Boba Fett and the Magic Ring

by JadeShadow

A/N-this is my first fic here, so please R/R! Fett becomes an archaeologist...

Boba Fett and the Magic Ring

Chapter I

Once upon a time the great bounty hunter, Boba Fett, decided to take a break from the exciting life of bounty hunting and be an archaeologist instead. So he went to an archaeological school and graduated with honors, although he suspected that this was because all of the professors were too scared to fail him.

            After graduating, he bought himself a gigantic house with an enormous library. Then he filled the library with lots of dusty old books about secret artifacts that no one could ever find. After that, he hired several maids to keep the library looking old and dusty and several more maids to keep the rest of the house clean.

However, after he had used up most of his poisoned darts on the maids in the library (the books weren't dusty enough) the rest of the hired help ran away, leaving him with a broken down droid and a very old butler. Fett despised both of them and ordered them to stay out of his way. The droid, however, was broken down so Fett sold him to a wandering Jawa who didn't seem to realize that he wasn't on Tatooine. The butler stayed in his old shack out behind the gardens, leaving Fett alone to clean house once a month and to spend the rest of the time poring over the books, searching for an artifact good enough for him to go after.

 One hot summer day, Fett was seriously considering taking off his armor and putting on some regular clothes. The library in which he sat was dusty and stuffy, and the sunlight that poured through the windows of the domed ceiling was not bright enough to reach the dark depths of the library's floor, yet succeeded in making the whole room feel like an oven.

The library was rectangular and several shelves lined the walls and the inside, creating aisles in which one could get lost if exploring them. The library was so tall that a large staircase was in the middle of it. The staircase reached all the way to the ceiling and had small landings at periodic intervals so one would not have to find a ladder sturdy enough to support oneself as one climbed to the books at the very top of the library.

Fett sat at a small desk crammed with books on one of the landings. He skimmed the books, muttering to himself.

"The legendary-aren't they all legendary-tusk of the first Bantha-gives eternal life to some and short lives to others, no…the first gaffi stick, said to spit poison at the unworthy ones and make invincible the worthy ones…wait a minute, what book is this?" Fett closed the book and dusted off the front cover. "Oh, The Book of Sandpeople Artifacts subtitled Things the Worthy Sandpeople Alone are Allowed to Touch. Why do I even bother?" He threw the book to the floor and picked up another one. "What's this? Oh, The Book of Outstanding Ewok Artifacts….No, I don't care about the stupid Ewoks-'"

"Ah, but you might find some of their artifacts interesting," said a stately old voice from somewhere behind him.

Fett whirled around, already bringing one of his dart shooters to bear, then remembered that the particular dart shooter had already been used up, and cursed. He glared at the intruder from behind his T-shaped visor.

The intruder smiled, and Fett recognized him as the butler, and old man by the name of Valorum, maybe. "Curse you, old man. Whaddaya want?"

The man was tall, and held himself in a stately manner. He had a shock of white hair and was dressed in senatorial robes from the Old Republic. "I was just about to tell you that you have to go on a big quest on Endor."

"Why?"

Valorum shrugged impatiently.

"Fine, but why do you care?"

Valorum pulled up a chair and sat down next to Fett. "I was an archaeologist once, before I dragged myself into politics and lost everything. Anyway, before I got into the Senate and lost everything, I was working on a project that had to do with Endor. Here-I've still got the information…" Valorum rummaged around in his pockets and withdrew a very battered looking flimsy. "There you are," he said, handing it to Fett.

Fett opened it and read aloud, "'The Magic Ring of the Ewokian lore'-sounds intriguing-'made from the precious gold of the Ewoks, inset with precious stones. Legend has it that the holder of the Ring will have control over all of Endor, the whole sector….'"

As he read, Fett became more and more interested. According to legend, the last time the Ring was used, the planet Endor itself was destroyed. The Ewok elders had then decided that the Ring was too dangerous for any Ewok to use. They had cut the Ring in half, kept one of the halves and buried the other half in a secret location that no one had ever been able to find. Many Ewoks had died looking for it.

