Title: The Choice (2b/2)
Author: Saturn Girl
Email: saturngirl9@hotmail.com
Spoilers: Second season
Characters: X, G
Rating: R for violence, language
Warnings: Dark Fic...Character death
Summary: AU. In part one, Xander was tortured and killed by Angelus and Drusilla. In part two, Vamp Xander was born. The story continues as Vamp Xander decides to pay a visit to the home of a certain high school librarian.
Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel don't belong to me. I'm just borrowing them for a few minutes, that's all. Feedback is welcome, but keep in mind I'm still pretty new at this.
*****
As Xander pulled the stolen car up to Giles' apartment building, Mick Jagger was singing "Sympathy for the Devil" on the radio. He stopped the car and looked in the rear view mirror, startled to realize he couldn't see his own reflection anymore. He touched the glass for a moment, then his face, as if trying to prove to himself that he was actually there. He yanked the mirror out of its base and tossed it out the window. The music abruptly clicked off as the vampire killed the ignition and hopped out of the vehicle.
Xander looked up and down the darkened street, searching for any sign of the Slayer or her friends. Nope. Oz's strangely painted van wasn't parked under the usual tree, and he didn't see Mrs. Rosenberg's Volvo anywhere, either. But Xander did recognize Giles' beat up old car. It appeared that Giles was home alone.
The night was still young. The Scooby Gang members were all probably finishing up their Geometry homework or eating meatloaf before congregating at Giles' home or the library. "Gee, I guess I'll never have to study for a math test or choke down Mom's horrible cooking ever again," laughed Xander as he walked up the apartment steps to Giles' door.
He stopped, straightened his shirt and smoothed his hair back. Then he knocked on the door.
He heard a muffled "just a moment" followed by footsteps as someone approached. The door swung open, and Xander was greeted by Giles' surprised face.
"Xander! Good God, lad, where have you been? We've been so worr..."
Xander put his hand up and cut Giles off before he could finish. "Giles, shut up. Don't invite me in." Xander backed up, away from the doorway, averting his eyes so the Englishman couldn't see his shame.
"What? Why are you..." Realization dawned on Giles as he noticed the pallor of the young man's skin. "Oh. I see." Giles looked down, uncomfortable. "When?"
"Last night," the vampire responded bitterly. "Angel grabbed Cordelia and me as we left the Bronze. I tried to fight him off, but..." unable to finish, Xander slumped against the porch railing and slid down to the ground. Sitting on the ground, holding his knees, Xander looked up at the older man with angry tears in his eyes. "Damn it, Giles, I fucked up! I couldn't protect her!"
"He killed her. Oh, Xander, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry Angelus has done this to you...but I don't understand..."
"...why aren't I trying to chew your face off?" The vampire rose from the floor slowly and slipped closer to the doorway. He tried to pass his hand through the threshold, but was stopped by the mystical barrier. "Oh, I want to Giles. Don't take this in a gay way, but right now, you look tastier than a whole tray of Ding Dongs and other assorted chocolatey goodness."
Giles, disturbed by the sudden shift in Xander's behavior, straightened up and backed several steps away from the entrance. The vampire closed his eyes, sniffing the air like a hungry animal. "I can smell the blood coursing through your body. You're very lucky that this handy little anti-vampire shield is preventing me from ripping your throat open, G-Man." Xander opened his eyes, and suddenly looked like his old self again.
"You have to help me Giles. Angelus really did a number on me, not that you could tell now. All the scars disappeared when I woke up as a member of the Reflect-Me-Not Club. The fucking bastard took away everything I had. My love. My life. My soul! The demon he put inside me is like a cancer, like a blood red tide coming in to wash away everything that was ever Xander. I'm disappearing, Giles! Pretty soon there won't be anything here but a monster."
"I didn't know what a monster really was until I spent a few hours with Angelus. All the time with the Scoobies, I thought I understood evil. But seeing what he did to Cordy..." Xander paused, his eyes shining with hate. "Seeing what he did to Cordy, feeling what he did to me, I finally knew the nature of true evil. And now that evil is growing inside of me, Giles, and I can't fight it. But I still have a choice. I can choose my own fate. That's the one thing Angelus couldn't strip from me!"
"Kill me, Giles." Xander pulled down the collar of his silk shirt, exposing the area above his heart. "Do it now, before Buffy and Willow see me like this."
"Xander, wait. Willow's been working on duplicating the gypsy's curse. We could help you..."
Xander laughed. "The curse?!!! Oh, yeah, that's a good one. You saw how effective it was on Angel! No, Giles. I don't want this existence. I really don't want this. Angelus tried to use me as a pawn against all of you. He wanted me to hurt you, and I won't let that happen. I won't let him win. The only good thing that came out of this is that I got to stake the son of a bitch when he got too cocky."
