WEEK 13, DAY 7
It was a bad time for the Federation.
Their flagship, the universally known and respected ship, the Enterprise, was now put under a strict quarantine. No ship, either Klingon nor Starfleet nor Romulan, was to approach it or make contact with it. Those who did, the proclamation read, would suffer the consequences of whatever was dished out to them. This order was made partially to prevent any further 'incidents', but mainly to prevent the Romulans from citing the Enterprise for breaching any laws and bringing complaints to the Council.
The poor innocent nebulae cloud was also labeled as a "Never-Approach-Even-Whilst-Being-Attacked-By-The-Entire-Combined-Klingon-And-Romulan-Fleets" area. Since it was given the mantle of scape-goat and what had happened on the Enterprise, no one was brave enough to go back in. Which was a bit of a pity, as the nebulae contained various asteroids with mineral deposits which served as an energy source twelve times more efficient than dilithium.
Actually, some three centuries later, an exploratory team composed entirely of female crewmembers did explore the nebulae, as they reasoned that they would not be affected. Unfortunately, just to keep the joke running, a Q with a twisted sense of humour made half of them grow penises, which gave some of the more refined officers great blows to their pride as they had to learn how to urinate standing up, a skill that took a little time to master for the uninitiated.
That was the final nail. No one ever did go back, except the Q's who were still laughing and held it up as one of the few areas of space that McDonalds weren't putting up restaurants.
Riker was well approaching insanity. After the debacle of a week ago, he had now learnt more than enough about having a period. And it was that day today. Oh, not again! Why? It's not fair!
As the day wore on, he got more and more paranoid. Picard, who had gone through his 30th and last cycle the day before, had to relieve him from duty eventually since he was shaking so much. His have gone, why not mine? Oh, come on! Get it over with!
But it never came. Riker was more relieved than ever. And they would never come back to him again.
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WEEK 15, DAY 5
Dr. Crusher really had her work cut out now. She needed to find a cure for MM, otherwise, as she calculated, Geordi would be copping it for three and a half years. She had tried everything else she could think of, but nothing was working at all. The only option she could think of was a hysterectomy, but on a male? Certainly a first for surgery, and quite possibly her last if she screwed it up. It was definitely a last resort. She was running a few experiments when Riker came in, looking positively pale.
"Doctor Crusher?"
"Will? My god, you look awful. What's the matter?"
"You tell me, I've got no idea."
Beverly had to sigh. Gee, thanks Riker. A lot of help you are. "Well, what's wrong? What are you feeling?"
"It's been for a few days now. I've been vomiting a bit, some nausea, and there's a pain in my... you know..."
"Ahh yes. Just sit down, I'll check you out." She got out her PADD and ran it over Riker. For a while she stood frozen.
"Beverly?" Riker asked. She didn't move. "What is it?"
Bev came back to her senses. "Hang on, I'll check you again, this can't be right." She swept the PADD over Riker again, an utterly serious expression on her face frightening Riker somewhat. But once again, she had a look of disbelief on her face after checking him. "Oh my god... this is impossible!"
Riker had turned snowy white. "What? Wh--wh--what is it?"
"Umm, Riker, you are suffering from male menstruation, aren't you?"
"Yes... but it stopped last week."
"Oh my... how could this happen?"
"What is it?!" Riker was gripping the med-sarcophagus so tightly his knuckles were white.
Beverly cleared her throat a few times. "Riker... it seems that you are... um... pregnant."
Three hours later Riker woke up. "Huh? What happened?"
He looked up and saw Beverly. She had stripped him down and was giving him a physical examination. "Oh, hello again. You just fainted, that's all."
"I can't remember. What happened? What's wrong with me?"
"Yes, it's true I'm afraid. You're pregnant."
Four hours later Will awoke again. He was back in his quarters and his uniform. Deanna and Beverly were sitting not far away, talking about something inaudible. Both were obviously very worried. Troi looked over and saw Riker was awake. "Oh Will!" She threw her arms around him and held him close. "Beverly told me everything."
Riker couldn't say anything; he was still in deep shock from the news. After a while Troi let go, but kept her hands on his shoulders. "I'd better leave you both alone, Dr. Crusher has some things to explain to you." She gave him a long eye-to-eye stare and Will could see the tear tracks running down from her eyes. Suddenly she turned away and ran out holding back her sobs.