When he finished, he caught Valorum looking at him expectantly. "What? Why do you want some stupid Ring?"

Valorum shrugged. "I was once Chancellor Valorum of the Old Republic, until Emperor Palpatine took it from me.  I figure I can take over Endor, then work on taking over the Empire…."

Fett eyed him. "How much money do we get?"

Valorum smiled. "It depends on who wants it."

"You do. How much will you pay me?"

"Thirty thousand."

Fett waved a hand dismissively. "Ha-ha. For something that good, I'm not settling for anything less than two hundred."

Valorum thought, then sighed heavily and extended his hand. "One fifty up front, one hundred more upon delivery."

Fett smiled within his helmet. "Done." He slapped Valorum's outstretched hand.

The next few weeks Fett spent searching for any clue on the Ring. Valorum had told him everything he knew about the Ring and then left Fett to his research. After a long argument, Fett agreed to meet up with Valorum on Endor. That said and done, Valorum had taken off to who-knew-where, leaving Fett alone in his house.

After several weeks had passed, Fett realized he was going to need help from someone who had actually done this sort of thing before. After a long search, he found and agreed to meet Dr. Wings, an Ewok historian who had dug up ancient Ewok artifacts before.

Fett stood in one of his rooms, debating if he should go in uniform or start dressing like other people normally did. He looked at himself in the mirror and opted for the latter. Too many people would run away from him if he showed up in his famous armor. Sighing, he took of his helmet, boots, chest plates, leggings, and gloves. He folded them up and stuck them in the wardrobe's secret compartments. He then pulled on a green jumpsuit and surveyed himself in the mirror.

He was very pale, his eyes almost white, his hair white blonde. He shrugged, pulled out one of his fake ID that identified him as James Tef, relatively new archaeologist. He sighed again and left for the city.

He found the small tapcafe they were meeting in and sat down at a table. Soon a pretty woman joined him. She had long black hair she had tied up in a ponytail, big, surprisingly bright violet eyes, a small nose, round face, and long legs. She was wearing a purple jumpsuit and had several blasters strapped to her.

All this Fett observed in an instant. He cleared his throat, and she turned her violet gaze on him.

            "Yes?" she asked.

            "Yes. I'm meeting a Doctor Wings, and that seat is reserved for him," Fett growled.

            Her eyes widened and she smiled. "I am Doctor Wings. Vera Wings. You're Tef?"

"James Tef." Fett eyed her again. "I was under the impression that I was meeting a learned male, but-"

She shook her head. "Typical stereotype. Get it all the time. So," she continued, lowering her voice slightly, "you're looking for the Ring?"

"No," said Fett sarcastically, "I'm looking for the first gaffi stick. Why else would I call you?"

"I don't know," she replied.

"No, you wouldn't," Fett agreed as a waiter came by. "The kid's sushi, please." The waiter nodded and left.

Wings continued to watch him as his order came. The waiter smiled and set down the tray. "Here you are, sir," he said, then ran away. Fett shrugged and started in on one of the sushi. Suddenly two teddy bears the size of sumo wrestlers appeared. They lifted Fett, one large paw under an arm, yelled "WASABI," and dropped him.

Rubbing his arms, he glared at them. "Who the heck are you?" he demanded.

"Oh, vary sarry sar, we are dee running gag for dis story, sar," they replied in a weird accent.

Still eyeing them, Fett said, "I'll make a note of it….Waiter! Come take away the sushi, please." The waiter came over and the bears disappeared. "Why do I get the feeling we'll be seeing them again?"

The doctor shrugged. "They're the running gag. Maybe we'll figure it out later."

"So, are you in?" Fett asked.

She smiled. "For the chance to see those bears humiliate you again? I wouldn't miss it for the world."

*                                                           *                                                           *

Three days later, Fett was preparing for flight in his Slave I, when suddenly he remembered that he had to take Dr. Wings with him. He sighed and left the cockpit for the access hatch. As he wormed his way out, he looked down and nearly had a heart attack when he saw Wings on the ground, watching him with an amused smile.

"So you are Boba Fett," she said.

