The
Pain of Love A Duo angst story arc
by
Yanagi-sen
Gundam
Wing songfic
Usual
disclaimers apply. I don't own the
G-boys, I only borrow them occasionally. They will be returned after I fix what
I've broken. The song is by Type O
Negative and I only tinkered with the lyrics a little.
Warnings:
1x2, ?x2, yaoi, lemon, language, violence, angst,
OOCness, AU
/
character thoughts /
flashback
Author's
Note: This story is the sequel to
"Too Late: Frozen".
Part
2 "Blood and
Fire"
AC
196: Winter
"Yep, I'm drunk. Really, really drunk. And I just don't give a fuck." Duo cocked back his arm and hurled the empty
bottle across the dingy cabin. It shattered
against the far wall, the pieces coming to rest amidst the remains of five or
six other bottles that had met a similar fate. He peered at the broken bits of glass with blurry, bloodshot eyes. "So how many is that? Six? Seven? How long ago did I
start? Did I come up here
yesterday? Or the day before?" He shrugged. "Oh, who the Hell cares?" He flopped back against the bed and fumbled for another bottle. Cursing, Duo fought with the top until he
finally got it off. Just for spite, he
flung it in the vague direction taken by the bottles and took a big gulp. He coughed as the cheap liquor burned all
the way down. "Ah, sweet oblivion, here
I come."
I always thought we'd be
together,
and that our love could not be better...
Another bottle crashed against the
wall. The floor was littered with the
sparkling shards. Duo reached for more
to drink. "Huh? Oh, shit! It's all gone. Ah Hell, now
what? Not good, Duo my man. You're alone, drunk off your ass and talking
to yourself." He giggled
hysterically. "Not exactly indicative
of a stable personality." He said in a
good imitation of Professor G's voice. He buried his face in his hands and rocked on his tailbone. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK! God damn you, Yuy!" He slammed his fist into the floor and then
cradled his injured hand. "Oww. Why am I doing this? Why the Hell am I doing this? For what? Over you? Over the Goddamned,
fucking, 'perfect soldier' who just up and dumped me?! Why the fuck am I mourning over you,
bastard? Damn you, Heero…damn you…"
Well with no warning you
were gone,
I still don't know what went wrong...
"Hee-chan? Where
are you going?"
"I'm leaving."
"You have a mission?"
"Iie."
"W... Wakarenai?" [I
don't understand]
"Gomen." He
picked up his bag and left. Duo sat
down on Heero's
bed, or what used to be Heero's bed. Quatre poked his head in.
"Don't worry, Duo-kun. You know Heero. He'll be back."
"I don't know, Qat. It's different this time."
"Did something happen?"
"Not that I know of."
"Then why worry?"
"You're right, Q-kun. He'll be back."
You don't know what I've
been though.
Just want to put my love in you...
"Damn it, Yuy! What the Hell happened? Finally, for once in my life I was actually
happy. So why did you have to go and
screw with it?" Duo got to his feet and
staggered around the dirty little cabin, kicking and crunching broken bottles
underfoot. The place should have been
torn down years ago. There was almost
no glass left in the windows, the floor was littered with dry leaves and other
trash that had blown in, and the roof didn't look all that water-tight. There was no running water or
electricity. He was burning candles for
light. Duo didn't care. The only reason he'd come out here was to be
alone. The others, mainly their
'mother-hen of a leader', had finally stopped watching him so closely and he
had been able to slip away. He
appreciated their concern, but they were smothering him, and this was something
he had to get through on his own.
He knew going on a bender like this
wasn't a good answer, nor was it exactly smart or healthy. But he needed this, he needed to so
something incredibly stupid. Not that
he wanted to kill himself, he just wanted to escape. Just for a little while, just a few days of binge drinking to
numb the pain. After Yuy had showed up
at that last safehouse… He paced, swearing, wishing that he were blissfully
passed out right about now. He fell to
his knees, shards digging into his skin through his jeans, as the memories
flooded back unbidden.
No more nights of blood and
fire...
