Disclaimers: Joss and David own all.
Okay so this is finally it!! I cannot believe I am finally finished this. A really big thank you to everyone who took the time to let me know what they thought of this along the way, some of the comments were really insightful and helpful and all were appreciated J
This was supposed to be a three chapter fic, now nine chapters later, I'm posting the epilogue. I hope it rounds the fic off nicely, sorry if it is anyway repetitive but Cordy insisted on talking. So here goes the epilogue of
Body Armour.
They talked for hours, the night slipping into dawn as a friendship was slowly reclaimed, warm and close as ever. Her head rested against his broad shoulder and curling comfortably against him, the seer quietly confided a thousand woes to her warrior. The warrior listened intently, his head dipped to catch her faltering whispers. Interjecting with an occasional comfort, Angel filed every pained confidence away to the safety of memory, to be visited again. This was the first of many such conversations he silently vowed, clasping her small hand all the tighter as beside him, Cordelia shifted, her eyes drifting upward to meet his own.
"I am so sorry." Her lips trembled, her eyes gleaming with sad wisdom, "All that I have done, all that I …"
Angel shook his head, dark determination buried in his features. "Don't. Don't apologize Cordelia, this wasn't your fault. Not any of it."
Cordelia smiled briefly, sorrowfully. "I wish that were true, Angel." The girl hesitated, words momentarily failing her. "I knew though. What Jarod was, I knew. I just didn't care." Her voice filled with longing. "Angel, everything was so simple. He offered me an escape and I took it. I knew the price I would have to pay. What I would put you through and I took anyway."
"He took advantage," Angel began.
"No," Cordelia fought the suggestion with a vehement shake of her dark head. "No, he didn't. I mean, yes he did but I let him Angel. Don't you see?" Cordelia paused, a breath hitching, guilt inscribing itself on her face. "Even if I had known, I would have gone with him. I would have done it all anyway. So you see, he didn't really take advantage. I allowed him to take me, as I was." Honesty mingled with shame in her hazel eyes as she slowly finished. "I couldn't let him leave me. I couldn't let him go."
"I should have been there," Angel said hoarsely. "I should have stopped it when it began."
"You couldn't have known…"
"I should have known." Angel interrupted harshly, his fingers curling into the palm of his cold hand, his fist clenching tensely. "It's my job to know, Cordelia. That's what I'm supposed to be good at. The damn visions, Doyle, how could I not have known?"
"Stop" Cordelia commanded, her hand sneaking across to pull his fist apart, her palm smoothing lovingly against his own. "Stop it. This wasn't you. You couldn't have done anything, Angel. Losing Doyle…" Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Losing him was the hardest thing." Cordelia's eyes shone as she looked up at him, her face softening with memory. "He had come to mean so much to us, you know?"
Angel nodded, unable to speak.
"I miss him. I miss him still." Cordelia swallowed, a tiny headshake restoring control. "Losing him, gaining the visions, I lived from minute to minute, hating this. Hating what my life had become. This isn't what I wanted. When I left Sunnydale…" Cordelia sighed, the breath filled with misery. "This wasn't what I wanted."
Angel flinched, her words ripping away the security he had come to know over the past few months.
She didn't want this. She didn't want him.
"I know," he said quietly.
Cordelia glanced at him sharply, following his thoughts. "No Angel," she protested immediately, quashing his gnawing doubt. "My life with you here has been exactly what I wanted. What I want. I thought I could leave the demons behind in Sunnydale. I couldn't. None of us ever could. Not Willow or Xander or Oz. Or me."
Cordelia smiled softly at that truth, straightening as she moved to face him. Her gaze settled upon him, a slow warmth rising in her eyes. "I don't want to leave them behind. I got scared Angel. I got scared and I thought there was no escape. I thought that these visions would lead me to death just like Doyle. I wanted out and there is no out. Not from our work."
"I'm sorry" Angel said fervently, "Cordelia, I am so…"
"Don't apologize." Cordelia rejoined. "Visions or not, there is no out for me. No 'get out of demon hunting' card. This has been my life for the past three years and it's around time I faced up to that. The visions aren't a curse." Clarity bit into every bone, a sudden truth unfolding in her mind. "They're a gift, Angel. A blessing."
