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May 23
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To make a long story short, Carol and Shep never broke up when they did on the show. Shep eventually became abusive towards Carol (and yes, I understand that I may write Carol a little off in this story, it's purposeful), and this story is going to be about that and all that stuff! :) I don't want to spoil anything, so read on soldier......
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Carol whimpered as Shep backhanded her across her stomach. Her very swollen stomach. Carol was nine months pregnant with Shep's baby and ever since he had found out, he had began to abuse her, hurting her whenever he felt like it. Somehow Carol had managed to carry the child to full term even through all the trauma Shep had put her body through.
Carol stumbled back a little bit, ramming her lower back into the table. She bit back a yelp as a pain shot straight through her back, down her legs, and into her feet. She was surprised her water didn't break at that very flash of pain.
"Dammit, Carol, when are you going to learn?" Shep asked. Carol had no idea what he was talking about. All she had done was ask him how work was. She backed away from the table and moved toward the sink to where she had been doing dishes. She turned her stomach away from him, trying to keep her child safe in her womb. If he was going to hit her around, she wanted him to hit her and not somewhere that the baby could be injured. She wouldn't be surprised if this baby came out deformed from his fists.
"I'm sorry, Shep. I didn't...mean to." Carol said. She knew there was no use saying she didn't know what he was talking about. That just angered him more. And she hadn't meant to make him angry in the first place. That was the horrible thing about his bouts of anger. She had no idea what brought them on, so she was always treading hot water with him. He sighed and glared at her before stalking to the refrigerator. She let out an inaudible sigh. He was done.
"What's for dinner?" He asked.
"I was baking some chicken." She said. He nodded, satisfied.
"How much longer?" He asked, smelling the air. He could detect the hint of chicken swirling about.
"Probably 10 more minutes." She said.
"Good." He said and turned, heading out of the kitchen and into the living room. She watched as he sat in his favorite chair and turned the TV on to a loud hockey game. She slumped against the counter briefly and sighed, giving herself one moment to recuperate.
-ooooo-ooooo-
The next morning Carol waddled into the ER for work. Everyone had tried to convince her to stop working because she was growing larger everyday and she was due any day now. But she had said she wanted to work because she would be bored at home. No one knew that the real reason was she didn't want to be home because of Shep. She was afraid she would go into labor at home and Shep wouldn't help her. She could only hope Shep would change when he saw their child. And she also knew her hopes were useless.
-ooooo-ooooo-
Carol sighed and put her key into the lock of her house and pushed her way in. A lamp was on in the living room and she expected Shep to be sitting in his favorite chair, but when she looked into the living room she just stared. Shep was not in his chair, but things were missing. Not really valuable things, but when she thought about it, Shep's things were gone. Her brows curved together in puzzlement as she slipped out of her shoes and left her keys on the table. She went from room and room and noticed that all of his sentimental things were missing. She pushed her way into the bedroom, thoroughly confused by now. None of his clothes were on the floor, like usual. She walked into their bathroom and saw that all of his things were gone. What the hell was going on? She wondered.
Carol made her way into the bedroom and opened up her closest. All of Ron's clothes were missing and her suitcase that had been on the shelf was gone. She sat down on the bed and covered her open mouth with a shaky hand. He had fled. He was gone, she knew. For good, she thought. She wasn't sure whether to jump for joy or cry in desperation. She hadn't loved him but she had stayed with him because of his child. But she had depended on him to be there with her. And apparently she was going to be a single mother to her child now. She stared incredulously at her open and half empty closet.
-ooooo-ooooo-
Carol stood at the admit desk, her head buried in her arms. Doug walked up to the desk and stared at her briefly before touching her arm. She flinched.
"Carol?" He asked. She relaxed when she heard his voice and she looked up at him.
"Doug." She murmured.
"Are you okay? You look exhausted." He said. She shrugged. "You should go home."
"No, Doug, I'm okay." She said, straightening her posture in the chair she was resting in.
"You're pregnant and tired. You shouldn't be working anyway. Go home." He said.
"I've just been doing paperwork for the past 2 weeks, Doug. I'm fine." She said, trying to reassure him. She didn't want to go home and either find that Shep was back or face the empty house.
