Part 11
---------------------------------------------------------
Yes, you've finally made it to the last chapter of my first fanfic. Feedback is always
much appreciated. Although
this particular story is finished, I do see some possibility for some short sequels or side
stories to this one (nothing as long as this, I hope). I'll probably only write any of them if
someone expresses interest in seeing a particular angle covered, so if there was something
you'd have liked to have seen dealt with more in this story, make sure you let me know.
Thanks to all of you who've read all the way though this story! Special thanks to all
who've given feedback or suggestions!
---------------------------------------------------------
Dawn had convinced herself this evening that she'd been
going about this all wrong. There was
no point in going out to Spike's at the beginning of the evening, when he could
easily wait her out if she stayed outside or simply leave if she let herself
in. She needed to go when he had no
choice but to let her talk to him this one last time. She was more determined than ever to face him, no matter how much
it hurt. She would not let her fear of
his rejection prevent her from trying to make things right. Night was the only time she could sneak out
without Buffy knowing something was up, so since Dawn couldn't catch him there
during the day, she intended to be at his crypt at sunrise. He would have to
come in to avoid the sun, and it would prevent him from walking out on
her. She snuck out again while it was
still dark and headed for the cemetery.
She entered Spike's lair and waited for the morning.
---------------------------------------------------------
After Spike's frenzied killing had released his built up
tension, he finally began to relax. He'd
stayed out a long time, and had to hurry to get home in time to avoid the
sun. He sensed the familiar presence as
he approached the crypt. She must have
come by last night after all, as the scent of her was still fresh in the
air. He pushed open the door and was
surprised to find Dawn sitting on the stone tomb, her legs dangling over the
sides. She just watched him as he
entered the crypt. For a minute neither
spoke, not knowing what to say.
Finally, he broke the silence.
"What are you doing here?"
"Well we never got a chance to talk because Buffy wouldn't
leave and then she sent you away and said that none of us were to come see you
anymore." She'd spoken very quickly,
all on one breath. She had to force
herself to breathe again as she waited for any reply from Spike. When he spoke, the flat tone of his voice
revealed none of the emotions flooding through him. "You've never listened to Buffy before. You were just afraid to come.
Afraid of me."
"I tried to come see you."
"Yeah, I saw you here.
And I saw you get scared and run off every time." He was having a hard
time keeping the hurt out of his voice.
"Spike! No! I was afraid, but not of you. Afraid of rejection. Afraid that Buffy was right that you
wouldn't even want to see me!"
"Well, you're here now.
What is it you were so desperate to talk to me about?" He tried to look uninterested, standing with
his arms crossed, not even facing her.
She took a deep breath before saying, "About the fact that
your chip is deactivated."
He was completely startled.
That had been the last thing he'd expected her to say. He started to try to deny it, but he looked
in her eyes and could clearly see that there had been no question in her
words. She knew. He dropped his eyes back to the floor. "Yeah."
What she'd seen in his eyes just before he looked away had answered what
she hadn't already known. When she
spoke again, it once again was not a question.
"And you've been hunting again."
He was horrified to realize that she knew that. She shouldn't be here with him. He believed they both knew it. He let his demon rise to the surface before
he lifted his head to look at her again.
"Then you know you shouldn't have come here", he growled. "Should have listened to big sis." He'd expected her to flee from the tomb as
soon as she saw his face, but she didn't even flinch. "Are you going to kill me, Spike?" He watched her face.
There was no fear there, just some sadness, hurt, and… something else
that he couldn't quite define, almost a challenge. His vamp features slipped away without him even thinking about
it. He shook his head. "I would never hurt you, Little Bit", he
said quietly.
He paused as he thought about the implications of what she'd
told him. "So, is big sis on her way here to stake me? Waiting outside?" He tilted his head briefly towards the door.
"No. Buffy doesn't
know. I didn't tell her. Haven't told anyone."
"You didn't?
Why?" He really was
baffled.
Dawn shrugged. "I
don't want her to kill you."
Spike looked at her like she was nuts. "You're protecting me?! I'm supposed to be your protector, not the
other way around!"
"Well, I owed you one, and anyway, you're not required to
protect me anymore."
He looked at her somewhat sadly. "When I promised you I'd protect you until the end of the world,
I meant it. I still do."
"Buffy says she released you from that promise when she
agreed not to come to you for help anymore."
"Hey, Sweet Bit, the first time I made that promise, it was
to Buffy. But at your house, before
Buffy threw me out, don't you remember?
I made that promise to you."
"I remember. But
then you left. You let her send you
away. You haven't exactly been around
to protect me from anything."