Duo groaned. "Oh,
Heero…" Chestnut hair spilled over the
pillow, freed
from it's usual braid. He panted and moaned again. Heero's hands were
locked on his hips, almost bruising, mouth and tongue
working the boy's
arousal with practiced strokes. Duo screwed his eyes shut and gasped as
Heero quickened his pace. His hands clenched at the sheets as his whole
body went taut and sparks danced across his vision. "Heero!"
The Japanese boy looked up and smiled. Duo felt warmth wash over him,
he was the only one Heero favored with his smile. He crawled up over
Duo's spent body and kissed him deeply. He could taste himself on
Heero, salty and bitter. The silent boy nibbled along his neck, his still-hard
arousal rubbing against Duo's inner thighs. "Heero." He whispered, a
burning need screaming though his body.
"Hai?"
"Take me, onegai?" His nerves were on fire.
"Hai." The boy groaned and squirmed under Heero's
touch.
"Ahhh…" The violet-eyed boy moaned and pushed back
against the
questing fingers. "Onegai, Heero!"
Abruptly, the fingers were gone, and Duo whined in
frustration. Heero
settled himself between his legs and lifted his
hips. Slowly, gently, Heero
impaled his lover. Bracing himself on his arms and he stared down
at his beautiful koi. Duo loved to lay beneath him, watching his
eyes.
They usually made love like
this, face to face, eye to eye, no masks, all
emotions bare for the other
to see.
Heero started to thrust slowly, gradually increasing his
pace, each time
stroking that spot deep inside that sent Duo spiraling
toward ecstasy.
They were both panting, their fast breaths broken by
groans and gasps of
pleasure. Duo's
nails scored Heero's back as he jerked and shuddered.
With a hoarse shout he arched against him and liquid fire
surged between
their bodies. Heero hissed at the sharp pain and held the boy as he shook
beneath him, in moments Duo felt his shudders as he joined
him. Their
blood raced through their veins, like fire dancing
through their bodies.
All those special
memories...
The two of them sitting on the deck of the Sweeper's
ship, watching the
dolphins play in the engine's wake.
The two of them attacking an OZ base. Duo cackling with glee as he did
his merry 'dance of death'. Wing hovering protectively.
The two of them in hiding. Heero bathing Duo when he was racked with
fever. Tenderly
caring for the gunshot wounds with gentle hands.
The two of them making out on the beach after watching
the sun set.
The two of them looking at the pictures secretly taken by
Quatre of the
two lovers.
Now I bleed for you - burn
for me...
Duo stared numbly down at his
hand. Blood dripped off his fingers to
pool on the dingy floorboards. He'd cut
it on the glass littering the floor. He
picked up the offending shard. It was
about three inches long and triangular in shape. The razor-sharp point was stained with his blood. Duo turned it back and forth in the dim
light. He imagined cutting along the
length of his arm. He had contemplated
doing it before, to be done with this miserable existence, done with the war,
done with struggling just to survive.
He held the point to the thin skin
of his wrist, applying just enough pressure to dimple the skin but not enough
to break it. He knelt like that for an
eternity, staring at the vein beneath his skin, his hand surprisingly steady. "Shit!" He hurled the dagger of glass away from him. He staggered to his feet and stumbled to the bed. Tearing off part of the ratty blanket, he
bound his bleeding hand.
Perhaps I was just
dreaming.
When I think these things had real meaning...
Duo idly peered though al the
pictures of him and Yuy. He didn't
think the other boy had taken a single one with him. "Hmmm, guess I didn't mean as much to you as I thought." He remembered when this one was taken. And this one, he thought Heero was going to
kill Quatre when he caught him with the camera, again! The memories rose to the surface of his
alcohol-fogged mind. Times when all
five pilots were together. Times when
war and death were the farthest things from their minds. Times when he and Heero… Cursing, Duo tossed
the pictures on the floor. He wrapped
his shaking arms around his knees and fought the hot tears burning in his
blood-shot eyes. "It doesn't matter
what Qat says, boys don't cry, boys don't cry."
You don't know what I've
been through.
Just want to put my love in you...
"Hey,
Kid. Ya gotta name?"
"No."
