Father's Day Veggie Style

by jterra

**COMPLETE** I know this is a bit late, but it just had to be done. This is what I think happens on Father's Day to poor Vegeta. My first attempt at humor. Please read and review.

Dedicated to fathers everywhere. Especially those who have children that know how to creatively torture.

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the Dragonball series. It's just too much responsibility for me.

Trunks (Torunksu) is about 18 and Bra (Bura) is 4. I think that is close to the right age gap.

Father's Day Veggie Style

I wake up with a start. "Kuso! It's that Kami-forsaken day again!" How many more times would I have to go through this torture?!

The first time the boy had decided to partake in the festivities it had been the dozen eggs in bed complimented with orange "juice" and soggy toast. No one ever bothered to mention to Torunksu that the eggs actually needed to be cooked and that ki-blasted oranges don't make very good juice. I can't even begin to understand why the toast was soggy. To top it off the brat didn't grasp the concept that breakfast in bed did not literally mean in the bed.

The boy had thought it was pretty funny once he figured it out. My mate grumbled on and on about eggs and cotton. I tuned her out after a while. Actually, I never really listened at all, but I don't think I ever saw those particular sheets again.

Although, I did discover that ki-blasted oranges are definitely a more enjoyable way to deal with that offending fruit and its squishy, yet difficult to penetrate shell.

A couple of years ago it was Be Nice to Otousan Day, which consisted of Bura doing me the favor of styling my hair. Again, I don't know where the baka onna was when the child decided that little blue bows attached with super glue and a bit of "trimming" was a good idea.

As I had informed my mate in the past, a pure Saiya-jin's hair does not change from the day that he is born. Well, thanks to my lovely daughter and her vicious sense of style, I was actually proven wrong on that point; hence, the now shorter hairstyle.

I won't even mention what Torunksu thought would be a good idea to do that day, but let's just say it had something to do with preserving the moment for posterity, whatever that means. The baka onna couldn't find enough of the pieces to fix that contraption by the time I was done with it.

But last year was the worst. None of the battles I had fought and miserably lost even came close to the complete destruction of the little dignity I had left before that day. Not even the battles in which I was soundly upstaged by that bakayaro Kakarotto. It was the most humiliating day of my entire life, and my two offspring orchestrated it.

Somehow they had convinced that grinning idiot to spar with me. I hadn't been too surprised when he showed up on my doorstep that morning. He liked to try to kick my butt around the yard for a while every now and then. And while I'll never even consider admitting it to his face, he was always the winner of those sparring sessions.

Although I will always be the smarter fighter, what he lacks in intelligence and cunning, he consistently makes up for in pure superior strength. I would win from time to time, but it was always because I am smarter than he will ever be. And, of course, I'm willing to try things that he would never dream of, since he is so foolishly pure-hearted and all.

I figured that this day would not be any different, but I had some new attacks I wanted to try out. And I keep going at it with him because I'm certain that I will eventually be stronger than he is; that I will one day reclaim my birthright.

By the end of the day I came to realize that Kakarotto can be more under-handed than I give him credit for. Either that, or I was not prepared for the possibility that he could do anything other than behave like the idiot that he is. More than likely, it's the latter. If I were to even entertain the possibility of the former, I would be forced to take some rather drastic measures.

Anyway, after several long hours of sparring, I was truly convinced that I had actually emerged the victor. That I had finally, after all these years become the greater of the remaining Saiya-jin warriors.

That was until I walked off the battlefield.

I noticed a flash of movement out of the corner of my eye. In a nearby tree was something I had not detected during the entire sparring session. It was my two brats, and they were grinning in such a way that could even rival the grinning idiot I had just left beaten on the ground. They were not paying any attention to me, so when the older one flashed a thumbs up sign to the figure behind me and grabbed his sister before flying back to the house, he thought I hadn't noticed.

But I had.

I stared after them for a moment, while letting what I just saw sink in. It suddenly hit me with the same amount of force as Kakarotto's mate's pan to his head, although it was much more painful. It was that Kami-forsaken holiday again, and those brats of mine had devised this entire thing! Instead of actually trying to win, Kakarotto was supposed to allow himself to be beaten without my realizing it. That was supposed to be my "gift"!