"I've followed you home the past three nights. Staked more than one vamp that would have
made a snack of ya. So, don't tell me I
haven't been keeping my word!"
It was her turn to be surprised. "You did that for me?"
"Yeah."
"Thank you."
He just nodded.
They were both silent for a long moment. Finally, Spike asked quietly, "How did you
know? About the chip?"
"I'm not exactly sure.
I just felt it. When the portal
energy hit us, passed through us, somehow I could feel the chip as if it was in
my own head. And I felt it go
dead. At first I tried to convince
myself that it must have been my imagination, but I knew it wasn't. Every night I dream it. I feel the energy hit us, hit the chip. I feel the chip… stop."
He almost couldn't bring himself to ask his next
question. "What made you think that I'd
been feeding?"
"I've been wondering and worrying about that for the past
two weeks. But I didn't know for sure
until tonight. I could see it in your
eyes."
He slumped against the wall. "I would give anything for you not to have to know that. I never wanted you to view me as a
monster."
"Well, I don't.
You're not…"
"Dawn…" He never called her by her name. He was obviously being very serious. "Dawn, understand this. Even though I would never hurt you, would do
anything to protect you, I'm not who I was when the chip was working."
"You are so! I'd be
dinner by now if you weren't."
"If you were anyone else, you would be! This is what I am! You can't change that! I
won't tell you that I'm not going to do it anymore, 'cause I'd be lying."
Dawn answered him just as seriously, "I'd be lying if I told
you that it didn't bother me that you're killing again. But even if I'm not happy about that, I can
accept you as you are, for who and what you are. Maybe that makes me evil; I never really was convinced that I'm
not evil. You've said you won't hurt
me, and I believe you. Can you promise
me that you won't kill my sister or our friends?"
A huge weight had lifted off Spike's shoulders at the words
"I can accept you". Nevertheless, he
turned a disappointed face to Dawn.
"Not even Xander?" She actually
laughed at that. "No, not even
Xander!" Spike smiled at her. "I promise you that. I will never knowingly hurt anyone you care
about." Dawn smiled back. "Good, then
quit fidgeting and come sit down. We
have some catching up to do!"
He almost hopped up to sit on the stone tomb next to her,
but he was still hesitant, not sure how comfortable she really was with him,
knowing that he was a brutal killer. He
sat instead on the floor nearby, leaning back against the wall. She hopped down from her seat and sat down
next to him on the floor. She wrapped
her arms around her knees and turned her head to face him. "It's good having you back, Spike." "Right back at ya Bite Size." He sighed, leaned his head back against the
wall and closed his eyes. "You know when
I woke up after being unconscious, I thought you were dead." "I know. Buffy told me."
He tried to retain control of his emotions, he had his
reputation to maintain after all, but after the intense isolation and rejection
he'd felt the last few days, it was a relief having someone to talk to. Soon, his thoughts just came spilling
out. He told her about discovering the
chip not working, and how he'd thought he could continue as if nothing had
changed. That he'd really believed he
could manage not to kill. "That
lasted almost all of one night", he said bitterly. "I guess a soulless demon really can't change. My feelings weren't even real. You just can't imagine what it's like to
feel like you haven't even been in control of your own life."
She laughed a little at that, and he tensed up, suddenly
regretting having letting himself open up to her like this. She saw the misunderstanding and responded
immediately to reassure him. "I can't imagine what it's like? Spike.
You were there with me when I found out that I'm not even real. That the first fourteen years of my
life never happened. Talk about not
feeling in control of my life…"
She did understand.
He quickly relaxed and smiled at her.
"Sorry Bit. Guess I wasn't
thinking." They were silent again for a
short while, but it was a comfortable silence, each of them taking comfort in
the fact that the expected rejection hadn't come.
Finally, Dawn spoke again, reluctantly, "I suppose I'd better
get home before Buffy notices I'm missing."
They both had so much more they wanted to talk about, but there simply
wasn't time. He followed as she got to
her feet. He hated to see her go,
especially since he didn't know when, or even if, she'd be coming back. Having to sneak around behind Buffy's back
couldn't be making things easy on Dawn.
He couldn't bring himself to ask if he'd see her again. All he could think to say was, "Nibblet,
thanks for trusting me enough to come out here."
"I'm glad I did, Spike, and I'm glad you were willing to
talk to me. I really needed for you to know
that I didn't agree with Buffy." She
frowned a bit then. "I can't keep
sneaking around at night to see you though."
Spike's heart fell. Dawn
continued, "I guess I'm going to have to have a major talk with Buffy. She's just going to have to accept that I AM
going to visit you."
Spike gave Dawn a sad smile. "Just how do you intend to convince her of that, Pet? You know how strongly she feels about this."
