Chapter Six: I've Got You Under My Skin

Buffy closed her eyes and leaned her head back on the pillow. It was already dark outside. Years ago she would've gone out to hunt vampires, but those times were long gone. She chuckled slightly, was she actually missing slaying? God, she was pathetic. All her time as a slayer she had tried to escape her fate and now ...

She sighed and turned on her right side. Ashlynn and David were fast asleep.
Tomorrow was Mark's fourth birthday and especially David needed a good night's
rest to get through such an exciting day.

Ever since Xander had told her that Cordelia would bring Angel with them she had
been nervous. A laugh escaped her throat thinking about the broken glasses and
cups in the kitchen that had slipped from her hands during the last days. Her
attempts of pushing the thoughts away had been useless. Ever since she'd seen him in L.A. he was on her mind, not that he'd ever not been before, but now the meeting was so fresh, now that she'd seen him as a human for the first time - not counting the day he turned back - her thoughts were running wild.

Xander had talked to her again. Explained her what she was throwing away by
avoiding him, Xander of all people! She'd talked to Willow, her most trusted
friend and the former witch and computer programmer had only smiled at her. "Do
you really need to ask for my opinion in this? Buffy, I always thought you were
meant for each other," had been her comment. Somehow everyone she knew had joined Angel's fan-club. Even Spike. She smiled thinking about the man. He was human now too. Helping the slayer in the last battle he'd earned his redemption as well and was now running the Bronze.

When she'd told him about Angel, he had looked deeply into her eyes and then a
smile had crept over his face. "So you and Angel, huh?" At her angry look he had
started to laugh. Damn him. "Humour me, slayer" - he was the only one still
calling her that - "you and the great Poof belong to each other like Laurel and Hardy, so try again." She'd stormed away from him only to hear him laugh out loud.

But it made her thinking. Tara had said she was running away from him because she was afraid and after denying it at the beginning Buffy finally had to admit the former wicca was right. After all the things that had gone wrong in her life she wasn't sure if she could risk her heart again. Because opening up to Angel
would be exactly that. With Angel there was no half-way, she was old enough not
to lie to herself - with Angel it would be all or nothing.

Half-way, like being good friends, would've been nice, but even those few minutes in his hotel sitting beside him had made it completely clear. The desire she felt for him was as strong as ever. So friendship or a casual affair was out of the question. That left two possibilities. Nothing, which would be safe and certainly not affecting her heart. Which would mean staying away from him as far as possible. Or all - just close your eyes and jump. She would've to risk
everything.

The question was, was she ready for it?

****

Angel wasn't sleeping either. With open eyes he lay on his bed and stared at the
ceiling. He was going to Sunnydale tomorrow and that meant he would be seeing her again. He had tried to argue with Cordelia but of course he'd known it was in vain. Gunn's smirk had told him all when he had started to explain why this
wasn't a good idea.

The former mayqueen was obsessed with the idea of bringing him and Buffy
together and whatever argument he gave her, she wiped everything away with a
motion of her hand or had just laughed into his face. "Hahaha, try again Angel,
maybe you can convince me then" or "You're certainly the only one who actually
believes this". When he'd been looking at Gunn for help, his friend hand only
held up his hands and shook his head with a grin. No use to try to convince
Cordelia when she had set her mind on something.

So after two days Angel had just sighed and given in. He was awarded with a
bright smile and a firm hug. "I knew you'd come to your senses." He only hoped he wasn't making the biggest fault in his life.

It had been more than obvious that Buffy didn't want him around. And the last
thing he wanted was crowding her. He'd caused her enough heartache and pain to
last for three lives and he wasn't going to be the cause of even more.

There was no doubt on his side that he loved her. There had never been a choice
in it. When it came to Buffy, there was nothing he had to doubt. He had loved her since that bright sunny afternoon in L.A. all these years ago and with time his feelings had only become deeper and more true. Denying it by marrying Anna had been a big fault, his only comfort was that his ex-wife hadn't loved him any more than he had her. Sexual attraction had drawn them to each other and as soon as it had faded - and it had been very soon - nothing had been left.

First she had wanted to save their marriage - God knew why, maybe because she
never liked to lose - by getting pregnant. But when this hadn't worked the way
she'd intended it, she had filed for a divorce. And he had just said yes. No
fight, no bad words, no deep feelings involved. That was the reason they were
still friends. They were calling each other regularly and Anna was now married
to a guy from New York, she seemed to love. Angel had wished her luck and even
attended her wedding six months ago.

He had never told her about Buffy, but she had known. It had been two weeks after they had been married. They had been lying in their bed and out of the blue she'd asked him, "Who is she?" When he hadn't answered, she'd sighed and said, "I see, it's that serious. My poor Angel."

She couldn't even guess half of it. He'd never told her about him having been a
vampire. It had never been important enough. She'd been a desperate attempt to
get over Buffy, nothing more.

The day the former slayer had married Brent Angel had found a demon and beaten him into a bloody pulp before decapitating him. He'd been brooding for weeks. When Cordelia had told him, Buffy was pregnant, he'd just turned away and not left his bed for two days.

Then shortly after he'd become human Cordelia had hinted there were signs that
her marriage wasn't that good, he had started to hope only to get his heart
shattered by getting the news of her second pregnancy. Only four weeks later he'd married Anna in Las Vegas.

None of his friends had any idea what Buffy meant to him. It wasn't just that he
was in love with her. It was one part, he was in love with her, truly, madly,
deeply, desperately. But she'd also been his reason for fighting the good fight.
For existing, for struggling through all and getting his Shanshu. Wolfram & Hart, Darla, Drusilla, The Day the Oracles turned back, the men she had been with while he could only stay away and watch, he had endured everything with her smiling face in his mind only to realise that it could never be.

It had been hard all the years while he was a vampire with a soul, but he had
known it couldn't be. All of sudden he was human and still she was unreachable.
He had been irrationally angry with her, but of course it hadn't been her fault.
He had left her after all to find exactly what she had. And for all that Cordelia told him, Brent seemed to be a nice guy and they were getting along fine.

And now he had met her again. And he would meet her tomorrow. Cordelia insisted
that Buffy was still in love with him. But the question was would she risk her
heart again?

He took a deep breath and turned on his left side, cupping his face in one hand.
Well, it was for him to make her believe they could make it work this time.
Maybe, just maybe she'd give him a second chance.

If not ... he just hoped his heart would survive it.

End of Chapter Six.