"Carol, you're due to have this child any day now. You're asleep at the desk. You need to go home and get some rest. I'll tell Kerry you went home." He said. She sighed.
"He's gone." She said. Doug's brows lifted.
"Who is gone where?" He asked. She sighed and looked down, studying the collar of Doug's scrub top.
"Shep. He left." Carol said. Doug tilted his head and struggled to understand. He pulled up another chair that was sitting at the admit desk and he took her hand in his.
"Where did he go?" Doug asked. Carol sighed.
"I don't know. I came home last night from work, he had the day off, and all of his stuff was gone. He took all his clothes, all his other personal items. He took my suitcase and the car. Well, it's his car. But it was all gone. No note, no phone call, no nothing." Carol said.
"What? Why the hell did he do that?" Doug asked, becoming angered. Carol sighed.
"Because he didn't want this baby." She said.
"What?" Doug asked. Carol sighed.
"Ever since I told him that I was pregnant, he's been pulling away from me." She sighed. "I don't think he ever really got over Raoul." She paused. "I don't know why I stayed with him in the first place, but now...He's gone." She said.
"Oh Carol." Doug said. She smiled weakly.
"I'll be okay." She said.
"You won't have to do this alone, okay? You've got everyone here at work to help you. I'll help you as much as I can. I'm a pediatrician, remember?" He smiled crookedly at her. She smiled.
"Thanks Doug." She said. He nodded.
"Anytime. Why don't you go home. Rest a little." He suggested. She shook her head and glanced down at their joined hands.
"I can't go home, Doug. Not to that empty house." She said. He smiled his understanding. His nights and days were lonely also. He stood and gently pulled her to her feet.
"C'mon then. You're going to go lay down in the lounge." He said. She smiled grimly.
"You're too good to me." She said. He chuckled and began massaging her shoulders as she walked to the lounge.
"You're tired and pregnant and have no one to pamper you. Now walk." He said.
"I can't when you do that." She said and moaned slightly. He laughed and pushed her towards the lounge.
-ooooo-ooooo-
Two weeks passed by Carol's due date. She was getting nervous and excited with everyday new day. Wondering if that was the day the baby would come.
Carol stood from her chair at the admit desk and walked towards a pile of charts. Doug glanced at her.
"I could have gotten that for you." He said. She sighed.
"I feel like a bump on a log. I needed to get up." She said. He shook his head. "I'm two weeks over my due date, if I go into labor now, I'll be fi - Whoa." She interrupted her own sentence. Doug stared at her as she held onto the edge of the counter.
"What?" He asked.
"My water just broke." She said.
"Your water just broke." He repeated and she looked at him, exasperated.
"Yes, Doug, my water just broke." He came around the desk and grabbed a spare wheelchair.
"Sit." He ordered.
"Doug, I don't need that. I can walk." She said.
"Don't argue with me. Sit." He said. She sighed and sat and kept it to herself that it was a relief for her ankles. "Have you been having contractions? Any pain?" He asked as he pushed her towards the elevators. She shook her head.
"Not really. I'd have little bouts of pain, but they didn't really hurt very much and they were far apart. And since I was two weeks over, I figured that it was normal and didn't say...or do anything." She said as an elevator opened. He pushed in.
"Are you ready to be a Mom?" He asked and smiled down at her. She glanced up at him and her lips turned up at the corners.
"I doubt it." She said and he chuckled. "Oh God." She said.
"What, what is it?" He asked.
"Pain." She grit her teeth. He bent over her, taking her right hand into his so she could squeeze and he placed his left hand on her stomach. She placed her left hand over top of his and gripped the back of his hands. His head was right beside hers.
"Breath deep." He murmured into her ear, waiting for the worst to pass. She let her cheek fall against his and she closed her eyes.
"No more." She said. He chuckled. "I can't do it anymore." She said.
"Yes, you can. And you will." He said. She sighed and lifted her head away from his just as the elevator door opened. He straightened and pushed her out into the hall. He pushed her along until they came upon the main desk.
"I have a nurse in labor." Doug said, smiling at the woman behind the desk. She smiled and looked down at Carol.
