This day is giving me a headache. So much has happened that I'm not sure what's going on anymore. I know that we're on our way back to Roswell. I'm in the back of the Jeep. Michael is sitting next to me, Tess next to him. Isabel is in front, and Max is driving. We stopped to pick up Tess about ten minutes ago. She drove the truck, behind us. We needed to get it away from the pod chamber. So now we're all squeezed in here again.
No one is talking, but I don't think any of us have a problem with that. We needed to cool off... Everyone has been on edge lately. With Topolsky's return and departure, Pierce's arrival, Max being taken by the FBI, what happened with Kyle this afternoon, and now this... We are basically just tired, exhausted... we need to have time to relax and think about everything... again...
Seems like that's all we're doing these days. It's a wonder our parents haven't picked up on any of it... I suppose it's a good thing, but frankly, right now I would want nothing more than one of my dad's long speeches... He could always find something helpful to say, even if I didn't listen most of the time.
I look to the front, I'm sitting behind Max. Max... I miss him so much... He may be standing near me a lot of the time, but he's not here... not with me. I know it may seem a bit selfish to put my romantic needs before the lives of an entire... species... but I can't help it.
I don't know what to think about her... Tess. I can't really blame her directly for losing Max, even if I may want to. This was what she was raised to do... to believe in... that Max was her destined mate. And I know it probably sounds crazy, but I've been getting this vibe off of her. I can't really explain it, but I have a small feeling that Tess has her own opinions on the whole destiny thing...
*
Alright, let's see... six of them, three couples. Max and Liz, Michael and Maria, Alex and Isabel. All currently not so much together. A lot of that because of me... no! I have to stop thinking like... okay...
Three separated couples, all of them want to be together again, the casual observer could see that with his or her eyes closed. Problem is... they're too scared to take the first step and talk it out... they're just complete chickens, if you ask me... But that's what this is about. Turning the chickens back into lovebirds. Of course in this case, birdseeds will NOT help.
Okay, focus... Max and Liz... I need to get them talking. Liz is my way in. If I get through to her, she'll talk to Max. There's no doubt he would listen to her. I see the way they look at each other, talk to each other, act around each other. All they need is a little push in the right direction.
Same goes for Michael and Maria. Michael is the one who's the problem, the way he grew up. He put up a wall between himself and the world. Maria managed to make an opening. If I can convince him, the wall could come down.
And Alex and Isabel... there's no doubt Alex is ready for her. But she isn't. She's scared of getting him hurt, like Max and Michael, and because of that, she keeps pushing him away. But I know she wants to be with him, I can see it in her eyes.
So now, all I need is a plan, a surefire way to get those six to stop being such babies. Just talk it through and admit to themselves that they care very deeply for each other. It can't be that hard, right? And I think I know just the way...
*
This is the first peaceful moment I've had in weeks... In that time... quietness didn't mean peace, it meant trouble brewing. But not anymore. This is for real. It's hard to believe, yet here we are... on our way back home, to Roswell.
What's going to happen now? We left thinking we would be told that all we'd heard from Nasedo, about destiny... was for real. That Max belonged with Tess and that I... I was destined to be with Michael. But there wasn't. Not one indication of anything. There was no message from home... our real planet... our real families...
But the fact that there was nothing only reinforced my belief that Roswell was and would always be our 'real' home. That my family was my brother, Max, and my parents, Philip and Diane Evans, as it had been, is now, and I hope will always be. I have great friends and I want nothing more than to have them with me forever...
Michael, almost like a brother... Tess, the only other girl in the world like me... Liz, Maria, even Kyle... and most importantly Alex... But I want more than friendship from him... much more. If only I knew how to tell him. He wants this as much as I do, I know he does.
Why does it have to be so hard? Strange... all these years, I've been the popular girl, the one the guys love and the girls hate or envy... So why am I so scared to tell a guy I like him? I know why, deep down... He isn't just any guy... he's special. He's kind, funny, understanding, he's a great listener and musician... and he's so cute... I feel like such a kid right now... but I like it, actually... it's fun...
*
I killed a man... I still can't believe it... Max says that he was going to hurt us if I hadn't done it, but I still killed him. This is sort of scary. I knew I had these powers, but none of us had taken a life with them. Until now...
