I pulled myself up onto the bars. I saw Gwen and Will standing on the opposite end of the bars, encouraging me. I took a few steps and had to stop for second just to take a breath. My legs were like dead weight under me, pulling me down. I went to go take another step and before I knew it I was on the floor.
" Terry!!!" I heard Gwen yell, rushing to my side. I felt her put her arms around me and help me back up into my wheelchair. I sat back down and looked at her and Will. Her belly was beginning to swell and she looked so cute, but I knew she couldn't keep helping me like she was.
" Thank you Mr. Gerin. I think that will be all for today. We'll continue on Thursday." The therapist said, writing something on the chart. I looked at Gwen and she put Will on my lap. He snuggled in close to me, trying to tell me that it was okay. I smiled and held my son close. I knew everything would be okay, but what hell would we have to go through before it truly was okay? What kind of father could I be to my kids if I was confined to this wheelchair for the rest of my life? What kind of husband would I be? My mind raced as Gwen pushed us out of the hospital and down to the car. She took Will from my arms and then began to strap him securely into his car seat. I pulled myself up into my seat in the car and Gwen folded the wheelchair and lifted it into the trunk. I saw her face distort in slight pain as she lifted and I knew something bad was going to happen if she wasn't careful. She got in the car and started the engine. I put my hand over hers as she began to back out. She stopped and looked at me.
" Gwen, are you okay?" I asked her, looking her straight in the eyes. I saw her eyes begin to well with tears and she diligently shook her head 'yes'. I just kept my hand where it was and kept looking at her. " Don't lie to me Gwenevere Michaela Richards Gerin. I know you're not okay. You don't have to do this alone."
" Terry, now's not the time or place to discus this." She said, she took her hand away from mine and she backed out of the parking space and we went home. We sat there in silence as the radio played softly in the background. We never fought when she was pregnant with Will. But then again, when we were having Will, I could walk.
We walked into the house and Gwen went into her office, taking Will into his nursery on her way. She shut the door behind her and I knew better than to bother her. She probably just needed some time to be alone, or at least that's what I hoped. I heard her typing away on the computer and I wheeled into Will's nursery. I looked at him, lying in his crib, staring at me though the bars. I put the side down and took him onto my lap. I looked at him and he looked back at me.
" What's happening Will? I thought we'd be okay. We were supposed to be okay. It's been five months since the accident and everything's falling apart. Your mommy is going to hurt herself and your little sister if she keeps it up. I don't know what to do." I said. Will put his head on my shoulder again and sucked his thumb. He was just as lost in all this as I was. I sat there holding Will for a few more minuets and I heard Gwen come in the door behind me.
" What are you doing? He can't sleep now." She said. I looked at her, shocked.
" I'm just holding him, I am aloud to hold my son aren't I?" I asked. I was more shocked that she was actually saying something like that. She knew I would never do anything to jeopardize Will's well being.
" If he sleeps now then he'll never sleep tonight." She said frustrated. I looked down at him and looked back at her. " Then I'll be up all night, between him, and then with Olivia kicking me. Do you like watching me suffer? I bet you're just loving all of this." She said.
" No Gwen, I don't love seeing you like this. I hate seeing you like this. I know you're going to hurt yourself if you keep this up. I don't want you to hurt yourself. That's the last thing I want, and you know that." I said.
" Yeah, I bet." She said harshly. She walked over and packed a diaper bag and came over and took Will from me. " I'm leaving." She said. Will in her arms, walking towards the front door. I heard her slam it, seeing her, a bag of hers and Will on their way towards the car. I wheeled out and stopped as she got in the car.
" Don't go Gwen." I said, pleading with her.
" No, I'm not going to be your servant anymore Terry." She said. She started the engine and pealed out of the driveway. I felt a pain in my heart as she drove away. The love of my life hated me. Gwen and my kids were everything. How could she say the things she did? I went back inside and pulled myself onto the couch. I pulled out the photos of our wedding and looked through the whole book, remembering all the good times we had that night, and after. I was shaken from my thoughts by the phone wringing.
" Hello." I said sadly. I really didn't feel like talking to anyone right now.