"Carol. It's about time, don't you think?" The woman asked. Carol smiled.
"I'd say so, Morgan." Carol said.
"You know each other." Doug stated. Morgan laughed slightly and Carol grinned up at him.
"Many times I came up here in the middle of a work day for a check-up. Morgan and I got to know each other." Carol said.
"Ah." He said, nodding his head in understanding. Morgan came around the desk.
"I'll take you to a room and alert MacLucas." Morgan said.
"Doug, you can go back down. I'll call you first with the news." Carol said, smiling up at him. He let go of her wheelchair and smiled back at her. He tugged on one of her curls.
"You'll do great, Carol." He said and turned back towards the elevator. Morgan took the wheelchair handles into her hand and began pushing Carol. She bent over Carol and whispered in her ear.
"It should be illegal to be that gorgeous." She said. Carol laughed.
"You don't have to tell me twice." She thought with some regret.
-ooooo-ooooo-
Carol lay back on a gurney in the delivery room. She had been huffing and puffing through hours of labor pains. Sweat was rolling off of her and her face was scrunched up in pain. She was so focused on the pain that she didn't hear Dr. MacLucas talking.
"She's not dilating." Dr. MacLucas said to one of the nurses. One of her students was listening to every word intently. "She's been at this for over 3 hours. The contractions are frequent. This baby is not coming out vaginally."
"Cesarean section." Her student stated.
"Mm hmm." MacLucas said. Carol fell back onto the bed, her most recent contraction having passed.
"What's going on?" Carol asked. She had seen the tail end of the conversation but she hadn't heard what was being said.
"The baby's two weeks overdue. And you're not dilating." Dr. MacLucas said. "I'd assume the child is too large and cannot fit through the birth canal."
"I have to have a c-section?" Carol asked, propping herself up on her elbows in a new found bout of energy.
"I'm afraid so." Dr. MacLucas said. Carol sighed and leaned back on the bed. She nodded.
"Okay. Whatever it takes. I'm prepared." She said.
"We need a pediatrician in here." Dr. MacLucas said.
"Get Ross!" Carol said quickly, struggling to push herself up.
"From the ER?" Dr. MacLucas asked. Carol nodded.
"Please. I want him." She said. Dr. MacLucas nodded.
"Okay. Page Dr. Ross. Tell him it's an emergency c-section on Nurse Hathaway." Dr. MacLucas said. Carol nodded and groaned as another contraction hit. Morgan, who had been with her through most of the delivery, took her hand and let her squeeze.
ooooo
Down in the ER, Doug was standing at the admit desk, wondering how Carol was doing. It had only been about 3 and a half hours since her water broke and some deliveries could take long hours, but he was getting anxious. He sighed when his pager beeped. It was the OB floor. His heart skipped a beat before he realized they probably just needed him to assist with a newborn or something. He picked up the phone and dialed the number that showed on his pager.
"This is Dr. Ross, you just paged me." He said.
"Dr. Ross, Nurse Hathaway is having a emergency cesarean section and she asked for you to be the pediatrician."
"I'll be right up!" Doug said and hung the phone up. "Mark, I'm going up to OB." He said and turned running for the stairs. He didn't have enough time for the elevator, so he practically flew his way up the four flights up stairs.
"Where's Hathaway?" He asked, coming up to the desk. Another nurse was standing there and she gazed up at him.
"Delivery Room Four." She said. He turned and jogged down the hall, quickly coming upon the room. He pushed his way in and saw Carol moaning her way through another contraction.
"What's going on?" He asked as a nurse began to gown him up. Carol's eyes flew open at his voice.
"Doug!" She exclaimed. He came up to her and took her hand into his own.
"We have to do an emergency cesarean section." Dr. MacLucas said.
"Why?" Doug asked.
"The baby is too large. She's not dilating." Dr. MacLucas said. Doug nodded. He was thinking more along the lines of a friend than he was a doctor. He slipped his hand out of Carol's hand and began getting ready for the delivery. When he was finished, he came back to Carol and took her hand. She now had a face mask on, giving her drugs to help the pain. Carol tried to smile at him.
