Chapter Ten: Confessions and Daughters


The following weeks went smoothly. Angel drove over to Sunnydale as often as he
could. He came and took Buffy and the kids to the park, invited them for lunch,
took them to the movies, they went to the beach together, they talked a bit more, laughed and talked again. Both enjoyed the time they spent with each other, became more and more comfortable in each others company. But still, even after three weeks they hadn't kissed once, at least not properly. They were even hesitant to touch.

It was almost as if they were both afraid to take the next step. And although
both were by now sure about the feelings for each other none of them would talk
about it. After the first day Angel had come to Buffy's apartment the
conversations between them didn't touch the painful past anymore. It wasn't
completely true, Buffy had to admit. They were talking about the past, about
Xander and Willow, about Spike, or some of their adventures, but never about
things regarding their relationship.

And after all the time they had spent together and because she was absolutely
sure about her feelings towards Angel, Buffy sometimes wanted to scream, when he
just said good-bye, bent down for a brotherly kiss on her cheek and promised the
kids to be back soon. She was almost convinced that she'd understood him wrong
that day in her apartment and that all he wanted was a friendship when she caught him looking at her one day at the beach.

They were sitting on towels in the sand. David was trying to build a sand-castle
nearby while Ashlynn played with other girls and Buffy was busy rubbing
sun-lotion on her legs when she had the feeling he was watching her. Quickly
looking up their eyes met and the expression of deep longing in his chocolate
ones almost took her breath away. But he quickly turned his head and put his
sunglasses back on.

And suddenly everything was so clear she almost wanted to laugh and cry at the
same time. She was such an idiot, she scolded herself. He waited for *her* to
make the first move. He waited, because he wanted her to feel comfortable,
because he felt he had no right to press her, because he was afraid she would
reject him and mostly because he was Angel. Sweet, caring, loving, wonderful
Angel, so different from all the other men she'd ever met that she'd almost
forgotten how special he was.

How could she have been so blind! Hadn't he himself told her that he'd already
brought too much pain into her life and that he didn't want to be the cause of
more? He would wait until she would give him a sign and after all the confusing
signals she'd sent out at the beginning it was no surprise he was uncertain
around her. So he would behave all gentleman-like and take whatever she was ready to give, even if it was choking him up.

Well, she thought, suddenly feeling light-hearted, he wouldn't misunderstand her
from now on. She would make her wishes crystal-clear, "Angel?"

"Hmmm?," he was laying on his back beside her, the sunglasses covering his eyes,
so she didn't know if they were closed or watching her.

She propped herself up on an elbow and looked over to him, "I was thinking," she
said, deliberately using a casual tone.

"About what?," he asked and didn't move or turn his head, but Buffy could feel
the sudden tension in his body and maybe she was imagining it, but she could've
sworn his breathing had quickened.

"About us," she answered and took some sand in her palm only to let it run
through her fingers again.

"Oh?"

"You know Angel," she said suddenly, "these one-syllable-reactions are getting
old after some time."

He raised his upper body, removed the glasses and gave her an uncertain smile,
"Sorry, but I honestly didn't know what to say."

"I see," she was looking at the ground, still playing with the sand. "Maybe it's
because you don't have much to say about us."

She didn't look at him but could feel he was suddenly speechless. And then when
she wanted to scream because she couldn't stand the silence anymore, he said,
"No. Of course I have something to say about ... us. It's just ... well, I don't
know if ...," he began to stutter, "that is, if you ... I mean ... I don't want
... oh, hell, I'm not good at this."

"This?" She still didn't raise her head, because she didn't want him to see her
smile.

"This," he motioned with his hand at her and him, "us. You and me." He ran a
helpless hand through his hair, "I'm not sure how you feel about this. Us. You
are friendly, all smiles and laughter, but you never...," he drew an unsteady
breath, "you are so relaxed around me while all I can think about is pulling you
in my arms and kiss you senseless." And then after a second he added, "There, now you know what I feel. Now you can tell me to go and never come back."

"Oh Angel," finally she did look up and her eyes were shining with happy tears.
"Do you realise that I was afraid you were just interested in playing the good
friend?"

"What," his voice broke and he had to clear his throat, "what do you mean?"

