Part 10
After her disastrous meeting with the scoobies, Buffy
returned home utterly dejected. No one
had seemed to feel that she'd made the right decision. She had to believe that she'd done
right. There was no point regretting
what it was too late to change. She did
have one regret, and she knew that she owed Dawn an apology. That apology was going to even more
difficult than the event leading to it, because last night, Buffy hadn't known,
Couldn't have known. But she knew now
that Spike had thought Dawn was dead, thought he had let her down, and he had
been devastated.
She knocked on the door of Dawn's room. No answer.
"Dawn. Please talk to me. I need to tell you something." Dawn's angry voice finally responded,
"Haven't you done enough telling people things. You can never listen to what anyone else is telling YOU!" "You're right, Dawn. If I'd been listening, I would have handled
things differently." It was quiet for a
few seconds, then Dawn opened her door.
"You wouldn't have sent Spike away?" she asked quietly through her
tears.
Buffy sighed. "I still needed to do what was safest for you,
but if I'd been paying attention, I might have noticed how much each of you,
you and Spike, needed to talk. I found
out from Giles… Spike thought you had died and blamed himself. He'd only found out you were alive just
before coming here." Buffy felt tears
rising in her own eyes at what she was saying.
"Even though I can't change the way things are now, never doubt that
Spike truly did care about you. I'm
sorry I didn't talk to you both together, and at least give you a chance to say
goodbye."
Dawn never had doubted Spike. Now she just closed the door in Buffy's face. Buffy would still have sent Spike away. That she might have done it differently was
of no consolation to Dawn.
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It would be dark soon.
Could she get the crypt before Spike left for the evening? She understood that she was no longer
welcome, but she hoped that she could get Spike to at least talk to her one
last time. She had to try. She climbed out her window and down the
trellis and headed for the cemetery.
The sun had set just before she got there. She hesitated a short distance away from his crypt and stood
there a while trying to work up the nerve to walk up and knock on the
door. What would she say to him? She hadn't thought that far ahead. Fear of rejection held her back. She wanted so much to see him, she didn't
know if she could handle it if he just turned her away. Realizing she wasn't ready to face him, she
turned and ran back out of the cemetery.
Just outside of the cemetery gate, she stopped to catch her breath and
to fight back the tears that threatened to fall. Then she slowly started the walk back towards home.
Spike stood deep in the shadows of the cemetery. He had left his lair to feed as soon as the
sun went down. He heard her even before
her scent reached him, and he turned toward the noise. He saw her standing not far from the crypt,
watching it. *What the hell is she doing
here? Slayer's little sis should know
better than to hang around cemeteries at night.* Even with that thought, a brief glimmer of hope passed through
him. Was she going to ignore Buffy's
wishes and still come to see him? She
had a rebellious streak, that one. She
couldn't see him where he stood in the darkness. He considered approaching her, but suddenly she had turned and
run off. The faint hope shattered. She obviously really was terrified of him
now. He almost turned to continue on
his hunt, but he was well aware that this was not a safe place for her to be at
this time of night. He followed her,
staying far enough behind that she wouldn't know he was there. As he passed by an old wooden fence, he
stopped briefly to yank off a rough chunk from one of the rotting boards. He looked at the sharp piece of wood in his
hand. It would serve if necessary.
She hadn't gotten far from the cemetery before that
necessity arose. Spike saw a vampire
creep out and begin stalking the girl.
Spike caught up to other vampire and quickly staked him, Dawn never even
becoming aware of either vamp's presence.
Spike continued following Dawn.
He was well aware of the absurdity of the situation. It was like the big bad wolf making sure
little red ridinghood got home safely.
But Spike couldn't bear to allow anything to happen to the girl. He had promised to protect her, and that
still meant something to him. She still
meant something to him. As far as her
being afraid of him, well, he had the slayer to thank for that. Dawn had never shown any fear of him before,
even back when, for the sake of his ego, he had desperately wanted her to. About halfway between the cemetery and the Summers'
house, a whole group of vamps, five of them, stepped out of an alley and
started after Dawn. *Bloody hell! Is this girl a vampire magnet or
what?!* Five of them would barely get
a sip sharing one little girl. Maybe
they sensed something special about her because was the slayer's sister. Or maybe she was just a particularly tasty
looking young girl. Whatever it was,
she seemed to be quite a draw, and Spike intended to create a deterrent.
He drew the vamps' attention away from Dawn. "I don't think you boys want to mess with
that one." One member of the group
recognized him and growled. "Spike.
Still doing the slayer's dirty work for her?
Why don't you just leave us to our kill, huh?" Spike immediately dusted one of the other vamps. The other four started to move in on Spike
and surrounded him. He made quick work
of three of them, and soon had the last vamp up against the wall, held by the
throat. Spike growled at the other vamp
and raised his stake up to its chest.
"Spike, If you wanted her that bad you could have just said so. You didn't need to kill anyone", the other,
now terrified vamp pleaded. Spike
grinned evilly. "I should kill you
too. But I might let you live. All depends. If I can get you to deliver a message for me, make sure it gets
around to all the vamps in town, I'll let you go." The other vamp immediately agreed to Spike's demands, and Spike
told him the message. Before letting
the other vamp go, Spike told him, "If I find out you didn't get this message
out, I'll find you, and you'll die slowly, got that?" The other vamp nodded. Spike let go and watched the vamp scurry
off into the night. Spike made sure
Dawn made it the rest of the way home.