I had never been angrier or more humiliated in all my life. The fact that those brats actually thought that bribing that bakayaro, third-class, never-amount-to-anything, always-surpassing-me-at-everything, empty-headed, sorriest-excuse-for-a-Saiya-jin, to lose would somehow please me made me beyond angry. I stood in my back yard and ascended to Super Saiya-jin 2 without even thinking about it. They didn't see me for a month after that little incident.

After I finally returned, the baka onna tried to convince me that they were just trying to do something nice. They never meant to imply that I couldn't beat Kakarotto without their help. She told me they had no concept of the fact that this went far beyond anything they had ever done.

They had done more than just ruin sheets or cut hair that would not grow back; they had damaged my honor with that stunt. I didn't care that they didn't realize their mistake. They needed to learn.

I wanted to blame my mate for their idiocy, but she made it clear that they had done it on their own. Just like every year. They had come up with this "gift" without her having any clue. I knew what she said was true. Every year, I could hear her trying to discourage their attempts. But for some reason, they had latched on to this foolish, pointless Earth custom. They hadn't meant any harm she told me.

Of course, they never did. It just always turned out that way.

"Well, enough is enough," I though. Even the Saiya-jin no Ouji had to have something he could not face one more time.

Although I was loath to admit it, a small part of me was curious as to what those two devilish children had cooked up for me this time. Would it be more "quality time" with Kakarotto? Some sort of creation of Bura's that would cause her to wail for hours on end because I couldn't identify it? Cooking lessons? Checking my Saiya-jin armor for weaknesses with me in it? Nails for my coffin?!

"Onna", I turned myself towards my sleep mate. "Onna!" I repeated a bit more insistently to her back. She groaned and adjusted her pillow a bit. "Baka Onna!" I called for a final time as I shook her shoulder.

"What?!"

Finally I had a decent response, but of course she never would stop with just acknowledging my demands.

"Vegeta, if you call me that one more time, you will be sleeping in the gravity room for the rest of your miserable life!"

I just smirked at her. Baka onna. "Why should I care, onna? You're the one that insists I sleep here anyway." I knew I had her. Besides, I knew that she secretly liked me calling her onna, and I took some sort of perverse pleasure out of knowing I was the only one she would let get away with calling her that. Of course, if she truly didn't like it, there was nothing the pathetic human female could do to me stop anyway.

She sighed in exasperation and rolled over to face me. "Why are you waking me up at this hour?"

"Just tell me what they are going to do this year, onna." I demanded.

She groaned and shifted to prop her head up on her hand. "As I tell you every year, I have no idea. They're always so secretive about it."

"But that boy tells you everything." The onna had to know something. He can't keep anything from her.

She rolled her eyes at me. "Yeah, and Bura worships the ground you walk on for some reason. So why don't you just ask her?"

"I tried to, but she just called me "silly 'tousan" and walked away."

"Well, I guess you're just going to have to wait and see, then." She regarded me thoughtfully for a moment. "Don't tell me that you are actually afraid of your own children?"

I sat up in bed and turned to scowl at her. "Of course I'm not!" How could she even suggest such a thing?! "Why would I be?!"

"You just seem overly" after catching the glare I was giving her, she paused for a moment before she continued, "concerned about what they are going to do."

I glared down at her. "In case it has escaped your notice, onna, every time they do something it either results in something of mine being destroyed or my utter humiliation. And it gets worse every year!"

"Well, you're the one that claims to be the superior Saiya-jin warrior. Either you figure it out or face the possibilities like the supposedly fearless warrior that you are."

Her insinuations were getting on my nerves. I've had just about enough of this conversation. But she just kept going and going. I'm starting to regret making the effort to wake her.

"Besides, the way you reacted last year, I'd be surprised if they even bothered. You should have seen how crushed they were."

There was a reprimanding tone to her voice that I didn't like. Was I supposed to be concerned about the consequences of humiliating the Saiya-jin no Ouji?! They should have considered what would happen before they tricked me.

"Why should I care about their petty little emotions? It just makes them weak. The girl may be able to get away with being a weak female just like you, but that brat is becoming so weak that he's an embarrassment to the Saiya-jin race."

"Give him a break, Vegeta! He's still young. He just wants his father's approval."

Why should I care? "My father was dead by the time I was his age, and I never wanted or needed his approval before he was foolish enough to allow himself and his entire race to be wiped out by Freeza!"