His eyes scanned her face searchingly. "You're sure," he said finally. "You're sure this is what you want?"
She nodded, a calm belief flooding her. "I'm sure. It's not going to be easy. I'm not saying I'm going to be all joyful every time I get one of those mind-crunching visions but I'm in. We're in this together Angel."
The vampire grinned unexpectedly, finding delight in the promise of her words. The promise of times ahead. "Sounds good to me."
Cordelia returned his grin. "Yeah but don't think this whole bonding thing means I can't ask for a pay-rise." Her smile dimmed a little and she stretched a hand out to his face. She smoothed his cheek affectionately, her hand dropping self consciously as wonder sparked in his eyes.
"I've never had a friend like you before Angel. When I'm with you, I'm happy. I'm proud of who I am. That make sense to you?"
Drinking in the sight of her, suddenly terribly grateful for her, Angel answered with easy honesty, "Completely."
****************************************
"Donut?"
Cordelia surveyed the selection of frosted pastries critically. "You didn't get jam."
"One would usually thank a colleague for going out of his way to pick up donuts on the way to work" Wesley informed his younger associate. "Normally, one would be appreciative of the effort before complaining."
"Simple task, whole selection of donuts. Really not that hard to manage, Wes." Cordelia answered unrepentantly as she plucked a strawberry coated donut from the flimsy box. "You know, I'm beginning to think university was a waste of time for you."
"Well, I could say the same of you but let's see, you didn't go to university." Wesley dropped the box on her desk with a pointed smile.
"I'll have you know." Cordelia flung hotly at the Englishman's retreating back. "I was accepted to a number of prestigious universities where you needed more than a snooty accent to get in. I mean the Watcher's council probably threatened Oxford with a Mayor sized demon to get them to accept you."
Wesley settled himself comfortably on the sofa, lifting some demon illustrations for closer inspection. "Actually, I joined the Council after Oxford." He looked up with deliberate nonchalance, "They sent me back to do a postgraduate course in ancient history."
Cordelia smirked. "Oh so they made you boring? And all this time I thought you were born that way."
Wesley opened his mouth, an insult on the tip of his tongue. He paused, a smile jumping instead to his lips. "It's nice to have you back, Ms Chase."
Surprise melted in Cordelia's eyes, leaving hazel pools of warmth. She regarded him teasingly. "Oh God Wes, don't start turning into a mushy Brit on me. Angel has been emotional enough for all of us."
"Angel was emotional?"
Cordelia shrugged as she sank her teeth into the donut. "Well," she said between chews, "He sighed deeply once or twice. That's emotion for him, right?"
"Most certainly." Wesley agreed solemnly. He flicked a gaze to the demon illustrated on the parchment on his lap, remembering the raw anger in Angel. The savage beating he had inflicted upon Jarod. "So, you two sorted everything out?"
Cordelia nodded, reaching for a napkin as she swallowed, "Oh yeah. We talked for ages. I got over the whole kidnapping thing and he got over the being afraid I'd go do something stupid the minute his back was turned thing and well, I realized how damn lucky I am to have you guys and voila. Cordy gets her life back."
"I'm glad." Wesley held her gaze meaningfully.
Her eyes sparkled, brimming with sudden gratitude. "I know."
"May I come in?"
Cordelia's carefully reconstructed world fell apart in one breath. She turned fearful eyes toward the doorway, the figure there, painfully familiar as she whispered his name.
"Jarod."
*****************************************
Wesley was on his feet, moving past her in a blur. "Out. Now."
There was a muttered conversation, unguarded British threats and calm, belligerent assurances in response. Finally, fighting through the cloud that had somehow swamped her, Cordelia found her voice.
"I'll talk with you."
Wesley spun around, his expression stony. "Cordelia, go downstairs. Now please."
Cordelia smiled at the Englishman. "Wesley it's all right. I'll speak with him. I have to speak with him." She turned to Jarod, her eyes flickering over his bruised face. "Come downstairs. We can talk there."
*****************************************
"You get five minutes."
Jarod blinked, a slow nod of agreement. "That's not a lot of time."
"It's all you get." Cordelia answered evenly. "Less if Angel gets back. I've a feeling he might add to those bruises."
Amusement settled on Jarod's face. "So everything's back to normal then Cordelia? Angel still living your life for you?"