What am I gonna do? No one knows about it... except for Max, Isabel, Tess, Liz, Alex, Kyle, the Sheriff... Maria... What if it happens again? And she's the one I k... I can't say it or think it for that matter. Because then, I'll have an image in my mind that would give me nightmares for the rest of my life.
I don't want to lose her.. but I don't want to hurt her either... physically or emotionally. Already with the stuff that's been happening lately, I couldn't blame her if one day she said she never wanted to talk to me again... But that would never happen, would it? First thee was the whole 'baby' scare. I told her our relationship was stupid. That was so hard to say... I didn't mean it. She must have felt so betrayed... thinking that I'd been with Isabel...
She's put up with a lot for me, and she never gave up on me. I never had that before... from a human at least. But what about now? What if she's finally had enough? I... I don't want to lose her... I never would have guessed that a girl, human or otherwise, would ever willingly want to be with me, knowing about my background and where I grew up.
She didn't care, she saw through that, and I silently thank her everyday for it. Because now, finally, I'm ready to admit it to myself, without denying it... I love her...
*
What happens now? I just don't know. On one side, we have the book with the drawings and the weird language. On the other, we have what happened back in the pod chamber. We expected a message. A message that would have probably, and sadly, confirmed what Nasedo had said about our 'destinies'.
The pro-destiny, Nasedo, and as far as I know, Tess. The anti-destiny, everybody else. Although... I realize this may sound crazy but... I could swear I keep seeing signs that... Tess doesn't want destiny either. I can't explain it.
So the only person standing in our way, is Nasedo. He'll be gone for a while... maybe we can work everything out before he returns. Get Michael and Maria, Alex and Isabel, and... Liz and I... back together. And then we have to find out which camp Tess is in, pro or anti... include her into the group, make her feel wanted, and willing to assert herself in front of Nasedo. I know we can do it. I can feel her... ready to burst.
Liz... she's sitting right behind me. I'm not even sure where we stand. She knows I don't care about this whole destiny thing... but I'm not sure she believes me... Or at least, she doesn't accept it yet, I don't know. I understand why she would react that way. To protect herself.
It's hard to think that it's come to this. Before... Tess came... there was no doubt in either of our minds that we... Liz and I... were meant to be together. We need to get rid of the doubt. But how? How can I convince her, make her see... that I don't want destiny, and I'm not going through with it... Make her understand that the relationship I'll have with Tess... will be as friends. That when I think about my future... a wife and kids... all I see there... is her.
No one is talking, but I don't think any of us have a problem with that. We needed to cool off... Everyone has been on edge lately. With Topolsky's return and departure, Pierce's arrival, Max being taken by the FBI, what happened with Kyle this afternoon, and now this... We are basically just tired, exhausted... we need to have time to relax and think about everything... again...
Seems like that's all we're doing these days. It's a wonder our parents haven't picked up on any of it... I suppose it's a good thing, but frankly, right now I would want nothing more than one of my dad's long speeches... He could always find something helpful to say, even if I didn't listen most of the time.
I look to the front, I'm sitting behind Max. Max... I miss him so much... He may be standing near me a lot of the time, but he's not here... not with me. I know it may seem a bit selfish to put my romantic needs before the lives of an entire... species... but I can't help it.
I don't know what to think about her... Tess. I can't really blame her directly for losing Max, even if I may want to. This was what she was raised to do... to believe in... that Max was her destined mate. And I know it probably sounds crazy, but I've been getting this vibe off of her. I can't really explain it, but I have a small feeling that Tess has her own opinions on the whole destiny thing...
*
Alright, let's see... six of them, three couples. Max and Liz, Michael and Maria, Alex and Isabel. All currently not so much together. A lot of that because of me... no! I have to stop thinking like... okay...
Three separated couples, all of them want to be together again, the casual observer could see that with his or her eyes closed. Problem is... they're too scared to take the first step and talk it out... they're just complete chickens, if you ask me... But that's what this is about. Turning the chickens back into lovebirds. Of course in this case, birdseeds will NOT help.
Okay, focus... Max and Liz... I need to get them talking. Liz is my way in. If I get through to her, she'll talk to Max. There's no doubt he would listen to her. I see the way they look at each other, talk to each other, act around each other. All they need is a little push in the right direction.
Same goes for Michael and Maria. Michael is the one who's the problem, the way he grew up. He put up a wall between himself and the world. Maria managed to make an opening. If I can convince him, the wall could come down.