" Terry, it's Denise. Gwen is at the hospital, she's having problems with the baby." I heard the voice over the phone say. I felt my face go white and I started shaking. This couldn't be happening.
" Terry!!!" I heard Gwen yell, rushing to my side. I felt her put her arms around me and help me back up into my wheelchair. I sat back down and looked at her and Will. Her belly was beginning to swell and she looked so cute, but I knew she couldn't keep helping me like she was.
" Thank you Mr. Gerin. I think that will be all for today. We'll continue on Thursday." The therapist said, writing something on the chart. I looked at Gwen and she put Will on my lap. He snuggled in close to me, trying to tell me that it was okay. I smiled and held my son close. I knew everything would be okay, but what hell would we have to go through before it truly was okay? What kind of father could I be to my kids if I was confined to this wheelchair for the rest of my life? What kind of husband would I be? My mind raced as Gwen pushed us out of the hospital and down to the car. She took Will from my arms and then began to strap him securely into his car seat. I pulled myself up into my seat in the car and Gwen folded the wheelchair and lifted it into the trunk. I saw her face distort in slight pain as she lifted and I knew something bad was going to happen if she wasn't careful. She got in the car and started the engine. I put my hand over hers as she began to back out. She stopped and looked at me.
" Gwen, are you okay?" I asked her, looking her straight in the eyes. I saw her eyes begin to well with tears and she diligently shook her head 'yes'. I just kept my hand where it was and kept looking at her. " Don't lie to me Gwenevere Michaela Richards Gerin. I know you're not okay. You don't have to do this alone."
" Terry, now's not the time or place to discus this." She said, she took her hand away from mine and she backed out of the parking space and we went home. We sat there in silence as the radio played softly in the background. We never fought when she was pregnant with Will. But then again, when we were having Will, I could walk.
We walked into the house and Gwen went into her office, taking Will into his nursery on her way. She shut the door behind her and I knew better than to bother her. She probably just needed some time to be alone, or at least that's what I hoped. I heard her typing away on the computer and I wheeled into Will's nursery. I looked at him, lying in his crib, staring at me though the bars. I put the side down and took him onto my lap. I looked at him and he looked back at me.
" What's happening Will? I thought we'd be okay. We were supposed to be okay. It's been five months since the accident and everything's falling apart. Your mommy is going to hurt herself and your little sister if she keeps it up. I don't know what to do." I said. Will put his head on my shoulder again and sucked his thumb. He was just as lost in all this as I was. I sat there holding Will for a few more minuets and I heard Gwen come in the door behind me.
" What are you doing? He can't sleep now." She said. I looked at her, shocked.
" I'm just holding him, I am aloud to hold my son aren't I?" I asked. I was more shocked that she was actually saying something like that. She knew I would never do anything to jeopardize Will's well being.
" If he sleeps now then he'll never sleep tonight." She said frustrated. I looked down at him and looked back at her. " Then I'll be up all night, between him, and then with Olivia kicking me. Do you like watching me suffer? I bet you're just loving all of this." She said.
" No Gwen, I don't love seeing you like this. I hate seeing you like this. I know you're going to hurt yourself if you keep this up. I don't want you to hurt yourself. That's the last thing I want, and you know that." I said.
" Yeah, I bet." She said harshly. She walked over and packed a diaper bag and came over and took Will from me. " I'm leaving." She said. Will in her arms, walking towards the front door. I heard her slam it, seeing her, a bag of hers and Will on their way towards the car. I wheeled out and stopped as she got in the car.
" Don't go Gwen." I said, pleading with her.
" No, I'm not going to be your servant anymore Terry." She said. She started the engine and pealed out of the driveway. I felt a pain in my heart as she drove away. The love of my life hated me. Gwen and my kids were everything. How could she say the things she did? I went back inside and pulled myself onto the couch. I pulled out the photos of our wedding and looked through the whole book, remembering all the good times we had that night, and after. I was shaken from my thoughts by the phone wringing.
" Hello." I said sadly. I really didn't feel like talking to anyone right now.
" Terry, it's Denise. Gwen is at the hospital, she's having problems with the baby." I heard the voice over the phone say. I felt my face go white and I started shaking. This couldn't be happening.