"What're they doing?" She asked. He gazed over the sheet that was blocking Carol's view from her stomach.
"They are just...now making the first incision." Doug said. His stomach rolled at the bruises he saw on her stomach. There were so many. He was going to have to question her about that later. She nodded at his reply and gazed up at him.
"Thank you for coming." She said. He grinned and bent down, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead.
"You're welcome." He said and watched over stomach as the doctor's cut through the layers of body tissue. "I see the baby." He said. Carol looked up at him.
"What is it?" She asked.
"I don't know yet....I think....It's a girl!" He exclaimed. "Yup, definitely." He said. The baby began to squall as she was taken from the womb.
"A girl?" Carol asked. He nodded and smiled.
"She's beautiful." He said as the baby was passed from one side of the sheet to the other and laid on Carol's side.
"Look at her hair!" Carol exclaimed as she gazed at her squealing daughter. The little girl had thick black hair. Carol began crying softly as she gazed down at her daughter. "She's beautiful."
"What's her name?" Doug asked. Carol looked up at him.
"Sarah. After your mother." Carol said. Doug smiled warmly.
"Why?" He asked.
"You've been wonderful to me, Doug." Carol smiled up at him and looked down at her daughter. "Hello Sarah Jo." She said and kissed her daughter's wet head. Doug smiled and looked down at the two of them lying on the gurney and he realized his world suddenly had changed.
"I'm going to have to take her now, okay Carol?" He asked as a nurse clipped the umbilical cord. She nodded.
"Doug?"
"Hmm?" He asked as he picked Sarah up into his arms, wrapping her in the soft blanket he had gotten.
"Stay with her." Carol said.
"Count on it." Doug said and smiled at her as she took Sarah to the other side of the room. He smiled down at the whimpering child.
"You're beautiful, Sarah. Absolutely beautiful." He said as he lay her down in the tiny portable crib.
ooooo
An hour or so later, Doug had checked once again on Carol, assured her that Sarah was fine and she would soon be coming to Carol's room, before he headed down to the ER. Doug walked up to the admit desk and Kerry immediately spotted him.
"How's Carol?" She asked. All the nurses at the desk plus Mark and Carter looked up quickly. He chuckled.
"She's doing great. Sarah Jo Hathaway was born at 9 pounds, 12 ounces at 5:59 p.m." He said, a huge smile on his face. "Carol underwent an emergency c-section because she wasn't dilating and Sarah was being stubborn, so I was up there with her to take care of the baby after delivery. Anyway, Sarah is amazing and has beautiful thick black hair just like her mother." Doug said. Mark couldn't help but note that his best friend was looking awfully like a proud papa.
"Tell Carol congratulations for me." Carter said, smiling. Doug chuckled.
"Will do." He said.
-ooooo-ooooo-
"Doug, I really want to thank you for everything you've done for us." Carol said. She had just finished strapping Sarah into the carseat for her first car ride from the hospital to Carol's home. Doug smiled at her.
"Carol, we've been over this. You know I don't mind at all." He said. She sighed.
"I know. But still, thank you."
"Don't thank me. In this case, if I wouldn't have been able to drive you home, I would have had someone else do it. You're not taking Sarah on the El." He said. She grinned at home.
"Okay Dad." She teased. He chuckled and stared out the window. If only, they both thought.
ooooo
"Carol?" Doug asked. He had helped her get the baby settle and right now Carol was holding Sarah in her arms.
"Hmm?" Carol asked, looking up from the baby and into Doug's eyes.
"I need to talk to you." He said. She nodded.
"Okay." She agreed. He smiled.
"Can I see Sarah?" He asked. She smiled and nodded and handed the baby off to him. He grinned as he held her gently against his chest.
"She's so beautiful. All that hair." Doug said, shaking his head. "It's like the ninth wonder of the world." He said. Carol laughed.
"What's the eighth?" She asked.
"Your hair." He said and grinned. She laughed again.
"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" She asked, sitting down on the couch. He sat beside her, gazing down at Sarah. He sighed and turned, looking up at Carol.
"I was there..For the delivery and all." Doug said. Carol nodded.