"If I wanted to, I could kill you right now. And call me James or Tef, as I don't want to blow my whole cover," he growled, still angry that she had managed to elude his security devices.

"Ah, but you don't want to, and that means I don't have a thing to worry about," she retorted.

"Are you so sure?" he countered.

She sighed. "I'd keep bickering with you, but I have offworld clearance for my yacht for three minutes from now. Are you coming or not?"

He climbed out of the ship and jumped to the ground. She turned on her heel and walked briskly towards another docking bay. She entered the door and Fett followed.

"Here's my ship, the Endor Escape. What do you think?"

Fett stared. It was long and streamlined and gleamed a bright silver. The plating on it seemed seamless, except for miniscule lines that were probably hidden missile launchers and gun turrets. "Very nice."

"Okay then. Let's go."

*                                                           *                                                           *

As soon as they entered hyperspace, Wings showed Fett around. "These are the bunks, and there are five of them. Usually, I sleep in one of the larger bunks and keep the smaller ones for treasure…." She continued, but Fett stopped paying attention to her and let his mind wander. He hoped Valorum was already on Endor, otherwise he would have to kill the old man and that wouldn't go well with a lot of people.

The Escape was a nice little modified yacht, but the Slave I could have reduced it to dust in an instant, without thought. So could most bounty hunters' ships. The thought made him uneasy. Suddenly Wings said something that jolted him back to the moment.

"…and if Boba Fett doesn't listen, I'll hand him this little device I found on Yavin IV." Wings held out a small, innocent-looking device. "Anyone who holds it in the improper position will immediately be injected with a poison which, if the victim fails to get an antidote in fifteen minutes, will immediately cause the body to reject itself. In effect, the person's body will try to eject every organ from itself. The organs are swiftly punctured, your nerves fry, and you are almost dead, but your brain is only hemerrorging. In a way, it's good your nerves fry after your stomach twists in on itself, because you don't have to feel the rest of the pain. But you're still aware, at least for part of it."

Fett looked quite unnerved. "That's nice….Erm, doctor, may I ask-"

"Vera, please. Partners are friends, until the partnership dissolves."

"Fine. Vera, how do you come by your artifacts?"

She shrugged, her black hair rippling. "Lots of ways, James dear. Do you mind if I call you James? Fett sounds too unnatural."

He cleared his throat. "Fine. Anyway."

"Oh, yes. How I find my artifacts…it doesn't matter in this search. This Ring you're looking for, well…it's going to be interesting."

Fett narrowed his eyes, then realized he didn't have a helmet. Vera didn't seem to notice. "Very interesting indeed…."

*                                                           *                                                           *

Two weeks later, Fett and Vera were in the Endor system, preparing to land on the Forest moon. Fett was messing with the control panel. A red button flashed. Vera, glancing over at Fett, decided to leave him alone. She leaned forward in her seat and with one long, glittering purple fingernail she pushed it.

Suddenly the stars of space were taken up by the face of Valorum. Vera eyed him, noting every line of his (rather handsome, she thought) face. His shock of white hair stood straight up, as usual, and he looked relieved to see them.

"Fett! Tef! James! You're here! Thank the-oh never mind. Hurry up and land, will you?"

"What's going on, Chancellor?" Vera asked.

"Are you the doctor? Splendid! Now, hurry up and get down here!" Valorum glanced to the side, then back at them. "Hurry!"

Fett sighed and rolled his eyes. Vera reached over and pressed the Auto-Descent button. "Just sit back, James dear."

Fett did, but suddenly he looked up and yelled, "What the bloody heck is that?"

Vera looked up, too, and saw what he meant. Above them swarmed thousands of Imperial ships: from minute TIE fighters to enormous Super Star Destroyers. Above them hovered what looked to be a giant moon, but from her week at the Yavin IV base, she knew it was a Death Star. An exceedingly large Death Star, much bigger than its predecessor.

What caught her eye, though, were several Stormtrooper transports and a Lambda shuttle heading down for the forest moon. She pointed to them and said, "James!"