"I'm Solo. Ya
know you're good. Do ya wanna work with
me?"
"I guess so."
"Then we'll come up with a name for ya."
"Sorry,
Kid. I don think I'm gonna make it this
time."
"Please, Solo. Don leave me alone."
"You're a good kid, Duo. Don't forget that…and don't ya give up. Ya
hear me? Survive. Keep fightin'…right up
…to the end…Bye, Kid…"
"Solo? SOLO?!!"
* * * * * * * * * * *
"Welcome
to the Maxwell Church."
"I don think ya really want me here."
"Why is that my son?"
"Cuz I'm a trouble-maker."
Father Maxwell smiled kindly. "Then you'll just keep everyone on
their toes, won't you?"
"Oh
God, no…" Duo stared in morbid
fascination. The church was…
the church was gone…all that remained was a smoldering
pile of rubble.
But barely an hour ago, the children had been
playing. Sister Helen
watching their antics indulgently. Father Maxwell praying in the sanctuary.
Then the men came. He said he'd get the suit for them, didn't he? He
never lied. Why
did they do this? Where was
everyone? Duo threaded
his way through the ruins, stepping around the charred
corpses of his
friends. He
swallowed and forced himself to go on, trying not to look at
the faces, struggling to keep his stomach where it
belonged.
Wait, over there, was it, Sister Helen? He knelt by her side, and to his
surprise, she opened her eyes. There was so much blood. He lifted her,
cradling her in his arms, as she had held him so many
times.
She smiled as she looked up at him. Her eyes did not condemn him, they
held nothing but love. But he didn't deserve such love, he was the cause
of their deaths. "S..Sister, …can you forgive me?"
Confusion crossed her gentle
face. "Forgive what? There is nothing…
to forgive. Thank God, you're safe…" Her eyes closed as her last
breath washed over him.
He stared down in
horror. How could she be so kind? How could he ever
forgive himself? He never should have stayed here, he knew
something
like this would happen. Something always happened. He was a curse to
everyone he loved. He was
Death. He laid her back and stared at
his
hands. They were painted crimson with her
blood. The blood of the
innocents.
* * * * * * * * * * *
"Hey,
you! Pretty boy! You wanna make some quick cash?" Duo
paused, uncertain. He didn't really want to get involved in that, but he
could use the money. Pickings had been slim this week, Hell, this
month. "I'll give
ya some food." That decided it, he was hungry. He
followed the man back to his tiny hotel room. The man looked him up
and down. The guy
was of average height and build, fairly non-descript, his
eyes had a hungry look to them that Duo couldn't
identify. The man
reached out and stroked his cheek. He tried not to shrink away from
the gentle touch, and failed miserably. The man frowned slightly. "You
ever done this before?" He shook his head, no. The man
sighed and
stroked his cheek again. "That's okay. I'll be careful
with ya."
Oh God, it hurt! Even with the stuff the man had rubbed on
and in him, it
burned. Duo tried
to relax, like the man told him to, but it was so hard.
He felt like he was being torn in two. Tears pricked his eyes, he grit his
teeth as the man pushed into him again, and again. Would it ever end?
The man started to thrust deeper, harder, his body
slamming into Duo's
over and over. He
had an arm wrapped around Duo's bony hips,
preventing any escape as he knelt on his hands and knees,
the man
pounding into him from behind.
"Damn Kid, you're so nice and tight." The man thrust in and pulled out.
Duo cried out in pain, tears streaming freely now. Whether the man
didn't noticed or just ignored his pain, he didn't
stop. It was too much
for the boy's already fragile mind to handle. Duo bit his lip and willed
his psyche away to a safer place. Awareness faded as he detached, his
mind fleeing to a quiet corner where there was no pain,
no feeling, just a
comforting nothingness.
