Chapter One
One rainy day, around the end of the school year, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in Potions Class with Professor Snape.
"I'm bored," Draco Malfoy whined.
"What do you suggest we should do, Mr. Malfoy?" A Trent Reznor look-alike by the name of Severus Snape asked. "I have a closet full of fun board games!" Professor Snape looked very excited.
"Like what?" A various voice, somewhere in the corner of the room, asked.
Snape went over to his closet and started searching through it. "I have Monopoly, Chutes and Ladders (my favorite), Candyland (Ooh! There's a classic!), and last but not least, The Mystifying Oracle...Ouija Board! I haven't played that for ages!"
Everyone was in such a state of pure shock; they had never seen their potions professor act so strangely.
Neville raised his hand. "Anything but the Ouija Board, please," he pleaded.
"Ouija Board it is!" Snape said happily. He got out his four white candles, the board, and a doily.
"Professor Snape, sir, what's the doily for?" Crabbe asked.
"I'm glad you asked. You, you lucky son of a crab, get to wear it as a hat!"
"What good does that do?" Harry asked.
"Fifty points from Gryffindor for being a smart ass!" Snape yelled.
Harry decided not to argue because he did not want to spoil the...umm..."fun" time they were about to have.
Snape situated and organized everything for the spirit contacting. He made them sit in one big circle and hold hands. Hermione, of course, sat by Goyle and drooled her silly little brains out. Harry sat by Snape and drooled. Snape is sexy. (He he) Snape looks like Trent Reznor. NOT ALAN RICKMAN!!!
Snape picked a lucky few (Draco, Goyle, Neville, and himself) to place their hands on the planchette (the pointer thingy those Muggles use to contact the dead...if you do not know what it is by now, you are very stupid). Neville was shaking like a leaf in a tornado, obviously.
Snape said in a low, sexy, eerie voice, "We want to conjure a spirit now. Ooo (creepy noise) Please let us know when you have received our inquiry."
Silence, for a few seconds, bestowed upon their circle. Silence, besides Neville's whimpering. Then the planchette began to stir.
"Who are you?" Snape questioned in the same low, sexy, eerie voice. (-sigh-)
The planchette started to move. First went to D, the O, I, L, Y. (doily)
Snape muttered, "You like plain ones, or frilly pink ones better?" He had found another...err...thing that shared the same love for doilies as he. He was quite pleased.
"I a-m t-h-e k-i-n-g o-f a-l-l t-h-i-n-g-s d-o-i-l-y" the Ouija board explained. "I w-a-n-t G-o-y-l-e-s h-e-ad."
This time, it was not Neville who was whimpering in fear, but Goyle.
"D-Does the s-spirit want my head?" Goyle stuttered with extreme fear.
Harry sniggered at his silly whimpering.
"Potter, one more word out of you and Gryffindor loses 20 points," Snape growled.
"What about my head!?" Goyle screamed. Then he spit all over everyone and fainted.
Snape was nice enough to hand everyone a towel, but mysteriously ran out when he got to Harry. "I guess you'll have to just share with your little girlfriend Hermione."
Hermione batted her eyelashes at Harry, then blushed.
Goyle then woke up from his little trance. His eyes were an odd color. Professor R.J. Lupin ran in and handed him some chocolate, then ran back to his office.
Goyle ate his doily. "Everyone of you with a doily will be dead by 3 A.M. tomorrow night! BRU HA HA!"
"I think we ought to get Madam Pomfrey down here as soon as possible. Weasley, take him up there now."
Ron stared blankly, not knowing what to do.
"Don't just sit there, you little red headed freak." Snape looked a bit worried. How would he explain this obvious possession? It didn't matter now, he was having too much fun!
"What now, Professor Snape, sir?" Pansy Parkinson asked. (She thinks he's sexy. Damn bitch!)
"Who wants to take Goyle's place? Neville also, he has seemed to have fainted...."
Obviously, Neville had fainted.
Harry Potter raised his hand. "I will."
"That's it! 50 points from Gryffindor for being a brown noser!" Snape looks SOO sexy when he's mad. "Well, we need another person before we can continue."
At that exact moment, Professor Lupin rushed back into the classroom with a zip-loc bag of chocolates. "You need all the chocolate you can get!" Lupin was annoyed. He muttered something that vaguely sounded like 'chocolate munchers'.
"Say, R.J., how would you like to participate in the seance we are having?"
"Ooh! I haven't done that for years! Of course, I'd absolutely love to!" Lupin sat down at the board and placed his hand on the planchette.
Snape said in his low, sexy, eerie voice, "Please, if you hear our request for a new spirit that WON'T possess anyone, please come forward."
The 'white pointy thing with the glass in it' started to spell out "turban".
"This could only mean one thing," Draco said with a quiver in his voice. "You're Prince Ali from that frightful Muggle movie, 'Aladdin'."
"N-o I-m n-o-t, y-o-u b-a-s-t-a-r-d."
"You're that stuttering prick Quirrell, aren't you?" Snape asked.
"J-u-s-t f-o-r t-h-a-t, I s-h-a-l-l n-o-t t-e-l-l y-o-u a-b-o-u-t t-h-e c-u-s-h-i-o-n."
"What cushion?" Snape asked with a gleam in his eye.
%%%%%%% (percent signs are pretty)
A/N: I would like to thank my friend Perminator for giving me the basic plot for this whole thing and being my "beta reader" (a freak who corrects every mistake you make). I must say, I DO like Harry Potter, and am NOT making fun of this. I do not own any of the characters...if I got to pick which one I could own it would be....SNAPE!