"Well, his father isn't dead yet." She had to make sure I got the emphasis on the word yet. I can't help but wonder how she thinks she can affect my current status of living.

And again, she keeps talking.

"Besides, after what happened last year, I don't think either one of them will bother doing anything this year."

I didn't believe one word of it. They do something every year without fail. I looked at my mate like she was crazy, which in this case was pretty close to true. She knew better than to underestimate the deviousness of her two children.

"Look, Vegeta, it's true." Noticing the skeptical look I was giving her she continued her argument. "Even if I don't know what they are going to do, I normally hear their little whispers and secretive glances, but I've seen nothing this year." She paused and smiled at me slyly. "Anyway, keeping you on edge all day may be even more fun."

I crossed my arms and "hmph"-ed at her. "Just keep your brats away from me today. I will have no more of their foolish games. I don't care what day of the year they think it is or how they want to celebrate." With that I left the bed and stalked off to get ready for my daily training regimen.

~ ~ ~

By the time I got outside the sun was just coming up over the horizon. The sky was colored with nauseously beautiful pinks, purples, and oranges. Some birds in a nearby tree were singing some sickeningly happy little song that I couldn't help but notice. It was almost as if the entire world had decided to conspire against my foul mood.

I walked across the yard and glanced over at the gravity machine. I suddenly remembered another day several years ago when I went in early in the morning like I normally do. When I turned the machine on it shot up to -400 times Earth's gravity. I was stuck to the ceiling until my mate came to get me for lunch. She thought it was quite hysterical. But I was not laughing! I'm sure the brat was trying to kill me, but he insisted that he was only trying to help my training. The incident was, again, in honor of this stupid day.

Today, I decided, I will train on the lawn.

I'll start with sit-ups.

"Right elbow, left knee; Left elbow, right knee; Right elbow, left knee" I thought in my mind.

After several sit-ups, I generally wouldn't think about much of anything. My mind relaxes and my body automatically takes over where my mind left off.

"Up, twist, down; Up, twist, down; Up, twist, down"

Years of hard training makes it very easy to get into a state where your body can no longer communicate with your mind and tell it to stop. It's amazing how weak your body can become when used in conjunction with your mind.

"He just wants his father's approval."

Unfortunately, sometimes your mind gets bored and comes up with things to think about that you would ordinarily never give a second thought. Today happened to be one of those days. My mind, against my wishes, must be allowing this day more thought than it deserves.

"My father was dead by the time I was his age, and I never wanted or needed his approval"

That wasn't entirely true. I did want my father's approval. Even after his death.

The fact that he expected me to be the best Saiya-jin warrior ever known weighed heavily on me when I could not attain what that bakayaro Kakarotto had achieved. Knowing that he would be disappointed in my failure is much of what fueled my ability to push myself beyond the breaking point. Even now, a small part of me was still trying to impress my father by becoming stronger than Kakarotto.

The boy really isn't so bad. I was very proud of him when he beat out Kakarotto's brat in the tournament several years ago. He showed that he had much of his father in him that day. He was determined to win at any cost. Just like me, he is more than willing to use cunning to best his opponents.

He is growing to look more and more like the boy from so many years ago but without the shadow of a broken soul in his eyes that I know all too well. He has a good heart. Much like his mother.

I'm glad he has been able to grow up in a world that has not taken away his carefree spirit. Sometimes I think I may be jealous of him and the emotions that he can so freely express and grasp onto. Maybe it's better if they make him a bit weak.

I suddenly snap out of my trance and bring my mind roughly back in contact with my body. What am I thinking?! The boy is weak. A true warrior is not distracted by his emotions!

A sound from the front of the house alerts my senses to what brought me back to reality. My mate is leaving with the two brats in one of those hover vehicle things. Hopefully they will leave for the day and I will finally have some peace on this most wretched of holidays.

I briefly glance at the sky to determine that it is about mid-morning. Now it's time for push-ups.

"Right hand flat, elbow bent, left arm across back, head forward; Up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down; Switch."

This routine is easier to get into and disengage my mind from my body. This time I soundly forbid my mind to continue with it's previous train of thought.

" and Bura worships the ground you walk on for some reason."

