I can't make this choice. If Chloe had only stayed here in chicago, I wouldn't have to choose. I could see Suzie and still be with Mark. I almost wish now that I hadn't yelled back to him. Why did I DO that to him? He looked like he was amazed and in love, then his face crumbled and he looked like he wanted to throw himself on the train tracks. I shouldn't have done that to him right before I left. But I love him. I could get off now, but the train begins to move out of the station, making the decision for me. I settle back in my seat, eyes tearing, and try to sleep on the way to Arizona. If I sleep, I won't have to think about Mark and the way I let the man I love get away. Or rather, how I ran away from him.