Buffy:
Spike is whispering in my ear.
Whispering things I'd really rather not hear, things that make bile rise in my
throat, things about me and him together, but there's blood and pain and I
can't remember ever feeling this sick and afraid. I try to block it out. Think
happy thoughts. Okay, waking up on Christmas morning when I was a kid and
rushing downstairs to open my presents. Dad carries Dawn on his shoulders and
we all go out for ice cream, because we live in LA and Christmas is warm and
sticky, not cold and snowy like in all the movies.
I've only ever known one cold
Christmas and that was…wait. These are supposed to be happy thoughts, good
memories, not heartbreaking ones. So, Riley. Riley and I going for picnics in
the park. Except we only did that once. Umm, Riley and I going to the movies. Did
you know he has salt on his popcorn? I like mine drenched in butter and sugar,
so that when you eat it your fingers get covered in grease. It wouldn't be the
movies if you didn't stuff yourself with junk food while you're watching the
film. And-
Oww! Spike's fangs dig into
my shoulder and I think tears come to my eyes. How can he be doing this to me?
How did this even happen? I actually trusted the guy. I mean I didn't
realise it up until he broke that trust, but I thought I could rely on him, I
guess I even considered him a friend. The thing about Spike – neutered,
post-chip Spike, I mean – is that he's annoying,
maxi-ram-his-head-through-a-brick-wall-annoying, but he's also sort of
likeable. He's got this way of seeing everything exactly how it is and he's not
afraid to be honest. Plus, he's got a great sense of humour. So many times I've
had to bite my lip to stop laughing at his jokes when I'm supposed to hate him.
I did hate him at one point –
obviously – and then I started to feel a little sorry for him. He was like
Angel in a way: lonely, outcast from vampire society, fighting demons because
that's the only thing left in his life. So, I suppose I let my guard down
around him. I started to believe that maybe he'd changed. I stopped seeing him
as a threat and more of an ally. When I came to see him this afternoon I really
thought that he was upset, that by threatening to stake him I'd crossed a
boundary in our burgeoning friendship. How wrong can one person get?
Now the worst thing about this whole
experience (well not quite the worst thing – I think that prize goes to the
lurid suggestions Spike is currently making so enthusiastically) is the harsh
sting of betrayal. It's like Angelus all over again, except not quite as bad
because it's without the crushing loss of the person I love. But it definitely
brings back memories of that time – their hard eyes and cruel sneers are the
same. It's strange, in these past twelve months when I've known Spike with a
chip and he's helped us, I've looked into his eyes a lot. They never seemed
empty then, even though he didn't have a soul. They were always filled with
some emotion – anger or pain or amusement. Now they are just blank, like
something's snapped inside him. Then again, maybe it has. Angel's demon was damaged
by one hundred years of sharing a body with his soul, so perhaps Spike's demon
has been twisted in the same way because of his chip. I just know that
something has gone horribly wrong, because even the evil Spike I knew before,
the one who tried to rule Sunnydale with Drusilla, even he wouldn't have
behaved like this.
Long, fingers rip my clothes and
dance over my flesh. They feel horrible – cold and dead. I try to shut the
sensations out as Spike's mouth – fangs and all – moves downwards from my shoulder.
I won't scream anymore for fear of what he might do. I am realistic enough to
know that he has me completely at his mercy here. He could kill me or he could
do a lot worse. Personally I'm hoping for a quick death. Exsanguination from
the neck, something clean and relatively painless. It didn't hurt when Angel
drank my blood, not after the initial pinprick of his fangs going in. In fact
it was kind of nice, my head started to spin and then I saw stars. I just felt
more and more tired, until eventually I fell unconscious in his arms. If I
could choose a way to die then that would be how.
But I don't get to choose. What I get
is rivulets of my own blood running over my bare skin and Spike's rough tongue
licking them off. He tried to get me to beg earlier, but I wouldn't. I fought
and I swore and I screamed, but I refused to beg. It wouldn't have changed
anything, anyway. Now I've just resigned myself to whatever happens. I'm just
trying to ignore what's happening to my physical body and revert to life inside
my head. Hence, the happy thoughts. I was at the movies, right? The movies with
Riley. We're seeing a comedy, something like American Pie, and he
blushes at all the rude jokes, which is kind of endearing in a backwater,
country-boy kind of way. Then Riley…
Walks in here? Am I just
seeing things or is that really Riley standing there on the other side of the
cave, looking ever so slightly petrified out of his mind?