Dawn smiled.
"Yeah. I'm pretty sure I can use
that against her. I'll beg her to let
me visit you. I'll promise that if you
really aren't willing to see me, I'll quit with the not talking to her, and I
won't badger her about you again. She'll
agree to it, because she's sooo sure she's right, as always! When it turns out you are willing to
see me, she's already given permission for me to visit." Dawn grinned somewhat evilly.
"Little Bit. You are
devious." Spike's own grin matched
Dawn's. "I like that." He wished he really felt that optimistic,
but inside he knew that Buffy wouldn't fall for that so easily.
Dawn started to head towards the door, but Spike stopped her. "Dawn… Just in case it doesn't work and… I
don't see you again…" He caught her up
in a tight hug, lifting her off the floor and spinning her around once before
finally setting her back on her feet.
There were tears in both of their eyes as she left.
---------------------------------------------------------
At breakfast the next morning, Dawn attempted to talk with
Buffy. Dawn used all of her arguments,
and made all of her promises. Buffy
just listened. Finally, she interrupted
Dawn, "We'll talk about this later, Dawn."
"But Buffy…"
"LATER, Dawn! Not now!"
Buffy stomped out the front door, leaving her sister sitting
there, shocked and heartbroken.
---------------------------------------------------------
The crypt door slammed open. Spike had been asleep and now stared bleary-eyed at Buffy
stomping into his lair. *What now? She'd better not be demanding my assistance
with anything!* "What do you want,
Slayer? I thought we agreed you were
going to leave me alone."
Buffy took a deep breath.
It had taken all of her willpower to come to Spike about this, after all
that had happened. "Spike, I'm not here
to ask for anything. Well… actually I
am, but not for me. I'm here about
Dawn."
"What? You drive her
into running off again and expect me to help you figure out where she's
hiding?" Spike didn't find that idea too surprising. *I guess Nibblet's plan didn't go as well as we'd hoped*, he
thought glumly.
"No, as far as I know, she's still at home."
"Then what?"
"Spike… Dawn never agreed with my concerns about you, or
with my decision to cut off all ties with you.
She wants to come visit you. She's
going to be inconsolable when you aren't willing to see her. Regardless of what's come between us, please
don't consider Dawn to be a part of that.
Be her friend again. She didn't
have any say in my decision, and it's not fair to punish her for it. She's hurting so much now, and I can't do
anything to make her feel better…"
Spike finally realized what the slayer was asking of
him. He almost laughed out loud, but
somehow managed to keep a straight face as he answered, "Of course Little Bit's
welcome to come here. Why wouldn't she be?
What in hell would your deciding to end our alliance have to do with
her? That's only about you and
me." He saw the stunned look on Buffy's
face and had to struggle to keep looking serious. "Tell her to come by any time she wants. Now, you on the other hand, you're… um…
invading my space." He waved her
towards the door. She practically stumbled
out the door in utter confusion.
Once she'd gone, he doubled over with laughter. The look on Buffy's face had been
priceless. She'd just automatically
assumed that once she made a decision, everyone she knew was bound to it. She wasn't dealing well with the realization
that she'd been wrong in her interpretation of what had occurred the other
night. And although Dawn's talk with
Buffy obviously hadn't gone quite as Dawn had planned, the end result was the
same. He smiled and wondered when Dawn
would be back.
---------------------------------------------------------
Dawn wasn't home when Buffy got back. Buffy spent the day just trying to figure
out how she could have misjudged things so badly. When Dawn got home in the afternoon, she tried to head straight
upstairs to her room, avoiding Buffy.
Buffy caught her. "Dawn, it's time for that talk."
"That… talk?"
"You know, this morning?
You were going on and on about Spike?
I said we'd talk later. Well now
is later."
Dawn sat down on the stairs, prepared to ignore the lecture
that she knew was coming. Buffy looked
a bit embarrassed. "Dawn, I went to see
Spike today."
Dawn looked up at Buffy, concerned. "What for?"
"I went to ask him to let you visit."
The concern on Dawn's face turned to surprise. "What happened?"
"He said it would be ok if you came to see him. Then, he pretty much threw me out on my
ass."
Dawn laughed at that last part, but at the same time she
jumped up and threw her arms around her sister. "Buffy! Thank you!"
Buffy hugged Dawn back, glad to see her sister happy.
Dawn finally let go of Buffy and grinned broadly. "I'll see you later Buffy! I'm going over to Spike's." Dawn ran out the door, making sure Buffy
didn't have time to change her mind.
Buffy just sat down on the stairs, leaned her head against
the wall, and sighed.