Riker was tempted to pass out again. The last four months had been hard enough, but THIS!? Pregnant? How? When? Why? Who? What the?
"How are you feeling?" Beverly asked, coming close.
"Right now, I have no idea. What the hell is going on? How did this happen? I mean, sure this period thing I know about, but this?"
"Well, as best as I could work out, it seems that you have impregnated yourself."
Riker's eyes popped open. "Hey!?"
"I did a few DNA tests, and the foetus has the exact same DNA code as you. It would appear that at some stage not long ago you... ah..." she faltered for a moment to find the right phrase. "You engaged in a common form of solitary sexual practice--"
"What? I don't understand." Riker blathered out. He was still in recovery.
"You were having a wank, William."
He was wide awake now. "Oh. Uh yes... well..."
Beverly put him out of his embarrassment - he had enough on his mind as it was. "Yes, well anyway, it would appear that at the... right time, shall we say, your sperm met the ovum in the Vas Deferens, and fertilized it."
"Oh no..." His head fell into his palms.
"Yes. I didn't think this was possible! But it would seem that the MM virus has effects I still don't know about. Even the morning sickness has come far earlier than usual. But the normal conception time still would apply."
Riker started clawing his hair out. He didn't understand everything Crusher said, but from what he worked out it still bode evil. "How could this happen? This can't be happening!"
She draped her arm around his shoulders. "Yes, I'm afraid your timing was somewhat bad."
"What in the name of Q am I going to do?"
"Well, in nine months you are going to learn the ultimate lesson about being a woman, and boldly go where no man has gone before. And probably never will again."
"Hold on!" Riker leapt up and backed away a few steps in protest. "Ohhh no! I don't think so! There is no way I am carrying this thing around for nine months in my... my... where is it anyway?"
Beverly bit her lip. She didn't want to tell him this. "The foetus is ah... growing in your... scrotum."
Riker turned white again. Even his beard seemed to grow a few gray hairs. "Are you telling me that in nine months I am going to be carrying an 11-pound baby in my marble bag??"
"Ah, yes."
"It's gonna expand to fit THAT!? Can you imagine how much it would hurt when it's kicking? Forget it! There is no way I am taking this on!"
"But Will..."
"I don't care frankly! History in the making, well this is a part of history I don't want a part of thank you very much!" And Riker announced a phrase never used by a man before: "I WANT AN ABORTION!"
"Will, you can't. The Prime Directive forbids--"
Riker was in a frenzy. "PISS ON THE PRIME DIRECTIVE!! When they wrote it, I don't think they would've thought of a male officer getting pregnant! I am NOT going to give birth, end of discussion! I mean, do you think I'd make a good mother anyway!?"
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A FEW WEEKS LATER....
Eventually Riker had to call Starfleet Command for a meeting of the Admiralty to get their interpretation of the Prime Directive on this point. They told him that they could not allow an abortion, even for males. Riker asked them what they would do in this situation, but as they were all men who were not pregnant and therefore biased, they didn't answer that one.
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Epilogue
Word spread of the outbreak on the Enterprise quickly, and it was met by either grave concern, or howling laughter. Riker was court-martialled but exonerated for his actions against the Romulan cruiser on the grounds that he was not in control of his actions. The two judges who made this comment found themselves very unpopular with the females of the universe, which explained their bachelorhood (although they claimed it was voluntary).
Beverly never did find a counteragent to MM, however she did find an indirect solution. Noting that it always wore off after 30 cycles, she gave the sufferers a dose of MM so strong that they ovulated every half hour, and locked the victim in a holodeck for two days just to be sure it wore off. Even in the all the potential comforts of the holodeck, those two days they spent in there were the most traumatic of their lives for many of the victims. But Bev certainly got her wish - the men finally learnt their hardest lesson on what it was to be a woman.
Riker learnt it best of all. After nine months, several uniform redesigns, a long time walking like John Wayne and a fair amount of time in a wheelchair (in the end the weight of the baby was breaking his back and making him walk like ET, not to mention just going to the toilet was turning into a balancing act) he did give birth and had a boy (this scene was cut from the fanfic on the grounds that if it were here the fic wouldn't even qualify for an X rating). He tries not to show off the Caesarian scar though.
The End (Thank God:)
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Copyright Scum Inc. Publishing
It was a bad time for the Federation.