The next morning, the man
sat across from him as Duo ate the food he'd
been promised. "Now you listen to me, Kid. I'm gonna give you some
advice. You're
beautiful, with those eyes and that hair. It'll be your
blessing and your curse. A blessing because you will be able to use your
beauty to keep yourself fed. A curse because everyone is gonna want a
piece of ya. You
gotta be careful out there. And don't
go with anyone
who looks dirty or makes you uncomfortable. Some jerks are just plain
cruel on purpose. You're pretty enough that you should be able to pick
and choose your clients. You gotta knife?" Duo
nodded. "Good, if you
don't want to go with someone you use it. Ya hear me? Here's some
food and money to take with ya. For a first-timer you were a real good
fuck. See ya
around, Kid."
Love eternal, lust
infernal...
"You were my first love, Yuy. Oh, I'd been fucked a lot. I was…I am….damn good at it. But you were the first one I made love to. Was it 'love' for you? Nah, not for the 'perfect soldier' Heero
Yuy. You don't even know what love
is. I was just an easy lay. A chance for some recreation and stress
relief. Well, that's it. I told myself a while ago that I was done
working the streets. I practically
whored myself to you and you didn't even pay me. No more. No more love, it
hurts too much. Fuck you, Yuy!"
Bleeding, burning, needing,
yearning...
He noticed absently that his hand
had bled through the makeshift bandage. He watched his blood gather and then drip. Gather and drip. He
picked up a picture of the two of them and sighed. He wanted to be rid of all the memories. Dropping the photo, he walked over and
grabbed a candle. Setting it and a
broken plate on the floor, he picked up the picture again. He took a deep breath and touched a corner
to the flame. He watched as first his
and then Heero's face burned to ash. He
dropped the burning picture onto the small plate. He waited for the photo burn out and then grabbed another one.
I see your face in every
flame...
One by one the pictures disappeared,
each one dying a fiery death. It seemed
as if the piercing cobalt eyes were always the last to disappear. Each face sending little daggers into his
soul. His cut hand still dripped
crimson blood, staining the pictures before they burned. He found himself hypnotized by the dancing
flame. How long he sat communing with
the fire, he didn't know. Duo suddenly
realized that the alcohol was finally catching up with him. He struggled to his feet, listing to the
side and falling. He pushed himself up
and staggered to the cot, collapsing across it.
Unnoticed was the candle that had
been knocked over when he fell. The
flame flickered, spluttered, and nearly went out. Then it caught and grew stronger; fed by the pictures still
scattered across the wooden floor. The
growing fire quickly consumed the photos and started burning the other trash. Thick, choking smoke started to gather as
the fire spread rapidly. Drunk and dead
to the world, Duo coughed and hacked, but did not wake. He rolled over as the cabin started to heat
up.
With no answers, I have only
myself to blame...
"Are you sure this is the right
way?" Trowa simply nodded as the blond
boy asked the question for about the ten-millionth time.
"The tracking device I put on
Maxwell's motorcycle led us out here. This is the only road, so we have to be getting close."
"Cabin." Trowa nodded toward the left.
"See, there's his bike."
"Tro, Wu, do you smell smoke?" Trowa hit the brakes throwing gravel
everywhere. Quatre tore off the seat
belt and jumped out. "Oh, Allah! Duo?!" Flames were dancing around the windows and starting to lick the
roof. Quatre clutched at his chest and
rushed toward the burning cabin. "Duo?!" Wufei and Trowa passed him and leapt up the steps to the door.
"Locked." Tro stepped back and Wu kicked it in. They paused, shielding their faces from the heat. Fire was everywhere, reflecting off the
glass scattered across the floor. Trowa
pointed toward the right. Duo's
seemingly lifeless body was sprawled across a narrow cot. By some miracle neither the bed nor its
occupant was touched by the flames. The
two pilots rushed in as Quatre reached the door. Wufei helped haul Duo's limp, unresponsive body onto the taller
boy's back. Fire danced all around
them. Quatre was screaming at them, his
words lost in the roaring of the fire. They headed for the open door and safety; the Chinese boy trying to
shield their unconscious friend as Hell rained down around them. With a groan and a muffled crash, the
rickety cabin collapsed.
They're not you, so I'd rather be alone...