He was feeling quite pleased with himself, quite the Big
Bad, as he returned to his interrupted hunting. He fed well that night before heading back to his lair.
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The following
evening, Spike left just after sundown again.
He hadn't gotten very far when he sat on a tombstone and gazed back at
his crypt, remembering the previous night.
In his mind he could still picture Dawn standing there, staring at his
crypt. He was lost in thought, and it
took a few moments for it to hit him that he was no longer just envisioning a
memory. The silly girl really was
standing there again! He hadn't even
seen her walk in. He could sense her
hesitation, as she appeared to be deciding whether to approach Spike's
lair. He almost walked up to her. He wanted to tell her not to be afraid of
him, but Buffy had been right. He was
dangerous. His actions of the previous
nights and his intentions for tonight were proof enough of that. Dawn should be afraid of him. He couldn't honestly tell her otherwise.
He remained where he sat until she turned to leave, then he
once again followed her home, with the stake from the previous night still
tucked into the pocket of his coat. A
couple of times on the way, Spike had seen vampires take notice of Dawn, but
all had hesitated, and after taking a good look at the potential victim, had
slunk back into the darkness without attacking. *Good*, thought Spike.
Obviously, his message was getting around and was being taken
seriously. Dawn got home without
incident, and Spike headed to the outskirts of town to feed.
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One more night, and once again she stood outside of his
home. She wasn't sure why she kept coming
here, since she obviously couldn't work up the nerve to face him. The thought that he wouldn't want to see her
tore at her. She stayed longer tonight,
in the hope that he would see her when he left his crypt and she would be
forced to face up to him. Then the
uncertainty could quit eating away at her.
When he failed to leave the crypt, Dawn guessed that he must sense that
she was there and was waiting for her to leave. She was crying as she turned to head home.
He watched her again from a distance. This was the third night in a row that she
had shown up. Why did she insist on
coming here if she was too scared of him to come the rest of the way? It was tormenting him having to see her each
night, knowing that he couldn't go to her.
Knowing that she would run in fear if she knew he was watching her. The faint hope that kept greeting her
arrival just increased the hurt when she inevitably turned and left again. She stayed longer tonight than the two
previous nights, and he found himself anxious for her to hurry up with her
decision to leave. The longer she
stayed, the harder it was not to approach her.
The only thing that made these visits bearable was seeing her home
safely each night, as he did again tonight, knowing that he kept his promise to
her, even if she wasn't aware of it.
He stood for a while outside the Summers house, remembering
all the times he had stood here waiting to see Buffy. Buffy… He thought back to
how things had gone so wrong. He'd come
to accept that because of what he was, a soulless vampire, he would never have
her love, but he'd believed that he'd had her respect and trust. Her rejection of his love had hurt, but
having her withdraw her respect and trust, just when it seemed like he'd
finally truly earned it, had been even worse.
That she would also take from him Dawn's respect and trust went beyond
hurt. That had earned Buffy his
hatred. His entire unlife, and his life
before that, his strongest need had been to gain respect, and Buffy had
stripped him of everything. Even among
the vampires and demons, he had their fear, but not their respect. He left before Buffy could catch him there
and stake him, but his resentment stayed with him.
Pure instinct guided him through the crowds of people who
were still out in the early evening. He
passed up many potential meals, not even noticing them, waiting for each of his
victims to ignite his senses and quickly become his prey. It wasn't until he was back at his crypt
that he even considered his menu choices of the evening. He'd fed on a young, blonde woman as she
left her karate class, still sweaty from the workout, on a rather badly dressed
young man with dark messy hair, and on a middle aged man with glasses. *Hell, all that was missing was a side of
flowering onion and a basket of spicy chicken wings!* Spike thought
sarcastically. At least it explained
how much he'd enjoyed taunting the boy, and why Spike had felt vaguely
disappointed when the boy had failed to reciprocate with any insults before
dying. Spike was half amused, half
disturbed by these insights. Was he
still that affected by the rejection from people he had no need of anymore? He could still hear the words spoken to him
the last time he had grasped at the chance for acceptance, and yes, those words
still cut through him like a sharp knife in the back.
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The next night, he found himself watching the crypt from the
shadows of the cemetery, actually waiting for her to arrive. It was well past the time she usually showed
up, but she still wasn't there.
Concerned that something had happened to her on the way here, he headed
to her house to check. He could see
Dawn and Buffy through the window.
Relief that Dawn was safe mingled with disappointment that she hadn't
come. As painful as it had been to
watch her hesitate and then leave each night, at least there'd been some
comfort in the fact that she had been drawn to try and see him. Apparently, she had settled her conflicting
feelings, and she had chosen to stop trying to visit. He tried unsuccessfully to convince himself that it was better
this way. Better that she listen to
Buffy. He buried his feelings under the
rush of several exceptionally vicious kills.
