The Pain of Love A Duo
angst story arc
by
Yanagi-sen
Gundam
Wing songfic
Usual
disclaimers apply. I don't own the
G-boys, but I wouldn't mind renting them out for a while. The song was written by some good friends of
mine. Thanks to John and Cheri for
writing such wonderful music. And an
apology in advance to all the 3x4 lovers out there…
Warnings: angst, kinda sad, maybe a little sap,
OOCness, AU
/
character thoughts /
Part 3: Parting Ways
"Here I Am" by Gypsy Red
copyright
1999 Strong Horse White
AC
196: Late Winter
So the moment had finally come. They'd been leading up to this for
months. They both knew it was going to
happen, they'd just been putting it off. They'd been going through the motions of their relationship, trying to
hold on to something that had been lost a long time ago. Clinging to each other because it was better
then being alone. But they were beyond
that now, and they couldn't put this off any longer.
Here I am, eyes so
blue.
What do you see, when I look at you,
right now?...
/What do you say? What do you say when you can't be together
anymore? 'I'm sorry.' 'Forgive me.' 'Its too bad this had to happen.' Nothing sounds right. Nothing is right. Those little platitudes people mouth when a
relationship ends, they're meaningless!
/I've always been the talkative
one. So why can't I find anything to
say? Maybe I just shouldn't say
anything at all. No. I have to say something. I don't want it to end like this. He is my first love. Not crush. Love. Koi. Amor. Gra. Love. I found a way to slip past those walls he'd
built around himself. I'd found the way
to his soul. And 'Allah be praised,' he
let me in.
/So what went wrong? What happened along the way that had brought
us to this point? Everything. And nothing. I don't think either of us did anything wrong. I don't blame him, and I don't blame myself. Life happens. /
Here I am, on my own.
Standing alone,
standing alone...
"You will always be in my heart,
Trowa."
Here I am, eyes so green.
What do you see, when you look at me,
right now?...
/What's he thinking? Does he have regrets? I don't. Not a single one. That might
surprise the others, but not him. He
knows me, sometimes better than I know myself. How could I regret what we had? What we have? There is still
something between us. Is it love? Probably. I didn't really know love until I met him. He taught me about love. And compassion. And mercy. And a myriad of other gentler emotions that
my life till then had never shown me.
/Oui, there is still love between
us. But it's not enough. I've seen too much, done too much. He sees the good in people first; me, I see
the dark. That's because I am dark,
darker than him at least. He still has
a soul. I'm not sure I ever did. I don't know how he has held on to it, doing
the things we all have to do. And I
don't know if it will survive this war, even if he does. But I am afraid that if we stay together, I
will be the one to destroy what innocence is left. For that, I could never forgive myself.
/So does that make me a coward? Peut-etre. [Maybe] But at least that is something I can live with. People think I don't have emotions. They're wrong. I feel, I just keep it private. It is a self-defense mechanism, keeps my emotions from being used
against me. But I'm a good observer,
and I don't say things that aren't important or meaningful. /
Here I am, on my own.
Standing alone, standing alone...
"And you will always carry the keys
to my soul, Quatre."
Here I am, eyes so gray.
What do you see, when I walk away,
right now?...
They hug one last time. Trowa can feel the smaller boy trembling,
fighting back the tears. With a deep
breath, Quatre pushes away and their eyes meet.
"Take care of yourself." His blue eyes are sincere.
"Vous aussie." [You too.] Quatre
turns to walk away. "I'll see you at
the safehouse, after your mission?" Trowa's voice is hopeful. Quatre
stops and smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes.
"Yes. I'll be there."
"Do you think we could play
together? If you're up to it that is?"
"I'd like that." This time his smile was for real. Trowa watches Quatre walk away and climb
into the cockpit of Sandrock. He waves
a hand before closing the hatch. Trowa
waves back and shades his eyes with his hand. He watches as the Gundam powers up and then disappears in the
distance. As he lowers his hand, he
brushes away the single tear coursing down his cheek.
Here I am, on my own.
Standing alone, standing alone.
-sin
sin, tis done -
- I'm
sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. BUT… I
actually wrote this one a while ago, before most of the rest of the arc. I liked it so much I worked it in. I really wanted to write a 'break-up' story,
in which the characters behaved in a mature and reasonable manner for a
change. Plus, much as I like Tro and
Qat together, I have different plans in store for them. Next in the story arc is Quatre the
Matchmaker.