Their flagship, the universally known and respected ship, the Enterprise, was now put under a strict quarantine. No ship, either Klingon nor Starfleet nor Romulan, was to approach it or make contact with it. Those who did, the proclamation read, would suffer the consequences of whatever was dished out to them. This order was made partially to prevent any further 'incidents', but mainly to prevent the Romulans from citing the Enterprise for breaching any laws and bringing complaints to the Council.
The poor innocent nebulae cloud was also labeled as a "Never-Approach-Even-Whilst-Being-Attacked-By-The-Entire-Combined-Klingon-And-Romulan-Fleets" area. Since it was given the mantle of scape-goat and what had happened on the Enterprise, no one was brave enough to go back in. Which was a bit of a pity, as the nebulae contained various asteroids with mineral deposits which served as an energy source twelve times more efficient than dilithium.
Actually, some three centuries later, an exploratory team composed entirely of female crewmembers did explore the nebulae, as they reasoned that they would not be affected. Unfortunately, just to keep the joke running, a Q with a twisted sense of humour made half of them grow penises, which gave some of the more refined officers great blows to their pride as they had to learn how to urinate standing up, a skill that took a little time to master for the uninitiated.
That was the final nail. No one ever did go back, except the Q's who were still laughing and held it up as one of the few areas of space that McDonalds weren't putting up restaurants.
Riker was well approaching insanity. After the debacle of a week ago, he had now learnt more than enough about having a period. And it was that day today. Oh, not again! Why? It's not fair!
As the day wore on, he got more and more paranoid. Picard, who had gone through his 30th and last cycle the day before, had to relieve him from duty eventually since he was shaking so much. His have gone, why not mine? Oh, come on! Get it over with!
But it never came. Riker was more relieved than ever. And they would never come back to him again.
%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$@%@$%@$%@$%@$%@
WEEK 15, DAY 5
Dr. Crusher really had her work cut out now. She needed to find a cure for MM, otherwise, as she calculated, Geordi would be copping it for three and a half years. She had tried everything else she could think of, but nothing was working at all. The only option she could think of was a hysterectomy, but on a male? Certainly a first for surgery, and quite possibly her last if she screwed it up. It was definitely a last resort. She was running a few experiments when Riker came in, looking positively pale.
"Doctor Crusher?"
"Will? My god, you look awful. What's the matter?"
"You tell me, I've got no idea."
Beverly had to sigh. Gee, thanks Riker. A lot of help you are. "Well, what's wrong? What are you feeling?"
"It's been for a few days now. I've been vomiting a bit, some nausea, and there's a pain in my... you know..."
"Ahh yes. Just sit down, I'll check you out." She got out her PADD and ran it over Riker. For a while she stood frozen.
"Beverly?" Riker asked. She didn't move. "What is it?"
Bev came back to her senses. "Hang on, I'll check you again, this can't be right." She swept the PADD over Riker again, an utterly serious expression on her face frightening Riker somewhat. But once again, she had a look of disbelief on her face after checking him. "Oh my god... this is impossible!"
Riker had turned snowy white. "What? Wh--wh--what is it?"
"Umm, Riker, you are suffering from male menstruation, aren't you?"
"Yes... but it stopped last week."
"Oh my... how could this happen?"
"What is it?!" Riker was gripping the med-sarcophagus so tightly his knuckles were white.
Beverly cleared her throat a few times. "Riker... it seems that you are... um... pregnant."
Three hours later Riker woke up. "Huh? What happened?"
He looked up and saw Beverly. She had stripped him down and was giving him a physical examination. "Oh, hello again. You just fainted, that's all."
"I can't remember. What happened? What's wrong with me?"
"Yes, it's true I'm afraid. You're pregnant."
Four hours later Will awoke again. He was back in his quarters and his uniform. Deanna and Beverly were sitting not far away, talking about something inaudible. Both were obviously very worried. Troi looked over and saw Riker was awake. "Oh Will!" She threw her arms around him and held him close. "Beverly told me everything."
Riker couldn't say anything; he was still in deep shock from the news. After a while Troi let go, but kept her hands on his shoulders. "I'd better leave you both alone, Dr. Crusher has some things to explain to you." She gave him a long eye-to-eye stare and Will could see the tear tracks running down from her eyes. Suddenly she turned away and ran out holding back her sobs.