"I know," he snapped. "They're headed for the surface."

"No duh," she retorted. "Do you think they're looking for us?"

"Why would they?"

"Well…" Vera hesitated. "I'll tell you later."

"I think now would be appropriate," Fett said coolly. "I don't have to do anything to land this thing, thanks to your extremely incompetent Auto-Descent installment."

Vera rolled her eyes. "At least it lands itself. Do you know how much work I put into that thing?"

"Ahem." Fett glared at her. "I believe you are speaking evasively."
            "Oh. Why they would be after us. Right. Er…well, my parents were Rebel sympathizers and I have…in the past…done dealings with them that displeased the Empire….Serves them right," she added, "they killed my parents."

Now Fett was looking murderous. Not a good sign, Vera decided. "Why," he said softly, "didn't you tell me BEFORE we started?"

"Er…I was, um, well, hoping that you wouldn't chuck me out an airlock?" she offered lamely. 

"If I wasn't getting paid a WHOLE lot for all this, I would do that, right now," Fett growled. "As it is, I know of some pretty painful torture methods…."

"Is that really nessacary? It's been years since I was involved with the Rebellion…." Suddenly the view changed again. Now it showed a blonde-haired guy, a brown-haired woman, and a guy who looked suspiciously like the last bounty Fett had taken on.

"Vera!" the woman said. "What the heck are you doing on a private Alliance frequency?"

Fett glared at her and pulled a finger across his throat, then pointed to her. Vera cleared her throat nervously and replied, "Er, well, we were talking to this guy named Valorum-"

"Valorum's here?" the woman demanded. The blonde guy started consulting what seemed to be a script.

"Uh, Leia, this isn't in the script," he said, "and I would like to get paid this week."

"Luke, shut up."

"But-"

"Luke, I'm warning you…."

"OK, OK, I get the picture. Jeeze," he grumbled, "what I do for siblings."

"Anyway," said Leia, now addressing Vera, "are you sure it's Valorum? That guy that girl with the weird headress kicked out of office?"

"How do you know about that?" a new voice demanded. Valorum appeared on the deck of the cockpit.

"I studied it in Senate school, you idiot."

"Have we landed already?" Fett asked.

"Er-well-"

Vera checked the readouts. "Yeah, but we landed on top of some sort of Imperial base thingie."

"Well, that's good," Fett remarked sarcastically. "Now maybe they'll invite us to tea."

"Let's get out of here," Vera suggested.

 "Well," said Valorum, "see, there's this little, itty bitty problem."

The people on the viewscreen were watching all this, quite puzzled. "What's going on?" the guy who looked like Han Solo asked.

"What?" Fett demanded, ignoring Solo.

"Oh, I think you'll figure it out," said a new voice. Vera, Fett, and Valorum turned around to see an armored division of stormtroopers standing behind them.

"Valorum," Leia and Vera groaned.

"Sorry." Valorum looked sheepish. "I forgot about the bounty on me."

"What bounty?" Fett demanded.

The head stormtrooper cleared his throat, pulled out a flimsy and said, "Wanted: Valorum, former Chancellor of the Old Republic, for conspirising to take over the Empire and for being a general threat to the Imperial throne. Also wanted for sympathizing with the Rebellion, and wreaking havoc, and convincing other people to join the Rebellion." He folded up the flimsy and stuck it in a pocket. "Now come out with your hands up."

Chapter II

Fett, Vera, and Valorum marched out of the Endor Escape with several guns pointed at their heads. They were marched into the bunker, stuck in a prison cell, and told that if they tried to break out they would be killed.

Vera immediately claimed the only seat in the room, which wasn't much more comfortable than the floor upon which the two men sat. "Now who's idea was this?" she asked conversationally.

"Not mine," said Fett, glaring at Valorum.

"Well excuse me," Valorum said. "I thought that bounty expired years ago. Anyway, how did Miss Organa know your name, Vera?"

"I told you people already, I used to work with the Rebellion," she said in exasperation. "I was on her staff."

"Well, who was that with her?" Fett demanded.