And Alex and Isabel... there's no doubt Alex is ready for her. But she isn't. She's scared of getting him hurt, like Max and Michael, and because of that, she keeps pushing him away. But I know she wants to be with him, I can see it in her eyes.
So now, all I need is a plan, a surefire way to get those six to stop being such babies. Just talk it through and admit to themselves that they care very deeply for each other. It can't be that hard, right? And I think I know just the way...
*
This is the first peaceful moment I've had in weeks... In that time... quietness didn't mean peace, it meant trouble brewing. But not anymore. This is for real. It's hard to believe, yet here we are... on our way back home, to Roswell.
What's going to happen now? We left thinking we would be told that all we'd heard from Nasedo, about destiny... was for real. That Max belonged with Tess and that I... I was destined to be with Michael. But there wasn't. Not one indication of anything. There was no message from home... our real planet... our real families...
But the fact that there was nothing only reinforced my belief that Roswell was and would always be our 'real' home. That my family was my brother, Max, and my parents, Philip and Diane Evans, as it had been, is now, and I hope will always be. I have great friends and I want nothing more than to have them with me forever...
Michael, almost like a brother... Tess, the only other girl in the world like me... Liz, Maria, even Kyle... and most importantly Alex... But I want more than friendship from him... much more. If only I knew how to tell him. He wants this as much as I do, I know he does.
Why does it have to be so hard? Strange... all these years, I've been the popular girl, the one the guys love and the girls hate or envy... So why am I so scared to tell a guy I like him? I know why, deep down... He isn't just any guy... he's special. He's kind, funny, understanding, he's a great listener and musician... and he's so cute... I feel like such a kid right now... but I like it, actually... it's fun...
*
I killed a man... I still can't believe it... Max says that he was going to hurt us if I hadn't done it, but I still killed him. This is sort of scary. I knew I had these powers, but none of us had taken a life with them. Until now...
What am I gonna do? No one knows about it... except for Max, Isabel, Tess, Liz, Alex, Kyle, the Sheriff... Maria... What if it happens again? And she's the one I k... I can't say it or think it for that matter. Because then, I'll have an image in my mind that would give me nightmares for the rest of my life.
I don't want to lose her.. but I don't want to hurt her either... physically or emotionally. Already with the stuff that's been happening lately, I couldn't blame her if one day she said she never wanted to talk to me again... But that would never happen, would it? First thee was the whole 'baby' scare. I told her our relationship was stupid. That was so hard to say... I didn't mean it. She must have felt so betrayed... thinking that I'd been with Isabel...
She's put up with a lot for me, and she never gave up on me. I never had that before... from a human at least. But what about now? What if she's finally had enough? I... I don't want to lose her... I never would have guessed that a girl, human or otherwise, would ever willingly want to be with me, knowing about my background and where I grew up.
She didn't care, she saw through that, and I silently thank her everyday for it. Because now, finally, I'm ready to admit it to myself, without denying it... I love her...
*
What happens now? I just don't know. On one side, we have the book with the drawings and the weird language. On the other, we have what happened back in the pod chamber. We expected a message. A message that would have probably, and sadly, confirmed what Nasedo had said about our 'destinies'.
The pro-destiny, Nasedo, and as far as I know, Tess. The anti-destiny, everybody else. Although... I realize this may sound crazy but... I could swear I keep seeing signs that... Tess doesn't want destiny either. I can't explain it.
So the only person standing in our way, is Nasedo. He'll be gone for a while... maybe we can work everything out before he returns. Get Michael and Maria, Alex and Isabel, and... Liz and I... back together. And then we have to find out which camp Tess is in, pro or anti... include her into the group, make her feel wanted, and willing to assert herself in front of Nasedo. I know we can do it. I can feel her... ready to burst.
Liz... she's sitting right behind me. I'm not even sure where we stand. She knows I don't care about this whole destiny thing... but I'm not sure she believes me... Or at least, she doesn't accept it yet, I don't know. I understand why she would react that way. To protect herself.
It's hard to think that it's come to this. Before... Tess came... there was no doubt in either of our minds that we... Liz and I... were meant to be together. We need to get rid of the doubt. But how? How can I convince her, make her see... that I don't want destiny, and I'm not going through with it... Make her understand that the relationship I'll have with Tess... will be as friends. That when I think about my future... a wife and kids... all I see there... is her.