"You destroyed Angelus?" Giles was stunned.
"I wish I could have put Dead Boy through the same torture I had to endure, but he got off easy. Poof! Instant Dead Boy dust. See, Angel wanted Buffy to kill me. That's why I came to you, G-Man. I won't give him the satisfaction of causing her any more pain. He'll never hurt Buffy again."
Xander heard voices in the distance. "Damn. Giles, they're coming. Don't make me beg you, man. If you cared anything about me when I was alive, you'll do this favor for me."
Giles looked at the young man standing on the porch. This once kind, generous, vibrant young man that would now never live to see another sunrise, would never laugh at stupid jokes with his friends, would never grow up and get a job or start a family. He straightened his glasses and walked quietly to his coat closet, and pulled out the crossbow stashed in the back.
Xander stood up straight as Giles approached him, his eyes darting to the side as he tried to determine how long it would take for his friends to arrive.
Giles leveled the crossbow at Xander's chest, but hesitated. Unable to separate his feelings for Xander from the knowledge that it was a vampire standing before him, Giles hands shook. "I can't..."
Xander's face changed, taking on the familiar facial ridges and gleaming yellow eyes of a vampire. "Giles, do it NOW!" he growled.
Giles fired the weapon, and the bolt pierced Xander's heart with a "thunk." Before Xander Harris dissipated in a shower of dust, he looked at his friend, a silent "thank you" on his lips.
Silent, Giles walked into his kitchen, leaving the door ajar. He reached into the top cupboard and pulled out a bottle of gin. Not bothering with a glass, he took a healthy swig straight from the bottle. Then another.
"Giles?" Buffy, followed by Willow, stepped across the dusty porch and entered the apartment. "Hey, I saw you talking with Xander. Where did he go? I'm going to kill him for freaking us out today! XANDER!"
"Xander?" Willow called upstairs. "Why did you and Cordelia skip school today? We've been looking all over for you two!"
"Buffy. Willow. I must tell you something..." Giles turned to face the girls, his face rigid, his eyes tired and rimmed with tears.
It was then that Buffy finally noticed the crossbow in Giles' hand.
"Xander is gone."
*** End ***
P.S. Sorry, lots of hurt, not a lot of comfort. I'll try harder next time. :)
Author: Saturn Girl
Email: saturngirl9@hotmail.com
Spoilers: Second season
Characters: X, G
Rating: R for violence, language
Warnings: Dark Fic...Character death
Summary: AU. In part one, Xander was tortured and killed by Angelus and Drusilla. In part two, Vamp Xander was born. The story continues as Vamp Xander decides to pay a visit to the home of a certain high school librarian.
Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel don't belong to me. I'm just borrowing them for a few minutes, that's all. Feedback is welcome, but keep in mind I'm still pretty new at this.
*****
As Xander pulled the stolen car up to Giles' apartment building, Mick Jagger was singing "Sympathy for the Devil" on the radio. He stopped the car and looked in the rear view mirror, startled to realize he couldn't see his own reflection anymore. He touched the glass for a moment, then his face, as if trying to prove to himself that he was actually there. He yanked the mirror out of its base and tossed it out the window. The music abruptly clicked off as the vampire killed the ignition and hopped out of the vehicle.
Xander looked up and down the darkened street, searching for any sign of the Slayer or her friends. Nope. Oz's strangely painted van wasn't parked under the usual tree, and he didn't see Mrs. Rosenberg's Volvo anywhere, either. But Xander did recognize Giles' beat up old car. It appeared that Giles was home alone.
The night was still young. The Scooby Gang members were all probably finishing up their Geometry homework or eating meatloaf before congregating at Giles' home or the library. "Gee, I guess I'll never have to study for a math test or choke down Mom's horrible cooking ever again," laughed Xander as he walked up the apartment steps to Giles' door.
He stopped, straightened his shirt and smoothed his hair back. Then he knocked on the door.
He heard a muffled "just a moment" followed by footsteps as someone approached. The door swung open, and Xander was greeted by Giles' surprised face.
"Xander! Good God, lad, where have you been? We've been so worr..."
Xander put his hand up and cut Giles off before he could finish. "Giles, shut up. Don't invite me in." Xander backed up, away from the doorway, averting his eyes so the Englishman couldn't see his shame.
"What? Why are you..." Realization dawned on Giles as he noticed the pallor of the young man's skin. "Oh. I see." Giles looked down, uncomfortable. "When?"