Riker was tempted to pass out again. The last four months had been hard enough, but THIS!? Pregnant? How? When? Why? Who? What the?
"How are you feeling?" Beverly asked, coming close.
"Right now, I have no idea. What the hell is going on? How did this happen? I mean, sure this period thing I know about, but this?"
"Well, as best as I could work out, it seems that you have impregnated yourself."
Riker's eyes popped open. "Hey!?"
"I did a few DNA tests, and the foetus has the exact same DNA code as you. It would appear that at some stage not long ago you... ah..." she faltered for a moment to find the right phrase. "You engaged in a common form of solitary sexual practice--"
"What? I don't understand." Riker blathered out. He was still in recovery.
"You were having a wank, William."
He was wide awake now. "Oh. Uh yes... well..."
Beverly put him out of his embarrassment - he had enough on his mind as it was. "Yes, well anyway, it would appear that at the... right time, shall we say, your sperm met the ovum in the Vas Deferens, and fertilized it."
"Oh no..." His head fell into his palms.
"Yes. I didn't think this was possible! But it would seem that the MM virus has effects I still don't know about. Even the morning sickness has come far earlier than usual. But the normal conception time still would apply."
Riker started clawing his hair out. He didn't understand everything Crusher said, but from what he worked out it still bode evil. "How could this happen? This can't be happening!"
She draped her arm around his shoulders. "Yes, I'm afraid your timing was somewhat bad."
"What in the name of Q am I going to do?"
"Well, in nine months you are going to learn the ultimate lesson about being a woman, and boldly go where no man has gone before. And probably never will again."
"Hold on!" Riker leapt up and backed away a few steps in protest. "Ohhh no! I don't think so! There is no way I am carrying this thing around for nine months in my... my... where is it anyway?"
Beverly bit her lip. She didn't want to tell him this. "The foetus is ah... growing in your... scrotum."
Riker turned white again. Even his beard seemed to grow a few gray hairs. "Are you telling me that in nine months I am going to be carrying an 11-pound baby in my marble bag??"
"Ah, yes."
"It's gonna expand to fit THAT!? Can you imagine how much it would hurt when it's kicking? Forget it! There is no way I am taking this on!"
"But Will..."
"I don't care frankly! History in the making, well this is a part of history I don't want a part of thank you very much!" And Riker announced a phrase never used by a man before: "I WANT AN ABORTION!"
"Will, you can't. The Prime Directive forbids--"
Riker was in a frenzy. "PISS ON THE PRIME DIRECTIVE!! When they wrote it, I don't think they would've thought of a male officer getting pregnant! I am NOT going to give birth, end of discussion! I mean, do you think I'd make a good mother anyway!?"
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A FEW WEEKS LATER....
Eventually Riker had to call Starfleet Command for a meeting of the Admiralty to get their interpretation of the Prime Directive on this point. They told him that they could not allow an abortion, even for males. Riker asked them what they would do in this situation, but as they were all men who were not pregnant and therefore biased, they didn't answer that one.
%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$%@$@%@$%@$%@$%@$%@
Epilogue
Word spread of the outbreak on the Enterprise quickly, and it was met by either grave concern, or howling laughter. Riker was court-martialled but exonerated for his actions against the Romulan cruiser on the grounds that he was not in control of his actions. The two judges who made this comment found themselves very unpopular with the females of the universe, which explained their bachelorhood (although they claimed it was voluntary).
Beverly never did find a counteragent to MM, however she did find an indirect solution. Noting that it always wore off after 30 cycles, she gave the sufferers a dose of MM so strong that they ovulated every half hour, and locked the victim in a holodeck for two days just to be sure it wore off. Even in the all the potential comforts of the holodeck, those two days they spent in there were the most traumatic of their lives for many of the victims. But Bev certainly got her wish - the men finally learnt their hardest lesson on what it was to be a woman.
Riker learnt it best of all. After nine months, several uniform redesigns, a long time walking like John Wayne and a fair amount of time in a wheelchair (in the end the weight of the baby was breaking his back and making him walk like ET, not to mention just going to the toilet was turning into a balancing act) he did give birth and had a boy (this scene was cut from the fanfic on the grounds that if it were here the fic wouldn't even qualify for an X rating). He tries not to show off the Caesarian scar though.
The End (Thank God:)
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Copyright Scum Inc. Publishing