"Buffy," he gasps incredulously, his
eyes wide at the disturbing sight I must be, stripped to my bra and covered in
my own blood. Spike quickly diverts his attention away from my chained form and
begins to bear down upon my current boyfriend.
"Riley!" I yell back, suddenly afraid
for his safety more than mine. How did he find me here? What on earth possessed
him to come alone?
He swallows deeply and nervously. "It's
all right," he tries to reassure me. "You're going to be okay." He pulls a
stake out of his belt and brandishes it in Spike's direction. "Let her go or
you're dust," he orders in a not very convincing tone.
Spike merely snorts at this, rushing at
Riley and slamming him, face-forward, up against the cave wall, his stake-arm
twisted at a painful angle behind his back.
"Now, I don't think you're exactly in a
position to threaten me, do you?"
The only sound that comes from Riley is
a small whimper as Spike continues to pull at his arm. "Where is he?" The
vampire demands, pulling Riley away from the wall then smashing him back into
it again.
"I don't know what you're talking
about," Riley splutters through a mouthful of blood from his broken nose.
"Yes you do," Spike insists, dropping
Riley disdainfully to the floor. "Angelus wouldn't dare leave his beloved Buffy
down here to die – so I'm guessing he's got to be around here somewhere." He
strides back over to me a flick-knife suddenly appearing in his hand. "And I
know just what'll make him come running."
Spike holds the knife above my flesh,
about to cut in, when a voice echoes from the shadowy entrance to the cave. "I
don't think you want to do that."
Angel. He came. For
the first time in what seems like hours I actually feel a spark of hope that I
will get out of this alive. Relief floods through my body and I feel the
tension and fear draining out of me. Everything is going to be okay again.
"Why not?" Spike demands, his knife
still pressing into my flesh, not quite cutting me, and I remember that before
I can just leave there is going to be a fight. Angel and Spike are Blood,
they've known one another for over one hundred years and now they're going to
fight to the death, over me. The prospect is awe-inspiring and utterly terrifying.
"Because if you do I'm going to kill
you." Angel inches closer. "No wait, scratch that. I'm going to kill you,
anyway."
Spike moves the knife up to my throat
and my pulse rate begins to soar. I know Angel won't let anything happen to me,
but it's going to be a pretty close call. "Just think," Spike grins broadly.
"One little slip with this knife and it could be bye-bye Buffy. Wouldn't want
that now would we?"
Angel blanches slightly at the
prospect, but his hard, impassive expression soon returns. Pacing round
thoughtfully for a few moments he suddenly turns to Spike with Angelus'
trademark smirk on his face. "How's Drusilla? Heard from her recently?"
The knife drops from Spike's hand and
falls to the floor with a metallic clatter. Spike's attention is distracted
from me and on to Angel. "You know bloody well how she is," he says in a low
dangerous tone.
"Better off without you, anyway," Angel
provokes him and that is the last straw for Spike. The two vampires fly at one
another, fists flailing, eventually falling to the ground to wrestle with each other.
Riley stares open-mouthed at their display for a few seconds, before hurrying
over to unchain me. He gives me his jacket to cover myself and then ushers me
in the direction he came from.
"I'm not leaving Angel," I insist,
glancing over towards my ex-lover where he is now stood head-to-head with
Spike, each daring the other to make the next move. A bit shaky on my feet, but
still feeling capable of fighting I hurry over to the warring pair and catch
Spike by surprise with a blow to the head. He reels backwards and I follow up
with a kick to his stomach, Angel producing a stake to back me up with. Sensing
he is outmatched, Spike turns tail and flees down one of the tunnels, his
pounding footsteps echoing away into the distance.
"Aren't you going after him?" Riley
asks.
Angel shakes his head. "Those tunnels
are like a labyrinth. We could wonder about for days and never find him.
Besides we have to be getting back to the others. They'll need our help to stop
the ritual."
Oh my God. I suddenly
remember what is meant to be going on this evening. I was supposed to be
preventing the apocalypse and instead this happens. And if Angel and I – the
two warriors of the group – are both down here, then who is at the high school
trying to stop the demons? I suddenly feel very dizzy. My vision fades to black
and my feet disappear from underneath me. The last thing I am aware of before I
pass out completely is a pair of strong arms breaking my fall. And at this
point I don't even care whose they are.