"Last night," the vampire responded bitterly. "Angel grabbed Cordelia and me as we left the Bronze. I tried to fight him off, but..." unable to finish, Xander slumped against the porch railing and slid down to the ground. Sitting on the ground, holding his knees, Xander looked up at the older man with angry tears in his eyes. "Damn it, Giles, I fucked up! I couldn't protect her!"
"He killed her. Oh, Xander, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry Angelus has done this to you...but I don't understand..."
"...why aren't I trying to chew your face off?" The vampire rose from the floor slowly and slipped closer to the doorway. He tried to pass his hand through the threshold, but was stopped by the mystical barrier. "Oh, I want to Giles. Don't take this in a gay way, but right now, you look tastier than a whole tray of Ding Dongs and other assorted chocolatey goodness."
Giles, disturbed by the sudden shift in Xander's behavior, straightened up and backed several steps away from the entrance. The vampire closed his eyes, sniffing the air like a hungry animal. "I can smell the blood coursing through your body. You're very lucky that this handy little anti-vampire shield is preventing me from ripping your throat open, G-Man." Xander opened his eyes, and suddenly looked like his old self again.
"You have to help me Giles. Angelus really did a number on me, not that you could tell now. All the scars disappeared when I woke up as a member of the Reflect-Me-Not Club. The fucking bastard took away everything I had. My love. My life. My soul! The demon he put inside me is like a cancer, like a blood red tide coming in to wash away everything that was ever Xander. I'm disappearing, Giles! Pretty soon there won't be anything here but a monster."
"I didn't know what a monster really was until I spent a few hours with Angelus. All the time with the Scoobies, I thought I understood evil. But seeing what he did to Cordy..." Xander paused, his eyes shining with hate. "Seeing what he did to Cordy, feeling what he did to me, I finally knew the nature of true evil. And now that evil is growing inside of me, Giles, and I can't fight it. But I still have a choice. I can choose my own fate. That's the one thing Angelus couldn't strip from me!"
"Kill me, Giles." Xander pulled down the collar of his silk shirt, exposing the area above his heart. "Do it now, before Buffy and Willow see me like this."
"Xander, wait. Willow's been working on duplicating the gypsy's curse. We could help you..."
Xander laughed. "The curse?!!! Oh, yeah, that's a good one. You saw how effective it was on Angel! No, Giles. I don't want this existence. I really don't want this. Angelus tried to use me as a pawn against all of you. He wanted me to hurt you, and I won't let that happen. I won't let him win. The only good thing that came out of this is that I got to stake the son of a bitch when he got too cocky."
"You destroyed Angelus?" Giles was stunned.
"I wish I could have put Dead Boy through the same torture I had to endure, but he got off easy. Poof! Instant Dead Boy dust. See, Angel wanted Buffy to kill me. That's why I came to you, G-Man. I won't give him the satisfaction of causing her any more pain. He'll never hurt Buffy again."
Xander heard voices in the distance. "Damn. Giles, they're coming. Don't make me beg you, man. If you cared anything about me when I was alive, you'll do this favor for me."
Giles looked at the young man standing on the porch. This once kind, generous, vibrant young man that would now never live to see another sunrise, would never laugh at stupid jokes with his friends, would never grow up and get a job or start a family. He straightened his glasses and walked quietly to his coat closet, and pulled out the crossbow stashed in the back.
Xander stood up straight as Giles approached him, his eyes darting to the side as he tried to determine how long it would take for his friends to arrive.
Giles leveled the crossbow at Xander's chest, but hesitated. Unable to separate his feelings for Xander from the knowledge that it was a vampire standing before him, Giles hands shook. "I can't..."
Xander's face changed, taking on the familiar facial ridges and gleaming yellow eyes of a vampire. "Giles, do it NOW!" he growled.
Giles fired the weapon, and the bolt pierced Xander's heart with a "thunk." Before Xander Harris dissipated in a shower of dust, he looked at his friend, a silent "thank you" on his lips.
Silent, Giles walked into his kitchen, leaving the door ajar. He reached into the top cupboard and pulled out a bottle of gin. Not bothering with a glass, he took a healthy swig straight from the bottle. Then another.
"Giles?" Buffy, followed by Willow, stepped across the dusty porch and entered the apartment. "Hey, I saw you talking with Xander. Where did he go? I'm going to kill him for freaking us out today! XANDER!"
"Xander?" Willow called upstairs. "Why did you and Cordelia skip school today? We've been looking all over for you two!"
"Buffy. Willow. I must tell you something..." Giles turned to face the girls, his face rigid, his eyes tired and rimmed with tears.
It was then that Buffy finally noticed the crossbow in Giles' hand.
"Xander is gone."
*** End ***
P.S. Sorry, lots of hurt, not a lot of comfort. I'll try harder next time. :)