"Yes, Doug. You were." She smiled. His eyes looked troubled, she thought. He hesitated, so she sighed. "Doug, what is it?" Carol asked, her voice telling him that she knew he had something important on his mind.
"I saw your stomach." He said. Her brows drew together and her lips moved as if to form a word, but she froze. Oh God, he saw her stomach.
"Uh huh." She managed to get out and tried to act puzzled. But he had caught that brief glimpse of fear. He knew she was going to make this difficult for him.
"Do you want to explain all those bruises on your stomach?" He asked. She bent her head, her curls spilling in front of her face. He reached around, touching her chin and turning her head toward his. "Care?" He asked. She shook her head.
"It's nothing really...I.." She couldn't think of a good excuse. She couldn't think of any excuse.
"Did Shep hurt you?" He asked. Tears filled her eyes but she fought them, holding them in. Doug realized the war she was fighting with herself. "Don't move. I'm going to put Sarah in her crib." He got up slowly and walked as quickly as he could to Carol's room without disturbing Sarah. He placed her down in the crib and came back out into the living room. He sat on the couch beside Carol and faced her, taking her hands into his. "Tell me what happened." Doug said. Carol shook her head.
"I can't." She said. He sighed and reached his hand around the cupped the back of her neck.
"C'mere." He said and pulled her to him. She buried her face into his neck and wrapped her arms around his torso as she let silent tears fall. He sighed gruffly and fisted his hand in her hair, holding her in place as he felt the hot tears hit his shirt. With his other hand he rubbed her back, lulling her gently.
Nearly fifteen minutes later, Carol was still in his arms but she wasn't crying any longer. She was resting against him, listening to his breathing and feeling the beat of his heart against her chest. Finally, she pulled away from him.
"I'm sorry." She said. He smiled weakly, but warmly.
"Don't be." He said. Carol smiled and looked down, her fingers coming together to fidget. She was still resting close to Doug, but she wasn't up against him.
"He was upset a lot after Raoul died. He was depressed and sad and eventually it turned to anger. When he found out I was pregnant, he, uh, he started to hit me around sometimes. Never enough to do much damage. I mean, no one could tell at work because he hit me only where my clothes covered it up. When I began to show my pregnancy, he began to hit my stomach. He didn't want the baby, I knew. He was trying to hurt the baby, hurt me. But I didn't leave him because I was scared he would really hurt me than. And I felt like my baby needed a Daddy." She paused and sighed. Doug hung his head. He knew very well what it was like to live a life like that.
"Carol, you shouldn't have had to take that." He said. She glanced up at him. "When I was younger my father beat me and my mother a lot." Carol looked at him with interest. She had known his father had left when Doug was about 14 and they hadn't seen or heard from each other since, but she had never known details. "Sometimes my Dad was alright. He had his moments. But most of the time he was a complete and utter asshole. When I got older, I always tried to stop him from hurting my Mom, but I usually succeeded in breaking a few bones that way." Doug sighed gruffly. "But I loved the bastard. In a sense, I still do." He sighed. "I understand if you loved Shep, but you shouldn't have had to deal with that, just to give your baby a father. I think for the most part, my Mom and I would have been better off if my Dad was never around, instead of having him leave when I was 14." Carol shook her head.
"No, Doug. The difference is, I never loved Shep. Never. I couldn't." She said. Doug held back a sigh. She didn't realize what a relief that was for him to hear. He reached out and touched her face.
"In a sense I was like my father. I never raised a hand to a woman, but other than that I was practically his replica. I know I never laid a hand to you, Carol, but I hurt you emotionally. I'm sorry for that." He said. She smiled slightly and touched a hand to his cheek.
"It's okay, Doug. You don't have to explain things to me." She said. He sighed and nodded his head.
"Yes, I do." He said. "I was scared." He murmured. "When I first saw you when I came to the ER I was....speechless. There you were in those beautiful peach scrubs," He joked as she smiled, "and I was entranced by you. Then when I came to your house for that first date and we ended up on the kitchen floor," Carol's mouth turned up in a smile even as she blushed slightly, "I was lost in you." He said. She looked down, studying the stitches on the hem of his shirt, unable to look him directly in the eye. "You were perfect." He sighed and reached out, taking one of her hands into his own. "And when we started dating, I flipped out. You were different from everyone else I ever dated." He said. "So I spoiled it for us, for you because I thought you deserved better. That's no excuse for what I did to you, but it's the reason." He said and reached up with his free hand, tilting her chin up so she met his eye. "I'm sorry." He said.