Awareness reasserted itself
slowly. The light hurt his eyes and he
moaned softly. He had an absolutely
pounding headache. He stared at the
stars decorating the backs of his eyelids and rated this as the worst hangover
of his entire life. He thought he
smelled smoke. The sheets covering him
were clean and soft though. That didn't
fit with the last memories he possessed. He forced himself to open his eyes, realizing that he was no longer in
that dingy little cabin. "Huh?"
"Duo? Are you awake?" Quatre's
voice was very quiet, just in case he wasn't really waking up. The smaller boy was always so considerate,
he made a good leader.
"Yeah, I'm awake. I wish I wasn't." He heard a soft gasp and looked up to see Quatre's concerned face
leaning over his. The blond looked very
tired. There were shadows under his
eyes and the turquoise orbs themselves seemed dull. "Where am..?" Duo started
to cough.
"Easy." The little blond helped him sit up against the headboard and
handed him a cup of water. "You're back
at the safehouse." Duo looked at this
injured hand, the blanket was gone, someone had bandaged it properly. He glanced up to see Quatre looking at him
strangely. "You cut it." It wasn't a question, more like an
accusation.
"Yeah, on some glass. It was an accident." He started to cough again. "Why *hack* …am I *cough*…coughing?… And why does *hack* …my hair *cough* …smell
like smoke?"
Quatre tilted his head. "You don't remember?"
"Remember what?" *hack*
"What is the last thing you do
recall?"
"Well I was drinking, *cough*…but I
suppose you know that." The Arab nodded,
he didn't look happy. "Yeah, yeah, I
know, drinking won't solve my problems. *hack* Anyway, I was drinking, and looking at all the pictures of me and
Yuy." The blond pilot didn't miss the
bitter tone in Duo's voice. "I decided
to get rid of them, *cough*…so I grabbed a candle and started to burn
them." The blue eyes widened.
"Did you burn all of them?" Duo was surprised at the intensity in his
voice.
"No. I don't think so. I got
tired and went to bed. *cough* Why?"
"The cabin burned down."
"What?!"
"It burned down, to the ground. When we got there it was on fire. We barely got you out before it
collapsed. Tro and Wu…" He voice trailed off. Duo felt icy fingers clamp around his heart.
"Are they?" Quatre looked up and saw the fear in the
violet eyes.
"Oh! They'll be okay. Tro just
had some smoke inhalation, same as you. That's why you keep coughing. Wu
got a burn on his arm trying to protect you while they were carrying you out,
but it's not too bad." His face got
very serious; he bit his lower lip nervously. "You didn't... didn't do it on purpose... did you?" Duo was puzzled, and then realized what
Quatre was getting at.
"NO! Hell no! I don't know how
the fire started, but I swear it wasn't on purpose. I don't do suicide." The
Arabian burst into tears and threw his arms around Duo.
"Oh, Duo. I was so worried. I was
afraid you tried to kill yourself. You've been so depressed, I just…" The boy's voice was nearly hysterical.
"Shhh. It's okay, Qat." He held
the smaller pilot close, and kissed the top of his head. He rocked the obviously overtired and
distraught boy. Quatre had been so
incredibly patient and supportive. The
smaller pilot had been running himself ragged trying to look out for Duo, not
stopping to care for himself. The
American gave himself a good mental kick. He'd never considered how his dark mood was affecting the little blond
he loved like a brother. /Quatre is so
sensitive to others feelings. You're
killing him with this. Duo no
baka! I've gotta pull myself out of
this before I hurt him anymore. /
"Qat? Quatre, are you listening to me? I promise something like this won't happen again."
"Do you really mean that? I know you don't lie, but you are really good
at stretching the truth." The boy
mumbled into Duo's chest.
"Yeah, Qat, I mean it."
No more nights of blood and
fire.
-sin
sin, tis done-
I
know, it doesn't really resolve itself here either. Next is side story 1, A Good Day to Die.
-
Writing this one just solidified the fact that I like to torture Duo. But he's such an easy target. Don't worry; I'll get to the others
eventually. the demented faerie
cackles evilly from her perch on the monitor "Leannan Sidhe, don't you dare knock off Sandrock and
Deathscythe!" They're only the toys;
I don't trust her with my models. My
cat, Aiko, seems determined to do those in. *sigh*