Inside, she trembled, quivered with a fear of falling, sliding back, to him. "What is it you wanted, Jarod?"
He shrugged, his dark eyes fixed upon her. "You," he said, what she had known he would say. "It's always been you Cordelia."
She moistened her lips, remembering she was alive now. "I can't do it Jarod. I can't make the sacrifices you ask of me. And you don't want me without them. It's the visions you want."
"Not just the visions. You too. You know that."
Cordelia smiled wistfully, knowing in her heart that there was some truth in his words. "It could have been different Jarod if you had taken just a little. But you didn't, you took it all. You took all of me."
"I won't," he edged closer, gazing upon her. "I won't this time. Please Cordelia."
She raised a finger, slowly tracing the outline of his face. "You broke me Jarod. You watched me fall apart."
"Angel…" he began harshly.
"Don't" Cordelia shook her head in mild exasperation. "There's no point. You don't know what he did or didn't do. You don't know Angel and you don't know me. But I know you, Jarod. Every single part of you." She regarded him calmly, all anger and fear fading, sudden self-assurance in her voice. "And I don't like one bit of you. It ends here Jarod. This is goodbye."
*************************************
"She's what?" Angel exploded as he loomed over the Englishman, his face darkened with fury.
"Angel, just listen…" Wesley edged around the vampire, placing cautious hands on Angel's chest.
His employer glowered threateningly. "Wesley, get out of my way."
"Angel," Wesley sidestepped to match the vampire's movement and throwing caution to the window, shoved him backward. "Would you just listen to me for god's sake?"
"I just listened to you, Wesley." Angel answered through gritted teeth. "I just listened to you tell me that you allowed Cordelia to go downstairs with the man who nearly killed her."
"I checked he had no powder, I equipped Cordelia with a Mantholian sword and I've sat at the top of the steps listening to them until you came in just now."
Angel visibly deflated. "Oh."
Taking advantage of the other man's momentary lapse into silence, Wesley continued gently, "Angel, you can't tell Cordelia you trust her and then charge in when you disagree with a decision she's made. She deserves better than that."
"I know. God I know." Angel shifted from one foot to the other, his body wracked with unease. "I'm just scared that she'll…"
"So deal with it." Wesley interrupted with uncharacteristic roughness. "Deal with it and get over it and get back to being her friend. That's how you'll serve her best."
Wondering, not for the first time how he had ever pegged Wesley as a blithering idiot, Angel nodded, burying his misgivings and instead, placed his trust in his new friend.
"All right then. Calm it is."
*******************************************
Angel watched Jarod hobble past, one crippling step after another. The vampire's intense glare followed the other man's slow path out the door, out of their lives.
"You know, he doesn't have eyes in the back of his head so really, that whole dirty look thing is wasted on him."
Angel turned to his seer. She stood with quizzical amusement on her face, her hands tipping lightly against her hips. Relief swamped him, the tension of the past few days fading away, diminishing in the light of her smile.
She was okay. She had seen the bastard and she was okay.
"You're okay?" he asked softly, just to be sure.
She nodded confidently. "I am. It sounds corny but there's closure now. Well done on the not violent approach, by the way. I'm impressed."
Behind them, Wesley coughed discreetly. Angel eyed the Englishman wryly before returning his attention to Cordelia. "And he didn't…"
"He didn't do anything." Cordelia promised. "He just listened and he left. For good this time."
"You're sure?" Angel couldn't help but ask, needing her reassurance.
A slow smile glided across her face as she recognized his quiet worrying ways. "I'm sure. You see," she continued simply. "It turns out he didn't quite understand. All that time with him, I forgot to make things clear. So, I told him I didn't belong with him. I told him I belonged with my family, that I belong here, with you."
Cordelia waited, allowing her words to sink in. Angel cleared his throat, trying to formulate some kind of answer. He needn't have bothered for she moved past him, her hand lightly squeezing his shoulder, loyalty and love promised in her touch. She was gone, quickly engrossed in the lamentable arrival of bills which apparently couldn't possibly be paid, at least not until they averaged more than one paying client a week.
Listening to her idle chatter, clinging to her voice like a lifeline, the vampire remained perfectly still and reveled in life, content in the knowledge that he too, belonged.