One rainy day, around the end of the school year, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were in Potions Class with Professor Snape.
"I'm bored," Draco Malfoy whined.
"What do you suggest we should do, Mr. Malfoy?" A Trent Reznor look-alike by the name of Severus Snape asked. "I have a closet full of fun board games!" Professor Snape looked very excited.
"Like what?" A various voice, somewhere in the corner of the room, asked.
Snape went over to his closet and started searching through it. "I have Monopoly, Chutes and Ladders (my favorite), Candyland (Ooh! There's a classic!), and last but not least, The Mystifying Oracle...Ouija Board! I haven't played that for ages!"
Everyone was in such a state of pure shock; they had never seen their potions professor act so strangely.
Neville raised his hand. "Anything but the Ouija Board, please," he pleaded.
"Ouija Board it is!" Snape said happily. He got out his four white candles, the board, and a doily.
"Professor Snape, sir, what's the doily for?" Crabbe asked.
"I'm glad you asked. You, you lucky son of a crab, get to wear it as a hat!"
"What good does that do?" Harry asked.
"Fifty points from Gryffindor for being a smart ass!" Snape yelled.
Harry decided not to argue because he did not want to spoil the...umm..."fun" time they were about to have.
Snape situated and organized everything for the spirit contacting. He made them sit in one big circle and hold hands. Hermione, of course, sat by Goyle and drooled her silly little brains out. Harry sat by Snape and drooled. Snape is sexy. (He he) Snape looks like Trent Reznor. NOT ALAN RICKMAN!!!
Snape picked a lucky few (Draco, Goyle, Neville, and himself) to place their hands on the planchette (the pointer thingy those Muggles use to contact the dead...if you do not know what it is by now, you are very stupid). Neville was shaking like a leaf in a tornado, obviously.
Snape said in a low, sexy, eerie voice, "We want to conjure a spirit now. Ooo (creepy noise) Please let us know when you have received our inquiry."
Silence, for a few seconds, bestowed upon their circle. Silence, besides Neville's whimpering. Then the planchette began to stir.
"Who are you?" Snape questioned in the same low, sexy, eerie voice. (-sigh-)
The planchette started to move. First went to D, the O, I, L, Y. (doily)
Snape muttered, "You like plain ones, or frilly pink ones better?" He had found another...err...thing that shared the same love for doilies as he. He was quite pleased.
"I a-m t-h-e k-i-n-g o-f a-l-l t-h-i-n-g-s d-o-i-l-y" the Ouija board explained. "I w-a-n-t G-o-y-l-e-s h-e-ad."
This time, it was not Neville who was whimpering in fear, but Goyle.
"D-Does the s-spirit want my head?" Goyle stuttered with extreme fear.
Harry sniggered at his silly whimpering.
"Potter, one more word out of you and Gryffindor loses 20 points," Snape growled.
"What about my head!?" Goyle screamed. Then he spit all over everyone and fainted.
Snape was nice enough to hand everyone a towel, but mysteriously ran out when he got to Harry. "I guess you'll have to just share with your little girlfriend Hermione."
Hermione batted her eyelashes at Harry, then blushed.
Goyle then woke up from his little trance. His eyes were an odd color. Professor R.J. Lupin ran in and handed him some chocolate, then ran back to his office.
Goyle ate his doily. "Everyone of you with a doily will be dead by 3 A.M. tomorrow night! BRU HA HA!"
"I think we ought to get Madam Pomfrey down here as soon as possible. Weasley, take him up there now."
Ron stared blankly, not knowing what to do.
"Don't just sit there, you little red headed freak." Snape looked a bit worried. How would he explain this obvious possession? It didn't matter now, he was having too much fun!
"What now, Professor Snape, sir?" Pansy Parkinson asked. (She thinks he's sexy. Damn bitch!)
"Who wants to take Goyle's place? Neville also, he has seemed to have fainted...."
Obviously, Neville had fainted.
Harry Potter raised his hand. "I will."
"That's it! 50 points from Gryffindor for being a brown noser!" Snape looks SOO sexy when he's mad. "Well, we need another person before we can continue."
At that exact moment, Professor Lupin rushed back into the classroom with a zip-loc bag of chocolates. "You need all the chocolate you can get!" Lupin was annoyed. He muttered something that vaguely sounded like 'chocolate munchers'.
"Say, R.J., how would you like to participate in the seance we are having?"
"Ooh! I haven't done that for years! Of course, I'd absolutely love to!" Lupin sat down at the board and placed his hand on the planchette.
Snape said in his low, sexy, eerie voice, "Please, if you hear our request for a new spirit that WON'T possess anyone, please come forward."
The 'white pointy thing with the glass in it' started to spell out "turban".
"This could only mean one thing," Draco said with a quiver in his voice. "You're Prince Ali from that frightful Muggle movie, 'Aladdin'."
"N-o I-m n-o-t, y-o-u b-a-s-t-a-r-d."
"You're that stuttering prick Quirrell, aren't you?" Snape asked.
"J-u-s-t f-o-r t-h-a-t, I s-h-a-l-l n-o-t t-e-l-l y-o-u a-b-o-u-t t-h-e c-u-s-h-i-o-n."
"What cushion?" Snape asked with a gleam in his eye.
%%%%%%% (percent signs are pretty)
A/N: I would like to thank my friend Perminator for giving me the basic plot for this whole thing and being my "beta reader" (a freak who corrects every mistake you make). I must say, I DO like Harry Potter, and am NOT making fun of this. I do not own any of the characters...if I got to pick which one I could own it would be....SNAPE!