Willow:
I
sit on the steps of the old high school looking out into the night. Except I
don't see darkness and shadows, burnt buildings and rubble – I see sunshine and
students, the hustle and bustle of life here as I remember it. I used to sit on
these steps a lot, just watching the people go by, wishing I was a part of
their busy social lives, that I fitted in with them. That time seems a world
away now. I am a different person with a different life. I'm not Willow the
computer nerd anymore. I found friends and love, and I've seen and done things
I'd never even dreamed of. But I'm still here sitting on these steps. For all
my accomplishments I still failed.
Tara
comes and sits down next to me. She leans her head against my shoulder briefly
and I feel her silky hair against my cheek. Sometimes I wonder how it is
possible we are even together. When did it happen? How did my life get to this
point? I love her but I can't explain how or why, and she loves me back, which
I understand even less. I never saw our relationship coming – I just woke up
one morning and it was there. But then I never saw any of this coming.
"It's
not your fault," Tara tells me softly, taking my hand in hers. "You did
everything that you could."
I
shake my head. "No, there must have been something else. I didn't think quickly
enough. I let Buffy down. I let everybody down."
I
drop my head into my hands, fighting back tears, while Tara strokes my back
comfortingly. When I look up again it is to the sky. The night is clear and
crisp and the stars are out. They shine like they always have. The whole world
goes on like nothing has happened, completely oblivious to the monumental
events of the evening. It's difficult to accept how normal it all seems when
nothing will ever be normal again. Oh God, all those people. Millions upon
millions. They don't even know what's happening, what's going to happen. They
won't ever know…
"There
was nothing else." Tara reassures me. "Nothing you could have thought of or
done. Nothing that any of us could have done."
I
turn to her with wide, stricken eyes. "What are we going to do?"
"I-I
don't know, honey," she replies, showing her first sign of uncertainty. The
tears brimming in my eyes spill over down my cheeks and I pull Tara close to
me, savouring the precious warmth of her embrace, burying my face in her hair.
The
sound of voices startles me and I look up, wiping my face with my sleeve, to
see Buffy, Angel and Riley approaching in the distance. I am so glad to see
her, to see that she's all right and that Spike didn't hurt her. Then my
stomach goes hollow and I choke back a sob as I realise I am going to have to
break the news to Buffy and I don't know how. As she draws closer I get a
second shock. She looks awful, nothing like her usual calm, collected and
impeccably beautiful self. Her face is pale, her hair is a tangled mess, dried
blood streaks down her neck and she looks tiny dressed up in Riley's bulky army
jacket. Her expression is bleak as she walks towards us, Riley hovering
protectively next to her, Angel giving away nothing as per usual.
"Are
they here yet?" She asks with a grim determination.
"I
don't think you should be fighting," Riley protests. "You're in no condition-"
"I
don't really have much choice!" She snaps back, moving to push past me.
"Wait!"
I call after her. "There…there isn't going to be any fight."
"What
do you mean?" Asks Angel, his voice soft and low with a hint of worry.
"Did
you stop the ritual already?" Buffy interjects.
"N-not
exactly."
"Well
then what?" She demands. "They can't have gone ahead with it, because I think I
would have noticed if the world ended."
All
eyes are on me and I turn pale under their scrutiny. "T-the demons came. There
was about ten of them. We tried to use magic to keep them back, but we
couldn't. We…they came after us and we had to go and hide – there were too many
to fight…" I trail off and Tara touches my hand briefly, taking up the story
herself.
"Willow
was really great, she came up with this spell. I-it delays the effects of the
ritual by seven days."
"I'm
sorry," I whisper in a pained voice. "There was nothing else."
"What,
you're saying you actually let the demons complete their plans?" Riley
interrupts, his tone panicked. "So, the world is really going to end?"
I
nod wordlessly, fresh tears coursing down my cheeks. How could this even
happen? We've always been okay before, usually it all works out. What went
wrong this time?
Buffy
reaches out to brush my arm reassuringly, her face even paler than two minutes
ago. "It's all right, Will," she murmurs. "I know you did your best."
"Where
are the others?" Angel enquires.
"Inside,"
I gesture vaguely with my hand, not having the will to explain further.
He
nods briefly. "We should all get home, get some sleep. There's nothing more to
be done here. We can talk more in the morning."
A
warm bed and a good night's sleep sounds wonderful, but I don't know if I'm
going to be able to face either. I'm not sure if I'll ever actually sleep
again. I keep replaying the moment in my head, the high pitched chanting of the
demons, Wesley leafing desperately through books, Tara pressed up close next to
me in the shadows. Cordelia and Anya threw some large rocks at the demons, some
last ditch attempt to distract their attention. It worked for a while, they
came chasing after us and we were running furiously, for our own lives, for the
lives of everyone on the planet. Tara and I desperately cast murmured spells,
any we could remember (I think I turned one demon into a houseplant and set
another on fire) until we were too out of breath to do so any longer.