"The blonde was definitely Luke Skywalker; the other one looked like Han Solo."

"Solo?" Fett burst out. "After all I did to get him locked up? How DARE he be free?"

"What?" Vera and Valorum asked.

"He was the last bounty I had," Fett explained. "It took me three years to get him locked up in Jabba's palace, ad he only stayed that way for ONE YEAR!"

"Calm down," said a new voice. The head stormtrooper came in, followed by his three commanding officers. "We brought you dinner.'

Fett looked down at the plate he had been given. It was piled with…sushi! He looked over at Vera and they grinned evilly. "Here," he said, offering one to each of the stormtroopers, "would you like one?"

"Sure." They popped them into their mouths at the same time Valorum did. Seconds later, the whole bunker shook as loud crashes were heard in the corridor. The door burst open and in came the two sumo wrestler teddy bears. Vera and Fett ran out into the corridor as the bears did their "WASABI!" act on each of them.

They continued running until they made it outside, where they were forced to stop dead in their tracks. "Is it just me," said Vera, "or did we walk into a war zone?"

Fett shrugged. "It probably has nothing to do with us, so let's just GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE!"

"Good idea." The pair ran off into the forest.

*                                                                       *                                                                   *

Hours later, they were still running through the forest. They hadn't seen any sign of life (except for the birds and the trees; but those weren't intelligent) since they had left the bunker. Finally, Vera stopped and held up a hand, doubled over and panting for breath.

Fett stopped, too. "What?"

"Where"-pant-"are"-pant-"we?"

He shrugged. "Why?"

"Well, shouldn't we find out?" she said matter-of-factly. "It is getting late."

Fett was about to reply when he spotted something shiny on the ground. Bending over, he picked it up, then crouched down to look at it.

Vera crouched down too. "What is it?"

"It looks like-" Fett began, after cleaning off all the dirt. However, Vera grabbed it and her purple eyes lit up. She rummaged around in her pockets until she came up with a gold semicircle set with jewels. Breathlessly she held the two halves together. There were several sparks, and then the gold pieces melded together.

"Is it the Ring?" Fett asked. Suddenly they were hurled way up into the treetops, where they saw a funny old man standing by a bridge. "What the-"

"Answer me these questions three, e'er the other side you see," the old man said.

Hesitantly, Vera shrugged and went over. The old, crazed man smiled an evil smile and said, "What, is your name?"

"What, my fake one or my real one?" she replied.

"Real one, please."

She bent over and whispered something in his ear. He nodded and asked, "What, is your quest?" Again she whispered something in his ear. "What, is your favorite color?"

"Green," she said confidently.

"Oh. Well then, off you go."

"Oh, er, than you." She walked across the bridge and waved at Fett from the other side. She threw something at him and he caught it-it was the Ring. Fett shrugged and walked foreward.

"Answer me these questions three, e'er the other side you see. What, is your name?" the old man began once more.

"Boba Fett, James Tef, or Jaster Mereel," he replied.

The old man frowned, waited for a moment, then shrugged and asked, "What, is your quest?"

"To get paid for finding that bloody magic ring."

"What…is the capital of Syrria?"

Fett stared. "Syrria?"

"Is that your final answer?"

"Er-no, I was just making sure I heard you correctly," Fett stammered.

"Yes, I said 'Syrria.' Now hurry up and answer the question! I've got a party of" he stopped to count on his fingers "five coming after you!"

Fett shook his head. "What the heck is Syrria-AHHHHHH!" He fell down, off the bridge. He quickly called on the magic Ring to stop him from falling, but all it did was to enclose him in a bubble that popped immediately upon hitting the ground. And thus, Boba Fett came to an end.

*                                                                       *                                                                    *

            Mara Jade quickly got rid of her disguise and smiled around at high ceiling of the Imperial Palace. She had gotten rid of the Ring, and Valorum, and now her master's safety was insured-

-when suddenly it hit her like a rock. Several minutes later she sat up and looked around. What the heck was that? she wondered. Suddenly she heard what would soon start to haunt her…

YOU WILL KILL LUKE SKYWALKER.

The End