"Doug.....I..." She stopped.
"What?" He asked, sensing that she had something to say.
"Did you ever...When we were.." She stopped. He smiled and brushed his thumb across her cheek.
"What is it?" He asked.
"Did you love me?" She asked. She remembered the way she had fallen head over heels in love with him. And every time she was with him, her heart ached with joy. Then he had broken it, but she had went on, loving him in secret, through Tag, through Shep, through everything. And she still loved him. She needed this small consolation. He smiled seriously at her question and cupped her cheek in his hand.
"Do you know what it feels like to love someone so much it hurts when you aren't with them? And it hurts when you are with them because it's like you can't believe they are there, with you?" He asked. She gazed into his chocolatey eyes and nodded.
"I do know." She said. He nodded.
"So do I. Because that's the way I felt about you. The way I feel about you." He said. She smiled then, her eyes wet with tears. Her smile sent fireworks shooting through his system. Their lips met tentatively and emotionally, their bodies becoming one. She sighed and yielded her mouth to him as he ran his hands down her side, sending little waves of shock shooting throughout her. It had been so long since she had felt those hands and that mouth on her. She melted into his body and was about to be lost in the fog when she remembered why he was there with her, on the couch. She was jolted back into reality and she pulled away from him abruptly. Her hands left his and her body scooted further away from him on the couch.
"Carol?" He asked, surprised. His body ached for her touch. "What's wrong?" He asked. She sighed and her bottom lip trembled, but she bit it, holding it still. And she could taste his kiss.
"I forgot." She said.
"You forgot what?" He asked. She sighed and looked up, into his eyes. Watery hazel eyes met confused brown eyes.
"Sarah." She murmured. He nodded.
"Okay, what about her?" He asked. She sighed and wiped at a tear that slid down her cheek.
"It's not just me anymore, Doug. It's Sarah and I. No longer am I just one person, I am two. If you are going to sit here and tell me that you....That you love me," She whispered, "You have to remember my daughter. We come as a packaged deal." She said. He paused and stared at her.
"That's what you're worried about?" He asked. She nodded and looked at him.
"I have a little girl now, Doug. I'm a mother. I have to think about my baby before anything else." She said. He smiled and reached out to her.
"You don't think I've thought about that?" He asked. She stayed silent, staring at him. "Ever since you became pregnant I've thought about it. I hoped you and Shep wouldn't stay together, only because I wanted you. And now that I've found out that Shep was abusing you, I am all the more glad that you and Sarah got out of it." He pulled her closer to him, taking her shoulders into his hands. He smiled sweetly and gazed at her.
"I love you. Sarah was a part of you for nine months. I was there when she was born and all that combined was like a realization for me. I remember looking down at you after she was born and thinking that my life had suddenly changed." He said. "And I didn't realize why I thought that until now. I love you. She's your daughter. I know you are a packaged deal. And if you haven't already figured it out, I adore her. She's a part of you and that's reason enough to love her." Carol began to cry again. He smiled and wiped her tears away. "Don't cry." He said, biting his lip nervously. He wasn't sure if she was crying because she was happy or if she was upset because he was spilling his feelings in such a way. Suddenly Carol wrapped her arms around him tightly and pushed her face into his neck.
"Why do you have to be so amazing?" She asked, squeezing him tightly to her. He chuckled and wrapped his arms gently around her. He still wasn't sure if he would hurt her because of the operation or not.
"You bring out the best in me." He said. She sighed and lifted her head. Tears were still rolling down her cheeks, but she was smiling.
"I haven't really said it yet." She smiled wider. "I love you." She said. He chuckled happily and bent his neck, kissing her again. His whole world was finally coming to a certain place. A place where he wanted to be. For the rest of his life.
-ooooo-ooooo-