Eventually, the demons gave up the chase and went back to their ritual.
Defeated, we could only watch from a distance and hope that Buffy showed up in
time.
She
didn't, and at the last minute I did the only thing I could think of. I
muttered the words of a delaying spell, which created a week's buffer between
the performance of the ritual and the results it will bring about. The spell is
a common one in Wicca, used for the pure convenience sake of casting magic in
advance. I knew it would only buy us a little bit of time, but compared to
imminent death it seemed like a good idea. Now I'm not so sure, now we're faced
with an entire seven days of just waiting to die. I've faced some pretty
horrible things in my life, but this has to be the worst. The demons even
thought they had failed, that we'd stopped them somehow. They tried to find us
to get their revenge, but we hid (about the only think we managed to do
successfully all night) and came out after they'd gone.
The
group reunites, only we have very little to say to one another. The 'sleep on
it' plan is our generally agreed mode of action, basically because there is
nothing else we can do. We head back to Giles' en masse, the atmosphere tense
and heavy, the mood depressed. Arriving back at the house we all pile out of
our various cars, me leading the way because I have his keys. These little
rituals are all so mundane and ordinary it makes me want to scream. We only
have a week left to live, we should be out there making the most of life while
we can. We should be crying, laughing, having fun, making love, doing all the
things we always meant to and never found the time for. We should be doing
anything but trudging around bleakly with dazed expressions on our faces.
As
I go to slide the key into the door I hear the familiar shrill of the phone
ringing inside. Quickly fumbling to open the door I rush in to answer the
phone. The doorknob feels a little sticky in my hand, but I ignore it, stepping
into the darkened house to grab the phone receiver.
"Hello?"
It
is the hospital, calling about Giles. I glance out the window at the others who
are busy unloading weapons from the cars and talking in hushed voices amongst
themselves. I decide not to bother them until I know what's going on for sure.
I don't think Buffy could take anymore bad news this evening. I listen
carefully to the caller's litany of medical information. Details of blood
pressures and respiratory rates and Glasgow Coma Scales pass me entirely by.
Usually I would be soaking in all this material like a sponge. Medicine has
always fascinated me. It is a field where so much of a difference can be made.
Lives can be saved or lost. People's pain can be taken away from them. I used
to think a lot about becoming a doctor, never going to happen now I guess.
The
voice on the other end of the phone reaches the crux of the call and I have to
ask him to repeat it, I was so distracted. Giles is awake. He's out of the coma
he fell into on the night of the fire, forty-eight hours and a lifetime ago. He
should be okay – no lasting damage – and we can go and see him tomorrow. Great,
we can go and see Giles and break it to him gently that the world is ending
because we couldn't manage to stop it. What will he say, I wonder. Will he be
disappointed, upset, angry? Would things have been different if he'd been here
to help?
I
thank the doctor and he rings off. In a virtual trance I wonder outside to
break the 'good' news to everyone else. Giles is going to live, only to be
killed with the rest of us in a week's time. Angel turns as I approach, a
puzzled expression on his face.
"Willow,
how did you get that blood on your hand?"
I
look down at my palm and sure enough it is stained a bright red colour. I shake
my head. "I don't…I don't know. I remember touching something a bit wet…"
Angel's
shoots me a worried glance and then strides past me into Giles' house. Buffy
and the others see him go and we all follow, not really worried, but more
intrigued. I am the second or third person through the door and I have a
perfect view when Angel flicks on the light switch revealing the blood stained
walls and floor. I gasp in shock. There seems to be red everywhere, and to
think I was standing here just a minute ago, talking on the phone in the dark,
completely oblivious.
I
hear a scream from beside me and Cordelia bursts into tears. She clings to Wesley
who has turned white as a sheet and leans against the wall for support. I
follow the line of their vision to the centre of the room, where a crumpled
body lies in a pool of its own blood. The face is obscured, but Cordy's
reaction is enough to tell me whom the corpse belongs to.
"Gunn,"
Angel says in a low hollow voice.
A/N ~ Oops, sorry
about the character death, but I just couldn't pass up the opportunity for such
a dramatic moment. I know things look dire at the moment (Spike evil, Gunn
dead, the imminent end of the world), but I am headed for a happy ending, so
stick with it and I promise to cheer things up in the long run. Thank you for
reading!