Putting the Damage On
You already know how this
song goes….me own nothing, you no sue.
She
didn't know what to do next, so she ran. Ran again, like she had a year ago. She ran like a madman, through the dark halls and corridors of the
school, trying to find a place that would give her some peace, any tiny shard
of peace she could find. She found
herself in her greenhouse that was attached to the school. It had been a welcoming gift for her when
she had first joined the X-Men. It had
represented a new life to her, a place where there can be rebirth and you could
always start over. Now it was the home
to her frustrations and her agony, as she ran in and buried herself among the
hibiscus and roses.
She
inhaled their aroma and tried to calm herself. Calm down, Storm, you need to be
strong. Analyze it logically. Analyze it like…like Hank. All right. Jean and Logan. Together. Dating. Having sexual intercourse on a nightly bases. It's no big deal. A penis
in a vagina, ejaculation, and then the attempt to procreate and start new
life…oh Goddess, they want to have a baby? NO, dammit, concentrate. It's
nothing. He was never yours to begin
with. He never was. You never even
loved him. It wasn't your free will to
love him, it was your instinct…goddess, that just makes it sound better.
There
was a slight ruffling as the door to the greenhouse slowly slid open and a lone
figure crept in. He made no sound when
he walked, so Storm immediately knew who it was.
"Logan."
He
walked up behind her and slowly sat on a nearby bench. "I noticed you slip out of the party
Ro. I'd been meaning to tell you, but I
just couldn't gather the nerve to break it to you."
"What
made you think that there was anything to break? We're both adults, Logan, we shouldn't be bothered by this." What a
lie, she thought to herself, as she turned away form him to admire a
rosebush.
"What
a lie, Ro. I thought there was
something to break, because, well, because I cared for you. I still do."
"So
you date Jean," Ororo concluded, mumbling it more to herself than to him.
"Dammit,
Ororo! You said I couldn't have you, and God knows that I wanted you, but I
lov-I cared for you so much that I managed to respect your wishes, and I've
been keeping out of your way since. Now
that I've found someone who brings a tiny ounce of joy into my otherwise
pitiful and boringly arcane life, you seem more upset then ever, Ororo. So what, what do you want from me? You say that you can't have me, so does that
mean no one can? Is that want you want,
for me to end up alone like you?"
Their
words stung, and hung in the air between them like a net, catching any softer
words that might have been exchanged. Ororo gulped and contemplated what he said, while the words reverberated
inside of her head.
Alone like you, Alone like
you. I am alone. I've always been alone, ever since I came
here. I've had no one. Only these plants. It's like they knew what kind of a life I had in store for
me. They didn't give me these plants as
a gift, they gave them to me to replace my happiness, to replace my life. And I let them. I let them do this to me. Let them chip away at my human characteristics, let them mold me into
the prefect role model. It's as much as
my fault that I'm alone as it is theirs. Storm
didn't exactly know who "they" were, but this sudden epiphany brought a
realization to her, it brought clarity. She knew how to make the memories stop.
The
silence between the had lasted for about five minutes, Logan to timid to break
it, fearing the impact that his words had had on her. Finally, he spoke. "Storm, I'm sorry. I didn't mean
it like that. I never meant for any of
this to turn out this way. I-"
"Hush
now," Ororo said, turning from her roses to face him. His face looked like an emotion Ororo couldn't even name, it was
one that had to be felt to completely understand it. It was one she had felt too often. Fear. Anxiety. Sorrow. Pain. Too many emotions for the
tongue to translate into words. She
took a step towards him and placed a hand on his face, trying to soothe his
anguish.
"It
will be all right." She looked down at
his hands. His watch read 11:52 in neon
green numbers. "I know it's not exactly
midnight, but I wouldn't want it to be. You should start off the New Year with your new love. You should leave the past in the past."
She
leaned her head forward, tasting his hay-sweet breath on hers.
"You
should let the past go. Give it an
ending."
She
nudged her lips closer to his, and silently and passionately they met, molding into
one another until the hot velvet they each felt slowly broke away. Ororo looked up into his green eyes and
whispered the two last words he'd hear from her.
"It
ends."
With
that she cunningly flew from the room, using light winds to push the windows of
the room open and to carry her up into to the sky. She had nothing to take with her. All the belongings she had here were not really hers; they
belonged to the X-Men, maybe not physically, but they were part of the special
time, the special feeling that the X-Men had managed to create throughout the
years. Taking anything with her would
violate those memories that Ororo knew she would treasure forever, but
memories, she knew, that should be kept in the past.
Logan
silently walked back to the party, where guests were unaware of what had just
conspired. The hazy feeling followed
Logan throughout the room, until Jean caught up with him.
"Hey,
the ball's about to drop. I was afraid
I wouldn't find you. Did you find what
you were looking for? Did you find
Storm?" she asked, knocking down another glass of punch.
"Yes. I found it, but I lost it. I had to let it go."
"Oh,
it's starting!"
The
room grew eerily quite as the countdown began. "Three, two, one, happy New
Year!" Everyone shouted, embracing their loved ones.
Jean
wrapped her arms around Logan's waist and looked him in the eyes. "Happy New Year. I love you."
Logan
swallowed. "I love you to, Jean."
The
couple leaned down and kissed, as did many couples. None of them knew, though, that while the ball of light dropped
to the ground, signifying the beginning of a new year, the beginning of new
opportunities, the weather goddess was flying off into the night like a
forgotten dream, in search just of that; new beginnings.
It
ends
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