"I was beginning to question my femininity, because you were so ... so
friend-like. Just a kiss on the cheek and bye-bye, but you never even tried to
kiss me once, on the mouth I mean. First you tell me you think I'm the most
beautiful woman you know...,"

"You are," he interrupted her.

She smiled, "Thanks. But then you behave as if ... well, as if I'm a good friend. And today I just needed to know."

"But ... but I thought you... I was not sure, what you wanted me to do, that is.
And ... I was so afraid I would do something wrong and mess this up. Besides the
fact that Cordelia is threatening to quarter me in that case, the thought you
wouldn't want me around anymore was more I could bear." He hesitantly reached out and took her hand in his, "So I thought that being your friend was better than nothing. I thought if you were comfortable around me then maybe you would ... one day ... Buffy, I have waited so long. Some weeks are nothing."

The meaning behind his words hit her full force and all she could do was stare at him with wide eyes. Finally she choked, "Do you ...," she cleared her throat, "do you mean you never stopped loving me?"

Now it was his turn to be stunned, "Did you ever doubt it?"

"I ...," again there were tears in her eyes, "I'm not sure. I mean, I wasn't sure about it. Maybe it was because I was so young when we first met, just a teenager, uncertain and without any experience regarding relationships, I don't know. Maybe I was just pushing the thought away because I was feeling so hurt after you left me," she shook her head at the certainty in his eyes, "You really never stopped loving me. Never?"

He had to smile, he couldn't suppress it, "Never. Buffy I already told you,
falling in love with you was something I had no control about. It just happened
and I instantly knew this was forever." He quickly glanced to the ground, then
looked back into her eyes, "But of course I never expected you to feel the same.
As you said, you were a teenager, I might have been your first love and your
first lover, but ...,"

"No," she interrupted him sharply. "You never were just a teenage-crush. And I
might not have been so sure, might have doubted my feelings for you, might have
wavered, but deep inside I never stopped loving you either." She drew a shaky
breath, feeling suddenly weak after their confessions, "Would you now kiss me
please?"

He had to laugh, but it was a bit uncertain, "Are you sure," his eyes darted to
David, who was only some meters away. She followed and then grinned.

"I really don't care. They better get used to this, because I'm not going to let
you go again and besides, they already love you. So..."

Now his smile was genuine and the love shining from his eyes warmed her heart,
"You don't have to ask me twice," he said and caught her lips with his.

****

"Hey Ashlynn," Karen, one girl around the same age as Buffy's daughter nudged her in the ribs.

"What?," the blonde girl asked.

"Isn't that your mom over there kissing? But didn't you say the guy was not your
dad, but just a friend."

Ashlynn spun around and as soon as her eyes fell on the kissing couple her eyes
went wide. The only man she'd seen her mother kiss before had been her father
and they hadn't kissed very often. Brotherly kisses on the cheek like she gave
Xander didn't count. And now Angel, the man she'd come to like a lot seemed as if he was stuck to her mother at the lips. His hands were all-over Buffy's back and she clung to him as if her life was depending on it.

But to her great surprise Ashlynn didn't it mind at all. Until now she'd always
thought it gross to think about kissing someone on the mouth, but with her mother and Angel it just looked ... right. Maybe it was because he'd already found a way into her heart, maybe it was because her mother had never seemed so happy before or maybe part of it was her longing to have a father around and her own didn't seem to care for her ever since her parents were divorced. Not that he had been the most caring father before.

She didn't hate her father, no she liked him a lot ... when he was around, but
unfortunately it had never been very much. He'd always been so busy and now he
didn't even live in the same town anymore. She'd been hurt at first that he
didn't seem to care, but her mom seemed so sad that she didn't want to add more
grief by telling her about her feelings. And David of course was too small to
even miss his dad. But ever since Angel was around she didn't miss her dad the
same way she'd before. He was laughing with her, was playing games with her or
listening to her stories and she'd already silently thought about the possibility of him being around constantly.

She glanced back at her mother and Angel who were now looking into each others
eyes and smiling and found herself smiling as well. People who kissed usually
were married or lived together, right? And then Angel would live with them and
she could cuddle to him whenever she wanted.

She turned to Kate and grinned, "His name is Angel. And he isn't just my mom's
friend. He is mine too."

End of Chapter Ten.