Hi!

I, that is to say, Ginny Ha-ha, am writing this alone [*sob*]. (But I,  that is to say, duva, edited it a year and a half later, haha! Ok, end of my ramblings and back to Ginny Ha-ha's original notes…)

Well, enjoy reading! I apologise for this in advance. This is basically my imagination doing as it will... heh heh heh.

This will be short, because it's basically tying up all those little lost endings that everyone wants to know about, such as; What Happened to Fleureat and Sirius? Do they die horribly? Or do they end up like in 'Much Ado About Nothing' and have a joint wedding with Lily and James? [um... no...]

Read 'n' review!

Conspiracy Theory
Part 6: The Last Laugh
By Ginny Ha-ha [and duva, in spirit]

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Sirius had always maintained that he was innocent of all crimes. He had always maintained that, even when caught red-handed; a survival tactic, if you will. Thing was, people always blamed him for everything! It could be really frustrating. OK, so, maybe he was usually guilty, but if they couldn't prove it they were making unfounded accusations! It was all rather exasperating.

This whole mix-up, it seemed to him, was no acceptation. When it came right down to it, he hadn't been all to blame. It really was, he decided, as he scrabbled helplessly at the sides of the cardboard box that had lately become his home, very unfair of James to turn him into a tortoise.

He gave up with his feeble attempt at climbing the box's side, and sat there miserably. Lily and James couldn't keep him locked up all day, could they? Teachers would notice, as soon as they realised that they didn't have anyone to pick on. Someone would have to wonder where he was... or perhaps James would leave him there all day and night, with nothing to do but stare miserably at the cardboard walls. Nothing to eat, either. Sirius the Tortoise sulked silently.

The sound of footsteps entered the otherwise empty room, accompanied by voices. Sirius tried to shout out, but the words seemed to get lost inside his throat. He tried to thump the sides of his box, but fast movement was impossible. He scowled as well as his wrinkled face would allow, and began to eavesdrop. His new tortoise mind was slow, but he still recognised the voices, now he came to listen to them. It was Lily and James. As soon as he escaped, he promised himself, he would have to kill the both of them. Preferably slowly, with much use of the unforgivable curses, or, failing that, a farting charm. Hah.

"What have you done to Black?" That was Lily, brisk and businesslike as ever, "I hope you haven't done anything too awful, James!" She giggled at the thought.

'James!' Thought Sirius. That's a bit of an advance from the traditional 'Potter, You Cretin'!

James laughed along with Lily, and Sirius would have busted out of his box right there and then, if he could have.

"He's in here," James' voice replied.

Footsteps approached the box, and the lid was removed. Sirius glared up at the two round faces that appeared in the air, seeming to be miles high, despite the fact that they could be no more then a couple of feet above him.

There came an amused giggle of laughter from Lily. Sirius would have blushed, if he could. It was all rather embarrassing. He wondered, vaguely, what had become of Fleureat. Had she shared a similar fate? More then likely. Lily might be more sensible then James, but that wouldn't stop her getting revenge when she was angry.

"All right, Sirius?" James' moon-like face grinned cheerfully at him. Sirius did the tortoise equivalent of a scowl in reply.

"We can't leave him like that forever," pointed out Lily, "Although it is tempting. I think five hours is enough, you know."

Five bloody hours! It had felt like a lifetime.

James sighed regretfully, but nodded in agreement. Picking Sirius up by the shell, he looked him squarely in the eye "We're gonna turn you back, kay, Padfoot? But if you do anything... anything... well, it's back into the box for you. I think being a tortoise suits you, actually."

"Right. I hope you know the counter curse?" Lily asked.

"Uhm, not in so many words--"

A look of angry amazement crossed Lily's face, "James Potter, you utter imbecile, you could get us expelled if--"

"Joke! It was a joke!" James ducked as Lily gave him a mock slap, "Hey, watch it! Oww..." he massaged him arm, making a big thing out of it. Lily looked at him with fake disapproval on her face.

"Don't say you didn't ask for that!"

"OK, OK! Sheesh! I'll turn him back. C'mere, Siri-Tortoise."

Sirius felt himself being hauled ungently into the air. He tried not to look down until his feet were placed firmly on the ground.

"Right..." James pulled his wand out of his pocket, and pointed it at the animal on the floor. He smiled to himself at the site of the tortoise glaring evilly up at him. Not many tortoises were as good at glaring as Sirius was. "Amilicious !"

The jet of blue light shot out of James' wand, and hit Sirius squarely on the shell. His limbs began to protrude from the shell, growing longer second by second. The wrinkles on his face smoothed themselves out, and his neck reappeared. The shell on his back grew softer by degrees, and gradually turned back into human skin.

Sirius rubbed his aching limbs gratefully, "Jeez, Prongs! That killed! I'm with Lily on this one; you are a fekkin' cretin!" He glanced at the faces of his two companions. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Sirius," said James levelly, "I think you should put some clothes on."

~*~

When all was said and done, both Lily and James agreed, Sirius was more-or-less none the worse for his ordeal, although he claimed to be traumatised for life. Fleureat had not escaped either; her brief spell as a hedgehog had left her with an unnerving desire to devour anything that was small and slimy that ate plants and could be dissolved by salt. It was rather unfortunate, but, Lily and James felt, generally worth it.

It was generally felt that something was missing in the Gryffindor Common Room. Lily and James were not screaming the house down. It unsettled people.

~*~

Of course, Lily and James do not now find it in the least unsettling. They put up with the laughter, knowing that it will soon die down. Everything has turned out all right for them, which is the main thing. They still refuse to give Fleureat any credit for the whole thing, but many will be the times that Fleureat will see them romancing, and will say to a friend or neighbour;

"You see them two lovebirds? They used to hate each other. I matched them up, me. I knew it all along. Hah!"

And, in the future, people will laugh at her. They do not think that anyone could have forcibly created as good a match...

Only a few people know the truth. It won't change their lives; they don't care.

It gave them a good laugh... but not as good a laugh as Fleureat Stonesfield and Sirius Black.

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THE END!

Ummmm.... please read and review!!!

duva and I have been discussing the idea of a sequel... any takers?

If you want something to read whilst we organise the next series, please check out the humour/ action-adventure fic I [Ginny Ha-ha] co-wrote with bunny chan, 'Even Angels Make Mistakes!' [A story, about Neville and Melissa, his Guardian Angel "and bloody annoyed about it!", although the tables turn...]

Thank you so much for reading our story!

Ginny Ha-ha [and duva, in spirit if nothing else :)]