Worships the ground I walk on? I almost chuckle at that thought. My mate couldn't have it any more backwards. That little girl has known since day one that she is 'tousan's little princess and will get anything she wants from me. And for some reason, I wouldn't have it any other way.

She is just like her mother in almost every way. But unlike her mother, she is still small and helpless. I'd sacrifice my life and soul in a heartbeat for either one of them, but it's more likely that Bura will need it than my mate.

Bura is going to be just as strong as my onna. No one is ever going to hurt or threaten her, she won't let them. And with me in the shadows, no one would ever dare.

I don't know what it is about my little girl that has rendered me so helpless to deny her every whim. I knew what was going to happen with that little hairstyling incident a few years ago, but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to do anything that might break her little heart.

Me, the Saiya-jin who has destroyed more lives and wiped out more civilizations than many have ever comprehended existed, has been made helpless by one little girl. This desire to protect her whenever I can is more powerful than any desire I have ever had for death and destruction. Her childish innocence has healed some part of my broken soul, and that is something I'll never be able to repay.

Am I weak?

So there it was. The question that had been buried in my subconscious, kept deep in the recesses of my mind by a mini-Vegeta armed with every attack I had in my arsenal. The question I didn't want to face because I didn't have an answer, or rather I didn't want to know the answer my mind had cooked up for me.

I am not weak. I will never be weak. I am strong. Stronger than I have ever been, and it is because of my family.

I am truly startled by that answer. How did my mind come to that conclusion?

I am strong because for the first time in my life, I have a true purpose. My entire life, I lived to be stronger. I lived to be the perfect warrior. I was not distracted by emotions or petty attachments to individuals other than myself. I was better than all others. I did not need anyone. I was the Saiya-jin no Ouji!

Then I encountered Kakarotto. The grinning idiot was attached to everyone. He would willingly sacrifice himself to save the smallest and most insignificant of creatures. He was a walking enigma.

Here was this Saiya-jin that one would only laughingly refer to as a true warrior. He fought well, but he didn't have the heart of a warrior. He had the heart of a creampuff! All logic indicated that he should be easily defeated in battle. But not only was he impossible to defeat, he grew to be stronger than even I, the last true Saiya-jin warrior! Why?!

Finally, I had an answer. I had been defeated in battle in the past because living for myself only got me so far. Eventually, I would give up because I wasn't worth it, there was no more hope. My family is what gave me the strength to push myself harder because they were worth it. If I couldn't protect them, then no one could. Growing an attachment to my family had not made me weak; it had given me a new purpose and a new weapon.

It was what made Kakarotto strong. He had a purpose that went beyond himself. He had the confidence in himself to believe that only he was the strongest, but his motives were not selfish. He had to be the strongest so he could protect those he cared about.

I've learned through countless battles that towards the end many opponents will find that last bit of strength to try to fight back. They were never successful against me, but I did not understand where that strength came from. Now I knew. They must have had someone to live for.

"OTOUSAN!!!"

I blink. Torunksu is standing in front of me looking quite annoyed and a bit concerned. Glancing past the boy, I realize that it's now early evening. I look down at my arm, which is raised straight out in front of me. My gloved fist is only a few inches from Torunksu's face.

After a few seconds, my body reveals to me that I have spent the entire day working through my training routine without stop. This is really not uncommon for me, but to not have sensed the boy before he was right in front of me is quite unusual. Judging by the look on his face, he's been trying to get my attention for a while.

"Are you okay, 'tousan?" He looks at me through those lavender bangs with much more concern in his eyes than was revealed in his voice. At least he is getting a bit better at concealing his emotions somewhere, but those eyes will always be his undoing.

"Hai," I reply, but my voice comes out in a whisper. I quickly compensate to hide that I am still a bit shaken by my apparent lack of awareness. "What do you want, brat?!"

He flashes me a quick smile laced with just a hint of cunning. "I was just going to ask if you wanted to spar with me."

I wonder for a moment if I can trust this child, but he is no match for me no matter what he might have up his sleeve. "Hmph," I reply. "If you think you can handle it!"

He smiles at me, but this time there is no mistaking the smirk his bloodline is famous for. "Not a problem, old man."

I release the power of Super Saiya-jin that flows through my body. The brat faces me and does the same. We both move so fast that the casual observer would have no idea who landed the first punch.

We finish a while later, and I am surprised that he has actually been worth my time. "Better luck next time, kid." I extend my hand out to help him up off the ground. He takes my hand and smiles up at me. Through that one statement he knows he's done well, and that I'll willingly spar with him again.

We both make our way back to the house. When we get to the door, he turns to me, says, "thanks 'tousan," and stumbles off in the direction of his room.

After consuming all the food the onna has left waiting for me in the kitchen, I make my way to the bedroom. As I pass the living room, I see the onna and my brats engrossed in some sort of movie. Actually, my mate seems to be the only one watching the movie. Bura is asleep with her head on my mate's lap. Torunksu is icing down his slightly injured shoulder probably from when I took him by the ankle and threw him into the hillside. He should really be applying that ice to his head, but it appears his skull is as hard as mine. I guess it's genetic.

Satisfied that they are content for the moment and unlikely to demand my attention or torture me through this pointless holiday, I continue down the hall. I'm actually a bit surprised that the onna's predictions seem to be true. They have indeed opted to not celebrate this Kami-forsaken day.

As I enter the bedroom, I instantly notice something amiss. On the bed there is a smallish, brightly colored object. Slightly curious as to what it is and why it's sitting on my bed, I decide to investigate.

Closer inspection reveals that it is a flat rectangular box. There is a piece of paper attached to the top colored in strange black, yellow, and pink hues. I pick up the box and look it over. I've seen boxes of this nature before. My mate receives them on that day these humans use to celebrate getting older.

I've never understood that particular ritual. My mate gets especially angry if you mention how old she is, but she insists on celebrating her aging every year. Why celebrate something one day that you are angry about all of the other days of the year? I shrug at the question. It's just one of many human customs I don't care to understand.

I wouldn't be able to tell anyone the precise date of my mate's birth, but I know that the celebration is not for a few more months. So this box must not be for her. Still only slightly curious as to the objective of this box, I investigate the paper attached to the top for more clues to the intended recipient of its contents.

I notice the cheerfully colored paper is folded in half and decide to open it to examine the interior. In scrawled handwriting that I recognize as characteristic of my second offspring it says, "Happy Father's Day, Otousan!!!"

I drop the box back on to the bed. So this is it? I've finally received my gift for the year. I'm really not sure if I want to open it. If I don't open it, then I don't have to willingly receive the torture that my progeny have decided to dole out for the year.

"Don't tell me that you are actually afraid of your own children?"

The words of my mate from this morning echo through my mind like a challenge. Well, the Saiya-jin no Ouji has never, ever backed away from a challenge! And I'm not about to start today. I fearlessly rip through the sickeningly happy covering on the box and fight my way through the flimsy, yet annoyingly plentiful paper inside to reveal

A long piece of silken fabric?

What is this? It's yellow with bright pink dots all over it. What does one do with such a garish item? I notice a little glossy card attached to the piece of fabric. Hopeful that it will provide some clue to the purpose of this thing, I examine it.

On the card is a human male wearing a shirt with a long piece of fabric hanging down the front. What is this? Some sort of human leash? The Saiya-jin no Ouji does not wear leashes! Even if I did, I would never be caught dead wearing this awful looking thing.

I glance down at the paper lying on the bed that I now realize is a card created by the little princess. It has fallen open, and as I look past the childish handwriting, I notice a short note written by the oldest of my two offspring. It is only four short words long, and since it is written pretty small, I have to pick the paper up to read them.

After I read it, I realize those four words have sealed my fate and once again, I have emerged the loser of this yearly game. Once again, I have been faced with a choice that has really left me no reasonable option other than to swallow my pride. For written on that card are the words, "Bura picked it out."

I turn to the front of the card again. Suddenly the colors there are no longer random. The black, yellow, and pink all come together to make an image. I realize with growing horror that the image is a child-like drawing of me. It's not me in my Saiya-jin armor, which would be an honorable likeness. Instead, it's me dressed in what can only be that dreadful pink shirt, which I thought was long gone, wearing my "gift".

Notes: This fic represents lots of firsts for me. It's my first attempt at a one-part fic, my first fic from Veggie's perspective, my first try at actual humor, and my first completed fic. It's only about 3 weeks late for Father's Day, but I tried. Please take a moment to let me know what you think.